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EpicMegatrax writes more bullshit
 

offline kei9 from Argentina on 2023-05-24 18:21 [#02627889]
Points: 425 Status: Lurker



someone needs to code a crawler that gathers every epics
post and then use them to train a chatbot, then ask it to
write an autobiography


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-05-24 18:53 [#02627890]
Points: 40005 Status: Regular



someone needs to code a crawler that gathers every epics
post and then use them to train a chatbot, then ask it to
write an autobiography

I 2nd that!


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-01 06:51 [#02628998]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to kei9: #02627889



someone needs to code a crawler that gathers every epics
post and then use them to train a chatbot, then ask it to
write an autobiography


i have every post scraped and llama.cpp working locally. the
flaw with your plan is that it can't handle that much text
at once. nor can any other AI. this is not a
self-deprecating joke. even the best ones, that you have to
pay for, have like a 75k context window or something.
they're not designed for a small novel


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-01 07:02 [#02628999]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



anyways, i'm avoiding derailing the stop-motion thred
mermaidman loves so dearly, here --

that i'm trying to remember when i saw that gumby thing. the
spooky bit. and my brain is waffling between old house
(until 8) and new house. then, well, i suspect i saw it in
both places -- because the fact that i can't tell which
house i was in when i reach back for the memory, tells me
it's an old memory i'm having trouble talking to. so both.
but the old house first.

and that i'm having trouble with which house, means i wasn't
eight, that i'm really not sure. i could have been as young
as 4.

and, interesting points:

1) there's a very distinct sense of falling off a cliff when
i try to reach that far back into my timeline. science has
research and a term for this, that i cannot recall. brain
hits a critical period and that's effectively where your
memory begins; before that it's very fuzzy and vague if
accessible at all
science has research and a term

2) it blows me away how regularly i remember where i was,
when something happened.

examples for 2)

A) when mum told me, "your dad was all 'i can take it if the
kids are ugly, but i won't be able to stand it if they're
dumb" we were in the car, about three minutes away from an
I-90 access point. i can take you to the exact physical
spot

B) would you like to be taken to the exact physical spot
where i learned the word 'myriad' ?

C) when syro had just been released, i was out walking, and
i had a sudden diarrhea explosion in my pants, and i can
take you to the exact physical spot.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-01 07:07 [#02629000]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



for 2 ~ i think memory might be fundamentally built on your
sense of where you (and your limbs) are at. either that, or
it's very flexible, it can be built many ways, and mine
happens to be built on physical place

for 1 ~ so when does my memory start?

i've figured out a lot of tricks in there, but i've zero for
sorting this one out. it's the sort of stupid tangent i
could genuinely drive myself mad with, so i'm going to say
"put this on simmer somewhere in the back" to my brain and
it'll find spare moments in the shower to casually chip away
at this

perhaps there isn't a precise cutoff. that's kind of why i
want to find it. particularly because, if there is a precise
cutoff, did i retain anything of what it was like in my head
the moment that happened? and if i could find that in there,
that would be fucking dynamite

but, no, simmer. this is a hobby


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-01 07:39 [#02629001]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



so i thought about it just a little. and i'm only a few
tangents deep when i get to: if we can ever record the
mind's eye to an MP4 video¹ the absolute first one i want
to upload is from kindergarten:

we get back from lunch, we are all sitting in front of the
teacher, quietly, she's saying something, and this one kid
very abruptly stands up. like, it was plain weird; everyone
kind of stopped. he didn't say a word. he just stood there
for a moment...

...and then he began to projectile vomit this frothy mixture
that was... well, effectively, he was a firehose of what
looked like strawberry milkshake.

"RUN FOR COVER!" i yelled aloud to everyone, and dove under
a table with one of my classmates.

about 25 years later, that guy was diving off the wrong
cliff and was quadraplegic with after that.

on the other hand, we did the thing where moms arrange it
and there's the thing where i'm hosted over there once and
he was hosted over at old house once. and i was like: "cool,
when are we doing that again?" and mom's answer effectively
was: "we're not, because we're not jewish enough." i asked
what that meant and mum laughed.

exact physical location: sitting in the car parked in the
driveway of old house

then the guy's dad...

...and, yes, you see what i mean? i think about it just a
little; and we're through all that. this is too much
spaghetti to heft. moving on now

¹ i would prefer something lossless like ProRes please


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-01 09:29 [#02629002]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



then the guy's dad... that i'd stopped there and out
of nowhere this came back on me. the guy's dad, when we were
also in kindergarten, dove into a river and saved someone
that had fallen in, was on the news, etc. and he was
randomly talking about it in front of the class, and,
genuinely, guy was solid. that was mad cool.

but then his son fucks himself hardcore doing some macho
ballsy dive off a cliff... and, christ, you can have great
parents and they can still fuck you up, i'm thinking. that
he wants to be like dad and he probably had a long history
of being stupidly aggressive diving into water -- guessing
-- because dad did that mad cool thing when he was 5. and i
utterly get it, and it's kind of scary how we're so blindly
sculpted in dangerous ways by even genuinely heroic acts

that, while it was a thing -- my mom was trying to explain
to me that they were fucking snobs, and i think it may have
actually been my first time on that tip? -- the the thing
about my family being goy central and gtfo was all sorted
out above my head. at the time, i simply thought it was
strange and bizarre; what is 'jewish' and why does it
matter? [redacted] and i had a chill time

my attempts to understand it were met with the same
amusement as a husky dog trying to talk and getting
frustrated because he can't


