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 (nobody)...and 148 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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I haven't posted here in a while, and I know this really isn't the place for this sort of thing, but I figured I would ask for advice because this is the message board with the highest cumulative IQ that I know of.. Over the last few days I've become romantically involved with my once-best friend's girlfriend. I would normally never do anything like that, but the three of us got smashed via a bottle of scotch whiskey and after my friend passed out, his girlfriend and I ended up kissing.. I was kind of blacked out, and I don't remember it commencing, but soon enough she ended up taking off her clothes and asked me to make love with her.. I don't think it was possible for me to refuse, because before this I was a monoid-caliber virgin who had never kissed a girl even, and I had fancied her from afar for months on end. She told me that she had loved me since she met me and would always love me.. and kept filling my head with these sorts of things until I went through with everything. A few days later she gave me a note, telling me that she wished things didn't go so far, but that everything that she said was true and that she needed to leave her boyfriend if I felt the same. I had another drunken tryst with her a few days later and revealed our feelings to her friend. Every day I feel more and more guilty about it, but she tells me that she wants to be my best friend forever.. that it could be deeper than an "official" relationship. She told me that she would never want to be with another man but me, though she is bisexual. The idea of her getting with another girl doesn't make me jealous, and it excites me in fact.. even if I only hear about it later.. I think that she deserves the openness to be with girls because she is so drawn to them, and it would be a huge sacrifice for her to stick only with men forever. |
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But now I'm stuck here at my house, and this whole shitty small town will eventually hear about this and disown me.. I feel the sorrow of Young Werther. My (once) best friend loves her as well.. almost too much.. It seems he gets out of bed only for her, and I am fearful of what he might do to himself when/if she leaves. |
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Move away from town, and broaden your perspective. Love is when you don't have much to choose from. Ugly people have a higher chance of staying together i think, because they don't have many alternatives than each other. Give it time, thats what i say. You have to see how things evolve. |
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it's so, uhm this "once-best friend" is a bf or gf? :) |
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As long as you don't kill yourself like Werther, you should be ok. There's a part of your story I didn't catch.. you said you revealed everything, but you said to "her friend." Do you mean her ex, your once-best-friend? If so, what was his actual reaction to all of this? I can assume, but that just won't do. |
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Well, despite your friend being too in love with her, if she was honest with you about what she said, then she's never going to be happy with him, either way. I'm not saying you should just turn your back on your friend completely, but rather that you shouldn't feel like you have to protect him at the expense of yourself. Oh, and what's the point of living in a small town if you have to live in fear of the consequences of being a human being? As I see it, you did nothing wrong since you had feelings for her to begin with and she came-on to you, and you were both drunk. |
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Keep it on the dl for a while, get her to leave him(?) sensetively, then hook up officially a decent while later. She sounds alright to me. If it all fucks up, leave for a city with a population of at least 1million. |
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First of all - tell your friend. Then... I would recommend 3some with her and him. I experienced it with my closest friends (woman and man) and it was very joyful and good thing to unite in bed :) Seriously. |
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Something similar happened to me. If you both feel really in lurrrv and want to do this, then the only thing i can recommend is arranging to meet with the both of them at the same time (once you're really sure and have let your hormones cool down a bit) and tell him like it is. If he's your friend it's the least you can do. I mean what else can you do, lie and make things harder for you and eventually for everyone? I suppose if their couple really is on the verge of a split-up then maybe you could wait a bit..and i mean wait without her. Just hope you wake up in a couple of days all 'cured'. |
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Fuck, i missed the bisexual part. Some would see that as a bonus. It raises the chances of her running of with one of her lady friends though. (who you might fall in love with etc) |
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way to go, you're both major asses and probably deserve each other |
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"you said you revealed everything, but you said to "her friend." Do you mean her ex, your once-best-friend?" She told one of her close girl friends. |
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honestly i would probably do what diablo said, get her to break up first and give it a couple of weeks before going public. you oughtn't have done that though |
