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 Now online (2)belb recycle ...and 89 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2613865 Today 5 Topics 127525 |
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(I suffered from heavy addiction and severe depression. I still struggle a bit with addiction and depression but I got about of the worse, and I have to say that you feel rewarded once you manage to overcome your demons. Nothing quite like being victorious facing such hard times!) |
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I got out of the worse* |
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music helps, listening to lighten the mood a bit. when that fails, writing music can be a real lifeline. like , i was seriously messed up. every time i stopped focusing on typing in hex codes and bending samples, the weight of the situation would come back, and i wanted to wail and scream and cry. often did; it didn't help. it's a bit of a cliche that tragedy makes for good art, but rarely does anyone give thought to the mechanics -- it wasn't the tragedy that gave me the substance for a great track, it was the tragedy that left me unable to focus on anything a track, lest i cavitate into boiling misery. simcity 2000 is similar. it simply engages me. i will compulsively click at it for hours, forget to eat. but, more importantly, the weight on my shoulders fades off when i'm sucked into it. it's not just immediate relief from the emotional pressure, but after a couple solid hours of not picking at it, it does start to de-escalate your general state of being. working out, hiking, dancing helps too, but i wasn't really able to make myself do that until i'd written music for a while i would not want to go through the emotions i was going through at that stage just for the sake of cutting another great track, but it really helped me at the time, and you may as well put your misery to work somehow. |
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I would not use VR porn... I haven't researched it, but I bet some twisted oligarch is watching you through the eyes of your sex doll/software. They probably record you while you're engaging in VR porn then use that data to create porn with a virtual version of you naked for someone else. 'the part of he universe that control which part you fall into is a judgement on previous events based on your pathway' Possibly, but I suspect whatever government (note: "god" might simply be government, basically a group of oligarchs/robber barons who have bought up all the science/intelligence/technology/banks/schools/everything, so have all the godlike power. I guess I should say "deity" not god per se, because it actually might be the devil, at least metaphorically) has implemented this technology have done an ultra shitty job in the judging department, with all kinds of false positives. They probably even inverted it so the worse of a person you are the more you're rewarded and vice versa. Which explains why the criminal oligarchs are rewarded with tons of wealth and women for their evil. |
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thnking bout ya, larn |
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Hope he updates us on his situation, it always freaks me out when people are at their wits end and you don't hear from them |
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solid chune! |
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the "mixmaster! we need acid" was a sample someone here posted, actually. i think whoever it was even made a thread, saying, here, this is a good sample. i saved it and then dug it up for that a few months later |
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other track too, title and initial intention starting the track from steve mcqueen |
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anyways, i dunno. there are moments when i decided something and crisply turned a corner, but they are far and few between. 90% of it is, seven months later, realizing, "oh, hey, yeah, i've actually not been getting fucked up for a while now" if you're screwing up, everyone around you is like: well, stop! it's reasonable, just stop! why can't you just stop doing that? while it is completely possible to have a eureka moment and start living a better life, i think this glittering ideal actually dooms a good many people trying to dig themselves out of shit. the reality for most is consistent, steady pressure in the right direction for a long goddamn time, and going tony robbins on 'em means any effort to change will only last a week or two at most |
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a good gem of wisdom is that willpower is like a muscle -- if you try too much at once, you'll just hurt yourself. you have to train gradually |
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i've realized this conflicts with my advice about psychedelics earlier. i would say, most of the times i've had some atomic, transformative moment, it's been while tripping. renting a house back in the salad days of 2012 or so, there was a birdbath in the backyard, and the wind knocked it over. i'd go to do the dishes, see it out the window, and think, "jeez, i should go fix that." then i am tripping, and i think: this is the freaking problem. that i always make a note to do it, but never do it, and unless i go out and do it right fucking now, then it will be fucked forever. then i practically run outside; fix the birdbath. the drugs wore off, but the moment stuck with me. it is something i regularly pull out to kick myself in the ass when necessary. that was also many years and a million problems ago, so it's not like it immediately solved things, either. it was more like a decisive moment where the right strategy finally hit me |
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keeping a log is a good strategy. what is it, cola, gambling and VR porn? find some place no one will ever see and log it all. from there, your only priority is to ensure that, week-by-week, the numbers decline. no bullshit like, "this is an off week, so it's ok." but also not going cold turkey on multiple addictions at once |
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