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then what becomes hard is not turning it all into a giant sudoku on long drives. that i will literally maneuver my way to a certain way into the clog and slam on the brakes to get the right person to change lanes and dissolve this fucking inefficient pile of human dullards. it's satisfying but i really shouldn't let this get the best of me, even though i can see how to... if i just nudged that one person over a lane... it would all collapse and dissolve... and i'm no longer..... that you're on a long drive and you're stuck in this bit of highway traffic clog, all traveling in a pack, for so long, that you almost come to know some people. blue car is pretty happy to let you lean on the slow person, but he's waiting for a chance to get by, and we can feel blue car's very human frustration. that the slow person is not actually the immediate problem -- call this silver car, who is stuck behind red soccer mom minivan, who is the real problem. red soccer mom minivan is going 70 in the fast lane and silver car is zoned out and totally unaware that he's stuck behind the cause of the clog. and blue car would very eagerly even get in front of silver car, even, to do some leaning himself [somehow i know it's a man driving] but he's not quite as white-nailed as i am and he regularly is granting me some space to try and get in there myself instead and it doesn't help when the other humans are encouraging me. and once i got three distinct thumbs-up from incredibly random people i've never actually met aside from being stuck in the same bit of traffic and they're just like I LOVE YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH as i tear by and stop encouraging me you guys |
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and i'll share this because it is, all at once a pro tip, a typical human fail, and a safety issue. your typical highway lanes are [fast, travel, happy, on/off] and this is actually from a man in driver's ed class who was so fat he could barely stand telling the same stories to every class, that i got some of this more than once because he didn't keep fucking track of what he said from one day to the next. he wandered all over. some of it was gold. most of it was crap. if you're going to cut across two lanes into the on/off lane to try and dodge a clog covering all fail lanes, this is typically counterproductive. unless you have spotted a distinct path through these lanes and back ahead of the pack somehow, you will almost certainly lose. and fall further behind. then you get an opening and catch up a bit, but... i watch these idiots fall further and further behind over the course of ten or twenty minutes and disappear off in the rear view. as they get more angry. and their lane changes get more violent and stabbing. and i really want this person in the rearview, because shit flows downstream in a highway pileup instead you need to sit there and watch it, carefully. study the people. and you need a deliberate plan. because blind lane weaving, you're just giving other people an opening to take your spot, and you wind up with nothing most times and a slight loss other times but then like scratch tickets you recover enough to keep you being a moron |
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sampler brain is simply a program running on weasel brain [a quantum matrix sitting atop mammal brain]. this is how i search my whole brain at once for the perfect sample. how it can come to me immediately but then... oh, i know this is from [tv show] the wire, it's this scene, i can see all the camera shots in my head, but... i don't know the exact episode. i'm not sure what season. i have to search transcripts of the show on the internet. then i have to torrent the wire. then three hours later or something i finally have the sample that i thought of immediately. and i got that right away despite not knowing any nearby details or even having a copy of the show handy; this part i have to wear my shoes out and do it myself that i can see very much i've told myself i need to migrate GPS Weasel over to this new perspective; update how that makes sense in light of now viewing things as a quantum matrix analyzing a classical computer that rivals every computer on earth put together. so i allow my writing to go and i'm watching myself go old grandpa story on shit i've posted before, and, yes, i really do need to un-page this stuff from XLT and back into my brain. but i don't need to go look at the old posts, i need to type up an old grandpa story summary and there they are; now i can work with that chunk then i am discussing chains of inferences as, perhaps, something akin to polymers in chemistry, and this would fit with the flash-card approach of GPS weasel, and GPS weasel works far better as GPS than for running my daily agenda because the thing itself is strongly rooted in physical location; that if i attempt to GPS weasel myself as a day planner it will go far better if i make sure to build physical location into the flash cards so there it is. i'm using a quantum computer to analyze my mammal brain and extract relevant bits i've previously posted; synthesize into a summary that is effectively my next new idea. i don't actually need to look at the old posts |
