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the pizza place delivery man [he can't be the pizza delivery man because i didn't order any pizza] had a processing error just now "hello" i say, "hello" he says and he hands me the bag and i didn't totally catch it but he gets himself lost somewhere in the negotiation of hands [no matter, mine are faster] and he says "hello!" again then he says "[pizza place name]!" like i've just opened the door and he's indicating who he is and what his business is and before he's finished saying this he's halfway off the porch back towards his car. it's tempting to try and figure out what his malfunction was, precisely, but it's all hilarious to me and i need to calm down first |
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i feel like that might have happened before. but given that it's a whole coherent arc involving other humans... it would have been the same delivery guy. that i possibly prompted this, somehow, by deciding to order food in some nebulous window where i knew he'd be the one to show up -- some fragments of time of day, arc of the week, time of the month, and i'll never figure out how but i pulled him back out of the pile and got that all to happen again. or perhaps it was entirely different and i don't recall it clearly, and i'm projecting onto an event that looks rather similar -- it's incredibly easy to fall into that trap i have this sense of a physical location, to the point where i have begun to say, "since i don't get a physical location, i lean towards the conclusion that i'm imagining this memory." that i've recently gotten a mental image as if someone laid a bunch of screenshots of my field of view as i use my phone on top of each other, and today i think: oh, yes, i see. all those photoshop images laid on top of each other are different memories of me talking to people on my phone in this physical orientation. that if i could somehow peel these images apart, they would all lead to individual memories; conversations. that this is, already, somewhat indexed by location -- but i'm not sure i'll ever be able to unstack these images without actively computing my way back to the equivalent mental context. the wonderful thing about all this bullshit is i've lost count of the number of things where i've thought, "i'm not sure if i'll ever be able to" and then two years later it's about as unusual to me as scratching my nose. so i intend to bang on this a bit. i don't expect anything. but i've been surprised, a surprising amount |
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it's kind of hard to explain, but... repeating things, knowing i've written it up again, perhaps almost verbatim... but then i have to manually compute around; search to figure out where it's from... that i'm trading thoroughness in attributing everything for the capacity to process more at once. the same way you divide a military into units so the general doesn't have to give orders to individual soldiers [but if he theoretically could give orders to everyone in person, he would be able to execute plans otherwise impossible] |
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alright. yes. pretty sure it did happen. on discord, and mermaidman all like WHY ARE YOU [pizza place name] INSTEAD OF SAYING THE NAME OR SOMETHING and i'm all: well, because of you? but i can't recall if he derped out precisely the same way |
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the idea that i attempt to compute a memory and the solution is for it to happen over again in reality, so i can remember -- this could get a bit difficult |
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i remember somewhere in dr. who; they're stuck in the horrible cyber alternate timeline and dr. who finds a little glowy blue thing under the drop floor of the tardis, and is like: "oh fuck yes! we can get back now! it's just a little bit of our reality, but it's all we need" and then it's like he's got a spark and he's working it into a fire; blowing on it very carefully and such. then he says "well that took 50 years off my life but we've got it now" yes, alright. as a computational hack we sample various points in reality though prompting events to run themselves over, and it takes some time, but... 50 years is nothing to dr. who, and these reference points eventually allow you to get up on the whole thing. it's an idea. |
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and my brain will do what i ask, as best it can earlier i asked brain to compute "all solutions at once" for this or that and nothing particularly much. then i asked to index something, and i get a reply, after ten seconds or so: index it HOW? how do i arrange them? you've not defined this function clearly you're throwing vague shit at me with not enough detail for me to do anything ... the fastest approach would be to accept this for the moment, and ask the quantum computer to analyze the classical computer. [...analyze HOW? what am i analyzing it for? is this a function? what are the inputs and outputs] fucking SQUEE. that when i first asked to compute everything at once, i thought -- that this was, in retrospect, somewhat both my brain and i, but really more towards me -- "this might take a while" and... above. it might take a while. maybe the only reason it will is precisely because that's how i told myself it works. and it's only going to take a while for the classical computer to be analyzed, because my brain has been trying all along anyways, despite its frustration then it's like: alright, alright. we're onto it now |