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-01 09:54 [#02629004]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



oh, it's popped into my head again. my brain is saying:
you're asking about the start of your timeline, your first
memory, and remember your konrad lorenz? this guy's dad had
a memorable impression on you, and, as it was his dad, this
could have been a serious imprinting window for him. and,
see? these tangents matter

to which i reply: "matter" is relative and i'm not getting
paid for this. i'm not posting anything more you tell me
after this, even if it's fucking dynamite, ok?

ok.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-05 20:45 [#02629033]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to recycle: #02627890



> someone needs to code a crawler that gathers every
epics post and then use them to train a chatbot, then ask it
to write an autobiography


so i'll clarify my response, here -- you could take my
"corpus" and build a custom model on it, sure. i actually
haven't tried that level of it, yet. however, then what
you'd get is a chatbot that talks like me, in the way i talk
in response to you. input is some xlt thred, output is epic
post, train it on everything, boom, you have absolutely the
last thing everyone needs.

if you then got it to write an "autobiography" -- it would
get lost in some fragment of some fragment for a few
paragraphs and then go insane. it would not be a satisfying
result


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-05 20:52 [#02629034]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i could link the thred where i was having llama.cpp attempt
to simulate belb. it had sparks of... atta bot! but mostly
crud, because i was simply feeding belb's last few posts on
it and some long post he wrote about porn just took over
everything the bot said because it was longer than all of
his other posts combined. it can't summarize more than a
page or three, at least with my weedly lil' macbook air


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-23 05:08 [#02629306]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i was momentarily lost in thought for normal business
reasons -- just making an internal agenda -- and then out of
the corner of my eye I see what looks like a goose wearing a
poofy jacket in monochrome; black on yellow back. it looks
like a logo on a poofy jacket, really! and this wound make
sense, because i see what looks like a brand: "GOOSE..."

...band? i don't quite get it. because then my eyes snap
back into focus and it's instead my eyeball 3 inches away
from the part of my 303 that says "NORMAL MODE"

i hope this post has taught you a lot about how the mind
works, so far. let's continue

i'm not sure if the contrapositive of NORMAL MODE is GOOSE
BAND, but as i cannot rule it out, i have to rule it in that
it was actually GOOSE BRAND and that would make much more
sense, yes! that it started as a fuzzy blob. my brain
eventually decided to perceive it as a goose. at that point
i consciously take over and think: "it's a goose wearing a
poofy jacket, it looks like a logo on a poofy jacket" and so
then the part of my brain that made it a goose in a poofy
jacket in the first place said, "oh, alright" and the text
GOOSE BRAND begins to bleed up into the image i perceive.

i hope you've learned a lot about how the mind works from my
post so far. let's continue: then i lost focus, and actually
focused my eyes. i'm just left with GOOSE... ...band? ...and
it kind of computes that, if i'm not operating in normal
mode, i'm operating on goose band

but my brain insists: we've finally figured out what the
opposite of normal mode is, but that's not what the other
word was

and it's taken me writing this all up to get to: ...oh, it
was BRAND. and it was not finished bleeding through the
membrane, yet.

this is why i try to hang onto it and freeze when i wind up
in this by accident. i knew as soon as i moved my eyes, this
goose thing would immediately snap out of existence and be
replaced by... well, normal mode. i hope you've learned a
lot about how the mind works from reading my post


 

offline Indeksical from Phobiazero Damage Control (United Kingdom) on 2023-07-23 13:08 [#02629309]
Points: 10671 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



Jesus


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-24 05:25 [#02629322]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



jesus didn't have soto zen and a wikipedia's pages on
neurology, so we can't be too hard on him over his
conclusions.

perhaps jesus tried mushrooms and experienced the thing
where he's drawing -- aimless scribbling, actually -- and he
thinks: I wasn't trying to draw anything in particular, but
"that really kind of looks like a goose"

jesus keeps drawing as he thinks this, hand seemingly on
autopilot. the goose gradually appears on the page in
clearer detail. "that looks like the start of a hat," jesus
thinks, and the disembodied mushroom hand of jesus dutifully
sketches in the hat. "now the goose is at a tiki bar," jesus
tells himself -- however, this time, he's lying. he didn't
see a tiki bar. he just wanted to see if his hand would
still draw it. it did

but, never mind jesus -- in addition to lacking soto zen and
neurology, jesus didn't have electronic music production.

because, if you walk this over from drawing "...looks kinda
like..." to music "...sounds kinda like..." it's a logical
leap that mushroom hand could turn the knobs without you
having to consciously think about it, leaving you free to
focus on composition.

like jesus, you haven't touched mushrooms in at least ten
years now, as you eventually came to realize it was actually
something you always did in the first place, and mushrooms
simply pointed it out

... because, well, if you hold your eyes fixed you'll start
to visually hallucinate after you've held it for long enough
to all become its own afterimage? soto zen had the idea,
neurology backed it up? and can you imagine how mad
mushrooms would be if i wrote all this up as tediously as
jesus did?

Christ


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-24 05:38 [#02629323]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



[i was hovering 3 inches over my 303 with my glasses to the
side because:

(i was moving some cables around, then i realized i needed a
flashlight, then i went off to think where my flashlights
currently were, and do i need to go downstairs for one?)]

