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 (nobody)...and 385 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614114 Today 0 Topics 127542 |
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Lets try and outdo each other telling The Aristocrats joke. Just watching the film and I think some people on here can outdo these "comics" Reference point: |
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xltronicrats? |
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Did you download it somewhere or is it available? Me and the bird do this for bed time entertainment. |
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haha, yeah, saw something about this last week or something... |
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plaidzebra: YES! Jivver: i hope you mean tell the joke and not acting out the show. I downloaded it from torrentspy.com Drunken Mastah: Well tell one then! |
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I've told this joke probably seven hundred and seventy times. I'm off to torrent spy now. |
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The one I got seems to have vanished. Get one instead. |
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cheers |
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well.. eh these people and stuff enter this room and some guy who happens to be some..thing important and then they die with poop on their faces. whacha call it? the aristocrats. I was never any good at telling jokes... |
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a family walks into a talent agency for an audition. the dad juggles several golf balls while balancing on a couple of colorful plastic buckets. meanwhile, his daughter performs ballet. the mother recites the alphabet backwards whilst her son does a complicated algebra problem. after they have finished, the talent agent looks very surprised! "what is the name of this act," he asks. the father replies, "the aristocrats!" |
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I was working at a talent agency office one day when Horsefactory, Earthleakage, Qrter, Dog Belch and Jivverdicker walked in (I was surprised because most of them never leave their house). Jivverdicker pulled out his laptop and created 100 songs (10 of which were decent) and the other 4 chaps pulled out their dicks. They all started masturbating furiously while Jivver composed. When he finished, they all logged onto xltronic and shot their loads on the screen while yelling elitest terms that they thought no one would 'get' and thus rendering them 'smarter' than the accused newbies. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, JAroen jumped through the window and yelled "wankshot", but I couldn't really tell because qrter had been blaring some idm wank glitch with no discernable tempo into the room. When I asked them what the hell their problem was, Earthleakage called me a name and then left thinking he had made his point. So I ripped out a few eye sockets and skull fucked them. It took awhile because I was hoping my penis would be encased in huge portions of warm brain tissue, but instead it felt like throwing a pencil down a well shaft. Luckily I had consumed lots of fiber and coffee that morning so I dropped my pants and let my feces spew forth like Old Faithfull. This was a mistake as the fools got turned on and started licking my excrement off each other in the most homo-erotic way possible. As I was about to call them 'fags', Manicminer came in and started yelling at me for using the term fag. I immediately kicked his ass and had him suck off my nut that was still throbbing from all the unfufilling skull-fucking. "Ok" I thought, "Now I'm scarred for life and I'll never be able to get another erection ever again." Just then Virginpusher came in wearing a police uniform. He immediately got everyone to settle down by using unbiased logic that appealed to both parties. Then I was handcuffed and taken away. When I asked why no one else taken to jail he replied, "because you're not an aristocr |
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i would like more involvement in the story than a simple namedrop |
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Haha, that's great, you've deffinately proved you are a sad lurker without any balls. Or probably a regular without any balls. Still... your rendition is shit. |
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gee, that seems really mean-spirited to say a thing like that... |
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wheeipeiepie! a door opens, two six false moustache didn't appear have you seen my rucksack? aristocrats! |
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that was nice |
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I think it's Phob's duplicate account. |
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funny stuff, but i got pretty fed up by the joke halfway through the film. oh, and I hate Bob Saget. |
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So this arabian guy flies into a talent agency... |
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I used to hate him, but I changed my opinion after watching the docu. :p |
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now you hate him even more, right? :P |
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How can you hate Bob Saget? He's made a great living annoying people. I can respect that. |
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Two guys carrying a couple of bags walks into a Warp-office and says to the Warp-agent; Hey, we have this awesome performance were we play our instruments in totally new and experimental ways. The agent replies; Sorry, we don't do performance artists, they're not any good in a studio environment and therefore of no use to us. Then Rob says; We actually don't perform it ourself, our computer does all the actual work. I'm sure you'll like it if you take a listen. "Ok, ok. I'll take a quick listen" the agent replies. So they start unpacking their bags and placing all kinds of drum machines, delay-units, monosynths and homemade lfo-units everywhere. Then suddenly Sean patches it all up, stretching patchcables to their extremes and stacking things up all nice and obsessively. Then out of nowhere Rob pulls a powerbook and a midi-interface that somehow has enough ports for all their equipment. So Sean takes off his jacket and sits down at the floor next to the delay-unit that's hooked up to the tr-606 which triggers their fm-synthesized drum-machine on the laptop. Rob presses some buttons on the keyboard and suddenly some scrambled hi-hat start ticking off at 8ths, but then Sean twists the knob on the delay-unit, effectively disorienting the master-sync on the tr-606 and therefore creating a strange organic sounding shift in tempo that changes up and down. Then Rob starts playing out an absurd chord-progression on an Oscar synth and further modulating the output through some sick pitch-enveloped ring-modding msp-patch. After recording the chord-progression Rob turns back to the powerbook and clicks some buttons and all of the sudden this strange melancholic basslines comes out of nowhere and synchs up with the drum sequence. After tweaking the sounds for 6 minutes it all builds up into a macabre cacophony of noise that Sean runs through a granular processing unit on the powerbook. As he tweaks the granular hold time, all the sounds freeze into a singular stream that Rob runs through a kor |
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that Rob runs through a korg ms20. As he tweaks the filter-poles into self-oscillation the windows and walls are shaking in resonance. The out of nowhere comes Mira Calix and turns the volume up to 11 and the ms20 implodes as it reaches the most critical levels of selv-oscillation. The three of them stand up and take a bow as the agent is shaking uncontrolled with foam around his mouth; Wow, that's one hell of an act, what do you call yourself? "The Autechres" Rob and Sean answers in a chorus. |
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Hell no, I like him :D |
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you win the prize! |
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I apologize for the crappy spelling in my post, hard to write stuff like that :p |
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words |
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Teh funnest. |
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hahhahaha |
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