You are not logged in!

F.A.Q
Log in

Register
  
 
  
(nobody)
...and 9 guests

Last 5 registered
Oplandisks
nothingstar
N_loop
yipe
foxtrotromeo

Browse members...
  
 
Members 8025
Messages 2561522
Today 8
Topics 124618
  
 
Messageboard index
EpicMegatrax writes more bullshit
 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-11-07 23:26 [#02506924]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



i am also immensely thrilled to have a model of the
mechanism that's both simple and accurate, because it
immediately directs my approach down more functional
avenues.

i'm a daydreamer. i'll get deep into coding, writing,
talking... any number of things... and my brain is
effectively disconnected from my body. the more time i spent
in this state, the more it became home, so to speak. my
brain slips into abstract meandering like a needle slipping
into a record groove.

the thought triggers a small grenade of computation. a cloud
of maybe collapses down into a sphere of possible branches
to other thoughts. if i'm just cruising on a highway, my
consciousness will keep cycling around abstract metaphors
and unconscious habits drive the car just fine. if there's a
red blip on the sphere's surface that means "red light,"
then my structure of unconscious habits reacts by switching
conscious focus back to reality.

i used to have an issue, driving: zoning out, red light!
shit! brakes! my brain is just so used to the abstract
metaphor churn that, once i'd consciously learned how to
drive past a point, my mind began to ignore most of it. it
knew when it was time to stop, but the state transition --
context switch -- was slow and laggy. the jarring nature of
a moment like that made it sink in enough to keep me alive,
and stopped there.

driving to music caused all my music neurons to fire along
with my driving neurons, and they started to connect to each
other. rhythm bled into the automatic driving circuits, and
this allowed me to transition back from dreams to reality in
a much more crisp, brisk manner.

driving in time to music forces everything to take turns,
gate, multiplex... essentially, i learned to make driving
decisions in time to music. once my automatic driving could
keep time to a beat, my thoughts began to hear the tempo as
well, and this began to make me conscious of how my
attention was getting switched around in the first place.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-11-07 23:36 [#02506926]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



the neurons for moving faders on a mixer had glued
themselves into part of what went on when i squinted at the
motion of the cars in the lanes ahead of me. driving and
music were firing together, and the more that happens, the
more things connect back and forth.

by the time this happened, i'd stopped having those jarring
transitions in and out of reality. nine months after, i'd
say. that moment of: faders? no... what? was delightful and
weird. even better was the notion that things from driving
could potentially leak back out in the same way. driving
used to be broken in the way a lot of my life is, and it's
fixed, and, yes, more, please.

then i have a moment where the mechanism that fixed the "red
light" problem while driving interconnects itself with the
part of my brain that rambles on forever because i've
forgotten i'm talking. exactly what i hoped was possible.
even more beautiful, i caught it in the act.

becoming conscious of that process is unarguably huge,
because if i can learn to deliberately direct that, i'm a
peg closer to deliberately controlling my whole train of
thought. complete focus of intent... complete focus requires
a highly tuned mechanism to decide when to break focus and
deal with something else. more immediately, i understand
that the glueing happens when i use a particular set of
things at the same time, consistantly.

anything is multitaskable as long as you have enough
conscious experience with it. multitasking itself is a weird
thing where driving and music come together to create
drivingmusic. i have to learn drivingmusic like i did
driving and music: just another skill to hone. once you
start to do lots of multitasking, though, those synergistic
meta-skills begin to come a lot more quickly.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-11-07 23:48 [#02506927]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



dreams are there to seed the conscious mind with a mess of
symbols and puzzles. your first conscious thoughts spiral
into your next conscious thought, and so on. throughout the
day, the spiral grows larger and larger. the symbols dreams
have seeded you with leap out immediately and direct your
conscious train of thought, which directs your actions...
and the results direct your dreams.

every day, you are building a pyramid. the mind feeling
groggy is exactly the same as your muscles feeling stiff and
weak. this is why it's a good idea to stretch in the
morning: hard to do much when your body is moving like a
wooden goat.

i've come to realize that directing daily spiral of activity
is extremely important. meditate and stretch first thing,
and those circuits are primed and active. connecting to your
other circuits throughout the day. watch archer in the
morning? your circuits are now interconnecting to find the
perfect moment to yell: "phrasing!" the results of that
moment, should it come, interconnect, and on you go.

