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Baron Von Picklefoot
from From my "special" place on 2002-01-23 02:05 [#00073911]
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ok!!!!!!!!!THE BARON HAS SPOKEN!!!!!!
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The_Funkmaster
from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-23 02:07 [#00073912]
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I used to get so depressed about my shyness... I got to the point where I was holding a bottle of aspirin or something like that, and I was ready to down it... but I was too afraid... and since then, it's been all up hill... you just need to look at yourself in a lot of depth... get to know who you are, and look at yourself, and your differences as being great... this is I guess all buddhism is, finding salvation within, but here it's just learning to love yourself... once you get past that, the rest is pretty easy... there isn't a method... you just gotta do it... just because you might be different, that's not a bad thing... just because you mighten fit in with the "cool" people, who cares? Personally, I'd rather be different and unique then the same as everyone else... You just gotta find that confidence within yourself...
Hmmm, I sound like Tony Robbins or something... some motivational speaker anywas... :)
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The_Funkmaster
from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-23 02:10 [#00073915]
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but it's true though... You just gotta be yourself... get past the shy thing, and be yourself... don't be concerned what someone will think if you say a certain thing... or do a certain thing... anyways, I've said enough...
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Ophecks
from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-23 02:14 [#00073918]
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I'm not lacking confidence in myself, I just lack confidence in everyone else... they're all so STUPID!!!!! I know a few people like me, and they're great to be around.
Shyness can be a curse, that's true... if you let it. I don't feel a need to be popular or accepted, so I don't really care.
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laughable butane bobby
on 2002-01-23 02:49 [#00073924]
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i'm a lousy, uncomfortable liar, and a lot of conversation seems like a bunch of bullshit and lying, so i suck at it, nor do i enjoy it. and when i try to be less serious, i just end up confusing people.
people say i should talk more but they do not want to hear what i say, unless i just agree with what they are saying, which i don't. most conversation is just agreeing and saying the same things over and over.
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AMinal
from toronto, canada on 2002-01-23 03:40 [#00073936]
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yes exactly ophecks.. laughable butane bubble..
although im very shy and not good w/ socializing (bullshiting) with people.. i think im more self confident than most
i dont feel the need to conform to stupid conventions or to surround myself w/ bullshit socialization.. but then im not one of those people who tries really hard to do the opposite of everyone else cus tahts just as bad..
but then when it comes to actually talking w/ people.. or even walking down the hallway in front of girls its so hard...
but then when i do socialize.. i realize im not missing much
most of what people think/say is such shallow bullshit trivial stuff like gossip..
most of the time peoples thoughts are just like the equivalent of a screensaver for their mind.. (sorry for the stupid analogy)
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AMinal
from toronto, canada on 2002-01-23 03:42 [#00073938]
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sorry, i meant: laughable butane bobby
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laughable butane bobby
on 2002-01-23 04:48 [#00073956]
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"most of the time peoples thoughts are just like the equivalent of a screensaver for their mind.. (sorry for the stupid analogy)"
i think that is a good analogy.
conversation that i never relate to, or are good at...
the fake platitudes ... "hi, how are you? hows the job? hows the wife and kids?"
translationed to what they are really saying above... " i'm pretending to be nice because i'm such a nice guy, but you know that i'm just pretending because you are not important enough for me to care about so don't get any ideas. your job prospects are inferior, so now it is time for you to make up some bullshit about how you job future is bright. i expect you to lie, because that is how we play the game"
or even more irritating is the fake discussion... where the point and conclusion is already foregone, usually a simple cliche or stereotype, but they can't just come out and say it because it would sound stupid. it is just that if you make some rationalizations, and everybody acts like they agree, it makes it all right.
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surrounded by demons
from neverneverland on 2002-01-23 14:12 [#00074045]
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Oh my God... funkmaster, I really don't want to come to that point where I'm so depressed I don't see any other way out then an overdose of medicine... That's just terrible, I'd like to say I feel very sorry for you, but then it seems like for you it turned out to be a good thing because it was the start of a more positive chapter in your life, so... :-) That's actually pretty great.
I don't feel very depressed, actually. Most of the time I can "ignore" many of my problems and fears, and just be happy about little things. It's just when I think things like "what am I going to do with the rest of my life?" that I see a huge mountain of problems and I have no idea how to get around that, and that can be very depressing.