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SQUEE x2 yesterday i'm saying, "my brain's compiler bitch-slapped me damn hard there, and rightly so" and i need to clarify. index it HOW? then i've been stressing over all the vague-itys it yelled at me over, which is pumping down into my subconscious it's not waking up from a dream, it's more like a loop finally connects and you can see the trees from the forest. it's only a small part of it really, but that i've connected this back up has me stoked |
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analyze HOW? well obviously it found that possible algorithmic hack for this to also work in a classical computer i wrote about [yes -- writing it wires far deeper and wider than saying it to myself in my hed]. since it found it rather casually, well, that's like "since it did it like that it's now extraordinarily it's a classical computation system" this could all be wrong. i don't think it is |
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obviously i've needed some convincing to accept quantum despite knowing i'd need some convincing after convincing myself. and so far so good. rather quick actually |
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with [the pizza place delivery guy [he can't be the pizza delivery guy because i didn't order any pizza]] i cannot remember if the stories quite sync up and i've been here before recently. that another connection just made was that this is something akin to a scale model of what happened with that rdj fanfic |
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whatever words i said in what order on discord in... gosh, 2021? 22? ...i'll eat my hat if i didn't do the [because i didn't order any pizza] there too. it's a rather strong signal |
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oh yes. we've gone on from "i get this funny feeling" to a measure of signal strength. which is subjective and vague like "what's the loudest song you can think of" but nonetheless progress |
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and the whole weasel arc is full of jokes about cybernetics going back to 2016 or something, and the weaselpedia homepage about building a weasel megazord and using the energy sword to cut a hole in your skull and escape your own brain, well, how did dr. who get out of his terrible cyber reality situation? thanks television |
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the iced corker on the cherry is that i was thinking of that bit of dr. who yesterday but for some reason it didn't spew into my posts like it normally would. i hadn't totally sorted it out yet |
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or, rather, this is me figuring it out, and i had a sense the piece fit but i could not yet see where |
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that when i first asked to compute everything at once, i thought -- that this was, in retrospect, somewhat both my brain and i, but really more towards me -- "this might take a while" that now i realize closing this loop was likely somewhat about how that felt somewhere in between myself and my brain speaking up. that i spoke of getting silence after a few tries on "compute everything at once" and it was trying but didn't know how [yet? i forgot? irrelevant, i suspect]. i also spoke of it finally speaking up after asking it to "INDEX" and i specifically said about ten seconds. then i get a ranty compiler output, describing in brutal detail how what i've asked for makes little sense. and until a few posts ago i'd simply assumed it was such a corker of an ask it actually took my brain ten minutes or so to finally work out how to yell at me [but then i'm mulling on what it pointed out and this forces my brain to work on the errors it complains about and... loop] this should make it clear i've been careful to maintain an incredibly distinct sense of "this is me" and "that was my brain's answer" -- that very early in this thread, the stuff about the notion layer, the dark alley mechanism, i actually said, effectively, "i worry without this barrier you'll essentially become schizophrenic" so i have some nerves about letting that become anything halfway. this time, however, i have a far more nuanced sense of what's going on, and it's not as scary. but i will be careful in how i construct my architecture, here. |
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roughly -- there is an algorithmic hack to unstack that layered-in-photoshop mental image of my field of view as i text people in my office and follow any unstacked image back to a particular conversation/memory/context and to do this with a classical computer. that you need to sample a certain number of data points, and past a threshold of enough sampled points, you've enough and you can get anything. so there's a hack to do this with my simulated classical computer, but tactically, it's more worth it to just think of that classical computer like vibert migrating from atari ST to reason, and let's just try and not lose the sample full of hard drives along the way. if you'd made that leap on your own, luke, you'd not have lost that shit |
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i've just ordered from that place again and i very deliberately ordered pizza. i'm kind of busy today and i've already had a lot to write |
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i mean, like, that would be distracting now, let's order the usual pizza [place] delivery guy or the even more usual pizza place delivery woman |
