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oh. maybe i'm so repetitive because i need to know what it's like to be one instance of many. inside a barn. before that container will be an effective piece of software |
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or perhaps even that i merely had to get used to it. |
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i think i tried instances during the "sphere of context" stretch and it really didn't go anywhere. now i'm sitting here and thinking about how: "it would seem... i feel... maybe... that i possibly rambled on about how i can almost get the traffic back from [down and out first time etc] and now i'm actually rather feeling like i did, but at this point i'm nervous i've completely disappeared up my own fundament" that, yes, there is going to have to be this sort of iterative blindness to what's going on, if i'm role-playing as an instance of myself. being comfortable with this and learning to work with it without disappearing up my own fundament |
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it'd be pretty tite if i just popped out of another 800mcg image caption and it's like "hey guys i'm back it's compiled now" |
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getting snapped back into previous streams of thought like an apple mag-safe connector (kerSNAP) and i've replayed some stuff like a VCR. now i can even watch myself do it and... i'm all "well, yes, i know, but i can't tell you precisely how, or figure out where it comes from without work" perhaps this is all, itself, a previous train of thought i've been snapped back into (kerSNAP) and that thought was about quantum and running multiple instances of myself and "brb guys" then "ok it's done i'm back" we've been chewing on all this. but there hasn't been any... you'll note i do not seem terribly concerned. that in fact i seem quite amused and delighted. it's true; i am. sorry for the mess on the board however, this is precisely how an instance of me would act -- "am i simulating an instance of myself right now as a data point, and has it lasted a few years now? or am i just sucked back into it in bits, yes, i've been gradually piecing it together as a hobby. that nothing in the here and now feels jumbled like this, actually... and am i about to pop out the other end? AWESOME" it would probably be disconcerting to many people to realize they're an instance of themselves that they've been simulating 4 years and their instance would lose their shit and panic. do the wrong thing and not deliberately order cheese pizza but then there's a firm enough barrier that i know what day of the month it is, when my bills are due, which are paid, etc -- that, shit, yes, some domains are due today, i missed discogs on the... bbl |
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now i'm sitting here and thinking about how: "it would seem... i feel... maybe... that i possibly rambled on about how i can almost get the traffic back from [down and out first time etc] and now i'm actually rather feeling like i did, but at this point i'm nervous i've completely disappeared up my own fundament" now i'm sitting here and thinking about how: "it would seem... i feel... maybe... that i then possibly asked about, have i rambled on about this before? [it feels weird or something etc]" and when i talk about "it's a measure of signal strength now" this is fucking off to the charts to the point where i'm like... alright, have i broken it? i'm taking a moment, because, the equipment seems fine, the reading is simply so surprising |
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bollocks. ULTRA-bollocks. just now: "well if it is quantum and the passage of time is the universe's computation, then..." and it's finally happened. i've left the solar system the furthest out i got is a lot of consideration about the moon. that schizophrenics, bipolar, other sorts tend to stack up on a histogram around the phases of the moon. kind of. they can see a trend. but no, wait, they think it's bollocks ...and, essentially, it's an analog thing. they are asking "is it the moon or not" when they should instead ask "how much of it is the moon" and boom that's why it's such a waffle [currently, i think the consensus is that it's bunk, but they'll do a pole flip inside of a decade, bet you]. because the deep sea vent theory on the origin of life is bunk; you can't build a sandcastle in high tide. you need a sealed pod with RNA precursor gunk fed by gentle alpha radiation, and -- this pod has lots of spikey pockets to hold our, um, nucleotides-to-be, and everything from axial tilt to tectonic drift stirs the juices in here, but the most important is the moon, and we're performing a sort of annealing that manages to form a loop that pumps entropy out while fed on a steady energy source. eventually the first pod cracked open and spilled out into the ocean and that was it. there were quite a few others and they found one recently; i do have a citation ...and, yes, the moon. barely even looked at the planets. and if it's quantum i now have to think about the nature of the universe. and finally read erwin esch book "this is life" because it was all "that clown has my shit in 1952" or was it 42 i don't know whatever sigh. well, it came out lazily like that; i suppose i'll simply allow it to keep doing that |
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the universe is space-time granular and is both deterministic and completely unpredictable, as it is its own fastest explanation the original word in the 1974 paper was "simulation" but one day i mistyped it as "explanation" and sent myself into giggles, because -- it works precisely the same way, but it's me all over. the most succinct explanation of the universe is the universe. the most succinct explanation of myself, is to be myself. as we further explain the universe to ourselves, its bounds will grow at an accelerating rate. i have this much solid. that's just a summary i am dumping. and here it's.... whooaaa, way back there, yes... what the fuck does space-time granular mean? because whatever that shit is it's what i need. the rest of it just fit so gobsmackingly well that i simply thought "oh, fuck physics" and decided i didn't need to open that can of cats |