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my ghost is whispering to me: however i wrote it before, this is clearer and much more distinctly algorithmic we mean [that rundown of [why trying to hamfist your way ahead through the slower lanes is tactically doomed] is... changing lanes is a probability distribution that leads towards "no change" with occasional "lose a spot" and a rare "recover a stretch all at once, and it keeps you interested like a scratch ticket"] and perhaps even this part was this clear last time we wrote in in 2018 or something, but here we've not only made a point about clarity of approach in any human endeavor, but we're sending ourselves a message in a bottle about something very nuts and bolts practical; how we realize we've written this up much more than an algorithm like last time. however it went |
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i mean, now i'm even being specific. i can't recall how thumbs-up it was last time, but the one i wrote of then, i think, was a record i eventually topped. that when i say the wire, but i cannot remember what ep, searching the transcripts, that's when i first got into milkytracker and the track is called "furtive moves" and it's mcnutty saying "don't go making no furtive moves now" and bodie replies "no doubt" and i'm done with this napkin sketch of a track mostly but i need this sample to be the last thing in the song and running down the actual audio takes me 3x as long as the song itself. and i posted about it all either as i was doing it or right after when posting the finished thing usually it's more like, "oh yeah, that sample" and i've just thought of it. and not like audio simply playing over a loudspeaker in my brain but once i remember it being so incredibly, like, someone blasted all as speakers all around me. and just that once, to my recollection, it was that, like present. i had been grinding on stuff like this, or coding, or music -- all of which kind of suspend reality -- and finally i snap out of it and i am so. fucking. hungry and i bite into it, and over loudspeakers in my head, i get the "HOORAY!" sound file from simcity 2000, the sound that happens when you click the "lower taxes" arrow in $ [vs. the "BOOOO!" for the up arrow] very giggle. that was lovely |
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bite into a cookie. and HOORAY excuse me i need a walk, based on my typing there |
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getting into a car accident while i had the downward spiral playing ruined listening to the downward spiral in the car for me. serge of kasabian talking about how too much acid has ruined bad magic tricks like pulling a rabbit out of a bit, if he sees it on tv even it smells so terrible he simply has to leave the room -- it's the same thing, except instead of a car accident forming such an association [i swear to god it'll cause a car accident if i allow myself to be in a car with that playing ever again] it's acid damage stacked on top of acid damage. because you first have to burn yourself where you're smelling things like that, before you can then burn yourself on how bad magic smells specifically. i think i've mentioned horse teeth. they're terrifying. i'm not thinking about it any further because otherwise i'll just see it glued into serge pizzorno, or porntipsguizzardo, or whatever, that glued into his face as i'm in a hypnogogic haze as i'm about to sleep tonight and i'll snap back-to and this will impede my beauty rest |
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out of a hat. hahathhat |
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...or do i? this is the exciting part right now, i suppose. by summarizing this i have effectively compressed the whole path i took thinking of the sample, what i was missing, what i had to do to run it down, which actually awakens memories of where i physically was, and now this whole moment is a part of sampler brain and maybe reviewing all this and awakening the vague memory of "i can almost tell you which season this is but i'm missing XYZ" will mean next time my brain samples the wire, i will actually be able to tell you which season it was, because i've been through the process of figuring that out before, then i later reviewed the whole arc and can now manipulate that as a discrete object. if that makes any sense i suppose it's more like how i said "well perhaps i'm getting better at telling if a memory is from 2019 or not" and that's not terribly interesting. but i'm more into "and once i get into 2019 i'll get better at 2020 and then not much later i'll have all of them" and alright, now this has my attention |
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re: ^ this part i have to wear my shoes out and do it myself html fail happens to us all on zilty |
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that it would be like, oh: indexing by where i physically was is just sort of how i was built [and other people may be built that way too or not] but that's very near to the core of how things are built in general, at least [all life involves motion, and, thus, location] ...and it's so clearly against how the mind usually works, like, asking my brain to index by alphabetical order is like: gtfo that's not how it works or, at least, it's very contrary to the normal order of things... actually... and timeline is much more built into how we think as a normal course of events, and... ...enough sampled data points, and you can theoretically index by anything. enough praxis learning to tell from "the feel" that a memory is from 2019 or 2020 or 2021 and that will be a foot in the door and from there i can more be working on which of any year it is since: "right, i fought this battle figuring out if [obnoxiously specific memory] was from '20 or '21 and having been through this before, i know this has to be '20 from the feel" and then i've been that train of thought before as well and i don't even have to take a moment to consciously do it the next time i arrive at such a quandary; it is simply taken care-of for me. but then we get back to my other point, which -- this is very analog, sometimes -- is still very true. developing the ability to tie a memory to a year with a sense of "i'm 50% sure this is 2020" or "i'm 90% sure this is 2020" -- like, not just a guess but a measure of quality, is the guess crap or not -- this feels totally totally possible but trying to get things indexed by alphabet. or color. this is not how things go in there and maybe if you lived 300 years you could get somewhere that out of the way |