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Life is full of things a person "isn't meant to do" |
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"First of all - tell your friend." I could never tell him. I distinctly remember him saying, after a similar incident occured involving someone else, that if he ever walked in on his girlfriend cheating on him, he would probably smash the guy's head open our something. Extremely creeped out I said.. "Uh.. yeah.. The things people will do for love...." I feel like it's almost my duty to get her away from him because of his crazed feelings for her.. But I'm not much better with what I have done... Mimi. I realize we are both asses for doing what we did, and we both agreed that it would have been so much better if it were in less fucked-up circumstances. But both of us had feelings for each other for the longest time, even if it was unspoken. She was, and still is, afraid to leave him for what he might do to himself... But the fear of his reaction shouldn't be a reason to stay with him forever when she no longer loves him. Her situation must be the most difficult thing ever, and part of me wishes she would just forget about me, and I could just move away so my friend wouldn't have to suffer at my expense. Please realize that what we did was in no way premeditated, or was it done for some malicious reason. For me, in my lovesick and desperate state, it felt like an uncontrolable chemical reaction, despite the fact that it was the worst moral dilema I could imagine. |
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In my opinion. It's just lust that you both have in common-drunken lust... if a real relationship came along then it probably wont work out. And if it does then cool but if it hasnt happened before the drunken moments then thats probably all it is. And once a cheater always a cheater---and youre gonna end up wanting a real relationship with this girl and when you think you have it she'll then go with some other girl and trust me, you might not like it. |
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once i was in a similar situation, specially for the sexual orientation of the characters, and it all end up with me with a black eye. lesbians are strange people... |
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I don't think it's drunken lust because she was coming on to me to begin with, and I am hideous compared to her... I probably repulse her, but she claims to believe that I am perfect. I really don't think she would cheat with a random person in some kind of one-night stand sort of circumstances. |
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well... Maybe I have a different definition of "friendship" and "friend". I guess the worst person, who really uses you and him is this girl. Her situation is not difficult at all. She is unfaithfull bitch and you guys should move on. The stupidest thing is not to say anything to him. Someone will do this sooner or later, it may even be her... What then? But maybe I am not right, maybe he is some psychokillerlover - you know him best and probably will choose the best option :) "You will walk into trouble - if you're walking with the wrong person". - David Lynch about Alice character in "Lost Highway" |
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"once a cheater always a cheater." Incorrect, Dana. I've cheated on someone before but I didn't become a serial cheater. Every situation is different, generalisations only ever help to compound stereotypes. Also, it denies the adaptability of people - I'm not the same person I was at the age of 10 or 15 or 20 or even 25. People change. |
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Been kinda there. Actually, my wifey was once my bestfriend's girl. We never cheated on him. Things went the right way. Waited till she leaved him (not for me but for the lack of love), waited a year for him to recover, and then, our time came. First thing then: Tell him. Well, he didn't speak me for a whole year, but after time has passed, things are goin' back to normal friendship. But the cheatin' part is plain wrong, dude. U don't take a friend ex, so takin' a friend actual gfriend is plain wrong. Also, my exgrrlfriend (long ago) left me for my bestfriend (long ago), we three played in a band. Never ever spoken again. So the lesson is: Anything can happen! Also: Girls come and go. Real friends are forever. Tell him, because truth is the most important thing between friends. If he hits you, bad luck... |
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Girls can do all this shit because they know everyone will blame the guy. |
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i kinda liked that song like people said i'd let her break up with him and then wait a few months to hook up with her. if she's not an selfish ass she'd go along with this plan. honesty would also have it that you somewhere along the line tell your friend about that you had feelings for eachother earlier, if you're sure your friend would not take that well, then you could choose to withhold this truth from him |
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So true. |
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If he really is your friend, the best thing is not lying to him. |
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I say go for it. Keep cheating and don't tell your friend. He sounds like a crackpot anyway talking about bashing people's brains in. Get as much forbidden nookie as you can because you know it feels good. |
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fuck yeah! |
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And try to get in her ass too |
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its a pity trios are socially intolerated, ifnot it would be a nice solution... |
