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 (nobody)...and 393 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614114 Today 0 Topics 127542 |
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please type out or paste the funniest joke you can think of / find that is only short... no three-post replies terminating in a dodgy punchLine! :@ |
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knock knock who's there? lydia lydia who? lydia dustbin |
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what's brown and taps at the window? a poo on stilts |
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my dog has no nose. how does he smell? awful. |
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Jedi Chris |
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the version I was told was "Lydia Teapot". And I honestly didn't get the joke for YEARS after I first heard it! "It's unpleasantly like being drunk" "What's so unpleasant about being drunk?!" "Try telling that to a glass of water" (from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) |
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A turtle, a tall stoat and a policeman walk into a bar and ask for a menu.. the barman says 'Is this some kind of joke?' |
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yo momma so... ...wait, does that count? |
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what's better than having sex with a 5 year old boy? nothing. |
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That's not funny. And I don't mean because it's "sick" or anything, it's just a lame punchline! |
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It's supposed to be a five year old girl and the punch line is turning her over and pretending it's a five year old boy. but I'd never say that, it's filthy and wrong. and silly. |
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haha...that would be funny... |
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see -- there we have a craftily constructed punchline! try again, epohs. btw, jivver, did you ever receive the CD i mailed to you? |
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Yes! I haven't had time to listen to it properly, I played it the other day when I was cleaning up though! I liked it, let me listen to it properly and then I'll be able to say properly, I'm totally free after next weekend so I'll give it a good listen. Thanks for sending it! |
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ehh... well, you can't win 'em all i supose. |
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haha, OK then hombre :D I think I'm having a 12" (maybe a double 12") pressed sometimes soonish - with a nice gimmick which Saul X. Baker came up with! (saul is princo on here) |
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Don't give up! Give it another go! :D |
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Did you put your address on the CD cover? I can't remember? If not, send me your address and I'll send you some stuff. |
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what takes 7 years to come and gets milked by corporate bastards? |
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hows about this old gem: a pirate walks into a bar with a boat steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. the bartender says to him "hay buddy, do you realize you've got a giant steering wheel sticking out of your crotch?" and the pirate replies "arr, she's drivin' me nuts!" |
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sounds cool - I'll do that :D I'll send you my mum's address, as I may be moving from my own flat shortly... expect an email tonight. |
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Gareth Gates' man boobs. |
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nearly, mr stencil face :) |
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An old woman takes her dog to the vets. The dog is dead, but she's slightly senile and whatnot so she thinks the mutt's just sick. She gets the vet to take a look at the thing and he immediately realises that the animal is long gone. "I'm very sorry, but your dog appears to have passed on" he tells her. She replies "No.. it can't be.. I'm sure he's alive. I want a second opinion." So the vet leaves and comes back in with a cat. The cat begins hissing and getting his back up at the sight of the dog, but alas, the dog remains still. "You see? No reaction whatsoever". But the old woman is unsatisfied so the vet leaves and returns again, this time with a huge pissed-off Labrador on a leash. The labrador begins barking viciously at the other dog, but again, the dog lies still. After taking the labrador away, the vet comes back to say "Is there any more proof you need?" Upset, the old woman replies "No.....". "That'll be £600 then" the vet quickly says. "£600???" the old woman says. "Well it would have been £60 to have a look at the dog" says the vet "But we had to do cat scans and lab tests..." |
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a: there's parsley growing out of your ear b: sorry, i cant hear you, there's parsley growing out of my ear |
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that's far too long! Keep 'em short!!! |
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A man and giraffe walk into a bar and order 2 double vodkas and a pint of guiness and sit down, they order the same again, then again... they do this all night untill they decide they need something to eat..... They both struggle to stand up and fall all over the place, the giraffe collapses, the man looks round stumbling and continues to step near the door, the barman shouts 'Oi! you can't leave that lying there!', the man turns, 'It's not a Lion, it's a Giraffe' |
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That's the only recent one I know! The other one is more of a visual joke :s At least read it... |
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Ooops! I forgot..I'll do it on monday, I promise! |
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Is that stolen from 28 Days Later? |
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haha, barman probably had no acces to national geographic... |
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worlds shortest joke: Masochist: Hurt me. Sadist: No. |
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I don't know? my sister told it to me the otherday.. |
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i did read the punchline :D |
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there, I found that one funny :D |
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Then all that typing didn't go to waste thank you. |
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that image will scarify me til the end of the night |
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whachoo talkin' 'bout? i'm a secksee d00d |
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I like the long jokes, DJ i thought it was great ! |
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Why does Elton John play the Piano ? Because he sucks on the organ ! |
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What is the difference between a pimple and a priest ? A pimple waits until your 14 before it comes on your face : ) |
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What king of care doe a Jedi master drive? A toYODA ! BLARG!!!!! |
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king = KIND lol ok last one How did Darth vader know what Luc was getting for Christmas ??? He felt his presents ! |
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you think my picture is pretty don't you? |
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what do you get when you stab a baby 27 times in the face? an erection! |
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How do you fit four fags on a barstool? Turn it over. |
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How do you fit two million jews in a volkswagen beetle? In the ashtray. |
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What do you call Majic Johnson in a wheelchair? Rolaids. |
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hah! that's the minimalist punchline that i was going for earlier. i think those jokes are great. the intelectuals will dismiss them as purely capitalizing on the gore shock factor, but i think the simplicity of the puncline has somthing more to offer. something that is missed by those that are looking for a more complicatedly worded response. i appriciate 'em all both finger-in-the-poo and leave-alex-trebek-in-the-dust type follies |
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