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> there's a hop past that, there's a hop past that, there's a hop past that, there's a hop past that, there's a hop past that, that, sorry, i explained poorly there. that i may have gone on discord and spoken of "unfit" instead, that really i missed this whole album for the most part... etc... but from there i'm actually into a discord conversation somewhere after i moved [likely around the pizza [place] delivery guy discord convo] and that's more like 2021, a year or two afterwards, that i am THEN into "i can feel how the traffic was" and then "but i'm not going to distract myself with this" and THEN "have i talked about this before" now i feel like: the answer is no. i did have a funny feeling, i remember. i think i was more setting a marker for myself; faking myself out into whether i've gone that far and now i've found it later and that's why microwaving it back into a thing seems rather odd. but now, yes, i think that did happen, and i hadn't actually spoken of it before then. |
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when it comes to the conversation about "what makes humans different from all the other animals" my answer, until just recently, was -- weasel-brain may have this slightly wrong -- the FOX-P2 gene? a mutation that essentially caused some neural connections involving speaking and subvocalization and like, yep, there's the distributed wiring we need ...but, no. we didn't have quantum this or that in my pod of bespoke RNA. that photosynthesis is quantum, but then it took quite a while before a primate brain, some mutation, forms a stable enough network that a quantum reaction happens slow enough for the brain to theoretically, actually use. and now: perhaps that's actually the difference between us and all other animals. why we have rhythm or perhaps it's both this and the FOX-P2 gene because this stuff is a bit of a jerk about not being simple |
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perhaps that's actually the difference between us and all other animals. why we have rhythm or rather, why other animals seem to struggle with it. that some animals unquestioningly have at least a bit. parrots. the pair of monkeys walking in sync. that the way it goes is "before we went quantum, it was most of the way there anyways, and it would fire off here and there but it didn't have much of a pulse" and then some mutation and the tube(ule)s are stable and we move from monkeys walking together like they're photocopies to disco. which was very hard on the musicians as it treated them like monkeys |
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so, yes, sparks of rhythm, some proper demonstrations here and there... but years ago, this thread, on about: you can't switch a brain off and then back on because you lose the waltz of timing of signals and that is, perhaps, something akin to what the soul is, in an engineering sense. and once someone insisted "rhythm IS consciousness" and i wouldn't go that far, but. without timing, it wouldn't happen. at best monkeys moving in mirror image |
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that when i wrote it before i called the FOX-P2 gene, subvocalization mutation thing, "the control lines we need" or such instead, and that is more accurate. it's not that neurons had problems wiring all over, but we need some sort of new and specially unique network of control lines on top of a generic mammal brain. and this was something like "these vocal lines now go 200x as long, it's weird" you can understand i think: shit, shit, yep. but then perhaps this would actually somehow tie in with the brain making a quantum leap; that no one's asked if FOX-P2 made quantum action less out of the question |
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that saying "maybe it's both" can also mean "maybe they are effectively the same thing" or in that case, the same mutation; the same event. but this stuff is a jerk about being complicated, and it's probably not that succinct |
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and then some mutation and the tube(ule)s are stable and we move from monkeys walking together like they're photocopies to disco. which was very hard on the musicians as it treated them like monkeys i think i stole this from the NPR interview with questlove, the one where he talks about the burn and THAT SONG and modulating key [and an entire context about associations]. that the quote is something like, "i feel like disco was very hard on the musicians, forcing them to go so long in such a mechanical way" and, really, not stole. that's where i learned that. and as soon as i hear it, i think: wow, shit, that's sad. and i absolutely believe it |
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and now i'm saying: i might have credited questlove with something i heard in my apartment in 2019 or such; that it stands out because it's an image of the living room which, well, that place was tiny, it was pretty much a storage locker instead and so i had to have been fucking with all the crap there as i listened to it and... perhaps grafted that into a very relevant, to recent shit, reference to the actual questlove npr interview, how he got a third degree burn on a radiator running down the hallway naked as a child and, right as he burned himself, a song modulated key repeatedly and he's on about how, it's not just that song that gives him massive amounts of physically experienced pain to this day, but that whenever key is modulated anything anywhere, he feels physical pain it sounds somewhat like his cognition is rooted around this, and it makes sense he'd succeed as a musician. the most i have to offer is that i remember... kids don't understand "don't touch that, it's hot" until they burn themselves. and i remember thinking: i understand pain and i theoretically know what you mean about this being bad, but i'm afraid i need to actually try this -- and then when grandma's back is turned, i put the back of my left hand onto a scorching hot pot and hold it there, that i'm not sure what the degree was, but something something my mom all, they should have taken you to the fucking hospital and i still have the scar. i know what they mean when they say it's hot now |
