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 (nobody)...and 606 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614128 Today 0 Topics 127542 |
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today downloaded lots of pics of dogs' cocks- well ace! looked on e-bay for modular syth systems but couldn't find so bidded on pogs and pokemon cards- i spiked the 12-year-old trying to outbid me with very evil virus so that his computer just downloads quadriplegic kiddie porn- i want that jiggleypuff! i think i drank too much tizer, my piss is now the same colour- note to self, must leave flat at least once this month, i think i'll head to beajams for jammie dodgers and panda pops. ditch nerd p. clams |
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eBay in 1980??? |
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stfu |
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(that was directed at jingle) |
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why stfu? This probably is the best thread EVER... I'd like to see some more diary entries... |
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had a fun day today, shat in the yellow containers from kinder eggs and threw them off roof. hit a tramp in the eye! lush poo/vagrant related activity! phoned up mike p and called him a wanker!!! haaha, but put on squarepusher voice and mike phoned him up and they had an arguement, and mike even cried!!! haha! laughed so much i had to touch my winkle. aphids quim |
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pokemon in the 80s? yeah right, in the 80's there was no pokemon, everyone collected... your mum!! shut up you canadian, its pronounced " ab- owt!" |
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today i didn't do anything, just slept. oh, and wanked, but it wasn't as cloudy as usual. I guess all the computer screens have made my sperm as lazy as... erm, me aphexstein |
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you're the best thing on the board today :D |
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Don't stop jingle! This stuff is funny. |
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no dont continue your particular blend of humour jingle, its just gonna make it all the more painful when you are inevitably banned.... |
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we want more ,) |
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everyone that posted in this thread except for me sucks. |
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"LMFAO" |
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fair enough if i get banned, i could take it. i don't exactly find the messages on this board all that stimulating anyway: here is an example; ziggyfeet: anyone know about the rumour of analogue bubblebath 7 on a ltd edition clay disc? maximon: dunno, but i downloaded lots of autechre from soulseek (note complete lack of link between the content of posts) splurgemonkey: my sister went out with grant for a while so i have a copy, got it 3 years ago and its really good here is a tracklist 1.asdfsdg 2.asfdsfsddd 3.sparrow's cock midge3: can i have a copy of tracks? wot theuy like splugemonkey: like some of his rephlex stuff, but more oblong, like his remix of jesus, which i also have. would give youi copy but i left it at mates house for when i did a dj set for him tryptix_g33k: you guys are so lucky, he never comes to my town, but hopefully one day... |
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dear diary, today i sat in my pants and touched myself and ate monster munch: i dropped some monster munch down my pants and when i ate it, it tasted funny. like salty corn beef. i think i will submit it as a "flavour remix" to the crisp company and make more money, like those chocolate coins that were secretly made of poo: i know no one will ever eat theirs so it doesn't matter, and those who did eat them wouldn't complain cos they don't want to stand out from the crowd they are following money-spinna! gay-phex shins |
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got another visit from tom yorke "please richard! please produce radio-head!" i agreed to do it if he could beat me at a staring contest, but i knew his wonky willy-eye would let him down, and of course i won! bought porn film called "ready, steady, cock" it was crap so i wanked off to oxfam leaflet i got through post crayfish trim |
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made me laugh! |
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"today my mum phoned me up to tell me off :( she complained about the fact i've been wearing the same track suit bottoms and stained t-shirt for weeks. how she know? i bet it was that snitch mike p: note to self, break his glasses and throw tic-tac box of wee at him cos he is a girl and smells and he eats cack from tramps shoes. and record it so i can put the sound of him sobbing on a track may-phlaps grin... |
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Jingle is a Genius, Admin suck my willy u trampy whore, u realise Richard D James, my mate.. we went to school together and do dj sets btw.... would love this :P |
