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Knowing you don’t have long
 

offline RussellDust on 2023-02-06 12:21 [#02624933]
Points: 15946 Status: Addict



Question for you guys, do you believe that it’s like the
cliché says and that if you learn you don’t have much
time left you live life to the fullest? Create a bucket
list, take up classes, go travelling etc? I find it hard to
believe people react like that.


 

offline RussellDust on 2023-02-06 12:27 [#02624937]
Points: 15946 Status: Addict



I’m not saying I don’t have long. I’m asking for a
friend and generally curious re the issue.


 

offline mermaidman on 2023-02-06 13:22 [#02624939]
Points: 8070 Status: Regular



no in theory you’re supposed to be doing it now cause who
knows how long you have to live


 

offline mermaidman on 2023-02-06 13:23 [#02624940]
Points: 8070 Status: Regular



but motivation is our common problem i guess


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-02-07 00:14 [#02624941]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular



that reaction -- it's not a cliche, really, it's a distinct
psychological response, would argue -- occurs when people
have been telling themselves, "oh, yes, someday i'll do
that" but they're not actually moving in the direction. it's
not that they deny their mortality, it just feels like...
oh, yes, i'll die someday. plenty of time. having a doctor
tell you, "you're going to die, and here's a distinct clock"
robs you of the luxury of being so vague about your future
goals.

i deal with this on a different level, with ADHD. i have
enough "oh yes, someday i'll do that" for six lives and
doctors haven't given me a hardcore deadline (yet) but for
better or worse i got to "i'm going to die someday and i'm
not even sure i'll get through 1/6 of this shit" on my own.
but, still, some sort of terminal diagnosis on the scale of
"a few months" would absolutely reorder my brain on top of
this.

it's strange know that's how i'd react, and... so why not
just do it now? but that's not how the mind works.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-02-07 04:20 [#02624944]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular



i thought about it a bit more, and you can actually land on
a more or less mathematical justification for the shift in
attitude: some of the bucket list stuff is hedonistic,
risky, etc. and i figure like most, a good chunk of what
i've crossed off my personal bucket list has simply because
the opportunity came up, and, hell, why not? when else will
i get the chance? but it's a different thing entirely to
instead aggressively seek out these targets. expensive.
hedonistic. possibly risky. etc

that it arguably hardens the mind into a particular course:
when you shift to this mode; limited time and bucket list,
you harden as a mind. you don't seek out new things; there's
no time to branch out. you stop growing. you're dedicated to
finishing up.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-02-07 05:06 [#02624945]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular



just thinking: one was "be on tv" and not like "be in some
sitcom" more just like "thoroughly be on tv for the fuck of
it" and done, almost 20 years ago. that, really, i
got the whole experience as part of that, and i consider it
thoroughly done. but 20 years from now, who's going
to understand what the fuck it meant to someone who grew up
in the 90s to be in a few episodes of some TV show?

there's that neo-nazi chick that just got arrested,
recently, for plotting to blow up a bunch of power
substations around baltimore, because she was "terminally
ill" with something kidney-related. it's essentially
desperation to be relevant, to make her life relevant, from
what i read. that she didn't succeed is like... oh, thank
heck... but also, in a strange way, i kind of feel for her
putting her whole bucket list budget into this and simply
walking right into the arms of the FBI.

i'd probably more be in a panic to sort out a whole life's
worth of shit, 9/10 of which is not really available
anywhere


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-02-07 05:33 [#02624946]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular



photography. that i've slowed up because busier; less
distractable... but a stretch where i was taking thousands
of photos a year... gradually rolled up into better cameras;
inherited a canon rebel EOS from my dad. series of canon
powershots from before that, all of which still work. a
little samsung pocket one for casual at the faire whatever

when you're that prolific for that long, and it's just a
pile of... dated folders of when you copied the card of...
yeah, people would appreciate a lot of this; i used to have
some up and it's confirmed. but it's just such a huge morass
and i don't have time to mine 100000 photos for the best
1000. but if it's clear i'm dying; fuck writing a new track
let's sort that out. etc

anyone want the photos? genuinely curious. because it's just
one thing of many, and if i ever have to
prioritize... just asking


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-02-07 06:16 [#02624947]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02624946



[tangent from previous post please ignore]

so i grabbed a few very esoteric photos and very quickly like
ahaha crap i don't even remember taking this, but it's
clearly a very honest self-portrait with the camera timer. i
was looking for the pretty photos; that i get very trippy
fractal photographing trees. but there's more and i just had
a fun half hour or so grabbing a bunch of utterly random
crap and not even finding the jivver-relevant photo i was
looking for in the first place.