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that i do wonder -- so i went ahead and very deliberately burned myself to the point where i probably should have been hospitalized; because i understood "it's hot" in a theoretical sense, and i knew what pain was from other incidents. but i was having trouble putting together in my head what, exactly, this would be like. i knew that on a scale of bad things to do, this was off the fucking charts. and grandma's not as quick as my parents and now is my chance |
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that i do wonder if that's where my sense of "stop it, you're about to burn yourself" comes from |
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i guess i was setting a reference point for myself, as well as a marker. |
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i was on acid sometime in like 2011 and the doorbell rings and i answer it. and it's all rainy and stormy and moody out and... it's jehovah's witnesses. "uh, hello" i manage "we heard that someone here needs... help" ...and there was such a dark and ominous undertone to the way he said "help" that it haunts me to this day. it probably didn't sound quite that far if you weren't on acid a friend of mine had gotten a bit loaded one night shortly before that one and put my name and address into their website and i never even got the line on what he said because i'm not sure he remembered himself but it was like, yes: we've been told you're vulnerable now. we're here to take advantage of that and get our fingernails into your mental conditioning the only reason i'd even answered the door is that was relatively Experienced at this point, and i managed to hold it all in. and apologize to them deeply for my idiot friend [long story short, i figured it out on the spot] making them come out on such a miserable night for nothing. it was kind of like nod, understood, but -- do you know anyone else nearby who needs help? ugh. he did it again these days, i like the church mice, they're sweet people. but kind of like the ghosts in mario 3, if you turn your back they become freaking vultures from above |
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then i was also with it enough, despite ++, to phone him up and chew him out |
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i never developed my ability to... output my hed images into drawings, paintings, whatever. but the image of them when i opened up the door, they were very trapezoidal. perspective like they're very tall, trapezoid at bottom. i'm seeing this in watercolor and i'm applying the style of some painter from art deco era i can't really place. i can't paint like that though, or it'd take me a year or three |
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that, oh, yeah. i very much remembered i did post that jehovah's witness story on this board right after it happened, so we could put a date on it. and i thought it'd just fit here that thread did do well. i went into more detail about the chap behind their appearance; i didn't say he was loaded though. because it's actually now, in 2024, that i realize: yeahhhh had to be |
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it now makes sense, effectively, for me to perform a sideband channel attack on itself; a sideband channel attack on a sideband channel attack to understand what's happening. and one of the little treasures i get along the way, i don't think this has ever made sense anywhere else before. unless you count thousands of years of yogis and whatnot hitting the same spots and not having the concept of a sideband attack that this is exactly like As a result, the DMP often reads the data and attempts to treat it as an address to perform memory access. This “dereferencing” of “pointers”—meaning the reading of data and leaking it through a side channel—is a flagrant violation of the constant-time paradigm. and then my from before that with the mind, "barn" is, all at once, the data, the address, and the thing itself. the core idea of a CAM is a computer memory that works like: instead of having to search for where BARN is you just say BARN and it dumps all the shit ...and that sounds like a good idea. i have to poop. i'm going to go dump all the shit while my brain dumps all the shit. because writing this is effectively what will kick the process off. this sideband channel attack on a sideband channel attack. which is probably something like the rare ascending axon connections, granule cells, gcPc used for proprioceptive feedback at sites used for storing data related to movement and bbl |
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that went precisely, directly, literally, as i... well, i'm washing my hands and out tumbles "sampled data points" now my conscious job is to stew on the meaning of this. my first thought was something like, "oh, yes, if you sample enough data points to get the address, you have the data, because they are one and the same thing" then i think: no, this is my thing about "enough sampled data points and you have the whole thing" from two pages ago or such then i realize: okay, jumping from that first inference to the second, that was it, right there, that was the sideband channel attack i actually had difficulty writing this up. i actually had a brainfart and shit... wait... i can't remember... so i went back down to the bathroom and put myself back in the zone where i'd had the train of thought best i could, and it popped right out now, just now, writing this, as i type, i see that this is me performing the same sideband channel attack again, by going through all that to get it into words. |