I'm finding it very hard to learn to accept myself... I don't really know where to begin. Some people tell me that talking to a psychiatrist could really be helpfull to me, but other people tell me I should stay away from that as it will only make my problems worse. But in the end... either way I have to do it myself... no one can make me love myself for me, I have to do that bit on my own... I am trying, I just hope I'll eventually get there.
"Personally, I'd rather be different and unique then the same as everyone else..."
I know, I tell myself that all the time. And it's true, I also believe in that... but it's like there's also a part of me that REALLY wants to belong and fit in more with the rest of the world.
"Hmmm, I sound like Tony Robbins or something... some motivational speaker anywas... :)"
Haha, you sounded just like Emiel Ratelband, altough you've probably never heard of him. But anyway I thought you said really intelligent and beautiful things :-)
"don't be concerned what someone will think if you say a certain thing... or do a certain thing..."
I've always thought that I wasn't concerned about what other people thought about me... I've been telling myself that for many many years... it's only lately that I've been starting to think about it, and started to realize that actually I'm hugely influenced by how other people look at me (or to put it another way: how I think people look at me)... it sucks. I know I should care about that sort of thing, and yet I always let myself be influenced by that.
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Fernz
on 2002-01-23 14:15 [#00074048]
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Im kinda quiet, yeah.
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surrounded by demons
from neverneverland on 2002-01-23 14:19 [#00074052]
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Yes, I'm really starting to appreciate the Baron more and more...
That bit about being poked by so many fingers that you don't care anymore, and the demons that hide behind the walls... it feels like that one was especially written for me... it's really crazy because it doesn't seem to make alot of sense. And yet I can really relate to it, and it's like that post describes exactly how I feel!
The one about a portable pride protector and an affordable lie-detector was also wonderful... man, if I had a portable lie-detector and would know what other people were think I would feel ALOT less insecure
Some people probably underestimate how valuable communicating on a screen can be for someone like me... but really, I can't even begin to say how important that screen has become for me. Sometimes it feels like that is all I have... and either way I'm sure it's the perfect way to learn and practice a little with talking to people and such.
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The_Funkmaster
from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-23 14:20 [#00074053]
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yeah, I would never be able to do something stupid like that, but the fact that I was there considering it was scary enough... so I said screw this, and like I said, it's been up hill since...
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grinningcat
on 2002-01-23 14:31 [#00074054]
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thanks for the reply 'surrounded by demons', and others.
what i meant about the 'making silly faces' thing was about how all the really confident people, the 'life of the party' people all seem to be good at impressions and stand up comedy...
i guess i was just talking about the contradiction that exists in me; i want to be the life of the party, the centre of attention, but at the same time i hate being at the centre of attention.
i am trying to express myself better as a person instead of just being quiet. im so f*cking sick and tired of people judging me like that; 'the nice quiet boy', 'very quiet and concientious person', and family used to tell me all the time that i shud try to open up more and all this and that. i just didnt know how. im getting better by the week i think. but i think for really gaining confidence like that u have to go out meet lots of people and experience lots of new things.
im 18 right now, and hoepfully when i go to uni next year i can do that.
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surrounded by demons
from neverneverland on 2002-01-23 14:46 [#00074059]
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I agree that many conversations that people are having everyday (and I can hear them talk on the train and stuff... I listen to conversations all the time) are really very boring and shallow and meaningless.
But then I'm also starting to discover some sort of a "pattern". Of course the "Hi how are you?" question is really stupid, and people don't really care and are just saying it to be polite... but it IS a way to start a conversation with someone. The conversation can go in any direction from that point.
So whilst I'm always secretly laughing at people for making all those stupid remarks, I'm also beginning to see that many people just use them as a tool to help them, because they are also a little nervous to talk to people, and "hi how are you?" can break the ice, so to say. Hm... maybe I should try that, and see what happens.
When someone asks me how I am doing I can never say anything besides "pretty good" or something like that. I guess you're supposed to talk a little about what's going on in your life.
