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I am ashamed to say that my older brother is a wife-beater. He moved in with me a couple of weeks ago (for about the third time), and last night I was at my sis-in-law's flat (also she is my best friend) trying to connect her laptop to the internet (he took away her son's computer), when he appeared at around 10:30pm, drunk and started abusing her and calling her all the names under the sun. In the house was her son (not his) and their daughter (his). Finally she got him out of the flat, but he stayed in the building and started banging on the door and trying to break it down shouting that "I know you and my brother are fucking" (we aren't and never have - that is all in his head). Then he was shouting that he was going to kill her and to let him back in. By this time my nephew woke up and got to hear it all (my brother didn't treat him well when he was living there). Neighbours came out, and he shouted at them that we were in there fucking and all that shit, and one took him into their flat (brave). Finally he left the building but started buzzing the buzzer continuously and continually for about 4o minutes, shouting profanities up to the windows and hurling stones up. Finally he left. A short time later I started having a massive panic attack with pain in my left arm and chest, and thinking I was having a heart attack - it was truely disgusting and lasted for a fucking hour (panic attacks usually subside fairly quickly). Finally I managed to get to sleep, but woke up when my brother returned at around 4am and started doing the same - my nephew got to hear all of this, which is one of the parts that makes me angriest. He got to hear my drunken paranoid deranged 'brother' accusing his mother and uncle of fucking each other. Finally, a neighbour called the police, and he was taken away. But they didn't even put him in the cells for the night - just took him to a friends house - so they took this threatening wife beating motherfucker and became his taxi service. My sister in law, who was fig |
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My sister in law, who was fighting hysterics all evening (who can blame her) finally decided to get out, so we packed up some stuff and her kids, and she dropped me off at my mum's and she's gone to hers. Later I found out that my brother has apparently trashed my flat, where he has been staying. As far as I'm concerned, this wife-beating manipulating and intimidating scumbag can rot in hell - he ain't my brother no more. |
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As far as I'm concerned, this wife-beating manipulating and intimidating scumbag can rot in hell - he ain't my brother no more. I think I would say the same. What a fuck :( |
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"he ain't my brother no more." -thats pretty harsh, and i understand its harsh what he did. my brother is very much the same way... delusional, paranoid alchoholic, coke head. every weekend i usuall find myself pulling him out of sticky situations, and it surprises me that he's even still alive. but i still love him. in everything he is and does...he could do anything and it would never question my love for him. |
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i wish i could say i dont know the pain you and your nephew have felt. my deepest sympathies. |
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huh? |
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Geez. Can't something be done about this, a restraining order or something? I mean, the guy threatened to kill her. |
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I've been through a similar situation with all that screaming and shouting - in front of kids too, that's what's the real pisser. I'm confused though, you say this charming brother of yours is a wife beater, but you don't mention him hitting her ? |
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I have a shit-head brother too, but his antics pale in comparison to yours. Sorry to hear about that mess. |
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-thats pretty harsh, and i understand its harsh what he did. I think you'll agree that there is some poitn when you just can't take anymore of someone's behaviour. It'd be harsh if this happened one time, but in marlowe's post I can read this has happened more than once. He needs fucking help and if he doesn't want help he can kiss it. That's what I say. |
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sad to read this, i hope you work something out... |
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was he drunk or something? that's terrible..... i hope something can be done against him =( |
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He got to hear my drunken paranoid deranged 'brother' accusing his mother and uncle of fucking each other. So...yes ;) |
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I think at some point, love doesn't have to mean being there to bail someone out. Love can meeting letting go. |
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that's right, eXX - it's not the first time - he's trashed her house before, he regularly humiliates her (deliberately) in front of her kids, he treats her generally like shit, he's beaten her, last night he had her by the throat whilst trashing her place. You know, my real dad was like this - so Like Father Like Son... my sister-in-law has a victim mentality tho - she said that if I hadn't been there she would have opened the door the second time he was banging on it demanding to be let in. I can't wait to see the state of my flat - that's my life right there - on my PC is my music I'm working on and my writing work - my bookshelves, my fucking home. For all I know, the Landlord could be there now slapping up an eviction notice. He's just a fucking home-wrecker looking to blame everyone else but himself for his state of fucked-up mind. He sucks |
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kill him. or call the police. or something. |
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(but since the police couldn't do anything...) |
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Fuck that's terrible.. in fact just reading about it gets me angry as well. He needs sorting out. |
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You need to convince her to go to the police and also to give her the support she needs to carry it through to the court. It's no good if she folds and drops the case on the day she's due to show up in court, has him back and it continues... Your brother probably really does think you're having an affair with her or at the very least, he sees you as siding with her "his bitch of a wife" rather than him, his brother. I don't think you'll have much luck trying to reason with him from what I've read. If you do, try not to get off track, keep it simple and say something like, "Look, there's nothing between us, I swear. I just don't want to see her get hurt, that's why I'm standing by her." At least this might dissipate his anger towards you a bit, if not towards her... |
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don't turrn it into something off Trisha, just brreak his nose. rreally... give him a taste of what he is dishing out. |