 

offline RussellDust on 2023-02-07 08:14 [#02624951]
Points: 15946 Status: Addict



Until it happens to you….

I tell you, you get depressed, you don’t go out kite
surfing. And often you’re too week to get out of bed or
your flat. The idea that “instinct” kicks in is a load
of bollocks.


 

offline marlowe from Antarctica on 2023-02-07 12:42 [#02624957]
Points: 24571 Status: Regular



rest in peace


 

online belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2023-02-07 14:17 [#02624958]
Points: 6261 Status: Lurker | Followup to RussellDust: #02624951



i got given 2 years to live by some cunt nurse who was in no
position to make claims like that, i responded by boshing
every drug i could find and spending all day playing
acoustic guitar with 2 butter knives. 7 years and counting
bitch

but russ is absolutely correct here


 

online belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2023-02-07 16:41 [#02624960]
Points: 6261 Status: Lurker



rust in peas


 

offline marlowe from Antarctica on 2023-02-07 17:26 [#02624962]
Points: 24571 Status: Regular | Followup to belb: #02624958



The man given three months to live leaves the clinic and
sees a healthy lad get run over by an omnibus and killed.


 

offline RussellDust on 2023-02-07 20:33 [#02624968]
Points: 15946 Status: Addict



We all die, so in a way we’re all dying. But if some of
you can’t see the difference between being very sick and
told the prognosis is bad and accepting you could get hit by
a bus tomorrow. Then I believe this question can only really
be answered by people going through the process itself.

Thanks for you input, belb. You seem to understand what
I’m talking about.


 

offline marlowe from Antarctica on 2023-02-07 21:48 [#02624971]
Points: 24571 Status: Regular | Followup to RussellDust: #02624968



oh shut you insufferable bore, being on death's door doesn't
make you any more interesting, Wakeman dodged a bullet


 

offline marlowe from Antarctica on 2023-02-07 21:51 [#02624972]
Points: 24571 Status: Regular



wahh my famous daddy never loved me so I turned into a
miserable passive-aggressive loser to spite him, nobody has
it as hard as me, cry cry cry; you're nothin' Ben, you've
always been nothin' and pretty soon you'll literally be
nothin'


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2023-02-08 04:38 [#02624974]
Points: 4768 Status: Regular



I dunno about a full bucket list, but if I was single and
diagnosed with something terminal, I'd absolutely want to
spend every cent I have travelling. And I would end things
on my own terms with a bottle of opioids or something.

Being married changes that as it would create a financial
hardship for the wife, obviously.


 

offline mermaidman on 2023-02-08 06:45 [#02624975]
Points: 8070 Status: Regular | Followup to marlowe: #02624972



says the guy who moans every opportunity he gets cause his
ex knocked on his door a couple times lol


 

offline mermaidman on 2023-02-08 06:46 [#02624976]
Points: 8070 Status: Regular



what a little biatch


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2023-02-08 08:06 [#02624978]
Points: 7650 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



now, thinking about being given the scenario of a very short
terminal diagnosis, i usually think about doing risky
things, having unprotected sex etc.., i wouldnt otherwise.
there probably are more things to add to the list having a
party going out as opposed to stretching life out thin.

BUT!

its hard to tell until you get on THAT list.
i feel pretty stressed out about life just by ageing,
i hear now smoking can get you a relief.


 

offline RussellDust on 2023-02-08 08:20 [#02624979]
Points: 15946 Status: Addict | Followup to Wolfslice: #02624974



I think the point people are missing is that you’re not
well, tired, drugged, and in pain. Nausea alone if crippling
enough will stop anyone from going to the local shops let
alone go on a trip around the world. If you were to have no
symptoms then why not but the other factor is mental like
depression, hopelessness and fear.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-02-08 10:43 [#02624984]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular | Followup to RussellDust: #02624951



Until it happens to you….

