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 (nobody)...and 521 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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My last relationship ended because I was violent against my girlfriend. I didn't hit her, more or like pushed her around and drove her mentally to the ground. This is the point of view all her friends are discussing back in Denmark where she lives now. And I'm pretty sure I will pay for that when I return home in a year or so. This is her point of view, which I totally respect. But what happened inside me I don't understand. What drove me to the point where violence was the only solution? Was I unhappy? Did past memory make me aggressive? I can't remember feeling that much hate against anyone, and know I feel its my own fault. That I'm to blame. People hate me now. Not everyone, but some people back in my city. I can't blame them. I hate my self for it. But I'm not that afraid of how they think, that just annoys me, I'm more afraid of this repeating itself in future relationships. Do I need help? Do you hate someone by the fact that they have been violent against a girlfriend? |
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Yes...you are ill in the head if you felt buse of a female was the correct way to act at the time. I wouldn't worry too much about getting yourself sorted now because you will burn in hell for what you have already done. |
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Do you hate someone by the fact that they have been violent against a girlfriend? no. not because of that. |
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what then? |
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Only messing...one of our primal instincts is to react violently when confronted with situtions that make us feel trapped or scared. It is an often unspoke about think but a lot of lads push girls around, and vice versa. It goes on whether good or not it is not worth worrying about provided you never cross the line into serious physcal abuse. |
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My typing is messed up because I am high :P |
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"I'm more afraid of this repeating myself in future relationships. Do I need help?" Yes. |
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I don't but that is cause I don't know anyone that has been violent. I think it's really bad. I can get really mad but i have never been violent against anyone. I found it good to just sit down and crank up the hardest Pantera and Sepultura tracks and after a few tracks I'm ok again. Dunno if it will work for you but it sure does for me. My ex gf knew about it and it worked fine. |
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hmm, girls can drive you crazy...i remember this time we were at some pub and this girl was bitching to her boyfrien (i guess), and he was a little drunk - he told her to stop like 100 times but she went on and on...and on, so he just lost it and beat her up - as much as he was able to, cos ppl stoped him pretty quick...there are times when you really cant controll yourself (i know i cant, and im really sorry when i do or say something stupid but i just cant control myself too good - i think this can be pretty understandable to many guys, but girls arent like that...) and i really hate to see someone treating his girlfriend bad!!!... i never hit a girl...i hope i never will! |
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as long as you are aware of the fact this was not the right way to act, you should be able to control yourself in the future... |
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u know, that was actually what I used to do, but then I started hearing IDM, and I kinda stopped it...but still...putting stuff away doesnt help..it will still come back eventually |
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Do you hate someone by the fact that they have been violent against a girlfriend? You say -have been-, so it's a thing of the past. But it defineatly has to do with how violent, and for what reasons. It doesn't really matter if it's a girl or a man. To me all violence is the same. If I know the person who's been hurt, then I have stronger feelings about it, if not, it's the same if a girl or a boy has been hit. But it's all about circumstances... hm I may sound confusing. Anyway, I don't hate you. I hate violence in all forms, but I can understand if people aren't as calm as I am (I am too calm maybe, or just too unable to be violent myself). Frustration is hard, and from what I've understood (which might be 0) your relation wasn't going very well in the end, and you were quite happy that it ended (which significe it wasn't a good relation). Do I need to explain even further? Summary: * I hate violence. * I don't hate you. |
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and i really hate to see someone treating his girlfriend bad!!!... i never hit a girl...i hope i never will! you know..I used to says that |
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I don`t think you should lay a finger on her. Thats a cowards game mucker |
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she is really much into S/M, and I can say that what I have done in the bed with her is so much harder, but the reasons I can't really say. Something like she used a lot of money on crappy things, or that she told me that I didnt talk enough with her parents, when they where visiting. That wasnt what drove me over the edge, but that 'helped' me do it. I can't stand the fact that the guy she is dating now is this rocker-type dumbass... |
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i know |
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I don't see it as "putting stuff away". I got calmer after the listening session and then I could feel good for a long long time! It's almost always something that triggers (f.e. stress). |
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i have wanted to hit, i have been drriven crrazy, but neverr have, neverr could. i don't know what i think of yourr situation. |
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i guess if you have a bad temper you explain to girl, that there are moments when you cant control yourself and ask her to wait and talk when you calm down...but sometimes that doesnt work as girl continues to argue...so i cant really tell... |
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ah yeah...that was one of my major problems i remember |
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maybe I should go bakc to hearing the old korn albums again for a while....back in the days... |
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"...crank up the hardest Pantera and Sepultura tracks..." or better yet some converge, or dillenger escape plan.. ..pure musical evil and hatred |
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=( how did she reacted?? Y_Y if it had to turn into violence... couldn't you make it quit before???? |