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im sure when he's sober he's unaware of what is he like when he's drunk but, if you cant talk to him, or if he doesnt want to understand when he's sober, then mybe there really isnt much you can do "that's right, eXX - it's not the first time - he's trashed her house before, he regularly humiliates her (deliberately) in front of her kids, he treats her generally like shit, he's beaten her, last night he had her by the throat whilst trashing her place. " i couldnt take to see this, i'd probably snap and beat the guy up, no matter who he was or what he'd mean to me... |
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I go on about Shaolin a lot and most of you think I'm joking, but I will not fight physicall until I HAVE to - it's an ignorant way to solve things, and beating him up would not solve a thing anyway. I was very angry at one point I admit... it's been building and building and I will support my sis-in-law through whatever, as I tried to explain to my mother. |
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Yes, don't cave and just give him a kicking to teach him a lesson. It'd probably only make him angrier in the long term and if he realised he couldn't beat you up, he'd probably take it out on her instead... |
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sorry to hear that man, have you thought of counselling for your brother? |
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carrot and stick. Lock him up, help him out, lock him up help him out. One day he might come round and sort him self out. Never give up hope. He's your brother. You have to love him. |
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that's nasty news, Paul. I'm guessing your brother is having some huge problems with himself..? |
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no I don't. |
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no, sorry, that really is bullshit. |
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Jeez. What can I say? I'm really sorry to hear this. I take it you're kicking him out of your, now trashed, flat? Surely as Ophy said earlier there's gotta be something you can both (sis-in-law too) do in terms of the law and whatnot? I hope you manage to somehow sort this out man. Good luck. |
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???What's BS? |
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having to love your brother.. having the same genes as someone does not mean you have to love them |
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just because they are related to you doesn't mean you have to love them, nope nope, Jaoren is right |
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marlowe, you're in a very tricky situation. We're all brought with a duty to stand by our 'flesh and blood' and love them regardless of what they do. Your brother needs help and maybe you can help him get it. If your relationship has broken down so far that you don't feel this would work, then is right, you need to let him do it by himself. I can only begin to imagine how hard this is for you, his wife and the kids. |
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its your brother that needs the help, not your sister-in-law |
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sister-in-law def. needs support tho' |
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marlowe: sorry to hear all this... i also don't blame you for not wanting anything to do with this person. i have a brother whom i feel alot the same about, and it is very hard to try to love someone like that. they don't give you much reason to. i can't say if i was in the same situation, that i would do something different. i would probably sever all ties to this individual, brother by blood or not. he sounds dangerous and delusional. |
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perhaps we should round up anyone with any mental heath problems, shoot them all and bury them in a mass grave |
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you know, one sign of mental health issues is the need to take everything to the extreme. |
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:( thats a sad story to believe |
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I have someone this fucked (son in law,... kinda) living with my dad, bastardish things have been going on for two years, but my dad refuses to do anything about it, and I'm tired of getting involved, I've made a stand several times in the past but my dad refuses to deal with the situation to hcange it, so I don't bother anymore, it'd suck to have to stay there and deal with it all the time the way you do, marlowe, you're one tough cookie, I'm sure you'll get through this |
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i'm sorry to hear this marlowe. all i can say is good luck with whatever you choose to do. |
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help your sister in law, then help the sick bastard, later after the wife and kids are far, far away. |
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I couldn't sit by and allow an abusive brother to use my flat whilst he abuses his wife and kids in it and abuse the fact I let him stay there. "Family" is not some mindless excuse, the guy needs sorting out. Sorting out doesn't necessarily mean that you don't love him, whereas allowing this to continue as you describe is bad bad bad. And people DO know what they do when drunk once they are sober. |
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I reckon wifebeating should be an olympic sport... along with bulemic pie eating. |
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i always wanted an older brother. |
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Sorry. That was in poor taste and no one should have to be put through that shit. Just a long running in-joke with my mates. But yeah, it's tempting to sever these people from your lives. It's similar with my Dad who can go insane and calls my mum a cunt, lying bitch, unloyal fuck etc. but in the end, although it hurts us initially, we know he loves us and doesn't really mean it. It's insanity and it's fucking disturbing, upsetting and embarassing sometimes, but if you can carry on speaking to him, try to subtly address his issues and understand his point of view it can help you to deal with future altercations by avoiding potentially dangerous situations. All luck, mate. |
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Having said all that, why is this on a messageboard for IDM? Yeah, yeah, we're a community and that, we should help our fellow man through hardships and I really do feel for you, but this is hardly the place for such issues. Sorry again mate, I've obviously inherited some of my dad's hypocrisy or something, but still... |
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You obviously haven't been here that long to realise that we talk about everything and anything here. Its more than a place for just IDM.... :) |
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Might I suggest.... BASH HIS FUCKING HEAD IN!!!!!!! :@!!!! BAM BAM BAM BAM!! :@! |
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that's pretty harsh =os Have you spoken to him sober? Perhaps he needs some help. |
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