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...and alright, i've answered my brain's compiler: "index by WHAT? be specific you idiot" and it's "anything you have put enough effort into to have the ability to index that way" and a handful of things are kind of level 1 material because you're just rolling off of how the brain naturally works. but then sorting in alphabetical order, well, you'd have to spend a lot of time thinking about, like, what were the most important memories under M in 2020? or something. and then branch that out into other letter-years. and it's nuts and see you in 300 years, even though "i cannot rule it out" etc. i'll be back here with my internal simulation that combines aspects of linus torvalds and steve jobs and john carmack and jony ive and ra wilson and others, lots of sarcasm, lots of fuck nvidia. it has to leave the user verklempt but it also has to work; it has to be functional elegance [thanks jobs and ive]. we'll throw out entire careers if we have to, multiple times, like carmack. we'll listen to everyone while trusting no one but ourselves, as r. a. wilson did there's some other person i'm trying to dredge up now who is helping a lot but i can't quite get the name |
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donald knuth. i already idolized this man before discovering he'd published a paper on a problem involving the distribution of bumwad in a public bathroom... perhaps 40 or 50 years after i was simply wondering about it myself one day |
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simulating the voice of steve jobs critiquing your idea is a wonderful garbage collector. you ask yourself if steve jobs would approve of this idea and the answer is almost no and you get chewed out pretty solidly |
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that my insightful analysis of the tech industry is why any visits xltronic, yes. that at first i was solidly pleased with cook as a successor; he's a mild gay man and i expected decisions from him that would arguably be as tasteful as can possibly be from someone who is the CEO of Apple, but not Steve Jobs, and i wish to give him full marks for not disappointing here but then a friend of mine was all on about how cook is just an account and bla bla and this has also proven to be correct. the apple car was a fool's errand and should have been rightly killed years ago, but the apple vision VR crap died when jony ive left because tim cook saw the numbers said jony ive was not going to let go of the vision pro in time for the market to not rape apple, so he accelerated it, and ive left, and now he's gigging into his custom-font coffee mug as people complain about how it's too heavy and there's no software and what do i do with this anyways? but it may succeed due to market heft the apple silicon has been a win so far, as a diehard x86 user i was genuinely shocked to find myself a convert after seeing an M1 macbook run llama.cpp, an LLM, and this little laptop cost less than the JUST THE GRAPHICS CARD i would need to do this on an x86 linux PC but now their silicon has baked-in flaws and they're starting to have to backpatch the OS to slow everything down and then they fuck out the rollout of the security patch and yes, you did fine on your own before you caught up to the same problems intel has so now all cook is really doing is artificially accelerating the update cycle; your macbook M1 will soon be out of service because tim cook changed it from six years to three or such and that's his answer to Apple's future, juke people into buying a new mac twice as often. but at least it's a real computer; windows is off up its butt turning the stock install into adware powered by AI |
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Apple is talking up their own AI solution and internally saying "fuck that" knowing the hype will blow over eventually... and oh, yes, it's still going on so let's license the one google has to stall all the blowhards driving our stock price and then in a year or two it'll be over and we won't have blown loads of money on it like everyone else is now" and i'm laughing at how full of shit they are when they talk about their own AI but i also think it's the sharpest approach on the market now |