PS. this is the last time I clicked that "notify me of future replies" box underneath here! All the mails are driving me crazy :-p
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grinningcat
on 2002-01-23 14:55 [#00074063]
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yes u are right surrounded. i work in a shop, serving people, and am constatly surprised at how my fellow collegues seem to be able to chat openly, flirt, etc with any1 of any age that comes in, whereas i never really get past the 'hi. thats 12.99' stage.
:-)
i think in some ways in afraid of showing the real me, in case of what people may think. coz if ur quiet then any1 can think anything of ur personality, but if u show ur insides more then they either like u or dont. and i think im afraid of that rejection subconciously.
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surrounded by demons
from neverneverland on 2002-01-23 15:05 [#00074065]
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Okay, I had interpreted the making silly faces in the wrong way grinningcat. It's true that there are many people who are really good at that... telling a story so that everyone is listening and waving their arms and making funny voices etc... but I could never see myself in that role. It's a nice fantasy indeed, but when I actually do say something in a group of people I feel incredibly akward when they all look at me and listen to what I have to say... sometimes i litteraly wish i were invisible.
"i guess i was just talking about the contradiction that exists in me; i want to be the life of the party, the centre of attention, but at the same time i hate being at the centre of attention."
I feel the same way... I'm an artschool-student myself, so every once in a while we get an evaluation, and everybody has to put their work up on a wall, and look at other people's work.
What I really love is when people are looking at my work and saying something nice about it, whilst I'm standing somewhere they can't see me ;-) I do find myself enjoying the fact that people are saying nice things about me...
However then everyone (one at a time) has to stand in front of the whole class and tell them about what they've been doing... and that really freaks me out! I can't stand being there at the centre of everyone's attention. And even when classmates or teachers are saying nice things I just want to get back there in the crowd.
(I tend to wait and stand at the back of the room the whole time untill I'm the last person who has to give a presentation and no-one is paying much attention anymore anyway... it worked pretty well, except one teacher noticed it and would always let me be the first to talk, aaaargh!)
"Im so f*cking sick and tired of people judging me like that; 'the nice quiet boy', 'very quiet and concientious person'"
I have grown to appreciate that... I quite like being a nice and quiet boy. However when someone takes the time to walk towards me and actually talk to me, I would like to be able to express myself a little bit. I'd be more than happy if I could just think out loud in front of someone (just the one person... perhaps another nice and quiet person :-)).
"im getting better by the week i think."
That's really great! I mean that :-) Happy for you!
"but i think for really gaining confidence like that u have to go out meet lots of people and experience lots of new things."
Yes, I'm finding that out... if I really want to change I probably should be doing all the things that I'm so afraid of and really don't want to do...
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surrounded by demons
from neverneverland on 2002-01-23 15:05 [#00074066]
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Okay, I had interpreted the making silly faces in the wrong way grinningcat. It's true that there are many people who are really good at that... telling a story so that everyone is listening and waving their arms and making funny voices etc... but I could never see myself in that role. It's a nice fantasy indeed, but when I actually do say something in a group of people I feel incredibly akward when they all look at me and listen to what I have to say... sometimes i litteraly wish i were invisible.
"i guess i was just talking about the contradiction that exists in me; i want to be the life of the party, the centre of attention, but at the same time i hate being at the centre of attention."
I feel the same way... I'm an artschool-student myself, so every once in a while we get an evaluation, and everybody has to put their work up on a wall, and look at other people's work.
What I really love is when people are looking at my work and saying something nice about it, whilst I'm standing somewhere they can't see me ;-) I do find myself enjoying the fact that people are saying nice things about me...
However then everyone (one at a time) has to stand in front of the whole class and tell them about what they've been doing... and that really freaks me out! I can't stand being there at the centre of everyone's attention. And even when classmates or teachers are saying nice things I just want to get back there in the crowd.
(I tend to wait and stand at the back of the room the whole time untill I'm the last person who has to give a presentation and no-one is paying much attention anymore anyway... it worked pretty well, except one teacher noticed it and would always let me be the first to talk, aaaargh!)
"Im so f*cking sick and tired of people judging me like that; 'the nice quiet boy', 'very quiet and concientious person'"
I have grown to appreciate that... I quite like being a nice and quiet boy. However when someone takes the time to walk towards me and actually talk to me, I would like to be able to express myself a little bit. I'd be more than happy if I could just think out loud in front of someone (just the one person... perhaps another nice and quiet person :-)).
