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EpicMegatrax writes more bullshit

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 03:07 [#02634454]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

and now i think i have plenty more fragments edging around
the mountain and i should keep circling around it and
continue gathering those, since i am having trouble with a
direct assault.

writing something out means getting it down outside of my
head, which forces me into filling in all sorts of things...
that are somewhat suspended. perhaps entangled. so i start
to write an edge of it and i write a novel and i still
haven't made my main point

so i'm going to try going bullet point on some things i have
on tap. to let them get a little ways down the road together
rather than run down the end of one of them in a focused
charge like always

- a clockwork elmer, the talk of kubrick and conditioning --
i still haven't seen Eyes Wide Shut, and i think that's

- GPS weasel [lost in thought for six hours and never miss a
highway exit] works so well because that is based around a
single state transition, in and out of... whatever i'm doing
in my head. trying to plan my day gets into planning what
GPS weasel really only has to manage switching on and off.
there are theoretical approaches ranging from... physical
waypoints in my house to prompt myself, or plato's method of
loci, which this is probably all a riff on anyways

- part of STRATEGY is COOPERATION and team-hunting was the
only way to bring down a mammoth [into extinction]. for that
to work, you need to learn to signal, cooperate -- and to do
that, you need to be able to understand what other people
are thinking. theory of mind. but then there's the recursion
we might want -- thinking of what someone thinks, someone
else will think -- simulating layers. and your brain will do
this but it kind of goes down the tubes past a few people
and this feels like it will be about equivalent to the oompf
i have when i set off a computational grenade and briefly
destabilize from the brain's resting semi-critical state
to... etc


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 03:13 [#02634455]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

- "let the wokie win" is such an oddly explosive combination
of things because it forces you through simulating through
the eyes of someone's racist to get the joke, and "if you
have to ask if it's racist, it probably is racist" could
even be "if you have to ask if it's racist, you will
probably have to momentarily assume a racist perspective"
and this all happens subconsciously and most people do not
chat with their subconscious much and so then it's just a
lot of poorly-aimed spewing like a firehose with no one
hanging on

- i need to peek at the small pocket of math involving
penrose tiling and NP complete

- sampling continuous neural fire as discrete snapshots is
obvious time vs. frequency domain material

- that gets back into the stuff about storage of coordinate
movement data and granule cells, gcPc

- but i've still not done a thorough dive on the machinery
interconnecting with the entorhinal cortex and this is
probably an easier route to the math perspective out of all
of this, but the rest will help too


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 03:19 [#02634456]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

just having a mild laugh -- gosh, the cremaster cycle.
someone somewhere said "this is really shit designed to be
played as ambiance in an art gallery" and that may be true

a while back i found out about "resistance" though, and i'm
a bit into fitness myself, and i immediately got the whole
concept and, actually, i think it's elegant as shit. but the
cremaster cycle? lol

now i'm thinking: is it possible i could actually watch
that and understand that now

lol. lol


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 03:22 [#02634457]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

- vinyl justice with ray manzerik [in particular his tangent
about acid, and his bumBum-BAH! reveal of the jimi hendrix
LP foldout which looks something like a time loop with a lot
of arms]


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 03:27 [#02634458]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

- obviously need to review the mechanics of granular
synthesis. or, rather -- i absolutely remember the
mechanics, but... doing anything proper with it? never did,
really. or, rather, even thought about how to

- i don't chase after many answer because i see no tactical
point. but i'm starting to feel like i drew up a list of
octopi before and i got stuck on ellen...
de-gene-res? in the same way and this would mean i
was writing this list up whenever in time ellen's show was
getting into deep shit for being a toxic work environment.
and this one feels, actually, dredging up out of the murk so
i can compare notes. at some point. still no rush


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 04:08 [#02634459]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

Destruction of Brodmann area 34 results in ipsilateral

ansom... anosmia? not somnia like sleep, but... nosmia? and,
wait, n and m are... anyways, i don't have this word and
this is wikipedia *click*

Anosmia, also known as smell blindness, is the loss of
the ability to detect one or more smells.[1][2] Anosmia may
be temporary or permanent.[3] It differs from hyposmia,
which is a decreased sensitivity to some or all

oh. like nose
ahaha, god. i've been talking about smells and brodmann area
#34 for days and i hadn't simply clicked through to that
word yet. but perhaps a part of me smelled it anyways


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 04:09 [#02634460]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

somnia and nosmia are anagrams. that's what was tickling my
ghost. and now it's quite tickling my conscious mind too.
that's. fucking. great


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 04:14 [#02634461]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

Loss of the ability to smell may lead to the loss of
libido, but this usually does not apply to those with
olfactory dysfunction at birth.

