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one of my anxieties is anxiety. i get anxious that i will get anxious, and then i get anxious. i am anxious now. i have a work call with a potential client and i want to have all my marbles in a row; not scattered asunder by anxiety. so i go for a nice hike and have a zigguraut and listen to tipper and hum to myself to warm up my voice and call precisely thirty seconds into the designated minute of the call only to hear "can i call you back in fifteen minutes?" yes, of course you can. i'll just use the time to post to xltronic because it beats stewing and staring at the wall |
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never mind he has a doctor's thing pressure's off for about two hours i think i'll work on my other work for a bit. |
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you don't have to have all your marbles in a row and you can feel anxious. do whatever you're doing. |
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I used to have very bad anxiety to the point of being agoraphobic until my mother had a stroke, and out of necessity I had to leave the house to go to her and help her, it was the only thing that made a difference as I was exposed to the thing I hated doing walking along a main road around other people, It was so difficult for me for months until I became my old self again |
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I suppose I will always have some level of worrying its just who I am rather than some learned behaviour, well I think it is, probably have a worry gene |
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I wake up every morning with massive angst. I suffer from anxiety, yes. All day. Nights I tend to relax a bit, though it's probably all the meds working. |
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I've noticed since returning that this is something you talk about more on here now. Have things gotten worse for you in the last few years or is it that you're more comfortable to talk here now? Either way it's shit news. You deserve to be happier |
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Come to think of it I notice your posts delve into the anxiety stuff more now too. If it means anything you have my empathy. You're an interesting bloke and you've done some proper tunes (Hermit Thrush comes to mind). Hope you keep at it. |
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and thanks. i mess around in milkytracker but my life mess takes up so mech of of my mife i muss thob |
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It's not something you want to be defined as. Lately there's been a few threads about depression/anxiety and I thought I'd be honest. This place is for a laugh really, it's not my blog, but yes it's possible that I'm more comfortable admitting I have a problem. |
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Giving up both dairy and gluten provided a massive reduction in problems for me |
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Google Phenibut - Its legal, cheap and is the only thing that helps with anxiety. |
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in any case if your anxiety is a problem or if you're having other difficulties too, go see a doctor like mo said in the other thread. it has helped me a lot. a good doctor can help you and if needed can prescribe you just the right medicine that you need. |
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Jesus Christ, I'm not a fucking idiot. |
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every man is a complete idiot given the right set of circumstances. |
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why? who said that? |
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I guess I thought this was directed at me. Been struggling for the last 15 years. Went through many shrinks, for years, until I found the right person. Have slowly eased off the meds but still depend on a few. I also have a physical condition. That's enough about me now. Thanks for caring! |
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oh :) i was telling that to Epic. You already said you were taking meds. Unless you are illegally acquiring them. |
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lost count of the number of times i've had people say, "do you want a xanax?" no. thanks. fuck that shit is more trouble than it's then a docco relative heard me relate this fact of my life and said: "oh, i agree! xanax is a horrible drug. what you need is ativan" from one perspective, perhaps i'm a fucking idiot. perhaps this stuff would help... but, you know what? alcohol helped my anxiety, too... and having people offer me xanax in a would-you-like-an-altoid sort of manner indicates it's the sort of help i should avoid for my own forgoodnessake. then you get into the terrible, scary drugs. like paxil. that stuff sounds like a horror movie... but i heard it mixes great with alcohol. you, like, aren't anxious at all no, the answer is to go out and confront the anxiety in bite-sized doses, process it on your own for a bit, then go and nibble some more. things start to thaw a little. then something terrible sets you back, but, no, keep nibbling. eventually, life is tolerable |
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mushrooms deffo helped me, I could do with a whole lot more |
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using alcohol to ease your anxiety is not a good idea i think. you become dependent. i used ativan for a month and it helped a lot. ativan isn't something that you can take long term. i'm on paxil now :) and i don't know why you think it's a horror story. it helps me. it might not help you. maybe something else is more suitable for you. or maybe you don't need any drugs at all. |
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lol |
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Some people seem to think shrinks will tell you what to do and fill you with meds blah blah blah. Yeah, a lot of them do, but they are not your master. You can stop seeing someone if they don't seem appropriate. It's not like you're forced to stay with someone. I find talking to someone who I find clever (rare) and who is neutral but here to help. I love my psychiatrist, we have a great rapport. He never tells me what to do, we just chat, and he's knowledgeable. He's smart and up to date, into the art I like. Monday at three is always a nice moment for me where I make sense of things out loud. My god, someone who would actually listen to epicmegatracks. |
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When people tell me hard truths and I get upset that often really helps me as I fight against a negative perception that people have of me |
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using alcohol to ease your anxiety is not a good idea i think. you become dependent Jesus Christ, I'm not a fucking idiot. |
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ok sorry jeez. you're the one that said alcohol helped your anxiety. |
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i think he was joking as it something ~Dust said before |
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ha yeah, i think it might be. anyway, don't care about anything i'm saying. i'm not a doctor, what do i know. |
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I feel the same about my own knowledge on the subject, even though ive suffered a great deal of anxiety in my life, i still dont really have a good idea of what its all about |
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even though ive suffered a great deal of anxiety in my life, i still dont really have a good idea of what its all about the engineering breakdown the boogie |
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i remember that thread. classic. |