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no, wait, i got that backwards. i thought maybe it was perhaps about the solution to "enough data points" the other day and then... wow. the conclusion makes sense but the more i try to reconstruct this bit, the more of a mess it becomes. which is a good sign i've hit something more atomic |
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oh. oh. to a certain degree, it's possible you can experience your own train of thought as happening in a certain linear order, when it's actually happening in parallel. you perceive "i thought this, then i thought that" but the thoughts both happened at the same time. however, they only make sense to your conscious mind if one happens before the other, so that's how you perceive it. if you're saying, "i know [that], but [this] is something else" you're thinking of what the [this] is as you say the word [that] -- because someone has referenced something similar, and, no, you don't quite have it, and you're holding [that] off to the side as your brain goes off to reference [this] it was a theory. i generally haven't popped the hood on it beyond that, because it's incredibly difficult to think about! but, yes: what happened, there, was that my first thought didn't actually make any sense, but i didn't notice. because it led to another thought, and together, the whole arc adds up into something sensible. however, when i try to type it up now, i get a bit tangled up. and now i'm performing a sideband channel attack on all of [this] again |
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first i thought... hmm... a vague incomplete thot that referenced my sampled data points thing. then a thot that no, wait, that's not quite it. then i realize that i'm performing the sideband attack as i've asked. the first thot would be comparable to how something makes sense in a dream, but then dissolves when you attempt to explain it. |
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so, perhaps something like: you have thought A, and thought A makes no sense without referencing thought B. however, you've had thought A first. your brain sees the hole; you have thought B to fill in the blanks from A. then, consciously, you perceive having B before A, because having A before B makes absolutely no sense. it's an incomplete calculation |
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the timescale of this matters. that, previously, i was more thinking along the timescale of "as you generate a sentence of thought in your head" -- subsecond timing -- but now we're into the proper "train of thought" timescale -- five or ten seconds, perhaps in retrospect it should seem obvious that near my current thought, are mostly incomplete versions of everything i could think. and how could i think anything at all unless i could somehow pick from all that? but how could i pick from all that unless i complete it somewhat? how do you even decide where to go next? you have, possibly, a vast number of incomplete thoughts at all times. we're picking from all these in order to decide what to think next, but we haven't actually thought any of them yet... because we're deciding what to think next. then we've decided what to think next, and we need to complete the thought. and for it to be complete, you had to have had another supporting thought beforehand, so that's how you perceive it. perhaps the prefetch mechanism may actually be a postfetch mechanism something something the weird nebulous mathematical set of [everything you could think next) is, i have to say... the sort of thing i usually decide is too much of a mess to trifle with |
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[everything you could think next) does seem a good problem for a quantum computer. that it considers every possible train of thought at once and selects one? sure. or it's that they all exist in an analog fuzzy way and we amplify a little portion into our current state of mind. or both. or that these are one and the same thing. [that i am feeling some of this tugging me and i get up to write again. and i think i'll dial back to that point and start there. then i realize i'm beginning to compose the post in my hed [i'm down the stairs from the attic at this point] and i am opening it, "originally, i was going to start at [somewhere later in this post] but i decided to just go back and replay it from there" and think: shit, i'm already tangling my timeline up. i need to get in there right now before i tangle it any further, and -- shit, i'm doing it again) so we sort of collapse the waveform from every possible train of thought at once, and that we have control over how the waveform is collapsed. theoretically, somewhat, eventually. with asking the right questions, studying the results, and praxis. this decision process could be a quantum bubble that exists on top of a classical computer, a generic mammal brain. i'm hungry and oddly craving that cake frosting with partially hydroginated soybean oil. thanks brain anyways, i've struggled for a while, for a good way to say... yes, i have it: you can see anything, but you can't see everything. there is also the issue of error, noise, and mild brain damage from drinking my ass off a few years ago. these can all be recovered from, with effort. or, rather, perhaps i could recover anything, but i can't recover everything. penrose tiling came into my fold because of a recent article in quanta magazine about how two guys from different folds got stuck in a car and wound up proving that penrose tiling theoretically works as an error correction scheme for quantum computing |