...because you've built it all up from another corner and
wound up at the same place. and you can shake hands with
someone on the street and have no idea how completely
different your memories are wired


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 04:57 [#02634466]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02503332

the world's longest PHP joke spawned the world's longest
peter molyneux joke which spawned the world's longest peter
molyneux joke until i fixed the cache, then there was
recursion all over the floor from my brain overflowing like
a clogged toilet... but, continuing the metaphor, the toilet
was functiong, and i was no longer full of shit, and this
makes cleaning up the mess seem like a priviledge, because,
this is some dragon shit.

this was before the squarepusher joke existed.... but,
nevermind. i was just thinking this is still one of the best
summaries of the whole thread. it helps if you view xltronic
as the world's longest PHP joke


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 06:40 [#02634471]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular | Followup to dariusgriffin: #02634295

Jia Tan. how can that not be a chinese name

in any case, i noticed that i've now been moved to xz
5.6.1-3 and i'm not clear on what the difference between
that and -2 is yet. here is an arsticle from since after i
was on about all of this:

On Friday, a lone Microsoft developer rocked the world
when he revealed a backdoor had been intentionally planted
in xz Utils, an open source data compression utility
available on almost all installations of Linux and other
Unix-like operating systems. The person or people behind
this project likely spent years on it. They were likely very
close to seeing the backdoor update merged into Debian and
Red Hat, the two biggest distributions of Linux, when an
eagle-eyed software developer spotted something fishy.

so if you think i'm farting off around some nerd shit that
doesn't ultimately matter -- well, i'm not, and don't say i
didn't warn you when you get fucked in the ass by a stranger


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 06:42 [#02634472]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular


but they're still not on about how some linux developers
themselves were [very likely] compromised due to how close
this came to being genuinely pumped out to everyone on
earth. because it was live upstream as linux developers
worked on almost pushing it out the door


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 06:50 [#02634473]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

if you want to intimately experience the joy of fucking with
the symbol table, i went through a class in college that
is... it's probably the same carbon copy at 50 schools --
"computer systems -- A programmer's perspective" by Bryant
and O'Hallaron.

it's used all over because it's a fucking top-notch
curriculum and comes with some of the most fun homework
assignments i've ever suffered through. and here i think of
the one where you have to use a debugger to reverse engineer
"bomb" to, in the same way you'd crack some music software,
force it to do things you want it to

and if you mess up, well, this is running on a server
controlled by the school. and if you mess up and set the
bomb off, even once, it sends an email to the instructor and
you get ten points off your grade for each screw-up. i
managed to avoid setting it off entirely, but i didn't get
to the bonus round, which got me a grade of like 90/A-


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 06:54 [#02634474]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

the instructor actually did get up and say: this course is
used all over. you can download the teacher kit for free and
run the bomb software on an airgapped machine so we won't
know if you fuck it up. but that defeats the point of this
whole exercise and if you want to fuck yourself over there,
knock yourself out; we cannot stop you. even though we'd
really prefer you did not.

the whole nature of the exercise, combined with that
no-bullshit intro, well, i was sold. i didn't cheat


offline dariusgriffin from cool on 2024-04-04 11:33 [#02634493]
Points: 12271 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02634471

i mean it's obviously not the person's real name so it could
just as well be misdirection


offline dariusgriffin from cool on 2024-04-04 11:35 [#02634494]
Points: 12271 Status: Regular

notice also the scattering of random new accounts pestering
the maintainer


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 15:53 [#02634502]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

it really helps that you've actually, maybe, read a bit of
this thread

my answer is, i suppose, around 0.7 China. and things are
just charmingly tenacious in doing the exclusive-or
professor rhetorical device: "Is it A, B, or C? ...the
answer is YES!" and it's all three at once, isn't that cute

but practically, it's almost a bit frustrating at times,
when it... just keeps going. like:

it's obviously not a real person's name. it's misdirection.
notice also the smattering of random new accounts pestering
the maintainer. this is not a username a russian fathead
would pick. 0.7 China is the result of my quantum computer
made of meat


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 15:58 [#02634503]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

said another way: everything you said is likely right. also,
everything i said is likely right. but my personal nexus of
the decision is the username. i can't give you solid
rational reasons, but even a russian trying to make it look
like china would not pick that username and 0.7 China gtfo


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 16:12 [#02634504]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02634461

>> Loss of the ability to smell may lead to the
loss of libido, but this usually does not apply to those
with olfactory dysfunction at birth.