so, yes, morning ritual is crucial. i need to warm up my
meditative skills, then my body... then, next thing, i need
to get in the car. let the car warm up for a few minutes.
let myself warm up. walk my mind around, settling my body in
the seat. correcting all the zillion sloch-y things and bad
tensions i'm trying to fix. re-re-clearning my mind.

then i need to drive. to music. fast, at first: a ridiculous
bolt of acceleration drags the blood to the back of my
brain. i have come to value this like a morning cup of
coffee. after that, though, i need to switch down as much as
possible. focus on keeping my head as clear as i can.
letting driving drive itself... consciously aware of it, but
not directing it.

with all that warmed up, the drivingmusic neurons are primed
to begin gluing themselves into everything else further, and
this is slightly preferable to archer memes.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-11-09 00:07 [#02507059]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



then there's the realities of life. last month was freaking
mental. one of those times when the gates break loose and so
much is happening at once. i fell way behind on my exercise,
primarily because i was busy, but also because i was
exhausted. i really, really began to notice. i literally
felt slower. laggier.

this raises an important point: if skills are not actively
used, they fade off into the gestalt. they are still there,
but increasingly vague. sort of like how something you
haven't done in years will come back to you rather quickly,
but it's still quite fumbly compared to back when you were
actively using the skill.

exercise, dancing to music... that's where it started to
interconnect with driving. i was in good enough shape to
start dancing more thoroughly, and i loved it. i threw
myself into it to keep myself out of the drink, more or
less. enough time away from booze and i didn't need to
distract myself to moderate myself, but i kept at the
dancing because it was very satisfying. then driving started
to become a thing.....

pretty much, rhythm is probably deepest, most fundamental
skill. then, your body is the next layer. dancing gets both
going, but does not replace stretching, just as dancing is
no substitute for straight-up meditation. driving is built
on all of this except music. drivingmusic adds in music.
then, on top of that, i have a whole slew of multitasking
things i do in the car. when i was too busy to exercise like
i usually did, i felt the whole system sag. just like a
physical structure, without strong supporting systems for
load-bearing, the roof starts to sag a little...


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-11-09 00:19 [#02507073]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



you have to regularly poke these things to keep them active,
current, and strong. the more dialed in it is, the less of a
poke it takes. if i dance two hours, every day, for a month,
and then miss a day... things are more or less the same when
i get to it the day after that. if i miss a week, though,
it's quite noticible. if you dance every day for a year, a
week might not take much out of you... but, you better get
back to it after that, because the discipline you put in for
a year may largely float off inside of a month if you stop
completely.

this dictates strategy: it is important to do all the
things every day. to reconcile this with the
realities of life, scale down the amount when necessary.
even if a day is mental, i should take five or ten or twenty
minutes to dance, because that will stem the bleeding. same
for meditation, driving, stretching... do them all, every
day, even if it's just five minutes. if i feel something
lag, put more of that limited time into it. if everything's
maintaining, put more of that limited time into what i want
to develop. in general, that limited time should be divvyed
up in proportion to how important the skill is, except when
something starts to sag... then, no, let's not lose ground,
scale the rest back and take care of it...

it was so incredibly frustrating to feel that edge begin to
dull simply because i was dilligently taking care of lots of
drudgery that hit at once. i am immensely relieved to be
able to have enough time to take care of all these things,
once again... but, yes, it's clear i need a strategy for
situations like that.

a serpentine belt is a good analogy, but perhaps a
load-balancer is a better one.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-11-12 02:54 [#02507465]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



HMV.com: geo- or ge-: Earth: geocentric. gaddi n : a
cushion on a throne for a prince in India

I'm not close at all, am I?

