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Addiction and brain learning
 

offline larn from PLANET E (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-13 15:24 [#02587418]
Points: 5453 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



I’ve been suffering with addiction to cola, alcohol ,
gambling , cruising the RLD , using VR porn and I feel it
could be the end for me. I have failed at everything I ever
tried , my music degree in sound design , java programming ,
my waffle business , my electronics repair business and my
marriage and being a father . I can’t stick at one thing ,
I hate being around people , I feel like Monoid is an LOL
doll in comparison . All I can do now is find a way to end
it . This place was my home in 2005 to 2009 and I thank you
all active at this time for being like minded and sharing
the fun over those years . The only way I can try to
understand what happened to my brain is by listening to Marc
Lewis , I can’t afford his £150 per hour fee , so it
looks like I’m checking out . and signing off . All I can
leave behind here is that I figured out that there are 64
possibilities at every nano second , each nano second is a
quantum mechanical collapse of the wave function , which
means reality splits into 64 parts and the part of he
universe that control which part you fall into is a
judgement on previous events based on your pathway . So ...
you’re life is split into a vast number of copies each
time the wave function collapses , this means that you’re
not in the same universe that you started in and your
actually here for an eternity . My method of dying is an
experiment, I’m going to design an quantum apparatus that
makes a 50/50 calculation using lasers , so that either I
die instantly or live . If I live on then I can confirm I
have ended up in another universe and the many worlds theory
is correct . Only problem is I won’t be able to report
back in your world. So bye for now. You can’t escape these
dimensions , you are trapped here forever .


 

offline Falito from central K > I on 2019-10-13 15:32 [#02587419]
Points: 3968 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



Addiction to cola? Coca cola? Sorry dude, I'm from Spain.
Don't get what you say, but it's interesting, becuz im on
drug rehab now.
To heroin and cocaine.

Me too, between years 05 to 09 this was my place, the forum
o the aphex twins music makers, and dog blech :D

Don't worry, keep on your good intentions.


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-10-13 15:39 [#02587421]
Points: 4971 Status: Regular



seems like i'm saying this a lot lately, but see a doctor
larn, you've got the resource of the nhs at your disposal,
use it. before you try and off yourself with a homebrew
laser, go to a&e and talk to someone. life might seem
hopeless now but time will pass and shit will get better.
and you've got a kid now, even if you're estranged you don't
get the luxury of wallowing in yr misery, if you kill yrself
it will fuck her up. be well n report back, hope you feel
better soon


 

offline larn from PLANET E (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-13 15:40 [#02587422]
Points: 5453 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



Cocaine , I can’t go a week


 

offline larn from PLANET E (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-13 15:44 [#02587423]
Points: 5453 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



Maybe this is common ?


 

offline Tony Danza from moominvalley on 2019-10-13 15:44 [#02587424]
Points: 2123 Status: Regular



Listen to belb. Life has the possibility to get better.
Death, not so much. Don't feel bad if you need help. Don't
feel scared or embarrassed to ask for it. Get better.


 

offline Tony Danza from moominvalley on 2019-10-13 15:49 [#02587425]
Points: 2123 Status: Regular | Followup to larn: #02587423



We've all been through some shit.


 

offline larn from PLANET E (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-13 15:51 [#02587426]
Points: 5453 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



I keep trying but I end up back at square one , I don’t
want to hurt anyone , so I thought of disappearing so maybe
I could pay someone to send a post card each year


 

offline Falito from central K > I on 2019-10-13 15:52 [#02587427]
Points: 3968 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



Yea, suicide it's a common thinks on that fuckd situation,
but to kill yourself it's very bad for the other, not for
you. You can feel so alone and nervous, all around don't got
a sense, i am on that.
But if I die, I suicide me, I will fuck the people who love
me lot, and they don't deserve it. Day by Day, step by step
thinks get clear. I try not to take druqks.
I try to enjoy things, I don't know you, and look like you
is on a horrible hole, Monoid was fucked, intelligent but
totally mentally on a hell.
Sorry if I boring you, only try to learn ,that's life.