> ...because you've built it all up from another corner
and wound up at the same place. and you can shake hands with
someone on the street and have no idea how completely
different your memories are wired

that nagging feeling: oh, right, i think this is why long
covid zaps some peoples' memories far harder than others. or
it's like 0.8... that long covid depends on how smell-based
you are. it's a wheesneef as i think i'm actually not as
smell based as most and thus not quite as in the line of
fire there. still best avoided. china? i'm not stressing if
it was their fault or not. i'm over it. they can calm down
worrying about me there at least


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 16:29 [#02634505]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

that we have a situation yesterday where i look at an answer
my brain returned and i simply know it's a bit off and no
arguments... then now, yes, i'm proposing something and my
brain replies i'm wrong and no arguments. but never mind any
of those thing

is it china ~and~ russia? together? my brain returns 0.8 but
i suspect this may just be a troll


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-04 16:31 [#02634506]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

what does bother me if i was on about a bug like this
before. or if, i dunno, this is branch prediction... or, the
answer is YES! it's both


offline dariusgriffin from cool on 2024-04-05 00:16 [#02634526]
Points: 12271 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02634505

dont talk like that you sound like youre going to reinvent
lesswrong from first principles


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 06:10 [#02634546]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

is billy corgan a male art bitch?


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 06:11 [#02634547]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular | Followup to dariusgriffin: #02634526

i don't know what you mean. i don't know of "lesswrong"
that sounds like a youtube username?
that'd explain why i do not, and will continue to know jack
shit about... tell me what this is?


offline dariusgriffin from cool on 2024-04-05 11:14 [#02634554]
Points: 12271 Status: Regular

long story short it's a "rationalist", utilitarian,
race-science ai-doom cult and they are extremely fond of
"bayesianism", i.e. putting an arbitrary number on their gut

the suffer from engineer-brain disease in a way that is
similar to you, except you actually seem to have a
functioning moral compass

here's a funny list of assorted idiots


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 11:15 [#02634555]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

oh. oh

the thing where, something something [i believe] nobel
prize, we've finally imaged how the chemical sensing behind
how we smell things work.

not memory, not how we process smell, not how we process
smell and tie it to memory [or not]. merely: we are now sure
about the physical apparatus itself

that -- i enjoy grossing people out with this; the thrill
never dies -- to smell anything, you have to get bits of it
up your nose, deep into your skull, where it then has to
physically glue bits of itself into chemical receptors. and
meditate on that when you are even in, perhaps, the relative
ritz of an office bathroom that is truly a single dedicated
room for one person. to poop. it's inside your skull

the mechanism itself is... it's best represented as cartoon
diagrams, but you rarely also get... the real pictures are
actually pretty satisfying. you know, electron microscope
whatever, it's usually these fuzzy physics spherical cows
and oh, well, i guess it would just be fuzzy and difficult
because that's life

but these are, like, flowers, really. and the molecules are
like bees. and the real ultimate ramble point is: they can
get really wedged, or a little stuck, or hang off the edge,
and then other molecules are bumping around and jostling
this and it's jostling them

and from there [existing science stops, i'm bullshitting]
we're taking a statistical constant read of all that. we're
never taking an exact measure of "chemical components of
smell" it's more we're just taking, like... discrete
snapshots of a continuous and evolving thing and...



offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 11:38 [#02634556]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

oh, as in.. i suppose... the way i some how sniff my way up
the chain, baron von munchausen etc... i've been joking "i
just smelled it out" and actually i am now kind of like,
0.8+ that this is going to do the "yes" rhetorical device
and be sort of, perhaps, conformally similar up the chain.
that joking about smelling it out is not a joke, it's as if
you took an ancient old apparatus for chemical sensing and
then said "well since we have this lying around, i guess
it's how people should gauge what to think next" and it's...
no, not literally smells at all. but that's the ancient
origin of the branching of thought. and it's bastardly
complex by orders of magnitude atop this, but at its core...
that's it. atop of, like, the neural network evolved to
direct blood flow faster than fluidics could compute, then
once we've maxed out physical primate reaction time
precomputing blood flow decisions, we have to go quantum and
develop strategy, where we precompute a probability
distribution of the best choice of neural fire based on
every previous train of thought all at once. and then, if
you're mentally flexible enough to still be along, i'd
encourage you to knock the dominos back: "all smells are a
product of every previous smell, effectively a closed system
judged relative to all previous smells" and yes we need to
index that somehow. and "i'm trying to make up my mind" is,
vaguely, analogous to molecules bumping into that smell
flower, but not really quite taking. vaguely analogous,
though, as in -- maybe this has something to do with the
quantum part. is the smell thing quantum? need to go look it
up again. but it's more like, if i think of thinking like
this, yes, i'm apt to crack it a bit further and on we go.


