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 (nobody)...and 171 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2618827 Today 6 Topics 127863 |
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https://gofund.me/53e22352c |
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also if you want to $ricedoutindustries on crash app and @nevenen on venmarblo |
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just sent $66 |
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thanks especially so because the food stamps program is about to be shut down |
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this situation is actively traumatic, i hope i get out of it before i become a mean and bitter person, or dead. i had a crabby passing thought that, dammit, i'm going to be outside all night on halloween watching other people have fun, also catgirls and boys in kigu pajamas and i'm the best shape of my life now but dfjgkdfg i smell and i don't have any money to go to bars and dragging around a smelly rolling suitcase kills your social life i actually feel wicked starved for conversation in general. so yes, i had a crabby passing thot, like ~ maybe i should just throw myself off the roof into the middle of a large halloween party and ruin everyone's night. traumatize a whole load of people because i'm tired of them traumatizing me. you pigs. you fuckers but no. i like halloween. i don't want to ruin halloween. and it was just a crabby passing thought, which led to the thought that i like halloween, i don't want to ruin halloween, but christmas, i'd love to ruin that. the fucker but only if i don't have anything else on my calendar again, e.g. if shit is still going like this... who could blame me, yo |
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grinch prequel is there nature or a place with abundant vegetation where you can keep your stash? if i had to live in the streets my priorities wouldnt change much, its mostly finding a place out of peoples way i recently found out what being ascetic means, it is not about suffering, it is about detaching yourself from imposed narratives, which will make you suffer |
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lolled at the Christmas joke |
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FUCK SATAN Claus |
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> is there nature or a place with abundant vegetation where you can keep your stash? i'm in a heavily urban environment, yo. and there are LOTS OF OTHER HOMELESS multiple times i've thought i just had a dynamite idea about... a place to go, somewhere to stash something... and no, there are already three people there making it a competition for turf if it's a hangout spot and absolutely fucking useless if it's a hiding spot. the other day i crouched down in what i felt was a perfectly normal grody concrete nook and i realized, gradually, that i was being watched by like ten cameras. then some voice with a fruity island black guy accent came on and started yelling at me that it was private property and leave and... i thought this was a public street, yo? i was listening to tunes on my headphones and using the phone and i sat there BECAUSE IT WAS SHELTERED FROM THE WIND AND IT WAS FUCKING COLD OUT |
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it's going to be even colder tonight. i really don't have the right clothes for this. all my proper winter gear is still in indiana. IT'S GOING TO BE VERY COLD TONIGHT i will get more of the money from the gofundme on monday but tomorrow i'm worried about what i'm going to eat and again i'll be outside all night second night not sleeping probably. as food stamps are shut off and loads of people have ghosted me after saying speak to a social worker. i did this in the hospital and her name was HAILEY and she was one of those ditzy millenials, where in like 2010, i was like LORD HELP US THESE PEOPLE WILL BE IN CHARGE OF STUFF SOMEDAY and here we are. i say ultimately i'm in the hospital because of housing and money issues and housing help please? she says they don't help with housing [and i think: SO WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY DO, YOU USELESS CUNT?] and i can print you out a list of homeless shelters. it's the same list i've gotten six times. one is a seasonal shelter, and, october, and... oh, is it open now? i ask her she replies: OH YEAH the printout is outdated i don't think that actually is open SO WHY DID YOU GIVE IT TO ME YOU STUPID BITCH? WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY DO ANYWAYS? YOU CAN'T EVEN FIX YOUR FUCKING PRINTOUT THAT YOU KNOW IS WRONG WHEN THAT PRINTOUT IS APPARENTLY ALL YOUR USELESS ASS DOES?! so yes, god yes, i have tried talking to social workers. over and over. and let me put it this way: most were actually far worse than her. she at least tried to be polite as she was being infuriatingly useless |
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please assume that i have already tried any reasonable idea, yo. i've applied to the housing list, but in doing that i found out it will literally take YEARS. plural. multiple years. BUT I STILL APPLIED FOR THAT USELESS SHIT ANYWAYS shut up stop acting like that will help the social workers just facilitate the broken homeless support systems, and end result, i'll be freezing my ass off all night, hungry tomorrow, perhaps i'll have to spend all night outside sunday night too and be so sleep deprived i wander into traffic monday morning meanwhile, some of this shit that people are telling me to do: YOU try doing this, motherfucker. go back to the shelter where a guy was crouched out front, having a conversation with his hypodermic needle? and the bathrooms, no stalls, just open toilets, and some guy was sitting on one naked, literally playing with his own shit with his fingers and... "...but if they have a bed," someone is telling me on the phone tonight: OH YES THEY HAVE A BED, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? i reply: alright, you go sleep there, and give me your bed tonight. since it's no big deal or anything to deliberately put yourself in that environment then i said i was very upset, apologized, and hung up. |
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choked at the shit thing lol |
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must be the funniest thing I read all year |
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so let me get this straight there is actually room in a shelter for you to stay and they’re accepting you but you choose to be outside at night in the cold? |
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cause some guy was playing with his poop and another one was having a conversation with his needle |
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Compassion |
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real cold now |
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i'm almost always cold. it's miserable, i hate it but it is going to be proper cold tomorrow night. like, going from unpleasant to potentially dangerous. but that's the deal with the other shelter -- that place is not only horribly unpleasant, but dangerous. the area around it is SKETCHY AS FUCK and it's the only area i actually start to feel nervous about getting mugged. and now i'm dragging around a suitcase and a backpack and if you leave shit unattended there, it WILL walk off on ya. so, in the end -- outside FUCKING SUCKS, that yes, IT IS A TERRIBLE OPTION but that shelter is a more terrible option ...and they don't have a bed for me necessarily. i have to drag the rolling suitcase over a mile to see if they'll give me one or not. then back the same way if not to gtfo that area |