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you dont have time for live sets, you play counter strike =) |
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if you and richard went to school together - why were you born when he was 12? |
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"LMFAO" haha the quotes make that statement |
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Today I composed three tunes in my aphex pants, that were entirely comprised of Madonna tracks run backwards through a granulator with a bit of distortion. I was overcome by feelings of disbelief that people are buying this stuff, so much so that I spent an hour crying and wanking over a picture of Xenakis til my mum called. Afterwards Tom J and me amused ourselves by throwing water balloons at people queueing up for a Darren Emerson gig Man I love my life. Oh and Autechre called - man those guys are assholes. Hard Rich Dames |
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i know this is very old but i was reminded of it. http://www.spaz.com/teg/102301/chatlog.html |
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make moosic with me and perhaps cuddle aftar? * bJORK cheers *** Matmos was kicked by rdj (ok, HAMSTER??) * bJORK pouts LMAO!!! |
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Very funny stuff Jingle, keep 'em coming :D Diary: Today I made a track entirely made from samples gathered using my rifle mic pointed out of the window at people walking by. Checked ebay prices and put another of my 24 spare copies of AB5 up for auction... I'll be laughing all the way to the tank when some sucker pays over a grand for it. Tried to read a manual for an old russian "suitcase synth" but got bored and drew on it in red crayons. Crazy commies! Rang up all my old flatmates to try to arrange a meet up at someone's house for a big party. Rang two random numbers and invited them too. Looks to be a mental one. Checked my answerphone messages and pissed myself when I heard all the requests for remixes/production work by lots of american pop acts. Watched The Shining again, but did my own soundtrack live using reason 2.5. Rolfy Rhodun Dee Jayams! |
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Dear diary, Today I've been playing with the hose in the garden at my parents' place. I wondered what it would sound like if I put the hose up my poop hole and blast some H2O in it full throttle. Fortunately I brought my recorder and sampled the sound. After the necessary rectal operation I loaded the sample into my powerMAC (I prefer calling her "Kitty") and divided the sample in two parts. My god this sounds ace with a Fruity Granulizer effect applied on it. I will dedicate these two tracks to my left and right nipple and name them KTPA1 and KTPA2. I'd better put them on my upcoming Smojphace EP. Not sure if my insurance company will compensate again for this 7th rectal operation. Oh well... I am going to bed now, diary. It's been a long and painful day but I am glad something good came out of it. Shenenehphex Bin |
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dear diary, wtf are those peeps thinking that diss my record, the next release ill only make consisting out of sampling breaking a glass and someone vomiting. today i dubbed rocky-movies 1-5 just with groaning i recorded on public toilets, with peeps cacking and sucking cock. in the evening something terrible happened. i let my mp3 player with my three unreleased albums fall down in to the toilet. damn the release date is so close, well ill just put out stuff my friends remixed and some piano tunes. no one will know the differnece. note to myself: gotta call back that girl who said she developed a cloaking device. when i get it ill just sneak behind luke vibert djing and scratch the neddle while he puts on new records. then ill plug in a mic and do some rapping, i always wanted to do that. when im pissed off ill just take the mic to the toilet and drop it into a coca cola and play soccer with it. slick chart the chams |
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This is hillarious! :) |
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today very miffed.why is everyone copying my diary? its just like at skool when people would copy me. if i jumped off a bridge would they copy me too? |
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well richard devine and kid 606 would, and a few random xltronic posters would, if i visited their towns bridge... slavish fins |
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wot a punchline... |
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dear diary, today i met moby- worse luck! he was wearing corderoy, which means he is an intalectual....and a queer... blipblap games |
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a prize to the lucky poster who can identify the parody in the last post... |
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Yeah, you reverted to the writing style of the original "Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 3/4" by Sue Townsend. |
