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quite a few times i've lit up a cigarette at a traffic light and seen someone else spot me doing it; light one up themselves. every now and then, though, i could see the person clearly and i could tell it wasn't a conscious decision. it was like that thing at the dinner table, in which one person picks up their glass of water, and everyone else promptly does the same. if the conversation is dull, i'll entertain myself by trying to deliberately inducing it. if i figure if i ever catch myself doing this with cigarettes, it's time to quit. also, we're all totally addicted to water. |
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cigarettes are science. nicotine shuts up the chatter in my brain for forty-five minutes or so. it helps me sit still when my sock is on wrong. cigarettes are also shit. they taste like crap and if i smoke more than a few in a day i begin to feel weird in an unpleasant sort of way. pretty much, they're too terrible for me to get in deep. even still, i challenge you to find someone who will entertain the idea that smoking a few a day is a constructive and healthy thing for the right sort of mind. other than me, anyways |
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tldr version of this whole thread ~ society is full of shit. most everyone is on autopilot and rapidly flying towards society's shit. first, pop open the access panel and reprogram the autopilot to fly around the piles of shit instead of directly into them. autopilot knows where the shit is better than you; let it do its job. once you've flown cleared the piles of shit, learn to fly the plane. then go somewhere nice. |
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just filling in some blanks to salve the irritation of knowing that some blanks exist.... Drs. AA & Drew, LLC also have no mercy for the "i can stop anytime i want" line. the reason is that a lot of people who cannot stop go around saying that as a way to politely say to other people: "i don't want to stop, fuck off." what these painfully linear practitioners miss is that people who actually can stop will sometimes say this as well. i devised a policy i later named data-driven hedonism. i'm rather proud of this name; it's one of my better word contraptions. i want to get as much out of life as i can. have the most fun, make the most mostest mosts. this does not mean pulling a jimi hendrix. i don't want to party so much i die at 40 or 50, because that would cut the fun short. i also do not want to live to 90 if it means spending all 90 years living like the world's most boring boy scout, because that is not fun at all. i know a shitload about algorithms, so clearly, all i have to do is sort out an algorithm to optimize for the variables fun, owsum, rad, and so on. then, most importantly, i have to stay flexible and adjust the algorithm if the givens i'm working from change somehow. i'll spare you the complexities of this; that's all you need here, as i wrote that there are moments where i'd love to include the full arc, but only this slice will do. i also know that trying to cover the full arc could get complicated. suffice to say i thought i could stop any time i wanted, because i had stopped multiple times before. on a three-week business trip, i was too busy. other times, i felt like crap, and data-driven hedonism dictated a rest instead of more alcohol. then i was wrong about stopping, for once, and this was an unacceptable bug in my algorithm i attacked with... well, rage, almost. un. fucking. acceptable. then it was fixed, and i stopped. |
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i also cleaved out loads of detail for brevity. i'm going to put a little back so you can get the flavor for it, then leave the bulk of what was cleaved, cleaved. when i moved away from the house of co-dependancy, i felt like data-driven hedonism dictated i scale it down. things there had gotten a bit out of hand, and i knew it. my former amor once showed up with whiskey shots as i was working on a track or something. i said something like, "what's the occasion," and got a reply of, "it's thursday." well, so it is! we got drunk. we had a great time. eventually, we broke up, i moved, and data-driven hedonism dictated less thursdays. if i'd known how deep in i was, data-driven hedonism would have computed that i stop entirely and let it clear out, lest i begin to have trouble stopping. in retrospect, drinking alone right after a breakup was something that data-driven hedonism missed, because it was just after a breakup and it sort of wanted to keep drinking anyways. it can be a real moron sometimes.... anyways, i did scale it back. we had a liquor cabinet, and this was the source of many thursdays. when you have a vast selection of different types of alcohol, there is always some sort of mixed drink or cocktail that allows you to say "oh, yeah, it's been ages since we've had that! let's make 'em up now!" it is also very easy to spread massive amounts of excess over a small forest of bottles, which is a good way to tell yourself you're drinking, sure, but you're not drinking that much, that bottle of bitters lasted six months. six months and forty handles of clan macgregor, which i referred to as utility whiskey. not really very good, but sufficient for everyday use. like regular-grade gasolene. data-driven hedonism had me lose the liquor cabinet, and keep at most a single jug of liquor around. no other collections either. if i hadn't done that, god knows how bad things could have gotten. |
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the fact that i had no problem scaling down from drinking superbly unhealthy amounts to merely way too much only deepened the pool of data suggesting i could stop at any time i wanted. as far as i knew, it was not bullshit. neither was the notion that i did plan to stop at some point -- the point when data-driven hedonism indicated that the curve was about to take off in the wrong direction... exponentially. well, as it turns out, that point was box floyds. i mean pink wine. no, shit, i fucking hate zinfandels. i went with chardonnay. you know what i mean |
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it depends on if you subscribe to the idea of free will, for some reason i imagined you drunk those boxes of wine with the little taps on |
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i wouldn't be what i am without innovative thought structures from R. A. Wilson and Ted Nelson, but you know what? neither of them were actually programmers. they both had a solid understanding of programming; they really did Get it. still, i feel like neither of them were set up to fully rinse what they'd developed. i am a hell of a computer programmer, and i feel like i'm really doing some damage here... and it'll only get more intense, so long as i stay on-point. |
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what sort of things do you program? do you ever reverse engineers stuff, |
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Listening. His voice, and casual jokes are annoying. This better be good, cornflakes. |
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yes his voice is very annoying i should have put that as a caveat at the beginning |
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Did you even listen to it the whole way through? |
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You suck at warnings. Very long intro. Still not really begun. |
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i played eleven minutes or something, can someone sum it up? |
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yes i did, skip the intro, the one i picked isnt probably the best one, i like what he says about the medieval mind though |
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Same speed of speech as David Lynch. |