"im getting better by the week i think."
That's really great! I mean that :-) Happy for you!
"but i think for really gaining confidence like that u have to go out meet lots of people and experience lots of new things."
Yes, I'm finding that out... if I really want to change I probably should be doing all the things that I'm so afraid of and really don't want to do...
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surrounded by demons
from neverneverland on 2002-01-23 15:06 [#00074068]
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i don't know why it posted that twice... i'm pretty sure i pushed the post-button only once
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surrounded by demons
from neverneverland on 2002-01-23 15:14 [#00074071]
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"yeah, I would never be able to do something stupid like that, but the fact that I was there considering it was scary enough..."
Indeed... I can imagine quite clearly how you gradually get to that point where you see no other way out... to everyone who actually does commit suicide it probably didn't seem like a very extreme thing to do, just the next logical step. But hearing it like this... it really scared me. That I could get so lonely that I would actually consider that... I REALLY want to avoid that.
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surrounded by demons
from neverneverland on 2002-01-23 15:28 [#00074073]
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I completely understand everything you're saying grinningcat. I really don't look down on people who are able to do that, just talk to people, make funny remarks, flirt, laugh... etc... I think that's amazing. Even if 99% is really shallow and meaningless... it's also the only way to maybe meet one or two people that actually have got something to say. I always though there would be no-one in the world that would be like me (like the same music and share the same interests etc.), but already through internet I find that even in my own country there are lots of nice people... I think if I would socialize more, I would also discover them in my surroundings.
Every saturday I work as a mailman, and I'm forcing myself to at least say: "have a nice weekend!" to everyone I meet and to people that open the door etc. It seems silly really, but it does feel good when complete strangers say it back to me :-) And sometimes some sort of conversation will develop from it... I'm still horribly bad at it and don't know many things to say... but it's a start I figured.
I have thought about the fact that possibly I'm afraid to get hurt when I talk to people. Whenever you say your opinion, you run the risk that people won't agree with you, and will even think you're strange or weird... when you open up, you also make yourself vulnerable. I find that I always say I'm doing okay, even when I'm feeling really terrible...
"coz if ur quiet then any1 can think anything of ur personality, but if u show ur insides more then they either like u or dont. and i think im afraid of that rejection subconciously."
Exactly! I think you're absolutely right... that is probably the reason why I am so closed and introverted. If you don't take any risks, you won't get hurt. But you also aren't able to accomplish anything.
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B3n
from Falkland Islands on 2002-01-23 15:56 [#00074084]
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I'm actually happy the way I am. I'd hate to be just like everyone else (not that I'd think it bad if I were).
I think in the long run, I'm going to be happier with myself and maybe more fulfilled because I know what I did/do is truly what I want to do and not what society dictates.
As with girls, I don't really have a problem with them and get on very well with them, I just find it harder to take things further, but as I say, thats only once I have got to know them.
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Clive aka Maximus Volumus aka Clive Cliveson
from Northeast Cliveland on 2002-01-23 16:03 [#00074085]
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shy eh? Coconut.
I am shy too, and i wish i werent, its difficult not to be when ur used to it. It can sometimes lead to self torture or suicide. Both are good options.
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Ophecks
from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-23 16:31 [#00074103]
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I'm unhappy right now, in a depression. I don't think it has to do with being shy or lonely... I was at a party socializing the other night, and I'm not too bad with people, my shyness isn't debilitating or anything. I can talk to complete stranger and I'm a good conversationalist, but I think I'd rather go off by myself... it isn't shyness or loneliness that's bugging me, I'm not sure what it is. My life is missing something.
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hevquip
from 45.697 bits of electricity on 2002-01-23 16:42 [#00074114]
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i prefer not talking to people because of the stupid things they put a value to.
people are concerned with the unimportant things in life.
people don't shut up often enough. if they'd shut up, they could spend some time in their own thoughts and analyze their lives.
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Ophecks
from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-23 16:46 [#00074118]
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I sit behind these two really popular girls in my anthropology class...