 

offline larn from PLANET E (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-13 15:57 [#02587428]
Points: 5453 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



I know you’re right , which I is why I am still here .
got. 7 yer old daughter man, that’s all I care about


 

offline larn from PLANET E (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-13 15:58 [#02587429]
Points: 5453 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



I don’t think addiction is a Brian disease , but it’s a
very difficult thing to overcome


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-10-13 15:59 [#02587430]
Points: 4971 Status: Regular | Followup to larn: #02587423



suicidal depression coming off coke? yeah it's par for the
course man, you've blown through all yr dopamine reserves


 

offline Tony Danza from moominvalley on 2019-10-13 15:59 [#02587431]
Points: 2123 Status: Regular | Followup to larn: #02587426



You need to get some professional help, get yourself
mentally and emotionally stabilized so you can stop thinking
in terms of these grand dramatic gestures. So you can do the
less romantic but more fulfilling work of actually improving
things for yourself.


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-10-13 16:02 [#02587432]
Points: 4971 Status: Regular



i was never one for coke thankfully but i've been addicted
to plenty of shit, yr speaking from a chemically messed up
place atm. it's nothing to be ashamed of tho


 

offline larn from PLANET E (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-13 16:15 [#02587433]
Points: 5453 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



I just asked my mum for another £200 to gamble with , I’m
a low life :((.

I don’t want to Waite you’re time with impossible
examples of people like me


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-10-13 16:32 [#02587434]
Points: 4971 Status: Regular



you know how it goes with gambling, that's how casinos and
bookies etc make their money. hope it's not on the fixed
odds machines. you won't be able to enjoy yr winnings even
if yr lucky, knowing yr bleeding yr own mum. if people are
enabling you, tell them to cut you off for yr own good. a
spell in hospital would do you the world of good man


 

offline Tony Danza from moominvalley on 2019-10-13 16:34 [#02587435]
Points: 2123 Status: Regular | Followup to larn: #02587433



All that means is you can't do this alone, you need
professional help. If you think you're any worse than what
they see daily you're kidding yourself.


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-10-13 16:34 [#02587436]
Points: 4971 Status: Regular



and yr not wasting our time by sharing! yr just at a low ebb
atm


 

offline Falito from central K > I on 2019-10-13 16:43 [#02587437]
Points: 3968 Status: Lurker | Followup to larn: #02587429 | Show recordbag



It's a brain ( mind and body) disease, totally.

With brain chemicals and interactions your emotions and
cognitive system are influenced by the drugs reactions.

It's not about a thing to overcome. Need help , medical and
professional help,
Only you probably cannot deal with.
I lie to myself, once I cross the line to many times, and
live in a illogic way I believe on that. But you are the
boss, you say when , how and with who will make the end
episode.


 

offline Falito from central K > I on 2019-10-13 16:44 [#02587438]
Points: 3968 Status: Lurker | Followup to belb: #02587436 | Show recordbag



Wise words


 

offline Monoid from one source all things depend on 2019-10-13 20:20 [#02587441]
Points: 10927 Status: Lurker



Gambling is a bad way to get rich. Why dont you save the
money and get into the stock market?


 

offline DADONCK from here on 2019-10-13 21:25 [#02587442]
Points: 2640 Status: Regular | Followup to larn: #02587418



music degree in sound design? what did you study exactly?
what made you quit?


 

offline mermaidman from thebureauofanalinvestigation on 2019-10-13 21:38 [#02587443]
Points: 5927 Status: Regular



you want to do something about it see a doctor larn like
right now once you start going that way you’ll wonder why
you haven’t done it before


 

offline mermaidman from thebureauofanalinvestigation on 2019-10-13 22:25 [#02587444]
Points: 5927 Status: Regular



but uh this vr porn you're talking about rite are there any
of those with large gentlemen in it? preferably with large
schlongs so they can slap me with it in vr?


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-13 22:50 [#02587447]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular | Followup to larn: #02587418



Hey Mate, don't snuff yourself out, there must be something
about you to come on here I reckon, if you ever want a
private conversation you can email me,


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-13 22:54 [#02587449]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular



seem like all the gambling, drink and drugs mean you have
actually forgotten what it feels to be good and feel good
about yourself, no wonder you're at your wits end, its a
unnatural state for anyone to be in


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-13 23:21 [#02587452]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



just think of the phase when you've cleaned up, the dopamine
returns in force, and you get a free manic trip a la charlie
sheen / tiger blood


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-13 23:29 [#02587454]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



i guess there's always ibogane and ayahuasca

if you can't wean yourself off and can't bring yourself to
go to the doctor, some sort of psychedelic trip might help
you find some motivation. as long as it's not when you're
wrecked or hungover


 

offline Monoid from one source all things depend on 2019-10-14 00:01 [#02587455]
Points: 10927 Status: Lurker | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02587454



I don't think this is a good idea...