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yep. it's going to be her. if it makes any sense, "i'm going to make the most boring bet possible; it's been interesting enough today" |
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...and i only ordered because i actually want the food. then i'm sitting there and, like... shit, i wasn't going to order pizza, but then this could be an interesting experiment and i don't have time, so i'll order pizza. because this configuration leading to that outcome is a 9/10 bet and who would even wager on that shit. a boring scenario and a boring outcome. that i can't order anything and not make it a test like this, so let's make it boring. and it was |
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roughly -- there is an algorithmic hack to unstack that layered-in-photoshop mental image of my field of view as i text people in my office and follow any unstacked image back to a particular conversation/memory/context and to do this with a classical computer. that you need to sample a certain number of data points, and past a threshold of enough sampled points, you've enough and you can get anything. when i say my field of view, i mean that in an arguably technical sense. what threw me off any number of times is that it includes my peripheral vision somewhat, so i've learned to remember to crop out the edges because that's the camera shot i'll actually remember seeing in a normal way. but i forget all the time. it's hard to get used to so there's a hack to do this with my simulated classical computer, but tactically, it's more worth it to just think of that classical computer like vibert migrating from atari ST to reason, and let's just try and not lose the sample full of hard drives along the way. if you'd made that leap on your own, luke, you'd not have lost that shit aside from real food for thot for the vibbert, this essentially means "i could do this unstacking thing but i should focus on switching platforms. because if i diddle around with it like that i may not get it all over in the switch" as with vibert, it may prove irrelevant in the long run. but it could certainly slow me down |
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> CAMshift > you see, like, CAM means Content Addressable Memory and it's all in caps to denote is both an acronym and... shift, shift key... and then a camSHAFT converts rotating motion to reciprocating motion and if you remember my metaphor of how consciousness, in a technical sense, is like the serpentine belt in an automobile, and... hey! where are you going?! i'm listening to chemical brothers does that help? come back it's an obnoxiously technical joke about consciousness and memory that, entirely possible, i've made before. somewhere in this thread that with the mind, "barn" is, all at once, the data, the address, and the thing itself. the core idea of a CAM is a computer memory that works like: instead of having to search for where BARN is you just say BARN and it dumps all the shit. if you asked, "is it like a CAM in the mind" it's like, are you seriously asking? it's patently obvious then we're down to: what is the hardware implementation, here? because that determines the limits of what BARN can be [at once]. is it classical -- tiered caching through the physical structure/development of astrocytes and other glia? or is it quantum? that i now actually realize, i've made this mistake too many times already: who says it's not both? i can't say yet |
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> > he had a blog on his site 20 years ago -- a current post was about opening TeaNY and picking the robot art etc if you want to understand how my brain and i have a lot of fun, but it's a maddening problem child at times, understand that it's three days later and it's still eating at me: why do i remember reading this at my dad's computer? i had my own. oh, maybe i was home from college on break and it was at... no, i had a laptop? maybe i didn't bring it home? but... why the fuck wouldn't i? it was a six hour drive i didn't just go back overnight and... even i think this is kind of stupid. and it's like: okay, brain, time for C++ again. and brain just all: WHY THE FUCK WAS I READING THAT ON DAD'S COMPUTER? i realized that this bothers me because i need to figure this out in order to strengthen, regain even, some of my other memories. for whatever reason it's a juncture point and i need it to keep peeling the layers off. that i should no longer diddle around with this; pursue the general soulution. that if i keep going at it after having reached this point, i could even break things if i am not careful that i was quite at peace with the idea that i should not pick at this anymore, and i'm promptly... well, okay, if you think of what i'm trying to recover here as an ADDRESS to recover other data... that, yes, alright, we're on it. nevermind the actual answer about reading moby's blog, i need to study the question itself. |
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that was as i went out for a walk. more in between. ten minutes later, a zig, and i've even tied it up with an xlt in-joke that will probably not make any sense to xlt: "well, if i'm going to start engaging with multiple instances of myself, i need to make sure we're all on the same page -- and not the gay one" |