Marcus: Hehe, no. It can have several meanings. We
have our own definite idea of it, a combination of words
that describe an idea we had at the time of writing it, but
we want listeners to make their own minds up.




galactagaddi: minds up uranus: ultra squarepusher edition


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-12-14 09:00 [#02508849]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



Think about those 18 million seconds of random videos as
a painter's color palette. A painter sees a red rose in real
life and tries to reproduce the color using the different
kinds of reds available in his palette, combining them to
match what he's seeing. The software is the painter and the
18 million seconds of random video is its color palette. It
analyzes how the brain reacts to certain stimuli, compares
it to the brain reactions to the 18-million-second palette,
and picks what more closely matches those brain reactions.
Then it combines the clips into a new one that duplicates
what the subject was seeing. Notice that the 18 million
seconds of motion video are not what the subject is seeing.
They are random bits used just to compose the brain
image.


science - cite

science - cite


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-12-14 09:00 [#02508850]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



every time you think of glue, it changes your brain forever.
the change can be measured in blood voxels by scientists
with a $500k MRI machine, but not by shadowy government
organizations from orbit.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-12-14 09:06 [#02508851]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



science - cite

yes, ok, here's science saying the same thing i said with
youtube videos instead of macaroni a few years before i said
it. nothing too miraculous but it's nice to know the weasels
are on course


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2016-12-18 08:38 [#02508988]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



succinctly explaining somplethling complex has a lot in
common with giving someone directions. there are certain
ambiguities that are crucial to avoid (turn left at the
fork) but they are vastly outnumbered by certain ambiguities
that are crucial to avoid avoiding (turn left at the fork,
there's a spot on the bricks that looks like the virgin
mary, i had a cup of coffee there once). less in number than
both the former and the latter are ambiguities that are
crucial to address, e.g. to avoid avoiding avoiding (turn
left at the second fork). sometimes, though, you're just
fucked, and you have to spell it all out (turn left at the
piece of discarded cutlery lying in the hallway for no
discernable reason). if you see what i did there, you'll see
how i got here -- strewing cutlerly about an imaginary dingy
medieval hallway i'm imagining just to prove a point: spoons
don't exist


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-03 12:48 [#02509950]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



feedback loops that have been developed over time can get
rather intricate and i generally have no idea exactly what's
going on in myself.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-03 13:06 [#02509951]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



it is more or less a churning mess of unexpected
intolerables that would severely annoy whoever designed any
of these noisemakers. it is incredibly unpredictable yet
controllable. ununaffordable. absolutely not unpoorhadable.
it's sort of like japanese ink painting with the inherent
error in the machinery. it is a third-person, singular
neuter pronoun (nominative (subjective) case and oblique
(objective) case) in modern english and bad english.


 

offline umbroman3 from United Kingdom on 2017-01-03 13:41 [#02509954]
Points: 3656 Status: Addict



C-C-Combo breaker!


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-03 15:33 [#02509960]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



B-B-belllol breakster


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2017-01-13 22:10 [#02510369]
Points: 25145 Status: Addict



a joint is rolled. helium settles. the bic lighter features

a amateurish print in the style of magritte; a pickle. where

are my "for recal use only" stickers? i can't find them

my mate laughed at that alot


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-17 02:09 [#02510479]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict





Additionally, Levitin reveals that the phrase "paying
attention" is scientifically true. Multitasking comes at an
actual metabolic cost: switching back and forth between
tasks burns a lot more oxygenated glucose (the fuel the
brain runs on) than focusing on one task does, and can lead
quickly to mental exhaustion.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-17 21:17 [#02510530]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



my wordballin' thunders deep under rolling hard sometimes
sorta, you know what i mean, and they nod. they seem like
they sunderpand. nut day beuxont. no habla deutschematrix.
i've swapped some letters and then only faux fronch will do
and we're into german and then use a run as a punway to
landown my over complicated snense of puma. too nuanced for
your nose. smell letters for miles

i'll use words that are not real words (like
"complexicated") and people will think i misspoke: "oh, he
meant complicated."

no, i didn't. i said complexicated because i meant
complexicated. you've decided this is impossible and my bit
of word silliness has been banhammered from your reality
because your conscious mind decided it was easiest to gloss
over the fissure i've torn in your sense of language

this leads to something that's so incredibly weird and
actually kind of bothers me: i'll say "complexicated" or
something, and people really, really do not hear it:

i'll say, "tell me what i just said" and they'll say, "you
said it was complicated." and i'll say, "no, i said it was
complexicated." and they say, "that's what i said!"
exasperated. aaaaugh. that's what i said.