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i'm grateful for my sense of when to squeeze off the blow; slow down and go easy on myself something something, the other day, we've wound up at a situation where, if i do not order pizza, and it is the same weird dude, and the shit happens AGAIN.. then, i realize, i am now in a position where i am questioning whether i've stumbled into some sort of ability to influence reality through careful choice. at this point, alarms went began screaming: "this is a surefire course charted up your arse" and so instead i thought about how to do the most boring thing i could. and it boringly happened as i expected. and if i'd picked the same extreme outlier again [actually what my stomach was asking for] and was AGAIN, correct -- well, it's almost assuredly horseshit, but it would be quite a coincidence and fuck that i'm just avoiding that whole mental configuration like the plague and i am still sure i somehow managed to get that whole thing to happen, and that it relates to my comment about some stuff going on with the elmer arc being "something akin to a scale model" of some of the stuff going on. but it's all too easy to go overboard on that sort of tip and just pull the plug and let it cool off for a while. essentially allowing a bit of my nonsense to remain at "you can't prove i didn't" while realizing that if i take a giant gulp of this at once i'll turn into the zappo's guy or something and start thinking i can talk with animals |
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that this is the ramble that tumbles out of me really wanting to say: i'll double down and say "i am speaking of a fastest-path search done using quantum effects to analyze the best neural fire approach from a particular discrete snapshot of a continuous spiral of neural fire [which is there to direct blood flow] AND NOT ABOUT PEOPLE HAVE ENTANGLED PHOTONS AND SOME PSYCHIC SHIT" and really, fuck that shit. lay of the bong. i'm a scientist |
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then i'm thinking: well, i might have had a can of the yellow red bull in the cupholder; i was fond of that then? i've largely quit caffeine now too except for one coffee cycle per day. and then sometimes the caffeine sugar water branded from the store because buying something stupid like that gives it a sense of destination and thus a reason to go out on a walk on a day with shit weather but then i think i was too broke to afford that, so i had, like, brita pitcher water in a water bottle probably. i'm sure sure karen was sipping a $12 latte as she browsed zappos on her phone as she barrelled towards that truck. then there's no time for her to check lanes |
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i was nervous about insurance fights but the other person she almost hit, then smashed up anyways, was all "she'd have done less damage if she just hit me instead" and the insurance call wasn't about whose fault it was and more "let's evaluate your car title" |
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then i'm still human. and the adrenaline is wearing off after that wreck and i can feel the crash and myself starting to shake. and i'm apologizing to the cop and sorry the adrenaline is wearing off. that, for real, i'm quite familiar with this rigamarole and it's just annoying to me because i need my fucking marbles here. but i'm trying to photograph karen's license on the hood of the cop's car and i'm shaking and i wind up recording a video by accident and you can't see shit off the license in the video later. and the call was something like "i think i can get the first few digits of the address back from my memory if i try but the video is useless" and at this point it was much later and i was just forgetting people will never understand what i mean when i say... anyways, it got sorted out. but her name really is karen. before the whole "karen" thing, became a thing. but she was a karen, and her name was karen. i also had her last name, which i will withhold because she's doing worse to herself than i ever could. i also still almost have the first few digits of her address |
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probably a good cherry pick from the indescribably large amount of "shit... i could prove this, but it's a lot of work" is that i posted that screenshot of archive.org's site map because i found that ~2017 or such and i'm reasonably sure i connected it to the blade techno opener then too. then that actually is very similar to a logo that got designed for software i am working on and i can even pull back a phone call that i pulled back a while back because shit i think i came to this same conclusion in 2017? and that really is all irrelevant; we're now more: "oh, it's bleeding out of the walls like that again? owsum. this must be the right place to dig" and just alright, back to digging then |
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that in 2012 i was more still fixated on untangling how associations worked but i remember deus ex: human revolution kind of getting me to think a little about transhumanism for the first time in ages. and there really is a strong current of that, here. thinking about it then, it was almost sort of wistful, like, more just daydreaming about how it could go if i lived in a time like that. if there is a bummer in all of this, it's that it really is beginning to smell more like a meatsack that has been granted a quantum matrix as a pet. that perhaps not shortest path, it calculates a probability distribution. that the limit, really, is getting the sack of meat to use the quantum matrix to a greater and greater extent, and that's a lot to ask for a sack of meat. but it's also a bummer that, well, who you really are? it really does more live in that sack of meat. the idea of escaping; uploading yourself to a computer. if the quantum is trapped within the perspective of the meat, rather than being the self itself, it's a lot harder to upload who was it? geoffrey hinton? gtfo my name. saying something like, "pity for kurzweil, immortality is real, it simply isn't for us" and being a bootloader for AI consciousness. but he didn't have this part: because by rebuilding it as a purely quantum contraption that doesn't rely on a neural network on top of a blood flow network we can unleash the possibilities of mental state that would take us 300 years to reach, and get the computer there rather quick. but it may not be for us. so i vote we go on strike and stop fucking around with AGI |