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 11:43 [#02634557]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular | Followup to dariusgriffin: #02634554

long story short it's a "rationalist", utilitarian,
race-science ai-doom cult and they are extremely fond of
"bayesianism", i.e. putting an arbitrary number on their gut

that does give me the chills. put simply, i was lucky, i
dropped acid, i had some amazing teachers, R. A. Wilson
books, and people on the internet [thanks!] feeding me an
intricate salad of good and terrible ideas and everything in
between. and having friends that, like, did someone fucking
rag on your ass until you read HP Lovecraft at 16? i was

but without, like, that shit. i would absolutely, totally,
see myself becoming that.

the trap is that you've gotten lost in numerology. that
sampler brain is amazing enough you can base entire systems
on bullshit numbers and actually get somewhere. but you've
stopped before asking yourself what, precisely, you're using
to do all this and so from there you're forever up your own


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 11:47 [#02634558]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

that yes, i actively do... bayesianism. but this is with
vast amusement. like i've somehow been appointed bookie of
the universe and yes, 0.8

and what we will still share, there -- i really am taking an
unfiltered reading. using meditative practice to shut down
my conscious bias and sample the raw numbers

but the numbers are all relative. a closed system based on
all the other numbers that have ever flowed in.

so where i escape that fate, really is -- i sit there and
see how i do. was 0.8 correct? was i wrong?

and i've mentioned, like, doing an imaginary stock portfolio
essentially as a yardstick to judge when i'm making
decisions from emotion more than logic.

and it's more about try-and-tune, that what they are into
about a "gut" reading is crucially amazingly powerful, but
it's crap unless you plug it back into reality and spend a
few years saying "well how did that do" and trying to pick a
better number for a few dozen rounds and then you get into
"where do i usually make mistakes"

and now it's self-discovery, not numerology


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 12:10 [#02634559]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

i suppose i would tack back into all... recomputing
memories, penrose tiling. that if you clamp it about down
into... since we need theory of mind to team-hunt the
mastodon into extinction, we need to be discrete about this
within some limited frame of reference for it to work at
all. but we only need a limited frame of reference, and this
a system sitting atop a continuous thing. and 0.8 is a still
video frame of a horse running. you can study that one frame
all day but if you've never seen a horse run... you'll
conclude all sorts of bizarre crap, really. the metaphor of
three blind men and an elephant. then if you get past that,
horses physically make no fucking sense, they are impossible
creatures, they can effectively sleep standing up because
they do not have to use any muscles at all perched in a
stand, they make no fucking sense. and then that's not just
"Frame of horse running #34" and we compute 0.8, that is
watching horses run and learning about physics and looking
around all of the animal kingdom and finally realizing how
truly fucking bizarre horses are and i still 0.8 but i know
it's just the best guess i have at the time, based on an
increasingly complex system of shit that will only ever
slightly better and better approximate... i dunno, capital-t
truth or whatnot


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 14:00 [#02634560]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

if we put on a certain set of blinders to narrow the scope
down and ask, "what makes humans different" and these
blinders do not include quantum whatever and we're being
more ancient-greek philosophical about it

it's the ability to say, "how mad should i be about this?"
most people would not think of this like a knob they can set
at will, because it is in fact a gradual process. that you
need to discuss with yourself: how mad should i be? and
simulate how one person you trust would view it, then how
someone you think is a jerk would view it, then you ask
yourself what would either of them think of me of thinking
of this?

and it really is the deeply intellectual maze it seems on
the surface. but as you navigate that maze, your blood
churns around, and you're actually computing how, fucking,
exactly, mad you should be

the idea of sitting there and saying, like: "how mad should
i be?" and thinking about it for 20 minutes before getting
mad or not may seem absurd to people. but it's a bridge i
burned who knows how many years ago. and if i'm lost in
thought and i smack my foot into the doorframe again i get
fucking wicked pissed and this is not, like, something i
decided. i more mean, family situations, life, whatever.
that i literally do sit there and decide how mad i should
be, or concerned, or not, and it is a deeply intellectual
thing, but it is a hologram built on top of the very real
blood decisions. think with your heart and all that