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Medieval mind? Wanna sum it up for me, briefly, as if I was a child? |
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summary: rave hive. |
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i could be wrong but how i envisage what he is saying is that all creative pursuits are equivalent of attenuated shamanistic experience. |
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in other words tapping into a hidden resource activated by abstract non linear thinking |
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I get you, up to "abstract non linear thinking". Because that's one hell of a statement. |
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he is saying medieval people seemed to be well aware of this before the dawn of rationalism, |
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i cant understand, what do you mean by 'attenuated shamanistic experience' |
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yeah i was probably putting words into his mouth there, but thats the gist of it i think |
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like when you make music and day dream its like a low level drug experience, probably your mind is releasing little doses of dmt or something |
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are shamanistic experiences all that way, like the brain releasing random chemical substances? |
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i honestly dont know, but its really fascinating was watching this today |
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i think they turn the mind filters off |
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so making music is turning the mind filters off? interesting |
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well potentially yes if you want to make good music that isnt contrived, i havent got the hang of it but i reckon its the key |
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like when you make music and day dream its like a low level drug experience, probably your mind is releasing littledoses of dmt or something that's your head going up your butt. far enough and you turn into squarepusher. |
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^ im not that far gone |
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i do know it sounds pretentious and twatty, |
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making music is a great way to send your message out there in the world. i swear to god im always gonna enable downloads, ever. even with unfinished tracks. a download, think about that. what an awesome thing is. plus if you dont buy software. |
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^ you have totally the right ethos, when i uload again i will do that |
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something you do today will sound awesome within 10 years, sure thing |
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it would be nice to think that yeah! |
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i mean to your ears |
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yeah that would be nice too |
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pure blessing |
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oh, it's nothing to be ashamed of. i already am. |
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anything except functional languages like lisp or scheme, but hearing myself say that in this thread makes me pause for a moment. C++ and PHP are the money languages. also my favorites. i wind up using python and ruby and shell scripqs and more. i can do java, but it's like herman melville invented a programming language; no thanks. oracle can keep it and use it to slap google around with patents. on that note, obviously javascript, HTML, and CSS are unescapable |
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then the rambly disclaimer providing intense background detail for the post no one wanted to read in the first place. i asked myself: how do i really, really rate as a C++ programmer? like, you know, quiet moment of honesty time. the first thing to bubble up was that that carmack wrote doom at 21; i fold. then i said: there have to be at least a million C++ programmers in the world, and i'm certainly in the top 100,000. probably the top 10,000. RAWilson read up on computer programming and was clearly inspired by it, but he wasn't a programmer. so i feel my bragging rights more come from having real programming skills along with real metaprogramming skills. the number drops far below 10,000 then and this is about where i start to feel justified feeling full of myself. it sounds absurd to say i'm in the process of refactoring my muscle memory, but that's really about accurate. but i am still not john carmack. ouch |
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i guess if i had to sum myself up it's somewhere between taking out my aggression towards "the system" with things like throwing out the handwriting style my school had programmed into me when i was 7 or 8, then starting on C when i was 9 or 10. then applying material from my AI class to the way i was eating pringles by the time i was a sophmore in college. it was like a little echo of what RAW had to teach, both the handwriting thing and the pringle thing. then when i was far enough along i realized these were little drips and drops of something i should turn the firehose on. that's been underway for a while now. the results are promising. i'm either bound for great things, or the asylum. |
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you don't want to turn the mind filter off. it's like a levy that protects you from downing in an ocean of garbage. yes, there are probably some things of value in there, but you'll be too busy knowing precisely how all your toenails feel and all sorts of other stuff. stuff that's there if you want it, gone if you don't. that's the mind filter. which is really more like a radio. all the stations are there at once, but you tune into one at a time. no filter is akin to every radio station at once. can you handle that? i couldn't |
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some schizophrenics can pick up to four or five radio stations at once, along with an unstoppable transponder beacon from zog, planet of the migwuk. |
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kekule had a famous dream with an ouroboros snake that led him to discover the ring-of-eight molecular structure that allows sock problems to permeate the cell walls that imprisons consciousness. |
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no, wait, that was benzene. easy mistake to make |
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what is creativity? derailing threads with wild free-association. milftone. no, i'd say it's finding things that haven't been put together before, but fit. is there any reason to make it more complicated than that? if not, ok, we're done. please let me know i wasn't creative enough to glue together consciousness and programming on my own, but i did it by accident quite a few times. then someone else did it for me, and i felt a bit jealous thought of it and i hadn't. then i realized i still had things to add. inventing the jet engine was quite a thing, but to get it into planes all over the world took a lot of thought and creativity as well. he built the prototype and i'm working on a production model. my role is more about gluing together the smaller sub-parts, and i see it as mine simply have the right sort of background and i'm not seeing anyone else stepping up. maybe that's just because it's sheer lunacy. |
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i'll just grab the last one on the page and show myself out for now, i think. final question: is consciousness analog or quantum? if so, does it like its eggs sunny-side up? |
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