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no...that doesnt speak to my problems...the problems i'm dealing with is the "nobody like's me"-kinda music (old) Korn can provide me with |
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she cried...she hated...she got cold, which just lead me to other hating situations....we where trapped together 1000km from home.... |
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dude, I don't hate you or anything, but this is NOT GOOD. you should work on this and if you don't succeed then maybe you need professional help with it. with violence you'll get your GF in trouble and yourself just as much. |
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this only leads me to pro. help ....i'm I think i'm avoiding mental help for two reasons: 1. the psychiatrist will tell me this is a normal problem, that can be fixet easaly - and that will lead me to feel without worth 2. the psychiatrist will tell me that my continuos return to drugs is the reason, and that it's my own fault. In this country i'm kinda afraid that this could cost me my job |
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you don't need to seek professional help. You haven't got any friend you can talk to about this problem? You probably have atleast one friend who you can talk to about all problems... That will not make the situation worse anyway. Talk to someone you know and who will listen because they care, not because you pay them to. It might be related to druguse, and you don't to pay someone to have them tell you that. |
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no man...i need real help...I can't go on living like this anymore...I wake up at night just crying for hours, and I can't even say why....this is enough as it is...I will pull myself together and seek help |
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well... maybe you should pull yourself of drugs first?... What is it that you expect to hear from a professional? |
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I can understand that if she was into S&M you might of been more inclined to push her etc. but I think that it's probably so badbecause it's in a violent situation, rather than a consenting one, so there's less "control". It's a shame that it got to the situation where aphysical acts were the only way of making yourself heard. When I get like tha tI tend to punch walls etc. rather than people. I think if you repeatedly feel that angry towards someone they're making you unhappy and you're better of without them. Don't feel so bad about having done it and do't let people tell you you're shit for hitting a girl- there is a lot more domestic violence from women to men than is reported (men are more ashamed to admit they're beaten up by women). Talk to a friend about it or, if you feel more comfortable, talk to one of us. I'm off to bed now, but feel free to email me if you want someone to talk about it with. Hope you feel a bit better tommorow. |
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I dig you ceri... you're one of the few (it seems) that don't separate men and women, which is something I totally agree on. Hitting a man is the same as hitting a woman. |
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GIRLS ARE EVIL!!! |
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i think it's less likely that the drugs are causing the undesirable behavior, than that you are taking drugs for the same reasons that you are having the behavioral problems. your behavior is not the problem, but rather a symptom of the problem. you are afraid that you are worthless. you are hypersensitive to criticism, because you are afraid that judgements against you are truthful, in that they expose your worthlessness. it is not enough to be told that you are valid and worthy. you must learn it yourself. even after you learn it, you will still doubt, saying "maybe it isn't true after all..." but when you learn to weave this knowledge into every single thought and act, you will see your life transformed. if you sincerely seek guidance and understanding with an open mind and patience, you will receive it. you must realize that you are valid and worthy. then you've got to eliminate all of your beliefs that run counter to this fact. resolve to heal yourself and move beyond your suffering. write it down, state your intent. you must to choose to go beyond, but it is well within your ability. would you choose suffering, over healing? don't be afraid to accept help from other people. if you learn to accept the unconditional love that is given you, you will love yourself unconditionally. you will love others as you love yourself. look to the source. indeed, it is all you really have. |
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y'all are sounding like gangsta rappers. |
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I think a guy who's a pussy is a real turn off, a guy who has to ask the girl for permission, a guy who could never make up his mind, a guy who when him and his girlfriend are in a fight doesnt hold to what he believes in and agrees with the girl. Pushing around is bad though, I can stand a few screams and grabbing if the girl is a complete moron which Ive had my few of girls who deserve to get the shit knocked out of them. Either way stand your ground and once you feel like youre gonna hit relax, it cant be that bad that you would want to hit a woman...fuck take a breather and dont take shit so seriously. |
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thanks man...I really helped me... :) |
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how do you do that? how do you read my posts and come up with such an accurate description of how I feel? You just described my everyday thoughts for the last 22 years. Thank you. It really put it into perspective :) |
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because, in this aspect, you are not unique. I would go see a therapist - nothing wrong with that. if you're going to stop using drugs it could be a better idea to do it under guidance, as you'll probably have used drugs as a form of self-medication. |
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I think that goes for pretty much for everyone, it's just that it's a hard thing to try and understand. Someone can easily tell you what your feeling and get it dead on, but only you can understand and change how it effects your life Changing yourself is a very hard thing to do, and it is possible to do it on your own but easier with help. Seing a counciller would be a good start cause you don't feel judged, they listen without interupting and they don;t try and make you as they think you should be. |