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picking my terms. advising you pick words out of the way so things don't get triggered by accident. long ago i decided: since i'm making up my own program, here, my science will be fucking hilarious. i'm tired of all these stiffs down the in the Riced Out Industries Neuroscience division and most of these terms find me in a full head of steam, after writing for an hour straight, and i'm amusing myself to death, and word becomes a thing, it gets used over and over, and then i'm arguably sort of stuck with it. other times, though, it is very... i sit there and i ponder over this word or that. but i got up just now, and i'm thinking: BARN. right, i think i do need that. when i was all on about spheres of CONTEXT; dimensional collapsation, spheres... CONTEXT is very much one of my words; it means things to me i cannot even begin to explain. so then i'm always writing CAM as CONTEXT addressable memory instead of what it actually is, which is CONTENT addressable memory. that the words are fungible, but in the CONTEXT of how i'm using it... well, saying CONTENT wouldn't send the messages to the right place and it's fucking, i dunno, six years later at least, that i am still doing this when i actually sit down and bother to expand CAM into the words the acronym do. so i think i need a specific type of CONTEXT called a BARN and this is so fucking out of the way of any of this comp sci or neuroscience shit that we should have absolutely no problem. and the definition is the above post where i am talking about CAM and BARN, effectively. read it, and, when i am talking about "the limits of what BARN can be" you have it; that's my CONTEXT for BARN |
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the limits of what BARN can be -- this is a wrapper, in programming terms. i'm subclassing the whole thing and then not overriding anything so i can engage with the full capacity of the parent class, while keeping it separated out from the parent class, CONTEXT which was me fumbling about in the dark of the brain and finding how big the room was, i suppose. but given the platform switch considerations, yes, subclass it to BARN before we make the room much larger by stacking copies of itself, into itself. or that seems a core hack if you're handed the keys to this, anyways |
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so BARN has the full capabilities of whatever. that no, it cannot be a subclass of CONTEXT, because... well, i should have wondered about quantum then, if i didn't. but it's not terribly up on that. so now i feel for it to be a wrapper around that would constrain it to the land of classical computation. so, no. BARN is still defined by that post, but now it's around some ??? above context. because i don't want to screw with that directly |
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[30sec ago] OH! a BARN can contain multiple contexts and this is my container for multiple instances! ...and how do I set this up? is it like a science fair where it's sectioned off into teams? ...and, this is actually how it's done: alright, i have this empty barn. what am i putting in it? well if we section off parts of the interior, we can have multiple contexts... and then immediately i've kind of divided it up into stalls like at a science fair or a flea market. it's an obvious first choice |
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misposdedttt; supposed to be here: and i see now, i see. i keep confusing CAM as CONTEXT Addressable Memory instead of CONTENT Addressable Memory [the official acronym definition] and so when i decided to write CONTENT for something pertaining to XLT my brain was like "oh you meant CONTEXT" and never asked if what i wanted was to upload an entire context |
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that i was quite at peace with the idea that i should not pick at this anymore, and i'm promptly... well, okay, if you think of what i'm trying to recover here as an ADDRESS to recover other data... that, yes, alright, we're on it. nevermind the actual answer about reading moby's blog, i need to study the question itself. that i was saying, "this is so trivial and random and dumb and why is it like a puppy nipping at my heels" -- when nothing else like that is, i should note. that it was an outlier, and still is. but i have a theory now. it was the night before i first went to college. and that's obviously a moment when i would have been full of emotion and a constant low-drip of adrenaline and of course. there are strong memory roots growing around that zone and this is why i am intent on recovering it. i feel like if i do this right, it'll just belch out of the back of my brain like so much else... once i'm far enough along to understand enough |
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and here is where the new approach matters... the college thing, a theory. that i am getting other results that indicate i'm actually jumbling up two separate times reading moby's blog. then i remember i'm studying the question and i don't care about the answer for now, i cleave off all the bullshit, and i get "i care about this memory because it is an important data point" and then the new! just now extension "....because there is some emotional momentum around that area, and actually, it's not random and stupid; it is like a tree limb from which quite a few branches are growing" and, hmm. how did i wind up asking this question, precisely? "how did i get to asking this at all" seems an obvious next quandry |