no it's not. my mind explodes. how is this not working

eventually, i remembered a thing i concluded years ago:
listening is an active process. the mind actively interprets
things in terms of itself. complexicated is not in this
person's wordcabulary. complicated is. so they hear
complicated. complicated. no, complicated. dammit!
complicated!

next i realized: i can do this to myself, deliberately.
listen to someone talk, down the hall. just out of earshot.
transcribe it and it comes out like a riced out yugo post.
it's mad. keep it complexicated d8dz0rsx


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-17 21:32 [#02510531]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



if you ever catch me moaning people don't understand
me
i probably mean it in a literal, technical sense: my
nuances are being actively filtered out and disregarted. i
am not being completely heard. i feel like i'm trying to
explain calculus to a hamster. hamsters understand sphere if
you call it "hamster ball" and that's about as far as we
get.

it goes both ways, though. i don't fucking understand
calculus either


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-17 22:05 [#02510538]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



fnords the wards mates don't ear and it's way beyond the
funk that notes don't


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-17 22:07 [#02510539]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



bird's the words mates hear and it's way beyond the words
you don't say


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-17 22:10 [#02510540]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



the word is in the bird you don't word.
the bird is funk.

this forms a closed system of charming nonsense that i would
encourage you to snake up like a snow globe


 

offline RussellDust on 2017-01-17 22:47 [#02510556]
Points: 14182 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02510531



Do hamster know they're called hamster balls?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-17 22:50 [#02510558]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict | Followup to RussellDust: #02510556



you tell me hamster


 

offline RussellDust on 2017-01-17 22:51 [#02510559]
Points: 14182 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02510558



No, they don't, Nevan.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-17 23:51 [#02510581]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



alonza james nevan, bassist line for the hamster ball
shakers


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-20 00:03 [#02510654]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



The agency pored over data on Tesla crashes in which air
bags were deployed while Autopilot was engaged. Many of the
crashes, NHTSA said, involved “driver behavior factors,”
including distraction, driving too fast for conditions and
“mode
confusion,” when a car and the driver
share driving tasks.

mode confusion! i finally have a science-grade term for the
moment when my brain confused highway lanes and mixer
faders. and other moments of that sort


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-20 00:13 [#02510655]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



once you learn to drive a car well enough, you can hold a
conversation while driving. daydream through the whole
commute. i recommend tearing apart this process.

so much of the mind is on autopilot. it's been said
[citation needed] that we repeat patterns that are familiar
to us, even if they are painful.

familiar. famillliliar. yes, your family gives you lots of
patterns, you find those patterns familiar, then you repeat
them and make more families familiar with familiar
patterns.

it's been a crazy season. snowed in, everyone was at their
worst for a bit, and that's when all the deeply fucked-up
shit comes out to play.

then, later, i'm data mining it all. it is amazing how much
it makes sense to me. stupid irrational shit is actually not
stupid irrational shit -- it's me pattern-matching the
situation to old familiar patterns. my brain says: oh! yes!
i know this! it's a familiar system! and them i'm spouting
out things that are more or less scripted arguments i had
with my parents countless times. to someone who is not my
parents. welcome to the mind: autopilot from hell


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-20 00:15 [#02510656]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



this is what you get when you let weasels drive your tesla.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-28 07:03 [#02511462]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



circa four weeks ago :: written the pen of hindsight : it's
pretty hard to ignore your own brain digesting itself, but
without a half-digested brain, communication is banana flap
fly NOpe nope flap. flap

i have had such meltdowns repeatedly throughout my life.
there were varying stages not worth talking about: assuming
it would pass with age, fixing simple problems, fixing
complicated problems, metaprogramming 2.0, peter molynuex,
... , p , until we get to this:

it's like i am a start-up company rapidly running out of
money. the slow agonizing march to ultimate doom can be
pinned down to a calendar date.... but, wait, crap, if we
just sell everything that's not nailed down, we can buy
another two days.... two days later, some people get
fired... and on we go. the lost equipment and
disappropriated employees leave gaping holes in the
infrastructure holding up an already fragile situation.
eventually, these desperate compromises lead to a sudden,
unexpected disaster that takes everything out two weeks
before it was originally predicted the cash would run
out...

