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 (nobody)...and 301 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614114 Today 0 Topics 127542 |
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Dear Horsefactory, Hi. I am a regular poster at xltronic. This is a music community that more often then not has off topic conversations. Here is where the trouble is. This guy Ian Noll is always wearing this damned orange shirt and i really can't take it anymore. it results in me listening to "the bro" nonstop. I want to punch people and make qrter do a backflip. any suggestions? signed frustrated in liverpool |
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i saw a sticker on the train the other day. it was the exact panda image you like to post! very suspect... |
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the one that looks like this? |
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yeh didn't you know? it's like the Twelve Monkeys thing, only.......it's.........erm....pandas he's the ring leader you see |
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yeah... it looked just like that! and it was surrounded by other stickers of polar bears and whatnot... |
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have i solved the Panda Mystery? |
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Dear Horsefactory I havent had a period in about 6months and I seem to be putting on an awfull lot of weight. About 6months ago I went out drinking an woke up next to my brother with wet pants Should I be worried about this? Yours Family Girl Swansea |
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the Twelve Pandas it's coming......soon hey, you're Bruce Willis aren't you? |
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so they are saying polar bears out number pandas? Well that might be true but i will tell you what pandas>polar bears and if we had access to the greater than or equal to sign i would have something else to say |
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just make a JPEG of it and post it you can use the "greater than or equal to" symbol then |
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lol |
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Dear frustrated in liverpool, Thanks for your letter. I like the sound of xltronic! Music is great, and off topic conversations are useful for adding a bit of variety. Now, onto your problem. Everyone experiences hardship in their lives at some point, be they relationship problems, family difficulty, or people wearing orange shirts. These problems will not go away by themselves and must simply be combatted with what I like to call Positive Mental Attitude (PMA). It is hard for me to tell you this but you seem to be taking the path of negativity and even agression. This is not the right way to deal with your problem. I really do not think you should involve qrter, as he is unlikely to want to do a backflip. Turning to hard drugs such as the music of "The Bro" is definitely not an answer. It may be an idea to seek professional help on this matter if you feel it is serious enough. My suggestion is to speak to Ian Noll about how you feel about his shirt. The two of you may want to discuss the matter over a coffee and a muffin, or you could just give him a call. Simply tell him that you have allowed him to wear the shirt for some time in peace but it is simply bothering you too much now. Remind him that it's nothing personal but you simply do not agree with the shirt. I am sure he will understand. Good luck! horsefactory |
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right that's it horsefactory needs his own agony uncle section on xlt it could be trolleriffic |
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Dear Horsefactory, I recently awoke to find a four-hundred-and-thirty foot piece of tungsten protruding from my left shoulder, in a north-easterly direction. I would not normally complain, but it is beginning to interfere with my social life, and even my sexual prowess. Could you possibly give me a reason for this calamatous mishap? Sincerely yours, Impaled |
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Dear Family Girl, Yes. horsefactory |
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Dear horsefactory, I am a regular member on the widely known and popular "xltronic" message board. Recently I have become one of the "trendwhores" that see something funny in a thread, or something, and then continue to perpetuate the funny thing until it becomes unfunny. It's getting to be a real obsession, as I have no wit of my own, and I need to leech off of someone else's superior and intellectual humor. Can you advise me on ways to either combat this plague I'm suffereing from, or help me to gather my own wit? I'd appreciate any help you can give. Sincerely, sad-regular |
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Dear Impaled, This protrusion, scientifically referred to as the "Cosby Lobster" is a common ailment suffered by men aged between 12-25. Although research is scarce, it is believed to be an allergic reaction to a certain substance found in most breakfast cereals. It's understandable that you feel concerned about it, but you may be surprised to learn that there are approximately 500,000 sufferers in the UK alone. The Cosby Lobster Trust organisation was set up in 1995 to help people hide this embarrasing growth. You can find their shops in most major cities, where you will find clothing tailored to disguise the swelling. The idea that it would interfere with your sex life is entirely self-created as statistics show that many women find it immensely attractive, so I would advise not bothering with the special clothing at all! The swelling generally dissipates over the course of 2-3 weeks, so I say enjoy the extra attention while you can. Take it easy horsefactory |
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Excellent! Thanks horsefactory. No longer shall i be ashamed of my immense tungsten rod. |
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Dear Horsefactory, Yes i have been on "the bro" now for some time. It has been effecting both my health and motovation. I cant seem to get anything done. I also noticed that the irritation of the orange shirt and Ian Noll might come from continual usage of "the bro". Are there any treatment centers in liverpool? Because if they are it wont help me as i am located in america! signed Ian Noll its not |
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Dear sad-user, This is the second letter I have received about Xltronic. I may well have to stop by there myself one day. There are many foods which contain the Wit gene and I recommend that you eat those. You can get a more extensive list from your GP but for a start I suggest: - Beans - Marzipan Coating the beans in the marzipan will get you the best results. Merry Christmas horsefactory |