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Hehe my girlfriend had a hard upbringing and has been in some shit, if we got in a fight she could probably knife me or something. Personally I doubt I'd ever hit a girl coz I don't think I've even punched a bloke in the face ever. Instead of being shitty at people, I play arguments from the other end, being the one who looks down their nose and keeping it really cool and laughing at the other rather than getting pissed off. Damn that works. I don't hate you. I know a lot of girls who act really shitty at guys coz they know they will get away with it. That fucking pisses me off. I mean, you just.....can't hit women, y'know? But it's equally as wrong of them to take advantage of the fact that men won't hit them... |
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as a matter of fact, junktion, you are unique. but it is true, there are many others who have walked in your shoes. certainly, there is some difficulty in realization, but it is nothing compared to the difficulty of living in denial, in darkness. you have touched only the outer edge of tremendous joy; imagine what you will feel when you surround yourself with it! remember that your emotions are like messages, or signs. they tell you the consequences of your beliefs. listen to them, and resist the urge to judge them or yourself. listen to what they say. then you will gradually learn the nature of the beliefs that produce these feelings. be prepared to let go of beliefs that limit you, or are self destructive. be honest, and know that you don't need to feel guilty or regretful. the moment of transformation is right here, right now if you will use it. lastly, be wary of drugs that suppress your natural emotional response. i realize that many believe that they are helped by antidepressants, and you may be taking them now as well. if you perceive that you are helped, continue. but remember, your emotions, good and bad, are the messengers that tell you about your beliefs. if you silence them, you silence part of your natural, self-healing capacity. it is natural to feel sad at times, but when the feeling persists without apparent stimulus the appropriate action may be to examine your beliefs, not chemically suppress the emotion. to those who might take issue with these comments about antidepressant drugs, because you or someone you love has been apparently helped by them, note that every individual is unique, and that these comments were addressed to junktion. |
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Hmmm. I really have difficulty understanding those feelings. But that you are aware of them, makes it better i'd think. When you say directly, "do i need help", i'd say: Yes Go to a psychaitrist, he/she would know more about this than i do. I do not think the behaviour is natural at all. One should only cherrish and love, the one you love!!! i find it that simple. I hope this helps, at least i'm being honest about what i think about this, as you where honest about talking about it.... |
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its not important that you have been violent or out of control to your (ex)gf. i can imagine it can be the one person to this may happen these kinda tilt outs pretty often though. being violent against people is always a sign that you have been driven to a point where its got right in your guts and to your heart. normally i used to hate men being violent or loud, but since i had experienced more girls i can totally understand you. try to avoid fury, look inside, face your fears. its hard but thats the only known way... or get a girl whoi likes to provoke fury :b |
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"Do you hate someone by the fact that they have been violent against a girlfriend? " If someone tends to beat up their girlfriend it usually doesn't just stop there. It usually is part of their personality.. unability to control anger. Which could turn me off from them leading to a dislike. But it really depends... I like people who do things im against. soo.. yeah. |
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now you have to understand this about my life: back in school I was a total nobody and I couldn't stand up for myself. Then I started smoking weed and I started making friendships and found interest in music, which I didn't really experience before. From then it has been my life smoking weed, taking DXM, eating scrooms, nerve medicine. My life happened while I was ether over-focused on my own life, or stoned. Suddenly I found my self in a relationship. We moved together, and somehow all this happened somewhat over my head. The violence happened one night, and wasn't something I did, but something that happened. It's a long story, but I'm pretty sure that first time it happened I didn't really notice what I had done. I only pulled her shoulder back as she was drunk and tried to go away from me in the middle of the night while waking her home. She wanted to leave and go by herself, and I was pissed that she first of all woke me up at 3 in the morning to follow her home, and then suddenly didn't want to walk with me. I wanted to turn her around so she faced me so I could talk her into sense, but the imbalance of her plus the force I laid in trying to turn her while she was walking away, lead to that she was falling. That opened something in me. I didn't feel that she was led into injustice. I felt the right was on my side. That it was her fault. And since then it quickly turned in to my only weapon against being pushed into a corner by her. I think It happened approx. 8 times all together through the 1 and a half year we were together. But I really didn't feel that it was my fault. I somewhat do now. I can see it from her point of view now, and I know why she cried. I cry sometimes just for the pity of her. If I'm lucky enough to ever being together with a girlfriend again, I will rather stop the relationship and kill myself than letting someone go through this again. I hated my ex especially for allways calling me a wuz and a drugaddict although I only tried to do the things she expected f |
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I hated my ex especially for allways calling me a wuz and a drugaddict although I only tried to do the things she expected from me, and I hadnt done drugs in quite some time.... Right now I havent done anything in like 2 weeks...I wont for a long time...I really try |
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people can be dependent on relationships as they are on drugs, or many other things and experiences. a positive relationship is built on mutual respect. with experience you will learn to nurture and cultivate this respect, and will avoid long term involvement with those who are disrespectful. now that you are free of this relationship you can take some time for yourself and learn from it. don't let yourself be a prisoner to your emotions, relationships, or self destructive thoughts. it can be really painful to go through a difficult breakup like that, especially when both are contributing negativity. but you can use the experience as a springboard to a new appreciation of yourself. you're young; take the initiative and choose to act. |
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