...and, boom, one or two seconds of thinking about
flashlight logistics, and then i'm into GOOSE MODE. as i
stated in the post about GOOSE MODE, it took writing it out
to solve the part i was having trouble with.

i'm actually very organized in here, thanks. i suspect the
reason seems to even be able to understand how dialed in my
shit has become is because i'm having so much fun. neither
scientists nor monks are allowed to have any fun, right? so
i can't possibly be doing any of that!

no, it's more like when richard feynman went to the library
and asked, "Do you have a map of a cat?" and everyone in the
whole library stopped what they were doing and turned over
to give him a weird look: Did you mean an ~anatomical chart~
sir?

Sort of. He meant whatever the fuck fancy words these people
use instead of "map." He also knew precisely how they'd
react to "map" and did this shit to everyone, all day long.
In a blue-collar new york accent, which further unnerved
"scientists"


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-24 05:39 [#02629324]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i hope you've learned a lot about how my posts work from
reading my mind.

Bob Dobbs


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-24 07:06 [#02629325]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



that, oh, while i'm pulling over for my quarterly attempt to
actually explain myself, the full timeline with some
judgement calls would help:

1. T+0 [2023-07-23, the stroke of midnight] I am
shoulder-deep into a maze of cables, eyes open but being
tuned out, when I lose the target cable in the rat's nest
for the third time. I need a flashlight, OK. Where are my
flashlights?

2. T+5sec ~ I spot the blob that would eventually become
"GOOSE BRAND" out of the corner of my eye. I freeze my eyes,
everything, and let it develop as described -- not because I
feel obligated to, but because I fucking love this
shit.


3. T+10sec ~ I lose focus and move my eyes, popping the
bubble.

4. T+15sec ~ I'm haggling with myself about whether GOOSE
BAND was the target, and every fiber of my gut feeling says:
That's clever, but it's wrong.

5. T+20sec ~ I've concluded I need to go type this out if I
really want to know this.

6. T+25sec ~ If I followed all of this crap every time, I
would get nothing done, and, right, I have ADHD, and it's
important to stop myself and evaluate before I impulsively
run off to a different floor of the house to post about
GOOSE B[R]AND

7. T+30sec ~ I'm still thinking about it, but since I'm
leaning towards "yes" I seem to have gotten up and started
moving towards my computer. This was not a conscious
decision, but something I noticed later

8. T+40sec ~ Okay, yeah, I'm sure now. This won't take long;
this feels like a cherry one to open [if it were a loot
box]. Due diligence: check

9. T+9min ~ I've written the post I wrote, figured it out,
and I'm already lost in thought about something else by the
time I'm back upstairs with the flashlight I chose at
T+5sec

10. T+etc ~ My hands mostly do the cabling. Occasionally my
collar is pulled to solve something my hands can't, but by
and large, I'm not even paying attention.

However, can't recall what I was thinking about at that
point, because I didn't write about it


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-25 00:55 [#02629353]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02629004



oh, it's popped into my head again. my brain is saying:
you're asking about the start of your timeline


so if you read [#02629306 #02629309 #02629322 #02629323
#02629324, #02629325] in that order, you're then built up
into a context to go back and re-skim #02629306 and say:
this is strange, but it does actually make sense now.
#02629306 was a breakdown in a logbook of an event i thought
worth breaking down.

so it is with the post i'm replying to with this post, which
is the end of another arc: #02628999 i'm trying to more
accurately place a distant childhood memory on a timeline,
eventually i'm into: can i get back to the very first
point?

and it's strange. years ago i realized the earliest memory i
have is of my dad walking into the room and telling me i'm
going to have a sister. the timing of this would mean i was,
at most, a year and a half old. i remember i thought: "i
know brothers are supposed to mean to sisters, but that
doesn't feel good, so i think i'm not going to be like that;
i'm going to be a nice brother"

why didn't i yank that right out, when i was writing all
that? and the answer is, effectively, "it needed some more
time in the oven" [a state of affairs i'm becoming oddly
comfortable with]

that the scientific community generally agrees there's a
critical period around this age, and it's very hard for
anyone to remember anything before that. and i'm on this
because "if i can find the very first one, maybe i'll have
something left of what changed" and science would actually
care about this, i figure

so: i think that may be the first point on my timeline
because that's the first point i experienced an emotional
challenge strong enough to trigger introspection,
subvocalization, talking to myself. that i was probably
doing this a bit already, like a child saying words without
really knowing what they are... but yeah, a serious
emotional jolt lights up the network and burns in a couple
fuses to configure the network


 

offline recycle from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2023-07-25 03:45 [#02629354]
Points: 40005 Status: Regular



R.U.O.K.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-07-25 13:21 [#02629364]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



after a few days of thinking "i should find that tape
recorder" -- the one in the vid -- and then getting
distracted, i finally find it. it only then becomes clear
that i didn't actually have a reason to find it.