All 50 minutes, they just ramble on about shallow garbage. ''Oooh, that guy's so cute'', ''oh, I hate that bitch!'', ''I drank SOOOOO much last night'', ''do you like my new sweater, Abercrombie and Fitch?''
It drives me MAD!
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borix
on 2002-01-23 16:54 [#00074125]
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I'm not really shy, better call it reserved. I'm not always interested in the things other people talk about (shallow shit). Before that bothered me because you mis some connection with other people and it made me nervous. You try to ake the connection, 'fit in' but it sucks and it's an unintresting life they lead (IMHO!).
ow I have a lot more selfconfidence and I'm just being my quiet reserved self. Now I see people getting nervous of me because I just do my own thing and I don't need their 'group' to belong too. I got my own bunch of great friends and they know me, know how I am.
It's really funny how some people get uneasy when I just doin'my'thing. Hehe.
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Monoid
on 2002-01-23 17:13 [#00074130]
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...The problem is, some of you people just think to much........
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B3n
from Falkland Islands on 2002-01-23 17:40 [#00074140]
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We are the dreamers of the dreamers
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grinningcat
on 2002-01-23 18:28 [#00074143]
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thanks again for the lengthy replies 'surrounded', its always nice to know some1 feels the same way in the society we're in :-)
cya all....
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Tripewriter
from trapped inside a tear-duct on 2002-01-23 18:46 [#00074146]
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Old Beatnik:
"i wouldn't call myself shy as such but introverted by design (so to speak), in a way i choose to be on my own, talking to myslef, and observing rather than interacting (precisely hevquip). I Like my own company, to be alone with myself, my own thoughts, no one elses: an introvert"
Nice fuckin' answer...but you seem to have made one major omission: If
you're such a fuckin' 'introvert', why the fuck do you hang out w/ me??? You've
really hurt my feelings this time... (sobbing)
Did you just use me for sex??? Why is this happening to me???
Old Beatnik: you may not believe me, but I love you...and do you know what the saddest part is??? I never learnt to read!!!! (hysterically crying).
You fuck my wife? Oh yeah, you are my wife...
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock...
“Are we nearly there yet?”
“Nearly where?”
“Nearly at the end of this post...”
“What post???”
Fuck it! I'm over you now anyway.....I love Tinkerbell...............or maybe Gummi Bear no.7.........
Anyway, Beatnik: You'll die, ooh yes, you will die!!!!!!!!! Fear my wrath shit-head!!!!
All your face belongs to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BTW, Beatnik: I'm pregnant...... (cue Dynamite Headdy Theme......)
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|REFLEX|
from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada on 2002-01-23 21:50 [#00074209]
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Actually im farthest away from shy and quiet, im always talking about something, usually offensive in some manner to someone in the room. Thats just the way iam, its not on purpose to show how immature I can be, its just some serious topic that shouldnt be discussed infront of people that dont belong to your group of close friends. People get weirded out and feel akward in those situations, not me... I just act normal as always, I dont really get a long with shy people because I dont like how they are and they dislike how I act.
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Old Beatnik
from las vegas on 2002-01-23 22:03 [#00074217]
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tripewriter: i'm sorry my dear wife, i try not to mention the fact that i have a wife simply for your protection (honestly, they'd all be looking at you, lusting after you "hey you, you fuck my wife?" "What?" "you heard me, you fuck my wife?" "no" "Ha! you lie, you sonofabitch, you did fuck my wife, and now you will die", YOu See.....
i may hang around with you but you're an intovert too, so you don't count as such.....
Phone rings "pick up" rings "pick up" rings "pick up the fucking phone!" rings "you fuck my wife?" click
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Old Beatnik
from las vegas on 2002-01-23 22:05 [#00074218]
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AAAAAUUUUUUHGGGGHHHHH, Jesus christ, you're pregnant!!!!! why didn't you tell me before!!!!how lonG???
...........he better be a little beatnik or i will have to divorce you and fuck someone's wife..................
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Xanatos
from NYC on 2002-01-24 00:58 [#00074269]
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I'm not shy and quiet. I try not to say anything however if it doesn't need to be said.
But I'm almost always open to meeting and talking to new people, and joking around and talking with my friends.