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i'm now leaning towards that: yes, i read moby's blog the night before i went to college first time. but then i also checked back later. and the first one was an emotional time and i've crossed wires with another time. or more. asking how i got to asking the question is equivalent to: how did i know it was important? and if i can answer that, i can answer some other fings |
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it's actually kind of a relief as pinning this stuff down manually is a lot of work -- or, well, has been a lot of work |
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that: oh, right. i could be sending myself on a snipe hunt with that whole chain of hunches. emotion to load-bearing tree-limbs and how did i know, if i know i can get clearer about it -- it's a reasonable theory. but it also could be because i've posted it before and it's a key data point for that chunk of memory instead and again: fucking let go of the answer, here |
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a chain of assumptions. that kind of feels like it needs a word. so i can manipulate... whatever word it is |
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oh, i mean, there's an obvious joke. that it's as if a noun of assemblage; a chain of assumptions is a government, etc etc but, no, i'm looking for a word like "polymer" does for chemistry |
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how would you turn "penrose tiling" into a Cool Gay Band Name? it's been hours and we still haven't cracked it. can any of you Gay Gay Gays help out here? |
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penrose tiling is a bathroom floor tile pattern that goes on forever and never repeats. that's really all you need to work with it; you don't need to understand it any further then -- i mean, penrose. penis, rose. and maybe it's interlocking gay bumming that goes on forever. and i said bathroom floor tile when i could have just said floor tile i guess. so there's some agar, here. but if you try and jam the whole "penis" and pen is rose and you've tiled yourself into a corner and you can't get out of this with a cool band name and still have it coherently reference penrose tiling. as far as i can see i should note i don't literally sit there and stress on such things for hours. i just come back to it periodically, while waiting for the microwave or whatnot that usually i'd not bother to ask for help on one; i do this because it amuses me. but here, this one -- could xlt actually help, here? i certainly cannot rule it out |
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i'm in the "there are different kinds of smart" camp. that some people can be visually smart, or... some people are kinesthetically smart; they are at their best in motion. good dancers. that i have long toyed with the idea that dancing, being in motion, is actually how some people's brains compute the answer. that you literally will not figure it out until you go dance it out; spend enough time in motion for the calculation to complete. given that all life, by definition, involves motion, i leaned towards yes, and now even moreso. but there are different sorts of intelligence and other people won't have the answer until they've done some complex needlepoint sewing thing |
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i need to dance around and flail daily. schools do not provide this and so that's why i was as much their nightmare as they were mine. you are asking me to be still and focus for... THAT. LONG? |
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is it possible to create a tiling pattern of lots of men having a gay orgy in such a way that the pattern of interlocking sexual interaction goes on forever and never repeats itself? you'd need more than bumming to make this work, i figure |
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my job -- my conscious mind's job -- is equal parts "figure out the right question to ask," "figure out how the answer foments," and praxis. on a walk, i realize that "where am i?" is the question i want. that this is diagnostically important. when i am writing something, and, shit, i've done this before, and i can't find it, i should ask "where am i?" because my memory seems at least heavily indexed by where i physically was. asking where i am prompts my brain to check the physical location data from all the links in the chain, and this is a path to seeing the chain itself as a discrete thing rather than being lost in it. like penrose tiling. that i'll stop laying it on thick and say: penrose tiling goes on forever and never repeats. this means that, if someone drops you in the middle somewhere, you not only cannot know where you are in the pattern, you cannot know which pattern you are even lost within. if we have quantum technology, we can check every tile at once. that we may have to do this on multiple tiling patterns to determine which pattern we are in and where for sure, and, oh, examine every tiling pattern at once? getting the hang of this because otherwise it's like manually hunting around where someone is when you get separated downtown. and i could always figure out where i'm getting shit from but i have to search manually, effectively that my mind seems location-based may just be me. along with different types of smart is different approaches to cognition. that my sense is you could start in any number of corners, keep building, and wind up at a functionally equivalent place. and one person's whole cognition is rooted in proprioception while another person's is rooted in visual processing and they can meet each other and shake hands and have absolutely no fucking idea how completely different their minds are, because past a certain point everyone's in a similar place |