this time was no less ugly than any of the other umpteen
times, but i've gotten progressively better at tearing the
progression of this crap apart.

in my peak-meltdown state, everything annoys me. i am a
bundle of raw nerves. today, lewis asked me if a song was
bothering me: "should i skip this song?"

he wasn't wrong to ask: the song was, indeed, one i hated.
also this: four weeks ago, i would brutally veto pandora
tracks until pandora cried. or, well, until lewis shut it
off.

i hadn't even noticed it was on. this was the moment of zen:
the key factor is my ability to filter out unwanted signals.
instead of a song i hate annoying the piss out of me, i
manage to remain completely unaware it is even playing.
that's me when i'm doing good.

when i'm in meltdown, even peoples' footsteps are too loud.
i can't maintain a coherent train of flap thought flap for
more than a few flap stomp seconds STOMP augh


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2017-01-28 15:13 [#02511475]
Points: 25145 Status: Addict | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02510656



its moments of clarity like this that makes this thread
worthwhile


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-28 19:09 [#02511486]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



i wouldn't have those moments without this thread or this
board. thanks.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-28 19:26 [#02511487]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



a lot of my problem is the classic "hurry up and wait"
attitude that people describe when asked why they meditate:




"the store is closing in twenty minutes! shit! panic! drop
everything!

...wait, i don't actually need to go to the store."



i am doing that sort of thing to myself constantly. on all
different levels of scale... and i think that's the problem.
there are plenty of events in life that really, really do
warrant that sort of attitude: "the kitchen's on fire! drop
everything! get the fire extinguisher!" some situations do
kind of need the "hurry up and wait" attitude.

most don't, though. i know this, but that doesn't help me
much. lord help me if i actually sit down to try and sort
out the deeper logistical issues in my life, because any one
of those has about sixteen individual sub-issues for me to
panic about. i'll get through two or three of those before
i'm totally off the map thanks to my brain whipping around
in the wind. i can manage laundry alright but i'm deeply
nervous about looking at what i'm in for when it comes to
taxes and health insurance. i think my insurance has lapsed,
actually. i know i should sort it out. but trying to think
about it right now seems like a bad idea, since i'll run off
on myself in a tizzy of anxiety and stressing over
irrelevant sub-details.

so now i am in the position of deliberately avoiding
something that got bad through casual procrastination
because i know it's too ugly and full of bad news for me to
successfully navigate. no, instead, i have to go meditate,
exercise, clear my mind, and this will be nagging at me as i
do so


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-29 01:46 [#02511503]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



clarity is a difficult thing. the process of trying to
describe what's going on in my mind is itself a process that
changes what's going on my mind.

consequently, in trying to explain myself, i doubt i'll ever
escape feeling like a youtube video that keeps stalling and
buffering.

what does youtube do? lower the quality. 720p goes away and
you're at 360p. then 240p. it stalls less but you can't tell
my hand apart from the SK-1....

i hate dumbing things down. it's wont to backfire and create
more complexity. my go-to line is to say i'm "exercising"
when it's more technically meditation. a mash-up of osho and
step aerobics and being a david elsewhere fan.... but, no,
that's peter molyneux. who's david elsewhere? what's osho? i
don't understand

then people get on me for dumbing it down, on the flip
side:

"what are you doing?"

"oh, i'm exercising"

*five minutes pass*

"i thought you were exercising, why have you been kneeling
perfectly still for five minutes"

"i'm meditating"

"but i thought you were exercising"

stab.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-29 01:49 [#02511504]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



exercising by me also includes: boxing footwork, yoga, gym
class stretches, making odd noises to resonate my vocal
cavity (the feedback helps me make sure my posture is
correct and seems to release oxytocin [or something] if i do
it long enough). part of meditation is mediting in my car.
exercise is also driving.

fuck, let's try this: you could understand, but i doubt you
want to. you simply don't have the mental endurance to
handle it. leave me alone. let me exercise in peace


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-29 01:52 [#02511505]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



perhaps this is more polite: we all form billions of neural
connections every day, and this is what i need to do to make
the most of them.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-01-30 01:15 [#02511663]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



hi, guys. i really have to pee. i was sitting here, studying
maps of the area, when i began to have to pee. "i should go
pee," i think idly. but i keep browsing maps. the second
time i notice i have to pee, i notice that i've noticed this
before and gotten distracted. third time, i'm officially
curious: why am i still browsing maps?

