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 Now online (1)belb ...and 64 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2613408 Today 0 Topics 127499 |
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I’ve been suffering with addiction to cola, alcohol , gambling , cruising the RLD , using VR porn and I feel it could be the end for me. I have failed at everything I ever tried , my music degree in sound design , java programming , my waffle business , my electronics repair business and my marriage and being a father . I can’t stick at one thing , I hate being around people , I feel like Monoid is an LOL doll in comparison . All I can do now is find a way to end it . This place was my home in 2005 to 2009 and I thank you all active at this time for being like minded and sharing the fun over those years . The only way I can try to understand what happened to my brain is by listening to Marc Lewis , I can’t afford his £150 per hour fee , so it looks like I’m checking out . and signing off . All I can leave behind here is that I figured out that there are 64 possibilities at every nano second , each nano second is a quantum mechanical collapse of the wave function , which means reality splits into 64 parts and the part of he universe that control which part you fall into is a judgement on previous events based on your pathway . So ... you’re life is split into a vast number of copies each time the wave function collapses , this means that you’re not in the same universe that you started in and your actually here for an eternity . My method of dying is an experiment, I’m going to design an quantum apparatus that makes a 50/50 calculation using lasers , so that either I die instantly or live . If I live on then I can confirm I have ended up in another universe and the many worlds theory is correct . Only problem is I won’t be able to report back in your world. So bye for now. You can’t escape these dimensions , you are trapped here forever . |
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Addiction to cola? Coca cola? Sorry dude, I'm from Spain. Don't get what you say, but it's interesting, becuz im on drug rehab now. To heroin and cocaine. Me too, between years 05 to 09 this was my place, the forum o the aphex twins music makers, and dog blech :D Don't worry, keep on your good intentions. |
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seems like i'm saying this a lot lately, but see a doctor larn, you've got the resource of the nhs at your disposal, use it. before you try and off yourself with a homebrew laser, go to a&e and talk to someone. life might seem hopeless now but time will pass and shit will get better. and you've got a kid now, even if you're estranged you don't get the luxury of wallowing in yr misery, if you kill yrself it will fuck her up. be well n report back, hope you feel better soon |
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Cocaine , I can’t go a week |
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Maybe this is common ? |
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Listen to belb. Life has the possibility to get better. Death, not so much. Don't feel bad if you need help. Don't feel scared or embarrassed to ask for it. Get better. |
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We've all been through some shit. |
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I keep trying but I end up back at square one , I don’t want to hurt anyone , so I thought of disappearing so maybe I could pay someone to send a post card each year |
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Yea, suicide it's a common thinks on that fuckd situation, but to kill yourself it's very bad for the other, not for you. You can feel so alone and nervous, all around don't got a sense, i am on that. But if I die, I suicide me, I will fuck the people who love me lot, and they don't deserve it. Day by Day, step by step thinks get clear. I try not to take druqks. I try to enjoy things, I don't know you, and look like you is on a horrible hole, Monoid was fucked, intelligent but totally mentally on a hell. Sorry if I boring you, only try to learn ,that's life. |
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I know you’re right , which I is why I am still here . got. 7 yer old daughter man, that’s all I care about |
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I don’t think addiction is a Brian disease , but it’s a very difficult thing to overcome |
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suicidal depression coming off coke? yeah it's par for the course man, you've blown through all yr dopamine reserves |
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You need to get some professional help, get yourself mentally and emotionally stabilized so you can stop thinking in terms of these grand dramatic gestures. So you can do the less romantic but more fulfilling work of actually improving things for yourself. |
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i was never one for coke thankfully but i've been addicted to plenty of shit, yr speaking from a chemically messed up place atm. it's nothing to be ashamed of tho |
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I just asked my mum for another £200 to gamble with , I’m a low life :((. I don’t want to Waite you’re time with impossible examples of people like me |
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you know how it goes with gambling, that's how casinos and bookies etc make their money. hope it's not on the fixed odds machines. you won't be able to enjoy yr winnings even if yr lucky, knowing yr bleeding yr own mum. if people are enabling you, tell them to cut you off for yr own good. a spell in hospital would do you the world of good man |
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All that means is you can't do this alone, you need professional help. If you think you're any worse than what they see daily you're kidding yourself. |
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and yr not wasting our time by sharing! yr just at a low ebb atm |