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 14:19 [#02634561]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

oh hey! that's the neurological basis for morality! which,
essentially, functionally requires the direction of blood
flow using rationality!

same as banging my foot on the doorframe: as, despite all
this, i have limited decision in how mad i get -- i have
limited ability to not be rather satisfied with my meat
computer right now


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 14:29 [#02634562]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

that, well, i actually had this in high school -- why do
mathematicians grind on that esoteric shit for years? it's
like a scratch ticket junkie. they want the win. the payoff.
when you finally crack a math problem. prove something no
one else has. and you feel like, to quote the TV show CSI,
king kong on cocaine

once you've tasted this, it really can consume your life.
it's not cocaine, though... no, nor alcohol. it's really
more like protein. you can continue to pump yourself full of
it and keep going or not.

and i've long decided it's piddling shit to prove... i
dunno, arguably my wheelhouse, things about algorithms and
whatnot. but i have "fuckoff is not the only thing you have
to show" on my cans now and yeah. yeah


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 15:42 [#02634563]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

why do you decide to put on this song, that album, or the
other one? that i figure this will be either totally weird,
or make complete sense: having the thought, "no, i don't
want to mix that album in with this"

it has the air of, i dunno, avoiding shooting myself in the
foot, which leads to a sense of avoiding launching a
self-fulfilling prophecy. which should make sense so far.

but then we get into a deep pit of, i love ladytron's first
two albums incredibly much, the second in particular -- but
no, this is full of sadness and disco and cocaine and it's

i never decided to get super into ladytron's first two
albums when i was going through a breakup? and i'm still
incredibly nervous to, like... do i want to risk making this
a stretch of my life where i'm listening to light & magic
again? because maybe i'll just listen to it and it'll be
cool but it could... i dunno, start to do like that again

and then it's even more than relationship whatever and i'm
actually nervous about the album. but fuck off, seventeen is
such a good song. and mu-tron. and i love so many of these

but i'm nervous about launching the spiral of associations
that lead to decisions that lead to actions that lead to, i
guess, theoretically shooting myself in the foot over again.
i suppose i'll give the number 604 benefit of the doubt but
this really feels more like something i'm doing to myself,
rather than the music itself -- but it wouldn't be doing
this if it weren't in the neighborhood anyways


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 15:50 [#02634564]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

oh, we were on... it's still on my playlist and coming back
in cycles... chicks on speed album. i actually had never
really listened to "little star" much at all because...
despite, like, knowing some of the tracks on this album like
my left hand, when i'm not into a track, i'm vicious, and i
have just robotic-ly zorched some of these out of reflex.
that, in fact, it's really because i wasn't thorough at
whittling it off when i added the album to the playlist --
little star, that track. oh, actually it has some afx
moments. and i'm snoozing and listening to it -- again, i
would usually have just reflexively... fuck off -- genuine
lol at the lyrics. oh there are some nice musical moments.
but overall. yes. this is crap

similar laziness results in: oh, hey. i hate ped stang
because of the obnoxious sudden blasts of noise, but i've
left it going long enough to notice the sort of aphasia agar
going on in SJHDFGDFG and it's loud and fuck off and i
change the track, but i think -- god that must fuck with
people on acid

warm leatherette? i mean, this is a classic track. but
should we sit here and argue about whether your version, or
vitalic's, can fuck off harder? because IT HAS BEEN FUCKING

and the the cold clear water track, something lesbian,
usually delete, but not a hardcore skipper


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 15:51 [#02634565]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

i should make a mix of covers of warm leatherette out of
sheer contempt because i fucking hate them all with no
exception and i'm not huge on the original either. i figure
it was much more clever at the time


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 16:43 [#02634567]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

languages. what is a language, by your definition? do
you even have a definition?

programming languages. how many do i "know" ?