then i see it: "oh, there's one of my blind spots."

i drive in loops around the hood regularly and some of them
have gotten so dug-in that i'm blind to the roads that lead
to more roads and i say to myself: there have to be more
roads. this makes no sense. browsing maps, i spotted one of
these blind spots.

then i see it: "i didn't want to pee because i had to spot
my blind spot in my ability to spot blind spots."

next i said: "this is helluva bootstrap. trunkstrap?
whatever, i have to post this"

now i have to pee. badlee


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-04 05:02 [#02512107]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



confuseus say confuseus say confuseus is just a delay


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-06 04:06 [#02512257]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



so this had me digging around in a plastic bin
full of books last week. i was looking for "Intrinsic
Motivation and Self-Determination In Human Behavior" by Deci
'n' Ryan along with a textbook called "Close Relationships"
on close relationships, or something. i was out to lunch
semester; grades went to shit because i was more interested
in writing music in my dorm room. the class on
motivation/self-determination, though, caught my eye and i
wrote some mad tear of a term paper. consequently, i
remember loads from that class, and almost nothing from the
class on close relationships. closed book relationships

i also found a copy of "flatland." i've never read this, but
i intend to as soon as i get a good moment. probably this
week sometime... i have so much trouble explaining myself to
people and this book seems apropos

then i found "photoreading" by herr doktor paul r. scheele.
it makes outrageous claims of "25,000 words per minute"
(cite: chapter one, page two, opening sentence).

i bought the book because i'd illegally pirated his audio
book classes off XDCC IRC bots in, mmm, 2001, we'll call it.
i had yet to even try to meditate, but i was a lump in a
chair all day with my brain jacked into a computer all day
so it seemed proper matrix enough for my personality. i gave
it a shot and promptly got nowhere

now i've found it in a bin after years of dedicated practice
with meditation, tai chin qi gong gin lsd whatever. yes, i
think i am better equipped for this, now, and i should take
another look at it with my updated sphere of context(s).


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-06 04:11 [#02512258]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



reading about speed reading led me to attempt to apply the
techniques i was reading about to the things i was reading
about, as i read them. arguably, this worked, and it still
is.

fragment one: subvocalization. lewis has repeatedly
mentioned this and i'd been meaning to research it. now,
here it is, right up in front of the article about speed
reading. just like scheele's 25k

fragment two: chunking. i first heard this in 2003 and i
loved it. i use it all the time.

fragment three: eye movement, gaze. i read through the bits
on this and got very excited, because i already figured some
of this out from studying how i drive my car. i think most
people can consciously navigate around their field of vision
to varying degrees -- i can fix my eyes and tune into my
peripheral vision. as a drivier, peripheral vision is
fucking essential. i can also defocus my eyes and motion
jumps out at me more. i think that one is less common

fragment four: SQ3R ~ tactical methods to lay down
neural connections in order to accelerate the accurate
storage and recall of information. yes, this seems like my
jawn


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-14 16:18 [#02513044]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



there are all these science grade studies that state
something like, "thinking about music activates the same
areas of the brain hearing music does." they stick someone
into an MRI and have them listen to or think of music, scan
the brain, publish a paper...

recently, i found out what it is the MRI is actually
measuring: blood flow in the brain. it generates voxels (3D
pixels) colored like a heat map (heck, it IS a 3D heat map)
and this is what scientists write papers on.

first, the science check: a year or two ago it was
discovered that the voxels were wrong a certain percentage
of the time. really, really wrong. the answer was that the
voxel software had a computer bug and all sorts of papers
and theories and careers got based around this bug, and,
well, lol. you need to take these fings with a voxel of
salt. always

previously: as i've said: every time you think of glue, it
changes your brain forever. hearing or reading a word fires off a small
grenade of computation (super, sniffing, hell of a day to
quit sniffing) etc etc. and read the post for all that.

thus ~ thought directly effects blood flow in the brain. by
thinking about anything, you route blood to it. this is a
bit icky, in a strange way, innit? in any case, it gives
real context to my "grenade of comuptation" analogy. they
say "thought is fluid" and now i wonder if the nature of
thought is entangled with fluid dynamics.