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yes good analogy with the grounding your anxious state through routine and sub tasks, that really helps me as i feel my mind is anchored to something so doesnt have time to procrastinate |
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then why don't you remember that i ? |
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oh sorry i missed that one. |
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yes good analogy with the grounding your anxious state through routine and sub tasks, that really helps me as i feel my mind is anchored to something so doesnt have time to procrastinate welcome to 2.0 -- you're gonna need some weasels. |
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anxiety is nearby to the problem of compulsively picking at stuff in my mind. the more i write on this board, the more stuck i get on it. to the point where i have trouble switching my brain back to programming (e.g. actual work). the more i program, the more my brain gets stuck on programming. to the point where i have trouble sleeping. at that point, i binge-watch ST:TNG until my brain is completely saturated with it; effectively degaussing my mind. as i fall asleep, the last thing to fade is the sound of the ship's engines that percolate through 90% of the show relationships are much tougher. if i have an argument with someone, i tend to keep picking at it in my skull and i just get madder and come up with awful things to say and shut up brain, stop this. stop this at once. this is no good. no good at all! so, recently, i've invented a little visualization of closing a window, locking the window, then pulling down the windowshade. i've taken to doing it twice, once on the right, once on the left. today has been alright enough, but yesterday i easily did that over a hundred times throughout the course of the day. it is like training a really problematic dog. world's most problem dog brain yap yap yap yap |
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this thing where i soak up a task so completely i almost cease to exist is also something the paired well with a lot of synthesizers in a wooden basscement. |
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what if you do twice on the left and seven on the right? |
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once or twice? nothing all the time? something |
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i had a time as a kid when i had to flex my ass 7 times. lol! it was the stupidist thing ever. i don't remember when i had to do it though. |
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i almost went into a deep ramble about why i do it once for each side, then i caught myself. didn't write it. next, i wrote something like, "once on the right, once on the left, for reasons that are difficult to verbalize." looked at what i'd just written -- no, we're still doing the thing -- deleted the superfluous blather. continued in summary, there are reasons i do that, but it's difficult to verbalize. aaron funk recalled how, as a young lad, he used to compulsively count numbers on his fingerdigits. i didn't do that. instead, if i bumped my right shoulder walking through a doorway, i'd walk back a bit and try to bump my left shoulder in precisely the same spot. i grew out of it as i got older. a couple weeks ago i elected to revive it, in this limited sense. something something both hemispheres of the brain, something something hemispheres fighting, normalization, equalization, balance. at worst, i figure doing it twice is more solid than doing it once. as a bonus, it's free practice using my internal visual field in a more deliberate manner does that answer your quizzazzle? no? ok |
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i had the same. i had to touch the same thing with my other hand. |
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i sometimes catch myself doing it now but then i don't do it and nothing happens. i don't feel nervous. an airplane doesn't crash on my face. |
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i find it helpful to treat it as an odd indulgance, sort of like picking your nose. during a quiet moment by yourself? oh, go on then... in the middle of a house party? no, you can't shake the person's hand a second time with your second hand or there will be a faux pas it is a part of you. trying to kill it off completely strikes me as somewhere between cruel and futile. suppressing it seems to send the juice elsewhere in bad ways (sort of like how sitting in a chair all day makes one jumpy). no one will know if you do a complete mirror-image workout as you shower in the morning, so why not? the next-level laser is to say, "this is a part of me, it is a compulsive engine that hums along flawlessly, perhaps i can use it for something?" that firm compulsion seems like a fine thing to leverage when i'm trying to be firm with compulsive thoughts. a carefully-chosen visualization done with that compulsive bumping attitude and the second bump gets a bump in da brane. |
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i don't feel nervous. an airplane doesn't crash on my face. it is a very specific type of feeling. the same sort of feeling i get when i see a bookshelf full of perfectly aligned books with a single book pushed in too far. then when you go to fix it you can't just pull it back out, you wind up moving the neighboring books by accident, rrrr! never mind! this is stupid and compulsive and you're just going to have to be misaligned, you rotten books so, yes, i've learned not to let misaligned books run my life. i have more important socks to sort. but, on a rainy day, i will look at that shelf and say: yes, i have nothing better to do, i am going to go make this bookshelf freaking perfect. it's the same sort of pleasure one would get from scratching a mosquito bite, i suppose. it's satisfying, but more than a little scratching and it begins to itch much worse. then bleed. so i don't scratch mosquito bites as a matter of policy, but i make the occasional exception because i have left this thing alone all damn day and now is the moment |
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that looks more annoying to me than relaxing. |
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if it doesn't bother you then it's not a problem. i like the idea of using it for something productive. |
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we live in the fourth dimension, but can only manipulate the first three dimensions. when you get down to it, explaining the brain with words is somewhat doomed, because there are layers in there that exist outside of words. words are a bubble-system inside some higher-order system. i am a proponent of taking words as far as one can, though, and my hobby is trying to jailbreak out of the word VM; into the host's hypervisor. in that spirit: i didn't have some brainwave saying "revive that old compulsion from childhood." i was in bed, unable to sleep, brain gnawing on an argument i'd had instead of sleeping. rrrr! bad brain. i began doing my close-window visualization. after a couple rounds, i noticed i was doing it off to the right. do i do everything off to the right? is one half of my brain not getting the message? so, i did it on the left for a bit. then i began alternating, because i got that old feeling of things being off balance. i didn't think about it; i just started doing it. i didn't even realize, initially, that this was similar to that old childhood compulsion. things often play out this way, with me: i say, "this is what feels right," and i do it without any further thought. after enough times doing the whatever-it-is, i start to understand where the feeling comes from. i said, "oh, yeah! this is a lot like that shoulder bump thing from when i was a kid!" the more i pick at it in my head, the more rationalizations tumble in, and i begin to understand why it felt like a good idea. but it's very hard to verbalize why |
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