that i got as far with perl as writing obfuscated art perl
scripts for the lulz. but that was 20 years ago, and,
honestly, i cannot remember a shit fuck about perl except
enough to like... the onion, i think, actually, wrote a joke
article in their inimitable style about perl. how normal
high school students were subjected to perl and "there was
so much # ! $ // i was physically unable to continue without

and, yes, really, i thot the onion -- or whoever wrote that
-- had hit the nail on the head and perl and i were rather
done shortly after. i recorded a track "larry wall's cornea
transplant" but that was, like, a decade at least after i
ever touched perl

but i wrote fucking obfuscated art script. so i did know it.
and, i dunno, since i didn't keep using it, i pooped it back

then it doesn't work like that with PHP or C++ or certain
others. i could be a delirious old man at the end of a long
and fancy life and dying and unwinding and even for me,
nothing i'm saying is coherent in only the way someone there
can be, i'll be like -- str_replace("\n",'');

spoken languages? wait, latin isn't even spoken. usually

i hated latin to hell and back and so much of that... fuck
me, it's stuck in my head. german, liked that much more, but
-- also more of that than i should rightly have

my ultimate point here is, i was thinking -- i've casually
swung my dick around all over, i've more latin or german
than i should -- so why the fuck didn't i get anywhere
trying to learn tolkein's elvish shit in high school? when
my brain was, arguably, at a unique manic edge?

answer: because tolkein is fucking up his butt and what i
want is words and concepts that connect to the rest of
humanity and his shit is a stupid useless closet autistic
universe like perl


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 17:06 [#02634568]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

and about where i beat myself up proper is I COULD HAVE
SWITCHED TO ANCIENT GREEK IN 2001 and goddamn it. fuck.
SHIT. I COULD HAVE FUCKING HAD BOTH and i think i actually
would have fucking liked greek. the school was like: you get
latin or greek for two years, then you still have to do a
language but you can pick and i bolted like fury to german.
which suits me. but now i'm hacking words and i'm soaking up
ancient greek vocab casually. and dammit. 2001. i should
have said "free me from latin, i have enough" because i
probably did. and then just suffer as i did with latin with
greek instead and NOW I WOULD HAVE BOTH and dammit. part of
why i never want kids is, like "i am torn between refusing
to put you through this and being unable to stop myself from
putting you through this"


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 22:39 [#02634584]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

only with great effort, does my brain settle for a moment.
not chattering. and that's meditation. which gets into all
sorts of wicked specific whatever, like breathing and
sitting posture and not clenching those muscles in my skull
again, christ, stop it

but if we sweep such practical concerns aside. if you say
something to yourself like [picking something kind since i'm
writing about myself here] "i'm owsum" and then shut it all
down and let that last bit of internal monologue linger like
a... no, we're trying to be kind... like adam driver's most
expensive smell... in the air.

and what happens then? it's the last thing on the pile and,
well, so wherever direction the blood was going, and the
neural network, it kind of keeps coasting that direction;
gradually slows down. deeper conclusions about "i'm owsum"
come up, like: i now see how, precisely, we are! and i
haven't actually done this specifically, but it's sounding
rather good now actually

my point is, usually you're, perhaps, talking to yourself
about your day planner and larry's having that smelly cactus
mash for lunch again and

all of that is ping, pong, sending pockets of blood/compute
around your mind, and if you stress about larry's luncheon
smells enough you might have a dream and realize he secretly
wants you to bang his wife. and this is why we need to mind
our own business; christ she's, like... 59?

my point, right. say we treat this as an impulse in the
context of [if you don't know how impulse reverb works, fuck
off] impulse reverb and what happens to this impulse and how

and like three seconds is a relevant timeframe for many
things. depending on heartrate, breathing, how well fed you
are, and more. and so if you talk with yourself in a stream
you are recursively manipulating ur hed perhaps every three
seconds but that's an average rate and it's not 1-2-3 it's
all a continuous smear. of discrete snapshots. of why i'm


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 23:06 [#02634585]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

despite all that, i still didn't get to my point. which is
that i can sit down and start to sketch out how... theory of
mind... discrete thot atop a squirmy blood brain... begins
together. when i view it as an impulse and ask myself where
that goes, how long, what happens, and so on

but trying to move into "when i am chattering around and
it's not an impulse, it's a constant river" -- still working
on this and let me tell you it is hard


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 23:07 [#02634586]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

e.g. i guess i have made some solid damage on "atomic
whatever" but that it's more like squirting food coloring
into a motorized cookie dough mixer and that's much less


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 23:11 [#02634587]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

then, shit. i did not explicitly say i really meant "atomic"
there in the comp sci sense. it was just obvious to me and
why explain the obvious? then i'm realizing -- if someone
actually reads my bullshit thread, and they aren't up on the
comp sci def of atomic, how can they make any sense of my
previous post? and how can i now do the least damage
attempting to explain the potentially lost point