I tell you, you get depressed, you don’t go out kite
surfing. And often you’re too week to get out of bed or
your flat. The idea that “instinct” kicks in is a load
of bollocks.


are you speaking to me? if not, sorry i'm replying like you
were

forgot the context of the thread for the moment, when i read
that. thought: "yes, you don't have to tell me, i've easily
lost 2-4 years of my life if you add up all the time i was
hung up in bed" and it still gets me a bit. i'm generally
able to stave off anything more than losing a few hours
these days

...then, oh yes, in the context of "limited time to live."
and, i dunno, my initial response would pretty much be like
the house is on fire. just rushing to get it all nailed down
as much as i can before the structure loses integrity. but
then perhaps i would exhaust myself and have a moment of
collapse... repeatedly... here and there...

but if we're talking "months left" i'd just be too bothered
about all my stupid flaming crap, tens of thousands of
photos, thousands of unreleased this or that, and my mum
wouldn't have a clue and the hard drive would just go in the
trash.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-02-08 10:51 [#02624985]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular | Followup to RussellDust: #02624979



I think the point people are missing is that you’re not
well, tired, drugged, and in pain. Nausea alone if crippling
enough will stop anyone from going to the local shops let
alone go on a trip around the world. If you were to have no
symptoms then why not but the other factor is mental like
depression, hopelessness and fear.


why, yes, i did miss this. you didn't specify! that feeling
physically like poop can change the emotional equation a
lot. that if it saps your physical energy, well, you don't
have the energy to do shit? you have to rest a lot?

i'm half serious when i say my response would be to, like,
just get ahold of a shit-ton of amphetamines or horse
tranquilizers or whatever the fuck it'd take -- if it's
ending, it's ending, and given that it's ending, perhaps an
absurd level of drugs can help you take care of things
before you go.

sounds like we're talking about chemo, here, from the nose
of it. to me, personally, the thresholds would really depend
on the specifics -- feel like shit for a year to live beyond
three months? perhaps. feel like shit for eighteen months to
live 1.5 years instead of a year? mmm, no, fuck treatment, i
think i'd prefer to just rinse it out

and then: i don't have kids, nothing like that really roping
me into decisions like "if you make it four months past a
year you can see little so and so's graduation" etc. and in
that context throw everything i've said away because i've no
idea how that'd feel.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-02-08 11:06 [#02624986]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular



instead, more know how it feels that there's not really
anyone i feel would really need me to stick around an extra
few months, or whatnot. you'd miss me sometimes but life
would largely go on uninterrupted.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2023-02-08 13:18 [#02624988]
Points: 24444 Status: Regular



LAZY_TITLE


 

online belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2023-02-08 13:27 [#02624989]
Points: 6261 Status: Lurker | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02624988



sorry to drag this off topic but whose dub track is that? v
nice vid


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2023-02-08 17:10 [#02624994]
Points: 7650 Status: Regular | Followup to RussellDust: #02624979 | Show recordbag



yes, usually symptoms go ahead and and heavy treatment
along, really ruining whats left to live. so, happy drugs
still may improve the overall situation. after all no time
to worry about addiction or money. and health issues may
even be secondary. gotta have partners in crime though, if
youre already lying in bed.

side note, its vital to think ahead in legal terms of who is
allowed to pull the plug or various other decisions. after
all things can happen quickly or in an accident.


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2023-02-08 17:15 [#02624995]
Points: 7650 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



anyhow its probably healthier thinking about what you want
to enjoy while youre still kicking. regular activities and
having fun will not only lead to a fun life, but also
possibly extend it to a great deal.


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2023-02-09 03:05 [#02625021]
Points: 4768 Status: Regular | Followup to RussellDust: #02624979



Yeah, totally. It's a different story if you've been
fighting for a long time, and been on chemo.

But it does happen sometimes, something feels a little
off... a trip to the doctor...
you've got colon cancer and it spread to your liver and
you've got 2 years.

In THAT case, if that happened today and I had the
resources, and no one that I'm responsible for, I would not
opt for chemo. I would book trips scandinavia and japan, I
would prey that George R. R. Martin and Patrick Rothfuss
would finish their fucking fantasy series I'm reading (they
wouldn't.), and I'd prepare to end my own life comfortably
in a year. I'm mentally wired up a bit differently than
average though, I think.


 


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