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Dear diary. Today I wisited Xltronic.com. I started off with creating topics like; "Smojphace = shit!" and "Smojpjhace = excellent!" with my multiple account. I can't believe Phob hasn't found out about it. Now I'm gonna create some excellent Aphex-fakes for Soulseek, and then I'm gonna make a new noise track of my mom's burps. A quadruple audiophile noiseburp-collection. Limited edition! I wonder when Xltronic is finished. I hope there are some nice pics of me. If not, I'm gonna replace the pics of Sean Booth with people from uglypeople.com. That's for sure! |
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today i saw a tramp in the street touching his winkle- then i realised it was my old pal tom jenk. i asked him what he was doing and he told me he was "playing his bass". i cant play the bass, so tom offered to teach me. well ace! i always thought a bass was a big plank (like mike p, haha) with wires on it, but it turns out it is actually a pink thing that tom keeps down his pantaloons. he made me play a tune on it but i couldn't hear anything so he told me to put my ear really close to the little purple speaker at the end. then he got me to play the bass "slap style" but i still couldn't hear. we had to stop cos i found some seagull poo in my ear. tom went all sleepy and had a cigarette so i walked off. now i can play the bass! well lush! cheers tom! prick-fart jams |
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nice one ceri jc, you win the prize of "inner peace" through bhudda.... chump... jingleywingleymingleykok |
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hey jingle! can you mail me your adress, i d like to have some sort of connection to your wonderful town in order to find great parties over there. i plan to pay london a visit this year and ill be on my way when the right party is planned. |
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really i just keep in the electronic music loop via the net, so there aint much point but here is one... flexagon8@yahoo.co.uk but my online visits can be sporadic so replies can take a while... |
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dear diary, just got home! today i got paid loads of money foy "dj" set. it was a cd i made earlier of random tracks just glued together, which samples of the words "cock and "cunt" chucked over the top. all the nerds tried to see what equipment i was using: they don't even suspect i just play a cd and draw on my etch-a-sketch which i "modded" into an powerbook case. fanboy offered to give me a blowjob after set. said maybe. then said no. had teeth like weatherall. b.t.w. i drew a train, but couldn't get smoke right. must practice. night night, ape-fresh skin |
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hahahah all your posts made me giggle like mike p :) |
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b.t.w. weatherall is from like 2 streets down from were i live: people that know him say hes a complete cunt. i just thought i'd post you a tiny reminder (harharhar) about that fact... |
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tjikiwaaaa |
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dear diary, after 3 solid weeks of masterbating, making tracks and i've decided to take on a few more healthy persuits...like murder. these guys are next. the number by their name is how much money jesus has promised me if i kill them. who says being a techno-hermit detatches you from reality? Ophecks 2029738 titsworth 1860722 Ceri JC 1835461 nacmat 1500805 LeCoeur 1375180 The_Funkmaster 1334051 flea 1297147 jand 1252916 marlowe 1213815 surrounded 1146276 note to self: everyone is out to get me. note to self: kill everyone else too. note to self: you are "prichard prams" from now on |
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dear diary, got a call from NME today: what a bunch of woggle-cocks. i told them i was now living in an old chip-shop, because it reminded me of cornwall and that i was gonna have a hand amputated because all my computer use had given me finger-tumors. they believed me. cocks. also they guy interviewing me asked me about my "tank". i told him i had blown it up so i could record the sound, and he also believed me. megacock. looked on internet later that day and found threads from guy claiming to gave the "exploding tank track" to raise money for my cancer hand. e-bay bid on the record now up to £670. fancocks by next week i will be in all the magazines, copying the lies that nme printed. another six-figure sum in my bank account my the end of the month for doing nothing. its fun being me! play-heads tin |
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hey jing who copied who on the corderoy front? could it be moby....did you swap ideas on bank marketing and car adverts? |
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today renet 2 funniest movies of all time: rainman and schindlers list. but puzzled- no rain in first one, no shopping in the second. all the very skinny ladies in shindlers list made my "glue synthesizer" stand up in my pants". had to touch it. was good. note to self, by hand lotion and go to the imperial war museum round the corner. take trench-coat skabies twig |
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oh man this is fucking funny shit |
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