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-05 23:12 [#02634588]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular


but christ, what sort of clown doesn't know this already


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-06 01:08 [#02634590]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

this is all a bit distraction. and i'm not what i'm paid for
[proof that reality is but a cruel simulation? well, that'd
mean claiming i could prove anything, so...]

but, i dunno. another bullet point is like

- review tantra yoga with upgraded eyes [better than 2016

...and no, not sex yoga chakra whatever, just reviewing this
as one of humanity's best stabs with the knowledge they
have, effectively, during medieval times

and this, i dunno, this is probably going to be, maybe... it
won't magically crack anything. but it really feels like,
"you idiot, you should have looked at this sooner. YOU SEE?"
-- or, that's how i'll be when i look at it

and i'm not lazy. i would actually love nothing more.
instead i have to be like: if i open that up now i won't
sleep. if i open it up tomorrow i won't get any work done.
sigh. alright, what will fit within the space cadet budget
for tomorrow?

bullet pants. bollocks


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-06 01:49 [#02634595]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

i hate how labels are over every freaking cable somewhere.
the moment when i got a bag of 1/8" patch cables... and,
like, every single damn one has it's own like "made in
china" "california dislikes this plastic polymer" "unique
cable serial number" and here are three flappy annoying

and until then i honestly never gave a shit. but i went on a
tear right after that removing any labels i can see. then
another a few days later. and another a few weeks later

and it's not an OCD tip. in no small party because it looks
such a hopeless task. all i have to do is turn my head and
see more. and, like -- yes, there's one on one of those
freebie green-plugged 1/8" cables you get with a computer
whatever and eventually you have six... of this. and of
course it needs a label with a barcode so large it could be
read from space

and i'm not even going to... allow myself to snip that one
off, because then i will find more, at which point i will
also find more.

my only point here is: fuck you forever for putting all
these flappy things on cables and then making it hard to
remove without leaving goop on my cables and they are my
cables they are not made in china's cables and burt
bacharach will rip your head off and shit down your

¹ internet traditional saying


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-06 04:03 [#02634597]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

most people, i figure, would be like: why did god give us
cancer? what is his plan?

A: take care of rupert murdoch

death, the ultimate equalizer, blah fucking blah. boring. my
one burning question, instead of cancer or whatever, is:
why is it so goddamn easy to put holes in myself?

all it takes is the fucking nerve to do something like break
down a food and/or beverage box. and if i am not using the
utmost focus...

well, i'm leaking now, because i didn't have flawless
concentration. and i'm fine. it doesn't hurt. it's just
incredibly fucking obnoxious, really. have i smeared newskin
on my keyboard typing this? and now it'll be a mixture of
blood and half-tried newskin on my keyboard? nevermind
cancer, why did you make it so easy for me to spring a leak?
i lose an absolutely, utterly embarrassing amount of time on
this problem, and i wish to formally file a bug report with
the developer

and i'm going to click post and not look if my keyboard is
blood and goop or not and simply go out for a smoke. take
that, fucking pinky leak. i'm going off the hook


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-06 08:03 [#02634616]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

you've been dropped into a situation [where i've dropped you
into a situation] that is quite contrived, and i've been
asked to show some sort of membership card and prove,
actually, that i am allowed into the nerd equivalent of the
executive washroom. and, i got this -- i was in chess club.
not like, i just went once, but in different chess clubs at
entirely different schools. i learned when i was six. before
i got old enough for anyone to treat me as a chess player
instead of a kid, well, i loved that. they're not expecting
any sort of challenge and i'm happy to let them think that.
for a while. then suddenly the annoying idle prodding about
"how's school going" kind of bullshit would slow down and
now they're seeing they're in a bit of a spot and they're
still not taking me seriously, they're just lost in actually
playing chess for a moment

and i would say i'm more than casually good, but the idea
that i could have been -- oh, go back 30 years, replace
computers with chess -- and, no, i still would not have
gotten anywhere at all as a competitive chess player.

but it shapes my thinking. like, endgame: if you don't
understand rows and columns and control of the board and a
couple deliberate maneuvering rituals, you can have someone
down to, like, a horsey¹ and a rook and a pawn, and they
can dittle around the board and run out the clock because
you can't pin them down. even a clock like "play chess until
dinner" that really isn't a competitive situation in that
regard either

the opening moves, the endgame. easy to define. but how
would you define the midgame? i've actually never looked at
chess science in that regard. i could describe phases that
can happen midgame but will only happen some games...