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It's a brain ( mind and body) disease, totally. With brain chemicals and interactions your emotions and cognitive system are influenced by the drugs reactions. It's not about a thing to overcome. Need help , medical and professional help, Only you probably cannot deal with. I lie to myself, once I cross the line to many times, and live in a illogic way I believe on that. But you are the boss, you say when , how and with who will make the end episode. |
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Wise words |
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Gambling is a bad way to get rich. Why dont you save the money and get into the stock market? |
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music degree in sound design? what did you study exactly? what made you quit? |
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you want to do something about it see a doctor larn like right now once you start going that way you’ll wonder why you haven’t done it before |
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but uh this vr porn you're talking about rite are there any of those with large gentlemen in it? preferably with large schlongs so they can slap me with it in vr? |
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Hey Mate, don't snuff yourself out, there must be something about you to come on here I reckon, if you ever want a private conversation you can email me, |
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seem like all the gambling, drink and drugs mean you have actually forgotten what it feels to be good and feel good about yourself, no wonder you're at your wits end, its a unnatural state for anyone to be in |
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just think of the phase when you've cleaned up, the dopamine returns in force, and you get a free manic trip a la charlie sheen / tiger blood |
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i guess there's always ibogane and ayahuasca if you can't wean yourself off and can't bring yourself to go to the doctor, some sort of psychedelic trip might help you find some motivation. as long as it's not when you're wrecked or hungover |
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I don't think this is a good idea... |
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why do baby embroys looks so sacred |
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holy shit lol |
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bit of a guilty pleasure, |
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jealous of whoever got the drug budget to put that music vid together |
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yeah vast quantities were snorted and smoked by the look of it, |
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its like proto collapse |
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alright, larn, you know what i was doing last night? i was playing simcity 2000 until 6am. i play through a round of simcity 2000 about once a year, and now is the time. it's grey and rainy out and i'm moody over some stuff with a friend and so yeah let's fire up doxbox and play simcity 2000 until our eyes bleed. everywhere, chances to construct fiddly grids, play our cards well with the water pump system. citizens demand zoo. you'll just get bored of it in two months and want something else video games, yeah. if you're trying to stay out of drink, drugs, moods, whatever, there's often a video game for that. writing music works too. like, as long as you keep focus on the music, all the other crap that's on fire doesn't exist |
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one of my faves, I genuinely like this |
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sim city 2000 was really good, shit want to play it now but I will be up till 6 in the morning |
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as much as i believe psychedelics can be beneficial, and definitely helped me quit boozing, the first post in this thread smacks of psychosis. it's not time to trip, it's time to rest |
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i guess i should have put the "while not wrecked or hungover" part in bold just, well, i figure there are at least a few other than me who've had a trip and then a "fuck, what am i doing to myself?" moment and you try and do better afterwards |
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I really recommend going the doctors and getting a plan of action, bit of professional help, I know its really hard to do as a bloke I hate the doctors but sometimes it necessary |
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and sim city, why not |
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sim city is one of those things that's like a warm microcosm of however the fuck you want things to work. you're not a god, your actions have consequences, and it boils down to an engagement loop of event, design, response i always spend ten or twenty minutes terraforming the map before i start the game. then i turn disasters off, because it ruins the algorithmic beauty. from there, i dunno, it's like i'm a guy that builds cars, i've built this car dozens of times before, just let it unfold and it's meditative and engaging |
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scratches the same itch as hanging bass noises, rave stabs off of drum loops. you can see me setting up gridwork to populate on the fringes |
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you can see how i've terraformed the map; absolutely choked the landscape with trees. mostly flat, but some elevated edges to be less boring. i'm holding back the real estate on the far side of the river for the archology stage |
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you can see the need more water pumps. water, such a problem. call me the water pimp |
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the space as we crest 100k the only reason i won't be up to 6am tonight is because i'll have it closed out within an hour or three. |
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If you have a spark that sets off, a lucid moment, then hold on to that and get better. Ie look after yourself. You’ve received some good advice in this thread and I can only recommend you get some help. We live in strange times and it’s easy to fall into depression. I’m the first to admit that. It’s not easy, but you can make it out of this, Larn! |
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