...

but already technical problems. the bell needs... i
dunno, wd-40? how do you work on a vintage... well, i don't
even have words to classify bells. it's red. you wind it up.
it's fucking loud. it needs servicing


...

brain updates:
 1. we saw this bell once in a youtube video years ago
and were blown away someone else had one too. we never
followed up past that and so now we have no idea how to find
the video (which we could describe, but won't)

 2. the bell used to have a sticker with, like, model
info, and it's old and the sticker fell off and it didn't
seem right to just throw that out so we threw it in the bag
of things like that we haul out when we do collage art. and
hey, yes, this helps, right? it's in the bottom of a ziplock
bag stuffed full of things like that? i can tell you where
the bag is too

it's sort of like when the daft judge wig guy in 5th element
tosses bruce willis the pool ball instead of the grenade:
"oh, um.. .. super, thanks"

i'm not going to get the bag out of... why do i even need to
type where it is

it used to be worse. ten years ago i would have actually
gotten that bag out.

how do you fix vintage windup bells from... the 60s? maybe?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-08-15 01:30 [#02629820]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i don't mean to get anyone's hopes up. but i think i found
the thing that shuts my brain up. what i'm doing wrong with
my breathing and what to do when i get into that. it was
there right after figuring out how to make myself bubble
with giggles at will, then remembering something about how
this was merely a distraction along The Path and fuck their
route but i can take a hint, and, alright, that's cool,
let's move on. this was after a few days spending a lot of
time meditating. it's a few days later and i've not been as
intense, but i can still find it. starting to become more
automatic. cool


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-12-07 02:02 [#02631323]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



birds do not have particularly keen senses of taste or
smell. if you look at the different paths the human and
avian brains took, a lot of who we humans are grew out of
our sense of smell, with vision gradually evolving atop as a
more sophisticated sense. for birds, it went right through
vision directly; bled into audio. dogs have great smell and
audio but poor vision. you can see it all in the hilariously
mspaint-esque diagrams scientists do up

so as we would say "looks good to me," a dog would say
"smells good to me" and a bird might say "sounds good to
me"

because i suspect, with birds, their consciousness is kind
of like... patterns of noises mixed with images


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-12-07 02:06 [#02631324]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



a few weeks ago i was up for quite a long time, and part of
it was i was just working out, dancing and stretching, and
kind of cycling on adrenaline. i reached this lovely... i
dunno... where i was hearing hardcore beats in response to
any movement i made. just kind of the tetris effect, like i
move my arm up and to the side and i hear corresponding
beats because i've been moving my arm to beats for hours


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-01-08 16:59 [#02631872]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



all ideas publicly discussed in this thread now constitute
prior art and are therefore invalid as patents. to be clear.


 

offline Tony Danza from NAFO Suicide Hotline on 2024-01-08 19:24 [#02631873]
Points: 3647 Status: Regular



I posted them. epic is my dup

they're public domain now.

this release of the Epic archives into the public domain is

I R R E V O C A B L E


 

offline Tony Danza from NAFO Suicide Hotline on 2024-01-08 19:24 [#02631874]
Points: 3647 Status: Regular



(law stuff in fine print)


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-01-11 10:09 [#02631917]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i found this out recently and i think it's right funny. i
knew about prior art in general, but i thought it meant, you
know... sort of like published research in academia. i
didn't realize that even something like this board
constitutes prior art
and so even if someone has never
fucking read my bullshit thread, if they patented it after i
posted it here -- or anywhere on zilty -- you can use my
post to invalidate their patent in court.

this was a consolation prize to being talked more seriously
out of pursuing patents on [less silly] things myself -- my
gosh i can ruin all sorts of patents that don't
exist, simply by posting them in my bullshit thread. and now
no one can have them. sort of like inverse intellectual
property. punk patents

it still makes me giggle or such in the shower when i think
of it. i want to write up pages and pages of things. i can
think of so many great ideas to ruin and render fully public
domain


 

offline Tony Danza from NAFO Suicide Hotline on 2024-01-16 11:21 [#02631984]
Points: 3647 Status: Regular



Puff'n Plugs! The world's first vaporizer that doubles as a
butt plug.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-16 18:27 [#02633565]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



oh, yes, i could put this in that thread i put those things
in

in "surly joking feynmann very good book" richard feynmann
had a section on lucid dreams and within that he described
the sort of stuff you see/experience when about to sleep. he
called it "garbage" and then tries to describe anyways

if you've been studying for a math exam all day, the tetris
effect takes off like a rocket. that it's like there's a
knob for "how much tetris effect" and when you're about to
fall asleep, all sorts of perceptive odds and ends from your
day are starting to come back like afterimages. a bit of
something someone said at dinner can feel like they're right
there saying it. i figure this has something to do with
laying the groundwork for your dream subject matter for the
night




so. i was leaning over a chair, just hanging my arms a bit
to stretch, and i started to snooze for a moment. and i see
black man, or close to it, with the teeth from the
windowlicker girls. he's warbling and glitching out like
he's an image projected onto the water in an ultrasound
machine and dfyhgfgh

i stand back up. i think. ah, yes: earlier today i had a
moment where i was thinking about how much horse teeth
bother me. they're terrifying. they're terrifying. and i
kind of just stuck my finger in the electrical outlet once
or twice and alright let's think/do something else, now

...and, of course! that's where the terrifying teeth came
from.

they were glued into the face of that african president dude
that wears the stussy S hats, because my computer's "recent
files" thing flashed him at me a few times recently

then i'm fading a bit for a moment, and it glues them
together with an nvidia fluid dynamics demo from the 00s and
that's not garbage but it's not terribly epic either


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-17 13:50 [#02633573]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i was standing in a doorframe, my hands hanging off the top.
trying to find the configuration to deal with this annoying
tense spot... somewhere. i can't figure it out

when the conscious mind is beating its head on a problem
like this for long enough and not getting anywhere, context
from all the repeated attempts has built up in the back of
the mind -- which then starts gluing it together every way
possible. this is why you can get a sort of "eureka" moment
if you've been stuck on any problem for long enough

but closing your eyes and fumbling around with the
complexity of neck and shoulders, combined with "how things
go hanging off a doorframe" -- it's like, i don't even
remember the names of the muscle groups; how can my brain
even communicate that answer?