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Dear horsefactory, Yes, xltronic is a way of life for many people who visit it - it's like a little world of your own! Thank you for your recommendation, I have purchased the beans and marzipan. Would ALDI beans and marzipan be ok? They are all I can afford. I could have gone to Netto, but I wouldn't be caught dead in there! Also, I was thinking about how to coat the beans......should I try to melt down the marzipan with a pan and a lighter? I have no cooker you see, because I'm so poor. Thank you for your kind greetings on this Christmas, but as my finiancial situation is plummeting, I'm sure I shall have a non-merry Christmas. sad-regular |
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Dear Ian Noll its not, Good to hear from you again. With regards to your Bro addiction, you have at least admitted that you have a problem and many consider that to be the hardest step of all. It has been proven that the Bro causes severe motivational problems and heightened colour sensation, so yes, this is likely to be where your problem lies. It also causes extreme physical size decrease in the left and right hand, but conversely affects your perception in such a way that you envision your hands as being of normal size. As far as treatment goes it pains me to tell you that there is only one rehabilitation center set up in the world, and that is indeed located in Liverpool. I am able to get in touch with the leading researcher in the treatment of this drug - a doctor by the name of Ecnadniarb - who may fly out to you in America to help with your problem. Until then you will have to fight through it, but remember: Say "NO" to The Bro horsefactory |
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i did what?????? ooops |
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:D!!!! hah! you dirty ol man you! |
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Dear Horsefactory, What does "Skeet Skeet Skeet Skeet" mean? Love, Kevin |
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Dear k_maty, Thanks for your letter! SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET. horsefactory |
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SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEETSKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEETSKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEETSKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEETSKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEETSKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET |
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Dear Horsefactory, Do you know this song it goes: Lala ta ta tish chug chug chug chuga chug la la la la la na na chug chug chug chuga chug ta ta teee dum dum dum dum dum dumaduma dum. It has been annoying me all day like a wasp in my crash helmet. |
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Dear anonymous, Yes, I believe this song is "Wasp in my crash helmet" by Beverly Goldthwaite and the Clips. Any other problems, let me know. horsefactory |
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Dear horsefactory, the prescription you gave me i think may be working! i was wondering if you could answer this: how fast does the horse in you av turn its head at? at a guess, how many rpm's? thanks sad-regular |
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Dear sad-regular Let's work this out: In the gif, each frame is displayed for 1/100th of a second. There are two frames, so that's 50 cycles a second, which works out to 3000rpm. However, most browsers cannot display the gif at anything close to this speed, so based on what I am looking at now, I'd guess it was going at about 1000rpm. This may not be true for your system though. Crab cakes, horsefactory |
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Dear Horsefactory, My thread is dying. An unknown murder is killing it. Is there a special ingrediant to help save this precious little thread or is another one of my dreams crushed? signed sadness+5 |
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dear horsefactory, i have , once again found myself involved in something that surpasses me completely. i know you are very busy but i heard you were most cool. can you ? best wishes and all my respect, écoeuré |
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Dear écoeuré, My advice is to never try and clean a tramp when you pass him by in the street. However much of a favour you think you may be doing the man, he will not appreciate it. Love horsefactory |
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Dear horsefactory, What if i'm a tramp ? Passing by myself all day. little twitching fits, écoeuré |
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Horse Dearfactory, First of all, I want to make it clear from the start that I have been using PMA throughout this entire "incident", so don't go thinking that has anything to do with this. Ok, so... I log on to xltronic...... oh forget it. I can't seem to make a humorous reply. I do appreciate a post with my name in it though, even though my name is not Ian Noll. It makes me feel... wait, wait.. I'm thinking of some sort of reply... hold on, ok. So like, I say "I am very sorry if my orange shirt has offended you. Perhaps there is a different color that you prefer? I really like orange though, so I'll meet you half way. I'll paint half of my shirt any color you choose." Well, she (virginpusher) chose blue, so in compliance I proceeded to write "virginpusher is even gayer than qrter" in large blue letters with paint on the front and back of my shirt (this all happened before my oath to not call qrter undeserving childish names so I do not owe qrter 5 dollars as contracted in said oath. (besides, even now my 3 month probation is not up (I like corndogs))). Ok, now of course I still was using your patented PMA therapy. But you know what? She got, get this, ... huffy. She got very very huffy indeed. I met her half way! I was using the PMA! (hmm.. this is starting to rhyme, so I shall continueeeee....eeeay!) It was merely an objective observance that she was gay! What the hay? Anyway... later virginpusher confessed that, in fact, "the bro" was to blame, so everythings cool. I just needed to vent. |
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Q E D |
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Dear Horsefactory, wtf? -Nigel |
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Dear Nigel, lolz -virgin |
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dear horsefactory, i love you. hopelessly devoted, world-wide-wet and raunchy. |
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