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A menage a trois is one thing, a trio of love is another. |
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... yeah, cos one of the trio sounds like a zealously possessive and stiflingly insecure motherfucker who basically lost the affection of his girl-friend because of his mental abrasions. Who wouldn't want to be involved in a ménage-a-trois with someone like that? |
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A few things: 1) She sounds like she has some serious issues she needs to address 2) She probably should not be in any kind of relationship right now 3) She is not the kind of person someone who has a monoid level of relationship experience should be getting involved with as a first relationship. You will probably end up getting way more fucked up than either of them in the end |
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Good points. |
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Final piece of advice: Your judgment is clouded. You are not able to think straight in this situation. As much as it may be hard to do so, you should probably distance yourself from both of them for a little while, let them sort their shit out, and then see how they are a few months later. If they are still together, you should keep away from both of them. You loose a best friend or a possible lover, but thats the price you pay for sleeping with your friends chick. If they break up then wait it out for a while, and tell your friend what happened. Worst things that come about is he punches you in the head. It all depends on how much you value your friendship. Whatever happens, its going to be a bad idea for you to try to get things started with her. Even if she doesn't cheat on you (which there is always a chance she may seeing as she was able to cheat on him when he was still in the room it sounds like), every time she is out with friends, you are probably going to worry that she is doing the same thing to you. That feeling alone may fuck you up more than anything else. All in all, nothing is shittier than the feeling you get when you find out that a good trusted friend fucked a girl you are in love with. Nothing comes close. |
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i think you're being over pessimistic there are possible good sides to this, like getting a relationship and breaking up a bad one |
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IMO he should tell his friend right away and no matter what happens. |
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so true :) |
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Please to give reasons. |
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because Drunken Mastah SAID SO! |
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he-he :D |
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I don't think so. Launching into it right away could add heat to an already over-heated situation. I think what Q4Z2X needs first and foremost is some time away from the situation so that he could tell his friend at a better time. If everything happens at once, it will hurt everyone much more than it needs to. Give the people time to let things heal, between stressors, and the long term damage may be minimized. |
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i'm so tired of love. but i can't stop doing it. sigh... |
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;-) |
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Because he said he's his friend and that's what I'd do if something like this happened to me (though I'm pretty sure it never will; I'm usually a bit too rational or my own good even when drunk stupid, if the situation calls for it), or I'd want my friend to tell me if he did it to me because (a) it'd be dishonest not to and (b) I believe my friend should know if his girl is cheating on him. |
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doing love. ^_____________________________^ |
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also, (c) because keeping it a secret for long can only serve to make his reaction worse; that means he's been lied top by two people he cares about for an extended period of time. And yes, it is indeed lying. |
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100% right. |
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I agree. I would never sleep with a friends girlfriend for one thing, regardless of how much I like her. Not because I know how it feels (which I do), but because its just not ethical regardless of the sexual standings of anyone involved. My experience in these matters has taught me a few things. One of those is that its not necessary for everyone to know everything right away (people generally deal with things best in afterthought), and two is that if he is to stay good friends with his friend he should tell him. That said, it doesn't sound like she is too interested to stay with this guy. You would be surprised how quickly relationships dissolve when the girl looses interest. If he pursues this little thing here, its probably going to only serve to stretch out that already dysfunctional relationship. |
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Relationships that are bad are rarely just because one of the people were making it that way. This couple sounds like they should be broken up, yes. They both sound like they shouldn't be together. I get the feeling that Q4Z2X doesn't know exactly what is going on. Like this girl could have a history of doing this, and his friend telling him that if he ever walked in on someone and this girl having sex he would **** his head could be his way of trying to scare him away. |
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