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it makes sense, it makes sense, it makes sense. directing blood flow is about directing your resources, and so the control of blood flow is, due to evolutionary pressure, a form of decision making. eventually system of blood flow are so complex that it begins to approach something we would regard as thought, and eagerly anthropomorphize; get lost in when we discuss consciousness and where it starts and stops. if you kept tearing it down to simpler and simpler blood flow networks, i wager you would wind up at some simple core algorithms that every med student has to suffer through but evolution is about competition, and reaction time is important to your game. and we're making our decisions with squishy fluidics. so we evolve the nervous system, because electricity is much faster. since we're so invested in this complex blood flow network, we use the neurons to make decisions about blood flow, faster than we ever could with just blood flow. the arc of evolution and competition after the start of neural networks builds to its conclusion, and the only thing faster than electricity is quantum mechanics and since we're so invested in this complex neural network, we use the quantum matrix to make decisions about the neural network, faster than we ever could with just electricity. so maybe penrose and i are both right. or this is how i've written it and i've artificially trapped myself again. for the moment, this feels correct -- that, going back to the "no computational ceiling" thing, this means it's sort of halfway. more towards "you could do this, but you'd need to live for about 300 years to pull it off" but still far beyond my previous cap |
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so now i have to reconsider my approach again. and i'm still hungry. and today i have just been brooding on this nonstop all day instead of just popping out of the garbage can here and there in between actually getting work done. and i'm hungry. mammal brain has had it with this shit. i'm going to go get something to eat, and do some paid work |
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that, ahaha, crap. all my rambling about tiered caching, that i'm likely correct about that, it's part of the mammal brain. but also part of the memory hierarchy is the quantum matrix. and way back, my metaphor about the cache queen to explain tiered hierarchical caching. then, also back there, i described a weasel as an API for... some chunk of my frontal lobe, somewhere. a weasel represents a generic mammal brain, and, well, it's hard to train weasels, but you can, etc. ...and now: yes, the quantum matrix is a layer atop the mammal brain, and its job is to direct neural fire. and it's beginning to look a lot like consciousness but you see how, even when i had no fucking clue. no. fucking. clue -- that it was always in there. as i kept zooming in, it began to bleed out of the walls. and i had absolutely no idea it'd be nice if someone is following. but that is just charming the heck out of me right now, looking back and finding all this, oh, scale invariance, i suppose, that... goddamn, fuck, ahaha, that's great, etc. and it'd be nice if someone is following but this is really what i'm in it for |
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my metaphor with a serpentine belt, that in an engineering sense, consciousness is the serpentine belt in a car. it delivers powers to subsystems as necessary. they pull power off the belt. you don't think about some patch of skin until it itches [my ear itches -- fuck off; i'm typing] then you scratch it, then you forget it again. in addition to an engineering sense, i now know what consciousness is in both a physical and mathematical sense. and yes that's enough for today. and my food is ready. and i'm going to do some paid work |
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and, right. weasel brain is a quantum matrix atop of mammal brain, intended to direct the neural fire of mammal brain. literally quantum, in a hardware sense. that, trying to figure out what i'm rewriting, i begin to feel like i'm lost somewhere in a penrose tiling pattern, because i am. because it theoretically works as an error correction scheme for quantum computers, and so i'm essentially putting my computing power into error correction. but then, in a larger sense, the whole system itself is a very complicated error correction system and i may be stuck with my limits on finding things there. however, this just means it's an ECC scheme using penrose tiling, and that i am not, overall, trapped within a penrose tiling. which is a relief |
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and i haven't even touched things like "since it's quantum, and entanglement" and we get into psychic blah blah e.g. shared entanglement between people somehow and all -- absolutely all -- i've got for now is: it's using quantum mechanics to try every thought at once; pick the best. but this is one thought at a time. your next thought, that was the best one it had. but this thought came from your previous thought. error correcting over and over; who knows where we started so there's plenty more to tease apart. |
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that, oh, shit, now that i've explained it more specifically, i've come up with a refinement -- i'm doing this to myself. if i come up with more i'll be all GO AHEAD AND GET LOST TRACK OF YOU'LL COME BACK SOONER OR LATER and get some paid work done that we're using a quantum computer to try every path at once [i vaguely remember something about trees, actually, using that to do something with directing their resources]. this means there is some sort of "path" in that more discrete sense. that's the classical computer. it analyzes all possible next moves that the classical computer could make, and picks the best move [the shortest path] |
