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how to win a swordfight
 

offline kochlear from aud-stim.com on 2004-01-01 13:50 [#01012706]
Points: 2311 Status: Addict



it's really easy. your opponent will ALWAYS open with a
forward thrust (i think it's called a parry). then you must
grab the blade of their sword with both hands, and fold it
in half, thus breaking it and rendering them helpless.

i had a dream last night that agent smith and i were
chilling in my house playing xbox, when he said "they're
here." i looked out the window and saw a bunch of black
vans pull into my driveway.

tons of people in suits with scary looking weapons barged
into my house. i was just making it down into the kitchen
at this point, and saw them ask my mom directions to my
room, and she pointed to me and said "he's right there".
they came after me, and that's when i instantly learned that
swordfighting technique.

we removed the baddies from my house, and that meant it was
time to drive around whatever city my house was inexplicably
located in fighting assortments of enemies.

[LARGE GAP OF CONTINUITY]

suddenly. i'm in a complex that looks something like
this.

starting at the red x is where i can remember... i was
sitting on a hospital bed and i overheard tony hawk and bam
margera right outside the door talking about how much they
hated the swimming pool, because every time they tried to go
swimming they would appear outside the pool and a message
would come up saying "out of bounds".

the only logical solution, of course, was to kill me.

they came in the door and i had to defend myself by breaking
their decks in half and throwing them at their heads. then
i ran out of the pool area. down the hall, into the
apartment area.

suddenly i was drunk for some reason. interesting, i
haven't been drunk ALL of 2003. anyway i pounded on some
door and a bunch of people were inside partying and i said
"come to room 304, there's a BETTER party there". sure
enough, they all went to room 304.

then i walked over to some chick i knew from high school
sitting on a computer browsing the internet. (see imag


 

offline kochlear from aud-stim.com on 2004-01-01 13:51 [#01012707]
Points: 2311 Status: Addict



image). she recognized me and we talked for a bit.

i woke up, because mr. bunny was banging his food dish
against the side of his box, letting me know he was
disappointed with the dish's lack of contents. i gave mr.
bunny some food and went back to bed.

then, i ended up RIGHT back in the same dream again, at
which point i said "wait, i was just dreaming this before
the rabbit woke me up" then the dream became lucid and i
had sex with that girl.

then i woke up again and made some coffee. it was the late
hour of 3pm.

the moral of the story is, you need to spend at least 10
minutes a day doing something other than playing video games
and watching movies, or you will have very dumb dreams.



 

offline giginger from Milky Beans (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-01 13:52 [#01012709]
Points: 26326 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



Just letting you know I can't be bothered to read that.


 

offline pomme de terre from obscure body in the SK System on 2004-01-01 13:54 [#01012711]
Points: 11941 Status: Moderator | Show recordbag



i got up to the link and i looked at your pic but then i
stopped reading, yeah


 

offline Skeptopotamus from Home (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-01 13:54 [#01012712]
Points: 625 Status: Regular



No no no, it's 'How appropriate, you fight like a cow'.


 

offline pantalaimon from Winterfell (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-01 13:55 [#01012713]
Points: 7090 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



why dont you write a book?


 

offline kochlear from aud-stim.com on 2004-01-01 13:59 [#01012719]
Points: 2311 Status: Addict | Followup to pantalaimon: #01012713



because people have attention spans so short they can't read
more than a paragraph without needing candy, books will be
non-existant in a few years.


 

offline qrter from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2004-01-01 14:05 [#01012727]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator



just use a gun of sorts.


 

offline giginger from Milky Beans (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-01 14:07 [#01012729]
Points: 26326 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



sorry I tried again but gave up. I'll try again in a bit.


 

offline giginger from Milky Beans (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-01 14:10 [#01012733]
Points: 26326 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



OK I read it.


 

offline AMinal from Toronto (Canada) on 2004-01-01 15:05 [#01012765]
Points: 3476 Status: Regular | Followup to kochlear: #01012707



cool dream...

lol: "the moral of the story is, you need to spend at least
10
minutes a day doing something other than playing video games

and watching movies, or you will have very dumb dreams. "

yes... this is very true



 

offline J198 from Maastricht (Netherlands, The) on 2004-01-01 15:11 [#01012767]
Points: 7342 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



agent smith would NEVER play xbox


 

offline kochlear from aud-stim.com on 2004-01-01 15:42 [#01012812]
Points: 2311 Status: Addict



no he would, because he's from the matrix so he needs
realistic graphics.


 

offline giginger from Milky Beans (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-01 15:45 [#01012817]
Points: 26326 Status: Lurker | Followup to kochlear: #01012812 | Show recordbag



But he'd know not to use Microsoft!


 

offline corticalstim from Canada on 2004-01-01 15:45 [#01012818]
Points: 3885 Status: Regular



if the sword is made of decent metal (like most REAL katanas
and other high-quality japanese swords) it would be
impossible to break in that manner.

a well constructed katana can be bent so that the tip of the
blade touches the handle and released an hour later without
the slightest curve in the blade.


 

offline giginger from Milky Beans (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-01 15:48 [#01012823]
Points: 26326 Status: Lurker | Followup to corticalstim: #01012818 | Show recordbag



That's so fucking cool! I never knew that,


 

offline kochlear from aud-stim.com on 2004-01-01 15:51 [#01012829]
Points: 2311 Status: Addict | Followup to corticalstim: #01012818



maybe that means normal physics and logic don't apply to
dreams.

giginger -> yeah, anyone in a system that programming heavy
would have to use something complex and hard to understand
like a macintosh.


 

offline corticalstim from Canada on 2004-01-01 15:51 [#01012831]
Points: 3885 Status: Regular | Followup to giginger: #01012823



those swords cost about $15,000-$30,000USD though


 

offline kochlear from aud-stim.com on 2004-01-01 15:52 [#01012832]
Points: 2311 Status: Addict



i'd rather have uma thurman than the sword.


 

offline giginger from Milky Beans (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-01 15:55 [#01012836]
Points: 26326 Status: Lurker | Followup to corticalstim: #01012831 | Show recordbag



Oh man! Just our of my reach :P

kochlear: or an Amiga :D



 

offline kochlear from aud-stim.com on 2004-01-01 15:56 [#01012839]
Points: 2311 Status: Addict



the matrix was made using an apple ii-e.

when not attacking zion, the machines spend their time
playing "where in the world is carmen sandiago".


 

offline giginger from Milky Beans (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-01 15:58 [#01012842]
Points: 26326 Status: Lurker | Followup to kochlear: #01012839 | Show recordbag



I know I would.


 

offline X-tomatic from ze war room on 2004-01-01 19:31 [#01012996]
Points: 2901 Status: Lurker | Followup to kochlear: #01012719



"books will be
non-existant in a few years.
"

they will be, if crap the likes of what you just wrote ends
up in 'em.


 

offline kochlear from aud-stim.com on 2004-01-01 19:53 [#01013006]
Points: 2311 Status: Addict | Followup to X-tomatic: #01012996



you have the option to not read or comment on
anything....wait...oops i'm sorry. i didn't realize i
accidentally titled the thread "display your ignorance!"


 

offline Chri5py from my Solarbear (United Kingdom) on 2004-01-02 03:35 [#01013174]
Points: 2903 Status: Lurker



I am rubber, you are glue


 


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