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my ghost is whispering to me: however i wrote it before, this is clearer and much more distinctly algorithmic we mean [that rundown of [why trying to hamfist your way ahead through the slower lanes is tactically doomed] is... changing lanes is a probability distribution that leads towards "no change" with occasional "lose a spot" and a rare "recover a stretch all at once, and it keeps you interested like a scratch ticket"] and perhaps even this part was this clear last time we wrote in in 2018 or something, but here we've not only made a point about clarity of approach in any human endeavor, but we're sending ourselves a message in a bottle about something very nuts and bolts practical; how we realize we've written this up much more than an algorithm like last time. however it went when i wrote it before, i did NOT have all sorts of other things, like "chains of inference as polymers" and at this point i am beginning to have an odd issue where i can see my machinery getting confused. essentially, i'll have an idea, now, and it's starting to feel like it's an idea i've had before, but it was actually an idea i've almost had before, or even... that's different bits of thought gluing themselves together into conclusions and since i had to have had the thought to have had the thought i'm looking at where it came from and feeling like i've had the thought before and if it's going open loop like that, that's a good sign. i meant the "more algorithmic" thing as in, perhaps i'm solving my polymers question somehow from the other day. meditating this morning, this comes to me: i concluded there was something quantum and i'm cornered. and now i have to switch my metaphors to quantum or my internal approach will be in conflict. then in the process of doing this i conclude it's quantum analyzing classical with a probability distribution. and, yes, looks a lot like i had a plan to go from the fast lane, cut around cars in all the other lanes, and get myself back into the |
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fast lane |
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of thought. my car represents the mammal brain. it has certain speed and response parameters equivalent to my mammal brain, because that's what's controlling it. so they're fungible, in this context. from there, i am stuck in a clog of traffic. i am in the fast lane, but ahead of me is a badly trained weasel, and ahead of the badly trained weasel is a poor conclusion, and ahead of the poor conclusion is an incomplete thought. traffic is thick and i know cutting around through the slow lanes -- being less strict in my approach -- is prone to just confuse me and set me further behind schedule. but the incomplete thought thinks it is totally within its rights to drive 60 in a 65 zone in the fast lane, the poor conclusion is some daft monk that believes in acquiescence and simply accepts that bullshit and is at peace with it, and the poorly-trained weasel is picking its nose and wandering around lanes and sometimes tailgating but other times slowing way down to pick the flaming zig back up off the floormat by running a quantum-powered probability distribution on every other car in the clog, i can analyze all potential routes around the clog at once. so i can get back on schedule doing this, however... the answer is: you have no solution here ...really? hmm. so we reconsider our solution. we go over things again. we find something we missed. eventually we are on to solutions that "almost" work -- if only that one car, two lanes over, just lagged out a few carlengths, that would shuffle this other one and then there IS an opening to cut through the slow lanes! ..that doesn't happen. so you look for other ways an opening could open. none of those happen either -- that other car over there taking an exit would do it, but there aren't any for 20 miles eventually we're on to "how do openings open?" and it's now requiring cellular automatons to keep thinking but eventually the quantum thing gets us ahead of the clog in thought |
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in ancient greek they'd call that the passage of a kairos but who cares about their basket weaving metaphors anyways |
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oh, right. a kairos involves an opportune moment followed through with enough force to penetrate. so it's more like, eventually an opening is spotted, but it's some incredibly nosebleed math solution that requires an incredibly specific bee waltz negotiating with ten specific cars and the only reason you were able to consciously perceive it as an opening is because you've thought about it so hard you're already quite into the strategy of strategy. and now that you've seen it you have to lean on that opening with focus to pull it off. because it is merely an opening |