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for years, i have very directly known that if i let myself start going on all this, it will sweep me up and my brain starts moving faster until i seem like an amphetamine weasel. that i've got the scent and i'm absolutely bathing in the thrill of the chase. and it's hard to stop. and i know all this, and deliberately opt to let it happen or not. it goes kind of like: i'm busy, not now. or: shit has been rough and i need a fucking vacation. i don't take psychedelics anymore, i'll just trip myself out for a while. then i feel better, then it stops, or i manage to stop it. but i haven't felt like i've watching this mechanic happen before my eyes... or, rather, i can feel it, off in a blurry way. i'm going to leave some stubs for myself of things i would have let myself keep going on about [and already have not come back to post] and i'll have more later and we'll see how the stubs do vs. the rest. because i think i could get a lot better at some things rapidly -- like, managing my life things that are useful -- if i clarify what i see - the path is obviously every previous collapsation of the waveform. so that's why memories are a discrete snap into a thing. you remember this, snap, you remember that, snap. then these are too snapshots you can review - taking a snapshop of examining a snapshot is arguably a good engineering definition of my "freeze-frame" praxis. a more understandable way to say it is i've added a lot of instrumentation to the snapshots i take, based on the instrumentation i've added to the snapshots i take - i am not, actually, an instance of myself from 2020 "brb guys" though this would be wicked. i am just out of another rabbit hole though, which is tite - shortest path boils down to "least energy usage" at the end of the day, which you build up into targets like not dying, procreation, etc |
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this doesn't count [just -- oh, not that screaming squirming chunk over there. and let's not start another fire either] i said something like, "i am neurotic and i have mild anxiety issues, but my curiosity is terrify" and this bothered me because i felt i didn't have it quite right. mild anxiety issues? that's some bullshit waffle; an incomplete thought. but it would have made the post longer anyways instead, i would describe myself as a nervous person. i'm stressing over this detail and that detail and i've lost my cellphone somewhere in the house and i know i do this and so i'm nervous i'll do this and that is one the aforementioned "this detail and that detail i'm stressing over and i've lost my cellphone somewhere in the house and CALM DOWN AND STOP BEING NERVOUS ABOUT BEING NERVOUS it'd be a good first step innit so when it comes to, say, social anxiety, i am worrying about worrying about details and getting lost in thought about getting lost in thought and just say hello you jackass. and i manage fine these days. but it's literally like i drove myself into an infinite loop back when that was worse, and i'm still like that all over. and i'm nervous about it all the time that i have not actually studied anxiety issues at all. i've looked at my own problems, the dorsal nexus, amygdala, that sort of fing. and that gets into things like panic attacks and anxiety issues, when mine is really not-unwarranted anxiety about disappearing up my own fundament, because it really fucking has happened over and over and augh. but it's not, like, an anxiety issue, i kind of figure and that's why it was bothering me when i wrote it. and it's magnified and put it back up on the shelf now. i'm neurotic and nervous but my curiosity is terrifying |
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is it computationally possible to extract the entire plot of an anime series you have not completely seen from [fragments of personality you smell off a] jpeg of the artist who created the series smiling with a singular intensity? i casually throw this question into a volcano |
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as if anyone were keeping track at this point, i managed to stop the train, but the momentum carried through into a few other replies. i think i won't even dredge up too much of that so today can be more useful that the role of quantum consciousness is to optimize mammal brain consciousness [or whatever word we use here] and this stuff turns me into a crack weasel because, like, this is what it's hear for. it's a quantum layer that evolved on top of a classical computation layer [which is in and of itself so complex it can almost do all of this on its own] to analyze that layer and optimize it and beat other species in reaction time essentially, due to strategy -- because you've already maxed out what is theoretically possible in terms of sheer reaction time. planning, outthinking, is the only way to react faster people will say, "oh, i love [subject], it really gets my blood going." i don't think it's a leap to say that this can be literal, particularly in my case. writing about this, studying it, finding the answers, actually sets me on a loop powered by a slow-drip of adrenaline. it gets my blood going. my heart rate literally goes up because i am so fired up, and the blood pumps all over the mammal brain and new answer fire out and YES I HAVE IT so not only is it a lot of fun, but it's what that layer of the brain was freaking designed for, and of course it takes off a bit this also explains the human thirst for knowledge. until a human consciousness figures out what it is, it's always going to be behind on its work and now that i've solved the fundamental problem i can actually calm down and focus on using it more efficiently |