the answer is: a picture. part of my meditation is some
constellation of, i dunno, yoga and osho and tai chi and qui
gong but i've quit gin. and doing that, i'll be in some pose
and my brain flashes a picture: do this

but hanging in that doorframe, i got video. i see my head
and shoulders from behind, and my arms rise up and my
fingers massage... i don't remember what it's called

and the "video" part is really what's exciting to me. these
things are sort of... brief camera flashes in my mind's eye,
usually. a snapshot. the limit of the animation felt like a
crossfade between two snapshots for communicating, like,
"move that this way"

but this was a full second or two of nebulous video that i
would describe as present in a way it isn't usually. the
"snapshot" can be sort of like trying to hang on to a dream,
in the space where i'd visualize things if i wanted to
design a bookshelf or something

this was there but also more subjectively in my normal field
of view, kind of coming out of the usual noise. in blobby
red and blue colors. which, i know, come from the book on
weight training i have; their diagram of muscle groups. ok,
we animated that picture

but it feeling like video. that's new/rare


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-17 16:46 [#02633578]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02506611



you can dive through the mandlebrot set in "fractal
explorer" software forever. zoom forever. the computer,
however, is limited. it renders a single frame for whatever
fractal coordinates you request. coordinates not requested
are not rendered. effectively, until you ask for it, that
part of the fractal does not exist. it renders a tiny slice
at a time. whatever you ask for is whipped up on the spot,
and it gives the illusion of exploring something far more
massive than the computer could ever compute.

when i lost memories and attempted to recover them (previous
post), the attitude was that the data is in there, just
fragmented. like a hard drive. find the pieces and put it
together like a puzzle, and you've recovered the lost data.
i've now realized that the act of recalling a memory causes
it to be computed. if you've never recalled that event
before, the memory did not exist before you attempted to
recall it.


...and the limit of memory is your time on planet earth,
because that's all the computation time you've been
allocated [the universe itself is space-time granular --
deterministic but entirely impossible to predict, because it
is its own fastest explanation].

so -- does this mean you could theoretically remember
anything you've experienced, ever, if you put enough
computation [thought] into it? i certainly cannot rule it
out

...if you think the same things over, will you get to the
same place?

on a moment-to-moment basis the answer is "of fucking
course" -- but on a large enough scale, people change. bits
of conversations with others become absorbed into the self.

on the other hand, you can stew on it and figure out where
you got this or that fact/opinion/etc from, so you can
separate it back out.

and what if you tried taking a local approach to
computation; ran back the timeline and deliberately avoided
computing some of those details? the difference in between
would probably be the conversations you've had with others
and yourself


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-17 16:47 [#02633579]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



replying to my own post again, as if that wasn't obvs.
#02506611 ~ 2016-11-05 04:18


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 18:19 [#02633668]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02633578



so -- does this mean you could theoretically remember
anything you've experienced, ever, if you put enough
computation [thought] into it? i certainly cannot rule it
out


if you get into "how do i good article" you cleave "what is
good article" and "what is popular article" and then in the
latter, you want to end it right. like a final note hanging
in the air; leave a pleasant taste that will linger. and so
a cheap trick is to talk up all sorts of dramatic nonsense
and then say "well i can't prove this is bullshit" but you
say it like that instead.

so, above, this was my cheeky way of saying "i really could
not tell you one fucking way or the other" but, in the
context of how reliably i have been able to regenerate past
whatever, if i kept running the numbers... yes, i think,
theoretically i could get to anything i've ever experienced.
but perhaps one difficult target takes five years to get to.
i can get there, but it's not free

recent developments have me starting to lean towards "yes, i
think this is possible" and then i'll add "and if it is,
either you can learn to do it reliably whenever you want...
or it's so incredibly fucking difficult that you could spend
your entire life chasing this ability and only get partway
there, even though it is THEORETICALLY possible"

if roger penrose is right, and that ker-snap of a memory
coming together is quantum. that this is finally something
i'm buying, that makes this far easier, and hence leaning
towards yes. if it's a classical computer [fungibly] in
there then, well, we're smaller. and instead we're back to
that "five years for one memory after running the numbers
obsessively" scenario

the way it works: the brain wires over what you believe. i'm
excited i finally believe penrose is correct because this
means i've some new nonsense to try


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 18:22 [#02633669]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



there's an outside chance there's some algorithmic hack to
do this on a classical computer -- the "any experienced
percept, upon request" ability part


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 19:45 [#02633677]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i'm not sure when someone coined the term "meditative
writing" but someone has a clue of it on some level
somewhere too

essentially, if i gurn on writing in a targeted way for 45
minutes or more, enough of it has saturated my brain that
strange things can begin to happen.

i reached a moment that felt kind of like the computer
spitting out the organic goo in the movie pi, except it was
more like the dishwasher breaking and flooding the kitchen.
every time i tried to write something, i had a brand new
idea. oh, that's cool. i move the littlest bit and i have
another new idea. cool! but after a few rounds it's like
"alright fine whatever" and then it's a mr. bean episode
where the ideas are growing out the couch and he shoves them
into the toaster but then they come back in down the
stovepipe and... it was genuinely annoying before i thought,
"maybe ideas are algorithmic too and every idea possible is
there in an equation" and then "and i could run it ahead a
bit and get some patents" and then i tried to resume writing
and the kitchen flooded again. i was so saturated with the
topic that any attempt to manipulate it generated new
results.