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if the "where am i?" works, well, not sure how that will foment. if i get a mental image that is... oh, what is that? multiple locations stacked on top of each other? and some are less transparent than others? then this would strike me as a computed result to my question, and that the approach is working, even if i am not getting any results i can really use yet. |
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if there's one thing that i am still repeatedly floored by, it's the sheer level of data processing that can happen... if you are very, very precise in what you ask for. that the "where am i?" strikes me as absolutely possible within my old framework, even, that it doesn't need to be quantum for this to work. but i don't want to keep using the classical computer. not only is it sort of like pouring money into a beater car instead of getting a new one, it would mean my approaches are conflicting. that i can't keep on the quantum tip and keep using the old machines i designed with classical in mind without ever having an eye to migrating them over. if your approach has internal conflicts the results are salad |
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i'm listening to down & out by kmfdm, and for no reason i can really describe, i am: "oh! where am i?" and there's my apartment in 2020. i think: right, i've been into kmfdmfk since high school, but i entirely missed this track until then. by the time i think this i'm from my apartment to another memory walking back from the train station to my apartment, after work -- it's winter and fucking icy out -- and yes, i can't say for sure but i gather this is the first time i had this track on and it caught me ear and i appreciated it. then i landed at my apartment first; that i spent far more time there than i did walking back and forth from the train. so the song took me back to the strongest physical location, then once i was there, i was able to look around and see "alright that's actually about 500 feet from my apartment" and now that i consciously know... that's why it was my apartment first, that there's a hop past that, that i can likely find the first time any particular song caught my ear this way... ...but, do i have a formula to stop reposting shit yet? fuck no |
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i'd rewound the album a few tracks absentmindedly and i've realized i've say myself down here again right as down & out is on again. yeah, i probably went on discord and spoke about how i hadn't ever been into this track before [and -- russell, dammit, you're involved with this one too, i can feel it now]. so i'd written about it being the first time i was into it, and something in me knew this, and i'm studying why "where am i?" is the right question then down & out comes on and suddenly ^^ [as above] i say: "oh! where am i?" and since i've written about it i have some sort of vague stub [and maybe it's a lot tougher to unearth the first time i got into any given track if i haven't immediately gone on the internet and written about it] and so i knew that this was a great moment to ask myself "where am i?" and that's a loop closing, yep. |
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that, oh, say my personal style of cognition is based on proprioception. that words are also crucial, but they are built on top of this. the memory is based on my sense of where i [and all my bodily parts] are and it would be just fine without words; those are just a bubble inside of that trying to talk its way out so perhaps you are, instead, someone whose personal style of cognition is rooted in visual processing, and words are built on top of this. instead of being like me and saying, "that has to be 2019 because of where i was when this happened" you might say "that has to be 2019 because the colors feel that way" and that's a small sip of the ocean of ??? that starts to build up if you sit there and try to build up how it would be for someone who does something differently |
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and there's my apartment in 2020. i think: right, i've been into kmfdmfk since high school, but i entirely missed this track until then. by the time i think this i'm from my apartment to another memory walking back from the train station to my apartment, after work -- it's winter and fucking icy out -- and yes, i can't say for sure but i gather this is the first time i had this track on and it caught me ear and i appreciated it. just now we're all: we said 2020, but what we meant was "the last stretch of winter before the pandemic made in-office a non-thing and was that actually 2020?" and this is exactly what i want to avoid, now. i could fix that detail. it's a distraction instead, what i want is: oh, yes, i see. my apartment was also my destination; i was moving towards it. then i'm tugging at and i have this down to an exact stretch of sidewalk, and it's like, aaaugh... i can... feel how the traffic went when i had to push the button to cross the nutty intersection right after that but i can't quite pull it back that i feel like i almost have how the fucking traffic went that moment, right after first getting into that track -- that's also a distraction. but fuck me, seeing that i almost have that is... fucking tempting to waste my time on it. i won't |
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