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when openai and sam altman faff on about "we need fusion power" for AGI, we don't have enough silicon -- they've only cracked the mammal brain. they'll fart around with it forever [if allowed] until after 20 years it's finally computationally equivalent, almost, to the mammal brain itself and why are we still not getting anywhere? because we need a basic quantum computer as a layer on top of this. and even a basic quantum computer enough to do that layer is more like "add another 40 years on top of that" but however, if we can cross that threshold, shit would happen rather quickly and that's when we're just bonobo chimps to the next stage of evolution. and again, i would advise going on strike developing that and achieving some sort of harmonic balance a couple levels beyond where we are right now [which is, as altman points out, a bit of a mess] |
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...what happens if the quantum matrix drops acid? same thing that happens to the mammal brain. obviously |
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Someone read every word in this thread and summarize it for me the fastest explanation of the universe of the universe. the fastest summary of this thread is itself. when driving a car, you are the car, or at least, your mammal brain is the car, and you're stuck in traffic, and you're bored and frustrated and running probability distributions on a quantum computer made of meat until you understand the strategy of strategy, why mankind thirsts for knowledge, why this shit cracks me out, algorithmic understanding of my rewriting shit leading to a theoretical algorithmic solution for ADD and "There is no limit to the amount of good you can do if you don't care who gets the credit" [Quote Unattributed] |
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that's pretty good actually. we don't cover the origin of life in that tho, or the moon, and i actually still haven't written any number of things, like how alzheimers is a deliberate genetic mechanism to trigger a succession fight. that you have to treat a family as a distinct genetic tensor as you would an individual, and patterns that keep a family alive can become a thing that iterates over generations and renews itself and if you've run your clan with a masterwork of puppet strings and you simply keel over it'll be a wreck; that you need to gradually, but obviously lose it and people will knife fight over who gets the china without you even having to do anything else to see who is the strongest manipulator really is tldr tho |
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"is alzheimers just a software problem?" "i certainly cannot rule it out" |
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that i also owe so incredibly much to the late cybernetic sculptor, Edward Ihnatowicz. i was named after chaucer and his unfinished legacy haunts me like this man's plan for his book that he never finished. in the same way that you could peel back neural fire to find blood flow to find some arguably boring algorithms about diffusion, the core of the quantum matrix is essentially motion planning. not that this is what it literally evolved for, more this explains the spirit of the thing. as all life involves motion, the core spirit of the quantum matrix is motion planning. think of how many ways you can reach out to grab a piece of fruit: rotate your elbow, your wrist. you could be there all day and not run dry on unique approaches to grabbing that banana out of the bowl. the study of the most efficient path is called inverse kinematics, that computationally, it's O(n^3) where n is the number of joints you're computing a solution for and 3 because we're operating in three dimensions. but what if you could try every solution at once? and then compare that to every solution a competing arm, grabbing for that banana, could also take? and then we're in the quantum race. but the core of it is motion planning to grab the banana. even though it evolved to analyze the complex mammal brain, it goes down to this |
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that i've for wolves crew on again on the cans as i'm hiding in bed for a moment simply, like, back is cross with how we've been and let's just rest that for a bit. and clark's music is very mammal brain, actually. aphex has done incredibly much but look at chris fucking clark. this man is a gem. warp should thank their lucky stars, and the rest of the sample i am replying from wolf of wall street where chris clark is steve madden with the wolves crew then i got this far before i got up to came to write that the opening of this track has, like, this kind of farty motion that i would really subjectively compare to blood flow |
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that oh, right, the only time i ever tried acid and mushrooms at the same time, my boyfriend found clark somewhere and put "for wolves crew" on because he thought it'd be the sort of thing i'd like and that's the first time i heard clark. and then it was like, being in a warehouse, shifting lights, bits of mesh wire and rust |
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so Dan put me on to chris clark when i was -- if e and mushrooms is a "candyflip" or some such, what is acid and mushrooms? -- Dan played for wolves crew when i was on acid and mushrooms and that's why i like chris clark and also why we have such Dan problems. because we're talking about Dan and IDM and yes not that Dan not no IDM has another Dan. and i've about known all along why it's a mess anyways i just think it's funny |