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research can be sort of like gardening and you figure something out that colors all of your previous research and you can't simply take it in all at once, nor would you want to. it's more like, "oh let's see what fruit grew on this one today" somewhere back in this thread i developed the ability to... sit in my car's driver seat, engine on, meditating lightly. then i plan out my intended route. than once or twice, i run through the whole route in my head, showing myself image snapshots of every branch point in the correct sequence: exit 39A, whatever. then i can be lost in thought for a whole six-hour drive and not miss any turns. i used to be incapable of not zoning out and missing highway exits by up to, like, 45 minutes, and now it's simply handled for me. and this, effectively, is the fruit that GPS weasel bore. thirty seconds of mental gymnastics and i've a better self-driving car than tesla could ever manage. this leverages other weasels involved in determining when i need to drop out of [alpha wave, whatever] and focus my full resources now and when someone changed lanes into me at 80mph this very likely saved my life. because i had finely honed the ability to switch in and out, i clicked right in and was all business instead of shitting my pants. and i kept the spinning car in my lane rather than spinning around three other lanes of highway traffic. and i walked away without a scratch. and why the fuck aren't airbags transparent? it probably has something to do with physics and airbag dust, i'm guessing, so it can expand properly, a kind of lubricant, then you can't have it anything that... well, melts onto skin, and... anyways. now i'm thinking of GPS weasel, and, oh, hmmm, how was that actually working in this context? because i've had a certain degree of success in applying this to other things in my life [daily agenda etc] but i'd like more please |
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when someone changed lanes into me at 80mph this very likely saved my life. because i had finely honed the ability to switch in and out, i clicked right in and was all business instead of shitting my pants. and i kept the spinning car in my lane rather than spinning around three other lanes of highway traffic. and i walked away without a scratch. and why the fuck aren't airbags transparent? that, as i've written before, i literally began wondering about why airbags weren't transparent as my car was still in a skid but only now do i realize: my brain had solved for the the question of [everything i can do in terms of manipulating my car in order to not die] and had gotten stuck on a design problem of the car that was impeding my brain's ability to solve the problem any further. so with whatever i have left after figuring that out and continuing to control the car, i'm chewing on the part that kept me from getting further if i should ever be so unfortunate to be in that situation again, i suspect the only difference would be that i wouldn't wander off into airbag design. because something in me would know why i decided that was the right course of thought at that juncture last time, and the only reason we decided that is because we hadn't fully explained to ourselves who we are and what we're doing yet. and now we'll know even that is a trap and simply leave those resources free for any further unexpected car events that could have happened [e.g. someone else actually hitting me a third time] but oh, yes, i'm asking myself about GPS weasel because of all the location-based index stuff and this has something to do with why it works for programming my driving itinerary but it doesn't do as well as a day planner. i need to more strongly focus on location and most of the things i've tried this on have not been as strongly location-based as turn-by-turn directions |
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"the training just takes over" the police officer will say. and, actually, that was exactly it. when some genuinely bad shit happened, the training took over, and you behave in a proper manner instead of losing your head and getting dead. |
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that would also make it obvious i can't just walk up to drift racing like a savant. i don't have the reflex training for that and i'd more be terrified of crashing |
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it's also nice to finally understand what the point of all this was. that i couldn't treat it as the meditative distraction i inherently felt it was without understanding why. that i had run all physical solutions to the situation i was in after karen got distracted by her phone and changed lanes into me. that i remember time dilating and i see everything going on and i am moving my foot from the gas to the break but i do not physically have the time to move my foot over, and i'm already somewhat dealing with this by the time i actually hit her, and then it's a lot of geometry about my last memory of where cars were, the forces involved, and all my previous experience driving; that doing donuts in a mall parking lot for a laugh once actually saved me here a bit too, just getting some praxis feeling the car shuffle around vs. pure visual orientation then i've run all physical solutions and my body is implementing them reliably and my brain is left over enough to say: i could figure this further if i could see out the windshield. why are airbags not transparent? and i'm lost in trying to solve that, hilariously, because i've already done everything else. that i've made the best calculations i possibly could, i've maxed out the timing i can squeeze out of my mammal brain neural network, and that didn't tap it out. instead i'm on to trying to find a larger solution as my body follows the script for the best i've come up with so far. then you see what i mean about reaction time; how quantum evolved to analyze the mammal brain, that once the physical possibilities for reaction time are tapped out you have nothing left but strategy and there we have it, that was so fast my body was being used to the absolute possible capacity and my brain is going crazy trying to beat on what is stopping it from coming up with an even better answer but that's a distraction from the path. should have kept in the here and now; computed what could happen next. and now i will |