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there have been some unexpected upsides to staying outside. last night this guy started chatting me up and he's not like most of these brain donors; he's talking about not just consciousness.... but the hard problem of consciousness. like, citing academic work that i'm familiar with, and he knows some math and computers and soon it became clear he started chatting me up because he liked me and three hours later we're making out in an alley and it's been so long since... just so nice to be touched and have the size of my dick complemented as i'm groped ...but then later he had a little meltdown when i wouldn't give him my bank card to get a refill at starbucks for 80 cents and he stormed off. i hope i'll see him again and he's over it and we can pick up where we left off |
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in any case, i'm always sleep deprived now, and that's making it even harder for me to make any progress digging myself out of this hole. but it is motivating. in the shelter i was more focused on trying to get used to it there rather than getting out and now dfjgkdfg i'm getting scared the gravity of this is too much and i'm not going to make it. that i will keep trying, always, but i'm drowning |
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helping me does not mean adopting me. i need like... "i have time to host you on a couch next saturday" and while that doesn't get me out of the cold tonight, i have nothing to say but THANK YOU SO MUCH because it's more than i had before and a solid 12 hours on a couch would let me regain function enough to do things for two days or so then another person or two to cover two or three nights a week, and okay, we're at the point where the scales tip over and i'll more or less be fine people need to be clear about their boundaries, too. so many people seem to not even set boundaries on helping me, then they realize they've overextended themselves and blow up on me in a crabby huff. think about what your boundaries are, state them clearly, and i'll respect them because i really feel like it takes a village, here. no one person can fix my shit. i need to do a lot of the work myself. but if a bunch of people took turns helping me out with a place to sleep, shower, laundry then it would actually enable me to make some progress ...but i don't think any of you are local anyways |
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if you can. mermaidman, you owe me lol ...while i'd prefer a place to crash, FOOD STAMPS ARE NOW SHUT DOWN HERE and the donations now also fund me not starving to death [in addition to necessities like deoderant and a large coffee at starbucks so i can camp out there for three hours without them getting pissed, etc] |
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epic, can you please clarify in what way do i owe you |
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it is a mystery that needs to be solved right now please |
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you know, motherfucker |
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what?! i am being very sincere. did someone present themselves as mermaidman and bought services from you online |
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🍆🍆🇹🇷 |
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Epic, please tell us. You’ve shared more in one paragraph than trollboy/twit has in decades. You have the guts and balls to share unlike “it”. |
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thad your threads suck bro no hard feelings |
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guys i already paid epic not to say it too bad you won't know what it is |
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Epic's incoherent insinuation that mermaidman "owes him" really baited our resident gender confused mermaid. He has been lured away from the most ore rich talking point---- and that is: epicmegatrax made out with a homeless man behind Starbucks, and the homeless man tried to make off his with credit card. |
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lol hi Wolfy! |
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Hi recycle i hope that you are doing good bro |
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Other than the heart attack and the 2 days in the hospital I’m very well!!! We are gonna see Yes tonight lol |
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Damn man I have been avoiding xlt for a few months but it sounds like I missed a bit, I'll backtrack later. Glad you're doing OK, 2 days for a heart attack seems like a quick hospital stay. Enjoy Yes! |
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Yeah main valve was 95% blocked. I eat pretty healthy and exercise daily but it can and does happen to anyone!! Chest pains occasionally over a month and I’m glad I went in. A real heart attack could have sucked or worse!! There’s nothing to catch up on New aphex a few months ago New Autechre next Friday- triple cd |
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And a week off from work lol. And told the nursie I didn’t want to return to werk on my bday, so I went back Wednesday lol. What a dump |
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in the end, perhaps i will triumph because i work out a shit ton, i eat right, and i do yoga. and everyone else may have money and houses and cars and some $5k purebred dog but they're fucking fat and keel over and now i can have thad's stuff |
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pwnd |
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Well, if you want a load of Pink Floyd bootlegs then yes. Or Yes, even. Who is in Yes these days? |
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epic would you fill thad's cup if he asked nicely? |
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Epic. I’ve known you for decades, you’ve never once asked about me or how I am. If my STUFFFFF makes you happy then have it. It’s all just crap I have to pack. I’d pray for you but you don’t want me to. Good luck. Roger, it was a good semi psychedelic old people show and attendance. I think Stu the record store sure said there’s only 2 original members touring now lol Magical, my cup is more than full in life I’m blessed and not dead. Thanks “bro” |
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you die, frank.... ...frank? |
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Are you strong enough to leave your current situation and go back and get the gear and the stuff you’ve left behind? |
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nah if you need a refill though |
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are you prepared for a refill |
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prepping for a refill now. |
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cum? |
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Last night, you? |
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