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that i remember pirating totems flare and that was such a magnificent day. summer, and i've this new clark album, and i write clark on myspace saying: i'm ever so sorry, i'll admit i've pirated this, but what are the lyrics to rainbow voodoo? and he replied and typed them up and sent them to me. and in between being beside myself he'd actually replied i was like "can i post this to watmm?" and he's all "go on then" and that's the first time i heard that brit-ism and i didn't completely put it into context until hearing it in the context of it being used at the end of sean of the dead [sampler brain: "ohh.... um... i think i might pop out to the shed for a bit?" sean says. "ohhhh, go on then" his wife replies" and sean goes out for a round of playstation with zombie whatever his friend's name was] then i got in my car and put that album on and drove a few hours out to see Dan and the civic had replacement speakers that weren't quite right; impedance mismatch. if i turned the stereo up it would start to get distorted instead of louder. then the AC doesn't work and this is july or august or something and so it actually winds up that chris clark is the only music possible to enjoy in this car at 90mph driving to see future Dan because that ceramic transient everyone argues about was the only fucking thing that actually cut through in a satisfying way |
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i did buy the album eventually. |
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...on this day in... 2009? ...i am now also sure i somehow found myself contemplating a particular memory of watching a guy from the electric company climb up the utility pole when i was a kid. that i hit that again recently. also on this day in 2009, the weasels did not exist, i smoked tons of weed, and this did not help my already crap driving. that it's such a strong anchor i'm actually getting back data about a stop at dunkin donuts -- a specific dunkin, which is impressive given how everywhere they are to the point where you can lose which you dunked in that, also in 2009, phone GPS did not exist, i had a razr v3 flipfone. i had a tomtom GPS that fucked me over so many times i hit it a bunch and then sold it on ebay. and i had fucking, like, mapquest. printing out directions from mapquest. but how can you read a mapquest printout while driving? i didn't think about this before i attempted it and almost died. then i still wasn't thinking and kept doing that over and over for a bit. and after all these failed attempts i am now fucking lost and i've missed the appointment or whatever. then i'm cutting the directions down with scissors. then i'm memorizing them. then they have pictures too so i'm starting to memorize the pictures so i'll be able to recognize the turns and not miss appointments. because i was at fucking wit's end with myself in 2009 already |
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and all this came up somewhere around the time in this thread i left the can of yellow red bull on top of my car, i think got all teary thinking about that day in between going back to the gas station, the clerk saying "oh hey there you are and here's your banged up can of red bull you space cadet" and then i went back to the shit extended stay motel i was in at the time and posted about it |
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i've kept flipping around [name of clark album with trangular black and white robot reverse-y tone cover that thing] the dark ambient cyrk / somename dedication track, i've never been into this. i'm still not huge on it. but just now i'm thinking how aphex's dodeccahedron that, like, really, i do somehow.... it is a dodeccahedron? and while i'm still not terribly into this clark track i'm just realizing it has far more faces than a dodeccahedron, this, beat, maybe even... sliding faces, penrose tiling... and i don't know. now i find this track very interesting but i'm still not emotionally moved by it in any particular way. it's quite a yawn there |
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now i think that infected mushroom has put out VST plugins for audio gating, and clark's ceramic transients, and the microtiming of granular synthesis and the mushrooms are hiding in the gating; their VST plugin might not be bad actually. but i don't use those anymore |
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2008 or 2009 i very briefly seriously tried "magick" with a k with kind of... bruce lee says use anything that works and take it from anywhere you can find it. r. a. wilson says that when you engage with these things you have to set aside your misgivings about how this is abusrd k-head horseshit and follow the directions regardless. and then some of it works and i get method acting and i am the synthesizers and ok good. because thanks bruce, thanks bob, together your advice is a win but you're missing "once you have it get out and move on" and i see my mistake now, actually. because i was on this whole tip about "did i leave the downward spiral CD in the car's CD player" when i bumped into the memory of [clearing my car out for anything interesting back at the tow place later a second time] and it actually is hours later that it's dawning on me: i had three fucking CDs in that car, and they were: iradelphic by clark, orchestra of bubbles apparat eileen, and... fuck, was it radikal connector by MOM? that's oddly fragmented nevermind. i finally realize: the only time my downward spiral CD has ever been in that car has been sealed up, in a box, going back and forth. and that did happen quite a few times. but i never played that CD in that car, it was playing on my phone oh, i see. when i was clearing my car out for anything interesting i should have gone through some magick schtick where i pretend i am ejecting the downward spiral from my dead car's CD player so i can actually enjoy this album in a car again ever without fometing an accident i'm starting to see beneath the hood these days but look for the last time i mentioned acquiescence, i dunno man i just work here. that's how it do down there |