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that, again, should i ever be so unlucky -- when my brain computes every possible answer, these discrete points, where i've collapsed the waveform over and over stewing on it all, will also be instantaneously considered along with everything else, and instead i will [know chasing after the design of airbags is a trap and not pursue that train of thought, or any other train of thought involving solutions not possible in my current timeframe]. this, too, is what it's for. i''ve analyzed the whole thing; that analysis is now a snapshot that can be instantly accounted for in a moment like that, as my brain furiously runs quantum simulation after quantum simulation trying to think its way out of the hole and keep me alive. then this expands into similar situations where this is all incredibly relevant, without any urging from me -- but then there will, perhaps, be some other trap slightly down the line i'll need to have been through, thought over later, and stewed on how i could do better when i was training myself to drop out of space and handle driving NOW, that was slow and messy at first. that it started as a fog that took perhaps two seconds to clear [or more] and at a certain point i really began to feel: everyone zones out when driving sometimes; it's impossible to avoid that. while i had more of a problem with it than everyone before, i'm now probably better than 95% of people on the road. driving past a certain amount of alcohol terrifies me because i can watch exactly what that does to the process. but between you and me, a small, moderate bit of weed actually speeds things up. for the sake of a controlled experiment, i'm relieved to say i was entirely sober when that accident happened. i had the downward spiral playing and i remember the CD is somehow still playing after my car is smouldering in the middle of the fast lane. i'm still nervous about putting that album on in a car |
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the way i improved the process is very much covered. that i would find myself yanked out of writing a post in my head [i've written a lot of this in the car, walking, etc. and then i just come back to the computer and dfjhgdfg and that is what's going on when "how the fuck did you write all that in 4 minutes?" i didn't. i'm just transcribing what i've already written] that i would be yanked out of writing a post in my head driving, and i don't immediately know why. and i see a dog and a person with a car and the back of the car is open. and they're not in the street, the dog is just standing there, but i know the dog is being loaded into the car, and dogs can just run out into the street, and if the dog is being loaded into the car, the end of the car is right on the street and it won't take the dog straying much to create a situation. and i've realized all this and that's why i woke myself up and clicked back in and my focus is now lasered on this person and their dog. who did not run out into the street -- but easily could have. this specific one is more thoroughly written up in a post many pages ago. i also talk of evaluating my reaction to deer, and lots of talk about reacting to other humans' behavior and handling that just like the dog situation subconsciously. as i studied this consciously, reviewing what'd just happen over and over, it started to become a refined architecture of tradeoffs and decisions and suddenly i begin to feel like i'm setting up interrupts in a computer -- like, alright, if this happens, we're just going to switch it off, because after a think that's what's safest. and that didn't just happen at first, but now it does |
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one that still gives me a hoot -- cars now, sometimes, have the ability to not only cruise control, but automatically maintain a certain distance from the car in front, as a driver assistance mechanism to make long drives less fucking exhausting and i had this weasel in 2017, perhaps, and that development was actually incredibly important. i noticed that how much i tailgated someone [or not] while zoning out was absolutely unarguably based on my last conscious decision about how close to follow someone, and that i need to just take a moment and consciously set this. like, if i am tailgating as i start to zone out, i'll maintain that distance. that works better automatically these days than it used to, but i'm still always having to say "wait, shit, i left that set following too close" because i'm human and massively impatient and slowpokes hogging the fast lane still drive me up the wall. that i wrote, at the time, the brain is like god got a bulk discount on billions of cruise control units and built the brain out of this because he's a cheapass. i did kind of understand this was about evolution and minimum energy usage though ...and, yes. it still gives me a giggle. i've had "maintain distance via self-driving level 4" or whatever since 2017. but that one's a lot more prone than others to wandering off and being naughty because i'm still humans and slowpokes in the fast lane drive me up the wall then what becomes hard is not turning it all into a giant sudoku on long drives. that i will literally maneuver my way to a certain way into the clog and slam on the brakes to get the right person to change lanes and dissolve this fucking inefficient pile of human dullards. it's satisfying but i really shouldn't let this get the best of me, even though i can see how to... if i just nudged that one person over a lane... it would all collapse and dissolve... and i'm no longer..... |
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