 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-14 00:08 [#02587456]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02587454



epics lol


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-14 00:11 [#02587457]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular



why do baby embroys looks so sacred


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 00:11 [#02587458]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict | Followup to Hyperflake: #02587456



holy shit lol


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-14 00:12 [#02587459]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02587458



bit of a guilty pleasure,


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 00:15 [#02587460]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



jealous of whoever got the drug budget to put that music vid
together


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-14 00:17 [#02587461]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02587460



yeah vast quantities were snorted and smoked by the look of
it,


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-14 00:18 [#02587462]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular



its like proto collapse


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 00:19 [#02587463]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



alright, larn, you know what i was doing last night? i was
playing simcity 2000 until 6am. i play through a round of
simcity 2000 about once a year, and now is the time. it's
grey and rainy out and i'm moody over some stuff with a
friend and so yeah let's fire up doxbox and play simcity
2000 until our eyes bleed. everywhere, chances to construct
fiddly grids, play our cards well with the water pump
system. citizens demand zoo. you'll just get bored of it in
two months and want something else

video games, yeah. if you're trying to stay out of drink,
drugs, moods, whatever, there's often a video game for that.
writing music works too. like, as long as you keep focus on
the music, all the other crap that's on fire doesn't exist


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-14 00:20 [#02587464]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular



LAZY_TITLE one of my faves, I genuinely like this


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-14 00:21 [#02587465]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02587463



sim city 2000 was really good, shit want to play it now but
I will be up till 6 in the morning



 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-10-14 00:21 [#02587466]
Points: 4971 Status: Regular | Followup to larn: #02587418



as much as i believe psychedelics can be beneficial, and
definitely helped me quit boozing, the first post in this
thread smacks of psychosis. it's not time to trip, it's time
to rest


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 00:24 [#02587467]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



i guess i should have put the "while not wrecked or
hungover" part in bold

just, well, i figure there are at least a few other than me
who've had a trip and then a "fuck, what am i doing to
myself?" moment and you try and do better afterwards


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-10-14 00:24 [#02587468]
Points: 26268 Status: Regular



I really recommend going the doctors and getting a plan of
action, bit of professional help, I know its really hard to
do as a bloke I hate the doctors but sometimes it necessary


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-10-14 00:24 [#02587469]
Points: 4971 Status: Regular



and sim city, why not


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 00:28 [#02587470]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



sim city is one of those things that's like a warm microcosm
of however the fuck you want things to work. you're not a
god, your actions have consequences, and it boils down to an
engagement loop of event, design, response

i always spend ten or twenty minutes terraforming the map
before i start the game. then i turn disasters off, because
it ruins the algorithmic beauty. from there, i dunno, it's
like i'm a guy that builds cars, i've built this car dozens
of times before, just let it unfold and it's meditative and
engaging


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 00:38 [#02587471]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



LAZY_TITLE

scratches the same itch as hanging bass noises, rave stabs
off of drum loops. you can see me setting up gridwork to
populate on the fringes


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 00:43 [#02587472]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



LAZY_TITLE

you can see how i've terraformed the map; absolutely choked
the landscape with trees. mostly flat, but some elevated
edges to be less boring. i'm holding back the real estate on
the far side of the river for the archology stage


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 00:44 [#02587473]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



LAZY_TITLE


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 01:36 [#02587474]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



you can see the neural pathways forming

need more water pumps. water, such a problem. call me the
water pimp


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-10-14 02:30 [#02587475]
Points: 13724 Status: Addict



filling out the space as we crest 100k

the only reason i won't be up to 6am tonight is because i'll
have it closed out within an hour or three.


 

offline RussellDust on 2019-10-14 14:10 [#02587481]
Points: 14696 Status: Regular



If you have a spark that sets off, a lucid moment, then hold
on to that and get better. Ie look after yourself. You’ve
received some good advice in this thread and I can only
recommend you get some help. We live in strange times and
it’s easy to fall into depression. I’m the first to
admit that. It’s not easy, but you can make it out of
this, Larn!


 


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