to get there again, i'd need: 45 minutes attempting to
explain some of this bullshit to my friend's mom but also
considering how her husband and her brother will think of it
and what they will say to each other

that i need to know the topic, the ideas will be narrowly on
the topic, and i almost had a line on sending some of this
crap to someone and by accident i realized part of the
formula involves, like... simulating the reader, another
reader, and their discussion about what you write


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 19:48 [#02633680]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



then i'm all into "learn to simulate each of the sixteen
personality types, then simulate all of them chatting about
an idea, then simulate larger structures constructed from
bunches of these pods"

and i certainly can't rule out that being possible. but it
struck me as an autistic pipe dream and i bailed and haven't
bothered with that angle since


 

offline RussellDust on 2024-03-19 19:51 [#02633681]
Points: 16065 Status: Regular



What is your take on narcissism?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 00:35 [#02633699]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to RussellDust: #02633681



> What is your take on narcissism?

oh, you're a bit of a tit, but, no -- i wouldn't worry about
it; you're fine


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 00:35 [#02633700]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02633680



and i certainly can't rule out that being possible. but
it struck me as an autistic pipe dream and i bailed and
haven't bothered with that angle since


elmer


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 01:43 [#02633702]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



[Dec 29 2023 ~ i looked it up once BEFOREHAND for a hoot] i
am all: nadir

fucking finally. that i know this is the word i want and
i've been unable to get it back for over an hour, and i'm
standing on a bridge smoking a zig after a mile walk, and
nadir. that's it. i now officially certify my brain for
duty

i knew, when i went for that and couldn't get it, that my
brain was not yet functioning normally. the old chestnut
"the definition of insanity is that you don't know it" can
be true, but, fuck off. it's not required.

i was trying to articulate to a friend about the emotional
nadir i'd hit. and emotional... AUGH! i know this word.
aphasia. you reach for a word, and it isn't there.
obviously, i don't have much of a problem with this,
normally... but for over an hour, i can feel that word, but
i can't get it. so obviously i haven't fully come out of it
yet.

i was in the numb haze, the 50 IQ feeling of when you
finally climb out of an emotional nadir and you've climbed
out of it but that was less than an hour ago. if i hadn't
already studied the feeling of aphasia to death, i'd
probably have been thrilled for the chance to study it.
instead i just wanted my word back


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 02:06 [#02633703]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i am nowhere. i have no opinion about this. i don't care.
about anything. i do remember this thing, though. i know
this is a damaging place, but that does not move me.

i trust we've seen the original Tron movie? do we remember
the "de-rezzer" towards the end, that turns the... glider
thing... into a wireframe as it passes through? for whatever
reason, the visual i got was very similar. wireframe, with
kind of an X and as everything passes through that X it's
de-rezzed and its skeleton continues on afterwards. and
things are going through it, not reaching it and draining
down, but i've the sensation of floating down a river
towards a storm drain.

i remember this -- or, i know that i remember it -- and this
is what would be the equivalent of comforting in this state.
i suppose i would describe it as organizing.

as i pass through the de-rezzer, my foolish reprogramming
attempt is ripped from me. but then i'm past the de-rezzer
and it's eating me away, and i know this is a damaging
place, and i need to escape. we'll save that for another
time

i had reached a point of deep frustration and crafted a life
plan that would best be described as crabby and sarcastic.
fuck all my science shit with weasels, fuck music, i am
going after money. and, while i will not cross the
line, i will walk right the fuck up to it. perhaps we start
by getting a job at a crappy company and use that as
justification to fuck them out of as much as we can, because
who cares about, like... some fucking company that buys
wrecked car titles; those places seem miserable enough, yes.
what are our targets? for some reason $1.2m is in my mind
but i can't recall what that was for


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 02:20 [#02633704]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



i'd recently read some article about how all these
cave-person skeletons we've found with severed fingers. was
it frostbite? probably, sometimes. but the way the chop had
been done, well, it spoke to the deliberate, non-frostbite
approach.

and the article is about how, yes, we can see from their
cave-person drawings. when a woman lost a child, they
chopped off her finger. i think: oh, i see. this not only
eliminates defective genes from the pool, but mum will take
good care of that rape baby. or any baby

the cave-person walls in the common room had paintings that
animated under firelight. the flickering flame, a gazelle,
it looks like its running.

i remember thinking: this is how artists got invented! doing
cool clever shit even if they're cave-people!

but now i think: oh, i see. you need a reason to go on after
your child has died and your finger has been cut off -- but,
never mind that, you need to recover. we'll put you in the
room with the cool graphics to chill you out

the idea that art requires misery; thoroughly debunked. not
by me; look it up

but there is a seeming gravity between the two. that misery
makes you focused, and focus makes for better art, but...
no, more to it than that.

oh, i see. in order to form a clan, a tribe, a terrarium,
that expels entropy and creates a larger, brighter glob of
life -- we have to cull the herd. we have to convince people
they might actually get fed soon. we have to get them
through that depressive pit while their finger is still
healing

art helps one cope with misery, really. and it's there
because, without it, humanity is so terrible [especially in
cave-people times] that people would cease to cooperate
without it. art is the original opiate of the masses

you are placating suffering. the machine appreciates this.
it makes the plebs fight less.

this is when i quit music, effectively. because not only is
art itself a scam, but there's no money in it