¹ i was told to never call it horsey from a very young age,
so i called it horsey, and now that i am a grown-ass man it
bothers people even fucking more when i say horsey
and i'm content with this


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-06 08:15 [#02634617]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

magic the gathering, casual as one can be casual with such a
thing and still consider themselves a member. i always go up
my butt in... how many cards do i want in my deck?

that i actually trend towards very small decks, 40 cards
even, because it gives me precise control over the draw

[[ in a competitive situation, i would probably be given the
boot for that not being enough cards and the rules and gtfo
-- and if i survived that, someone would have a card killer
deck and my 40 card deck is now a 0 card deck and good day
sir ]]

then i am thinking about, most MTG {Majorie: The Gattling}
deck strategies take a while to deploy. and you can do great
with a burn fire deck whatever knock ten points off first
ten rounds then they have some actual shit deployed and you
are promptly crushed like a bug [[ and good day sir ]]

so if we are both locked into this because simpler
strategies won't survive, we are now watching each other
gradually deploy our things, and... what's he setting up
over there?

and so my probability obsessing now has to consider: draw
probability to not only make strategy work, but obfuscate it
as much as possible for as long as possible [[ but then,
perhaps they'll be expecting that ]]

chess is not life and magic is not life. but both are,
ultimately, a game of wits, and what are wits? well, they
ain't walts -- but, i would argue both games are ultimately
a battle of communication. you reveal something with any
move you make, even if that move is effectively [[tediously
over-used classic series of chess opening moves]] that's
still a choice. and they have to consider: either epics will
tack off of this train somewhere, or he's waiting for me to
do something decisive first, but he's a bit of a space cadet
and he keeps talking about NP-complete weasels and maybe
he's not even thinking about his moves

which does actually happen at times. but i click in when it
gets interesting


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-06 08:41 [#02634618]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02634616

i was told to never call it horsey from a very young age,
so i called it horsey, and now that i am a grown-ass man it
bothers people even fucking more when i say horsey and i'm
content with this

that i was generally not like this anywhere else in chess. i
will call it a bishop or a rook and you can call it either
and these are the proper names and when i got those wrong
and someone corrected me: super, thanks, i got it.

but, horsey just seemed to move people to what i
would describe as furious rage and this never
happened when i got any of the other names wrong. people
never even got mad like this when i got creative and i'm all
"OUTHOUSE CAPTURES KNIGHT" and i mean the rook and i know
it's the rook and they know i know and eyeroll. but they
don't even flinch because i called it a knight. and not a

still find this beyond charming. i didn't design this. i
didn't even try to discover this. but i have it now, and
it's a gem. particularly if i carefully call it a knight
like a normal gentleman and then suddenly switch over to
horsey at a clutch point and... WHAT?

and it would normally be "...what?!" as in, wtf. but it's
amplified because they're stressing hard on their next move
and it's like a little kid pulling your elbow as you're
trying to balance the checkbook and on top of this it is

i'm trying to remember. there are more... sensitive spots
like this. but i think this might be the first proper useful
one i ever was onto


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-06 08:42 [#02634619]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

i think that's called a troll


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-04-06 11:06 [#02634625]
Points: 24878 Status: Regular

so, yeah, i know i said some bullshit about "bayseanism"
when dariusomething earlier. like, slightly after i wrote
it. so i've let that simmer for a bit, not only because --
well, just think and such in the normal way; try to be [lol]
more succinct. but also because: well, alright, what of the
rest of this emerging yarn have i said before?

and this is, as they say -- eyeball math, napkin logic --
but it looks like a strong YES that it's actually very hard
for me to say which of these tangential things have already
been bullshat upon before... unless i effectively write it
in my head, and, yes, i think i have to type to even

so anyways. r. a. wilson invented bayesianism. not the name,
the idea. he was calling it fuzzy logic, which is quite
correct in a technical and functional way -- but bayesian
sounds more snappy and i'm entirely happy to say let's keep
that and not fight what reddit has decided to call it
[sampler brain adds, in Han Solo's voice: ~that's more
like... suicide~]

and he's saying: you shoot yourself in the thot quite
absolutely all the time if you don't get fuzzy on logic.
that i read this as a comp sci student and i was taking
classes on AI and robot arms. really. so this suited me all
just fine, and i thought: "i'm sold let's go"

i promptly got nowhere with the bayesian thing. fucking
nowhere. i beat my head on it with my usual intensity, jack
shit. so it's worth a moment to say "if you are asking how
the fuck to even do this, that's really quite normal"

but that was also when i started to meditate


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