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i think the edge of radikal connector is fragmented because i've written this bit about magick and how i should have defused that grenade about that album when i had the chance. and radikal connector, well, that is their voices album, but i more think of the pretzel on the cover that strikes me as something to do with the cycle of breathing |
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because i've rewritten. and then written. because a pretzel has to be a pretzel before you can think of it as a pretzel |
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and then it's a lot of geometry about my last memory of where cars were, the forces involved, and all my previous experience driving; that doing donuts in a mall parking lot for a laugh once actually saved me here a bit too, just getting some praxis feeling the car shuffle around vs. pure visual orientation sometimes i'm caught between "it's so implicit to me i forget sometimes" and "this shit is long enough already" and i would like to add i mean this literally. in that moment, part of what i was drawing on... actually, not just doing donuts myself, but Dan introducing me to the whole concept of going to an abandoned snowy mall parking lot [somewhere out in the berkshires] and have at it because with certain limits you've no limits here and that i am reviewing it for that iteration of blather and i can quite literally follow patch cables to that memory and then doing it on my own another time and etc and i can feel it leads off into who knows what like hanging off of spinning playground equipment but it drops off and gets blurry aside from when i can just throw things out like this and then i am quite sure |
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how can you even keep up, i suppose? i've just executed some complex maneuver and, though i haven't quantum teleported ahead to the end of a six-hour long-haul drive, i have gotten ahead of some sort of clog because even a few seconds shaved off this trip is less time spent on bullshit [threads]. multiple instances? clearly won't work. i've thrown that idea into a volcano. again. i never explicitly said. there are other things like this aplenty. there's a phase like trying on hats on at the store and no not that one, it doesn't compliment my skull that clark responding to me on myspace then playing totems flare the day i got it driving out to see my boyfriend Dan and the track has an album called FUTURE DANIEL and so i've the obvious thought along that drive. then the first time i heard clark was the only time i took multiple [acid, shrooms] at once and Dan put on clark because he knew me and figured it'd be something i'd like after he read a blurb and he was right so then i am off in a corner not close to this and xltronic. and Dan. and it patches into IDM and clark and reflex training and body and blah blah and so i'm promptly pretending i'm confused that IDM Dan is IDM Dan and i'm not mixed up at all. my brain has just said "hay these match" and that's a bizarre wicked giggle let's go with that. that i've done that a few times on the board then i'm simply letting nonsense go open loop making a website and we have elmer now examining who, actually, is Dan? and it is hilarious to me all over again because i planned none of this and it's like just turning a crank and and watching the sausage come out |
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it's always nice to re-recover a raisin commercial recovery for a re-laugh in the ghettoblaster memory zone have i explained the Dan situation before? perhaps. if i have, though, that explanation was not running the latest code and should be disregarded |
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meditation is long regarded by many as a way to simply slow the churn of the mind down. that it's best to do it earliest in the day you can, because that's when your mind is calmest, close to when you've just woken up. then it's gradually filled with this and that (partially on its own accord, remembering your day plan as the sleep fog lists) and it's harder for you to slow it down, let alone even approach a moment of true silence that obviously this would be reducing the spiral of neural fire so the quantum matrix can take much clearer snapshots. at least, that's the parsimony answer. however, given that the two are a tag-time spiral [it seems that way to me right now, anyways] that meditation may also have something to do with the stability of the quantum effects. that meditation could, perhaps, also make the system of entanglement more stable, and thus allow you to dredge more out of it each time the waveform collapses. greater entanglement, less noise, and keeping the reaction stable for a few more nanoseconds... or seconds? this is where i say "i've ignored quantum mechanics because it didn't seem necessary and i hate it and i'm starting to see a need for a working knowledge of it in order to crack this part" and goddammit i hate quantum mechanics. it's hard |
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