you think of "glue" and your brain begins loading up related
words and concepts. the idea is that "glue" is relevant, so
things relevant to glue are likely to be relevant, and so
one needs to get the red stuff to those areas of the brain
promptly. squirt


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-14 16:26 [#02513046]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



how long can neurons stay charged without a blood recharge
to their cell block? do they have to soak a while? my
approach to this "mind" thing is top-down. i close my eyes
and study what's going on. i tried reading a neurology
textbook, once, and, well, ouch. that's not my speed,
really.

my speed is hacking and reverse-engineering. studying the
responses of a black box.... so, i'm just stabbing at wolves
in the dark. my ideas are just filtered computer science:

different levels of stored energy in precise spots would
work super as a data-storage method, right? so if you can
leave billions of neurons charged (or not charged) in
precise patterns the data would remain in stasis until it is
read, and then it would be changed forever. possibly gone.
more or less, that's how DRAM works


 

offline mohamed on 2017-02-17 21:08 [#02513299]
Points: 28469 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



this thread has no funk whatsoever


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-20 16:06 [#02513604]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



lots of my life is stared off into space as my mind
pingpongs around various thingks. i'm listening to "polygon"
and that gets me to thinking about my cartoon show, which
was inspired by "polygon" in 2012 or something. i have a
reasonably solid idea, a chase scene sort of thing, alright,
added to the pile. then the song is getting me emotional and
the train of thought goes wander-y: a few thingks i'll skip,
then i'm interviewing myself. next i'm thinking about the
blue man group guy's "following your bliss" quip. then i'm
thinking about the time i saw blue man group and a school
friend lost his glasses in the wave of toilet paper they
unleash at the end of the show. i wonder if i thought of
this because he thought of me?

this is a turning point: my rambly train of thought --
wandering around like a drunk hobo -- has wandered into a
question about itself. self-referential shit trips the
weasel matrix and i more or less do a stack dump on the
whole rambly arc of thought. like three minutes of random
thinking, idle and directionless, and now i can sit here and
figure out how one thought got to the next.

i got to interviewing myself because something i thought of
about my cartoon show thing was a bit wrong. without
deciding to, i dredged up some imaginary interviewer who
began asking me questions that forced me to dig out the
wrong. then i was more or less off the cartoon thing and
into philosophy, and that led to follow ur bliss and that led
to an idle memory of seeing blue man group, and no, this is
not some synchronicity shit, you just wandered into this
memory because you're listening to polygon while high

anyone else have these moments?

no? ok.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-20 16:07 [#02513605]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict | Followup to mohamed: #02513299





this thread has no funk whatsoever


i take all the posts with absolutely no funk that i was
about to post in other xlt threads and post them here
instead. this thread is sort of like the tree mr. burns was
shoving the toxic waste into


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-20 17:25 [#02513613]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



here is how today has been: i slept like crap. i get up
because i really have to poop. i get dressed and reach for
the doorknob... and my roommate pops out of his room, ducks
into the bathroom. there is not another bathroom. my
response was something walter sobchak; godDAMMIT. then i get
ahold of myself; let it go. stand and wait for a few
minutes. let that go, too. poop. finally

if that had been the end of it, i'd be alright... but, no,
things have continued in that vein all day. maybe i'll take
a show- wham, someone else has it. jeez, fine....

eventually i do get to the shower and it's suddenly scalding
hot. roommate put on wash. i am covered in soap scuzz and
even turning the hot water off entirely does not make it
unburn-y. i scream fuck a few dozen times and get out to
find i don't have any towels because i haven't been able to
do laundry all fucking weedkend because of other people's
fucking horseshit and now i can't do laundry and i'm burned
and naked and dripping with soap scuzz and i have no towel
and i cannot take this shit. i cannot even get laundry done.
i am somewhere between wanting to scream and wanting to cry.
about all i can manage is to keep my bad mood to myself.
hide. completely unable to get anything done. learning to
run my brain backwards and find out exactly how i got to a
given point has been a big help but i'm at a loss here


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-20 18:00 [#02513618]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



no, no, i actually do understand this, somewhat. i just
can't remember that until i've had a smoke and calmed
down...