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 02:31 [#02633705]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



that, remember, a bunch of shit has... fuck it. screw it.
i've decided fuck everything, money has never been hugely
fascinating to me but it's quite alright, and the more
interesting things are NOT FUCKING VALUED BY ANYONE EVER so,
yeah, fuck off. i'm clever. i think very hard. if i put my
mind to it, i am sure i can find all sorts of ways to
greedily suck cash out of whatever i can justify by a moral
sliver, like a mosquito. in fact, watch out. i intend to be
good at this

but i have to kill music. and science. if i'm going to reach
my goal of [$1.2m in a year?] that's too much time and NO
ONE CARES

music went as described. but science... well, something in
me rebelled. i'll actually stow that arc because it's
already long. the conclusion was that i could not cut this
off, because it was too much a part of me. if i cut my leg
off, i'll bleed out. i can't cut this out and live. it's the
reason i still am alive. all my shit about GPS weasel and
automatic driving saved my life when some karen changed
lanes into me at 80mph. it's also so incredibly, ragingly
alive. that music felt a bit tired; it didn't fight. but the
weasels are biting and clawing and... weasels can make that
much noise? this is life. this is my life. i am dead without
this. i can't cut it off

and this was after many hours of dreaming about nice things
money could buy, gradually talking myself into how much of
an almost bastard i could be and not quite cross the line,
what are the crappiest businesses and how can i fuck them
over for quick cash? how's real estate look? and good lord,
as a not-slum but still crappy landlord, i won't have time
for music. or science. AND NO ONE FUCKING CARES ANYWAYS.
truth be told i was feeling rather butthurt about reality
itself


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 02:48 [#02633706]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



but after "if i cut my science arm off, i will bleed out and
die" i was, in technical terms, burned the fuck out.
exhausted

that science won't go and i've been running a marathon
beating in this new program and i'm messing with the deepest
shit, and

i think it is literally some sort of neurochemical collapse.
it is nothingness; a de-rezzer. you are just... in this calm
ocean of nothing. no think no care.

for standard depression, this is past the state where you
are still somewhat active, and you're quite busy throwing
everyone and everything under the bus. deciding you hate
everyone you've ever loved; shitting on anything you were
ever proud of. until you're exhausted, and your brain. just.
stops

then you're floating down the river towards the de-rezzer,
which is the only way i know of to literally kill neural
connections. that things have gone horribly wrong and your
brain is a sinking boat, so it's throwing anything it sees
out the portal window [or it could be purely neurochemical
and this is just the result]

and then i'm past the de-rezzer and it's stripped away this
stupid money idea: ohhh, fuck it. i don't care. fuck it.
fuck everything. the money program gets eaten away. usually
you're holed up in bed after that, and you have to fight
your way out of that pit. it's a reflex i know well

this time, however, there was a crisp sensation of snapping
out of it. because this wasn't a depressive episode, this
was me being sour and moody and then attempting to turn
myself into a money-driven person out of spite, and, wow,
actually, i'm cool with music gone. and science? as i can't
get rid of that, my impulsive standard is to now double my
efforts on it.

but it's not phrased this well. i am in a 50 IQ fog. i try
to explain to a friend i was just in an emotional... and,
no, i've not recovered from this one yet. let's go out for a
nice walk and a zig

then: nadir -- finally. fucking finally. i now
certify my brain for normal duty. and fuck art


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 06:08 [#02633707]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



knowing we've done it before and checking and then doing it
again anyways and there, and last time, actually -- we
didn't say we simply snapped out of it; instead we glued
some part about climbing out of the pit? which was true but
didn't really happen this time? but then we wrote it in
because we felt like it was helpful context? and in
retrospect that's a stupid decision



re: fuck art: maybe someone enjoys it somewhere, but my
general impression was that that no one really gives a shit
about my music. this hurt, but i kept going anyways simply
because i enjoyed it intrinsically

i guess, i feel i would have a talent for sound design; i'm
particularly interested in sonic logos. if i were to think
of it as a job

but the only other money in music is licensing music? and
even this is likely a 2003 reality; not 2024 -- that it used
to be "that 30 second TV spot bought me a $30k car after
taxes" but now it's "youtube sent me five quid for a million
plays" and "on spotify, payout is based on who is popular;
and obviously taylor swift got all your spotify money" [but
at least the scheme she and scooter cooked up is panning
out]

remember me talking about how i recorded that track with a
broken foot because, "fuck you, i know i'm not going to be
able to do another track again for a while, so i'm going to
fucking finish it"? i don't think anyone bought that. it had
a good cover, too.

then i'm like, well, what if i made an album with stuff
about people, and no one really bought thad's canoe either.
so i start asking if anyone as a dusty old 16 track because
i suspect it will deeply inspire me and everyone says: why
the fuck do you want that old crap? and, really, well,
that's why it seemed a reasonable ask? because you don't.
fucking. want. it. anyways?

then a bunch of crap happened in my life, and i realized
that art originated as a form of control. i could have
overlooked this, but something had to go; i don't have time
to spend 30 out of 48 hours on a track


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 07:16 [#02633709]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



on the one hand. it's very helpful to write on here, i've
such a large corpus built up since pre-weasel days; i know
that even the aesthetic prompts of this tan textbox are cues
that pull me back into the headspace.