Recently, however, I've had less of a desire to be polite, especially to people I don't care about. Like friends of my friends whom I don't really care about one way or another, and I know will just drift out of my life, I don't really give any importance to. I don't try to build any fake relationship with someone whom I know I have no grounds for friendship with. Its like I've realized more and more that you can only keep so many close people around you, and its more important to keep them close, then to bullshit with the ghosts (like the poeple who walk by you on the street) who come and go.
Interesting thread, by the way, taking me a while to read through it.
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silverflux
from NYC on 2002-01-24 00:59 [#00074270]
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i'm a bit shy as well. don't really like to talk much. a lot of what people say is trite.
whatever.
imagine living in nyc and looking at the people walking around. even with friends of mine, i feel like they try and stuff fashion down my throat. i'd rather spend my bones on cds and books. fuck the prada shoes and the gucci bags.
I WANT TO BE ME!!!! ;)
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Ophecks
from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-24 01:05 [#00074274]
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I've worn the same shirt the last 4 days. (don't worry, my mom washed it. I smell good. :-D )
So I don't care about fashion. And the thing is, it is SOOOO important... it almost seems like the people you hang out with, your clique, is determined by what you WEAR... I get along with some goths in my college, but I'll never really BE one of them, because I don't dress or LOOK that way. Even though we get along on an intellectual level... all you have to do is dress like a group, and they'll accept you, I swear.
Fuck fashion.
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silverflux
from NYC on 2002-01-24 01:10 [#00074278]
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yeah, fuck superficial fashion. can you believe that someone told me to my face that what i wear is not acceptable for nyc. i'm fine in my t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers thank you very much.
i don't follow the herd.
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silverflux
from NYC on 2002-01-24 01:25 [#00074282]
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we should all be fitter, happier, more productive.
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Ophecks
from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-24 01:40 [#00074290]
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Comfortable, not drinking too much, regular exercise at the gym, three days a week...
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AMinal
from toronto, canada on 2002-01-24 01:42 [#00074293]
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right on silverflux..
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AMinal
from toronto, canada on 2002-01-24 01:43 [#00074295]
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i would join in but i dont remember exactly how it goes..
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conacure
from Alaska on 2002-01-24 02:44 [#00074304]
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There are more people I can relate to than I initially anticipated.
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conacure
from Alaska on 2002-01-24 02:46 [#00074305]
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Care too much about others' approval and you will be their prisoner.
-Tao Te Ching
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The_Funkmaster
from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-24 03:05 [#00074311]
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that is so true... you can only find happiness within... there are many things which can help, but I think true happiness comes from within...
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silverflux
from nyc on 2002-01-24 03:33 [#00074324]
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happiness does come from within... but if i'm sad, i am within my right to be sad. (pet peeve: when strangers tell me to turn that frown upside down...wtf?)
/end of bitching/
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AMinal
from toronto, canada on 2002-01-24 03:39 [#00074328]
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"thats a smile, not an upside down frown!" - lisa's tap dancing instructor
good old simpsons.. i dont know about you, but little simpsons quotes like that find their way into most of my conversations.. usually cheering me up..
ur right though.. happiness does come from inside.. but its one thing to say that (most people do) but its another to actually act on it and get happiness from inside.. konw what i mean?
it shouldn't be something that you try to achieve though.. if ur trying to achieve it then ur going about it the wrong way i think
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silverflux
from nyc on 2002-01-24 03:47 [#00074332]
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i love the simpsons..been watching the show since it was a skit on the tracey ullman show.
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Xanatos
from NYC on 2002-01-24 04:08 [#00074334]
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jesus christ a female who lives near me, loves the simpsons, and loves aphex twin
come to Washington Heights!!!
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silverflux
from nyc on 2002-01-24 04:11 [#00074335]
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i used to hang out at washington heights. loved the "arroz con pollo!" yum.
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Xanatos
from NYC on 2002-01-24 05:35 [#00074347]
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lol, noone in my neighborhood speaks english, much less listens to electronic music.
the only non-dominican food in my neighborhood besides mcdonalds and the diner is:
"'U' Like Chinese Food" which is pretty ghetto, but the food isn't bad.
ok I succomb to turning this into an AOL chatroom, how old are you (silverflux)?
i'll hear nothing out of you ophecks =)!
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