i wrote:

dreams are there to seed the conscious mind with a mess
of symbols and puzzles. your first conscious thoughts spiral
into your next conscious thought, and so on. throughout the
day, the spiral grows larger and larger. the symbols dreams
have seeded you with leap out immediately and direct your
conscious train of thought, which directs your actions...
and the results direct your dreams.

every day, you are building a pyramid. the mind feeling
groggy is exactly the same as your muscles feeling stiff and
weak. this is why it's a good idea to stretch in the
morning: hard to do much when your body is moving like a
wooden goat.

i've come to realize that directing daily spiral of activity
is extremely important.


the first thing that happened to me was more or less how the
day continued, alright. that still doesn't make me feel much
better


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-20 18:02 [#02513619]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



me waking up and getting dressed probably woke my roommate
up and he had to go when he woke up. he did his laundry
after taking a shower, so i got screwed over twice. clashing
rhythms. that sounds distantly possibly...

shit. i've been working so hard to get on a normal schedule.
up early, bed early. it requires lots of exercise. my body
does not want to cooperate at all, and i more or less have
to tire myself out completely. brutally. i'm either
exercising or tired, for the last week or so.

now that i'm on a normal schedule, i'm bumping into other
people on a normal schedule. the answer is to get up at 5am
or some brutal shit like that so i can get my show on the
road before everyone's up to turn me into a gibbering wreck


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-20 18:06 [#02513621]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



me waking up and getting dressed probably woke my
roommate up and he had to go when he woke up. he did his
laundry after taking a shower, so i got screwed over twice.
clashing rhythms. that sounds distantly possibly...


i think it's easy to understand how this sort of shit can
make one paranoid. if you don't take a moment to sit there
to calm down; rationalize it out, it's very easy to say,
"they're all inconsiderate jerks! heck, they're doing this
on purpose! just to be dicks"

then you say: no, no, i'm just mad... but after six or so
spare days like that in a month, the door cracks open, and
you start to feel like it's deliberate... from that point,
all incoming data increasingly is matched to the question
"is this deliberate or not?" and increasingly the answer is
yes and and embarassing number of times i've wound up
screaming at people over bullshit.

from what i gather, most people don't have a good enough
memory to notice these patterns and consequently don't flip
a fucking flap. i've had to adapt and actively make time in
my schedule to sit down and untangle the messes i regularly
think myself into... because if i don't, the spiral goes
nowhere good.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-02-27 02:23 [#02514142]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



one of my roommates has a little music box and he enjoys
doing a little silence of the lambs routine with it. he's
had a few drinks and i hear that wind-up melody sneaking up
and i think: oh, boy, here we go again...

he knocks on my door. he winds the music box and i watch for
a moment. this is at least the third time he's done this.
does he even realize this? does he think he's doing it to me
for the first time? he's had a few drinks and it's entirely
possible.

"you're going to tell me about how you snuck up on some
chinese tourists doing that next, right?" i ask.

his jaw drops. how did i know that?

alright... no, i don't think he remembers doing that to me
three times before. welcome to my life: where my whole
reality is out of sync with people because i remember all
sorts of nonsense


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2017-03-06 18:54 [#02514653]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



Granule-cell–Purkinje-cell synapse ~ say that five times fast

Granule-cell to Purkinje-cell synapses or gcPc synapses
are the junctions that form the synapse in the cerebellum
between granule cells and Purkinje cells.[1] These synapses
are thought to be a storage site for the information that is
required for motor coordination and their misfunctioning is
involved with some movement disorders.[2] Glutamate is the
neurotransmitter.


great. first, the author of this article expands the
unweildy name of this thing into an even more unweildy
sentence... then, some sweeping, deeply significant claims
that are totally unexplained, unsubstantiated... oh! there's
a reference [2], let's see what that is...

"Properties of unitary granule cell-->Purkinje cell synapses
in adult rat cerebellar slices.". Journal of Neuroscience.
22 (22): 9668–78. November 2002. PMID 12427822."

i don't have access to JSTOR. i'd have to pay to get a PDF
of this. then i wouldn't understand it at all.

sometimes i really hate wikipedia


 


Messageboard index