i prefer it when people say constructive things and i can
handle it when people call me a narcissist when i'm merely
aloof bordering on oblivious. thad is freaking obnoxious on
the previous page because, i believe, that was one of those
stretches where i'm all "alright, fuck off" and didn't
bother to come back for a bit

writing my way through [this, that, whatever] is the
fundamental motor of progress and so i'm going to turn in
loads of copy. but i could do this to a text file. instead i
like tomboy-ng note-taking software

my science crap began on this board, that i would actually
say "terrence mckenna on creativity" thread was the precise
moment that eventually birthed the bullshit thread, and then
the weasels. and people were rude and trolls but they also
contributed a lot over the years too

if i want to re-load previous versions of myself from my
xltronic posts, i have an sqlite database for that now. over
christmas, i wrote myself into an incredibly bizarre place
using emacs by richard stallmans. so, okay, it doesn't have
to be here for me to iterate. a relief as who knows how much
longer it'll etc

but i'm thinking "it's kind of a part of this" and i've come
back here for a bit and just continued and, i don't know. i
scrub through my brain and it's just like "gay" "gay" "gay"
and russell telling me not to be mean to moby and perhaps
this was a mistake


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 12:11 [#02633715]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



so it's quantum. alright. now what? my "tiered caching"
thing is a specific technical term but nevermind;
my essential argument is that anything you think, causes
things linked to that to begin to load up.

if you think of a farm, your brain is already loading farm
animals, an image of a barn -- anything relevant.

if some people think of a farm, they think of a specific
farm. it could be one that grabbed them during childhood, or
the one they've been shopping at which is actually a grocery
store

and, stretching it for the sake of example: if someone then
holds up that grocery store with a GLOCK and you SHIT UR
PANTS then whenever you see a barn your heart rate may go
up. because farm is close to barn which is close to GLOCK
and SHITTING UR PANTS.

so the sense of pulling a memory out of nowhere is an
illusion, as you are always loading up fragments of all
possible memories at once, to varying degrees,
simultaneously. but if you're not very close, it's not very
loaded up, and then it's the sort of memory where you have
to think for a moment to get it back



 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 12:19 [#02633716]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



my "tiered caching" thing is a specific technical term but
nevermind; my essential argument is that anything you think,
causes things linked to that to begin to load up. it grew
out of my "fractal explorer" metaphor for memory as a
classical explanation. and i mentioned quantum too early, in
the previous post

the gist is ~ because i have scrubbed around my bullshit
architecture so much, for so long, it's wired into itself to
the degree that things are bleeding in more strongly.
because i've actively sought to get better at remembering
things, because this tangle is where i've done that

[this is the classical explanation. no quantum]

asking "where did this bit of accidentally leaked ramble
come from" essentially boils down to a path search

[path search ~ you stand on a streetcorner and look for
larry. you cross the street and look for larry. then you've
covered all you can see and he's not there and only THEN do
you try something that is a deep path, like down the street,
in starbucks, etc]

because to find where i got that bit of whatever that i know
i'm stealing by accident, catching myself -- it's happening
more and more -- my brain has to look for larry, essentially


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 12:34 [#02633717]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



with quantum computers

you are the british government in 2040 with AI and EVEN MORE
CAMERAS, and little flying penis helicopters (with cameras)
and you type in the giant god mode surveillance terminal,
and you ask: WHERE IS LARRY?

the AI checks every camera at once [it's quantum] as it
computes everywhere larry could be even if he's not on
camera and in a few nanoseconds tells you where larry is,
where he's been, and that there's a tiny little bit of poop
under his balls [i can reference eric andre and know that
just fine]

i want to ask "where did i steal this fragment of post from"
and see the path it took to get to my ramble. how it wound
up getting stolen/selected/sampled.

if memory is quantum, the answer is to simply search all
posts at once. and find the path...

then, you see, this is like... whoa... wut... because... no,
wait. does it even make sense for a quantum memory system to
have a path in that sense?

and my brain will do what i ask, as best it can

earlier i asked brain to compute "all solutions at once" for
this or that and nothing particularly much. then i asked to
index something, and i get a reply, after ten seconds
or so: index it HOW? how do i arrange them? you've not
defined this function clearly you're throwing vague shit at
me with not enough detail for me to do anything

and wow. yeah.

if it makes any sense: quantum would mean i've built a
simulation of a classical computer inside a quantum
computer, and, as such, the fastest approach would be to
accept this for the moment, and ask the quantum computer to
analyze the classical computer.

[...analyze HOW? what am i analyzing it for? is this a
function? what are the inputs and outputs]

i have to get my head around how to program my head around
how i've already programmed my hed


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 12:55 [#02633718]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



and ask the quantum computer to
analyze the classical computer.


oh no that's also crap
that would require two quantum computers

maybe i can just... manipulate the computer however i
want... and then let it simulate? maybe

or i could tell it to simulate the computer and another
computer to analyze it

this is basically terarriums all over again and i need to
figure out how to port this in a way that my brain's
compiler will not freaking bitchslap me for


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 14:18 [#02633722]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



my terms like weasel, terrarium.

or simulation. first off, i am punishing myself for giving
squarepusher shit for simulations. now i have them too and
see? that's what you get

also with that choice, i am -- and you can't really get much
out of this; i know -- channeling my father when [he knows
people think he's a dweeb] and [decides to ham it up to an
almost painful level for a laugh]




but the real reason i pick strange words is to keep them
from going off by accident. after all this weasel, weasel
you understand i have a much stronger reaction to the word
than most people.

if i'd said "imagine" instead of "simulate" random idiots
would set my shit off all day long. not joking

i would almost class this as a safety tip


 


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