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offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-14 11:46 [#02633479]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



as good i am at understanding anything technical when i put
my mind to it, my impatience is an even larger force -- and
it is only when impatient bludgeoning doesn't do it that i
actually dig and understand something.

2003. i remember looking at reasonable things currently on
sale -- korg ms2000, virus A -- and then i impulsively
bought a prophet VS on ebay because of something trent
reznor said. and massively overpaid because i thought the
keyboard version was worth more than the rack version
[because, like, that's how the ms2000 was priced, obvs].
then i get it and i worry i've made a terrible mistake -- a
feeling that continued for a few years, until i eventually
realized it was one of the best decisions i'd ever made.

the problem in between, essentially, was that i had no idea
how subtractive synthesis worked. i would be writing music
and think: "well, i want it to sound like ___ so i need to
use this preset in reason and then turn this knob and that
knob." because it takes no effort at all for me to remember
"reason, maelstrom, preset whatever, turn the R on
environment up"

... as before i knew that "ENV" meant envelope [and it's
same as an envelope function in algebra] i thought ENV meant
"ENVIRONMENT" and the reason i made this mistake is the "Env
Amount" knob on a filter. if you think about what that does
to any given synth patch, it's easy to see how you could
fuck with that knob with zero understanding and conclude ENV
stood for ENVIRONMENT

it didn't help when the hartmann neuron came out, and had
all those highfalutin parameter names, one of which was...
environment

i was thinking of this just now and having a solid giggle;
good morning


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-14 12:41 [#02633484]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



oh my gosh. i have a corker: I BELIEVED MOBY

he had a blog on his site 20 years ago -- a current post was
about opening TeaNY and picking the robot art etc -- and
amongst the posts he's saying things like: "i've only once
ever had a one night stand with a fan and i still feel
guilty about it" and laying it on to the point where you get
the impression this guy never gets laid and he's incredibly
intimidated by sex and

i fucking believed every word. i was young. what a right
bastard, moby


 

offline RussellDust on 2024-03-14 23:07 [#02633508]
Points: 15924 Status: Regular



Leave Moby alone, you sexy beast!


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-15 10:35 [#02633524]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



i don't think moby needs any help being alone after how his
book tour went

[zing]


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-18 01:46 [#02633595]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02633484



> he had a blog on his site 20 years ago -- a current
post was about opening TeaNY and picking the robot art
etc


if you want to understand how my brain and i have a lot of
fun, but it's a maddening problem child at times, understand
that it's three days later and it's still eating at me:

why do i remember reading this at my dad's computer? i had
my own. oh, maybe i was home from college on break and it
was at... no, i had a laptop? maybe i didn't bring it home?
but... why the fuck wouldn't i? it was a six hour drive i
didn't just go back overnight and...

even i think this is kind of stupid. and it's like: okay,
brain, time for C++ again. and brain just all: WHY THE FUCK
WAS I READING THAT ON DAD'S COMPUTER?

goodnite. i hope


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-18 08:03 [#02633596]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



confession ~ i'm actually going fucking nuts over... work
and money, mostly

and my mom is a turd i don't speak with lewis anymore one of
my other friends just had his second kid pop out which means
i won't see him for months either i should look at taxes my
back is sore again my glasses broke okay now please focus on
this C++ thing

i could go on. but there's too much going on. which has made
me worse at dealing with things... going on. and it is
FUCKING EXHAUSTING to keep going on.

blasting a zillion posts out here, i'm hiding. enjoying
being impulsive when everything is exploding around me.

i can kick myself off the board... or i can, "oh... dearie
me, have i not pulled the lever to tempban myself? that's
interesting" and let it keep going. so it keeps going and
then kicked myself off. which will do again after this
post.

but fuck me, still not getting anywhere near enough done.
the kitchen is full of dishes and i just dropped my good
cans in the sink -- almost. very close call. just a bit wet.
if those broke now, though, i really might off myself.
because without them i will have so much more trouble
concentrating

and that was jarring enough. on top of everything else. that
i get back to my desk and just start sobbing

which can be dangerous, because it can keep going

so i keep sobbing. i need to let it out, but it has to be a
controlled burn. i feel the point.. and i stop crying. ok
cool. also some DBT kind of stuff going on as i was sobbing
-- that i'm rephrasing [everything is terrible etc] to [i am
very upset etc]

AFTER!! i had 2x thot ~ [there is a very reasonable explain
for my postings ("blowing off steam") and perhaps i should
share it] and [moby needs the previous paragraph very
badly]. goodni


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-18 21:35 [#02633617]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



that i was also withdrawing from zigs earlier. this is
fixed.

earlier: suddenly my inner scientist is very fascinated.
because it's either that or throw a chair into the wall, UGH
I NEED Z A GISDGFcfbvg...arette

nicotine withdrawal was amplifying certain personal issues.
how fascinating

my ability to recall facts, old memories, more or less
normal. but then i'm not retaining a working backlog of what
i've just thought -- e.g. i can remember a password from 20
years ago; my train of thought is coherent, but then my
agenda is wildly different from one minute to the next. the
context window on some LLM bot is effectively equivalent

since my train of thought isn't subjectively abnormal, since
i can pull facts and passwords back like normal, it's kind
of hard to notice how much i am wandering around because i'm
not retaining a working backlog of what i've just thought --
e.g. i can remember a password from 20 years ago; my train
of thought is coherent, but then my agenda is to go out and
smoke a fucking zig zing kerpow

but, alright, nicotine flux has made me even worse
just recently -- and i think i saw part of where this
fucking rambling comes from and i'm really going out for a


 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2024-03-18 22:29 [#02633618]
Points: 1759 Status: Lurker



Trust me, the future of music is the mp3.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-18 22:54 [#02633619]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



did you ever check out those guys SUBLINER on mp3.com they
made like $70k. i racked up about $5 excitedly waiting a
payout threshold that was a cruel joke. but that's ok, my
music then was like... acid 2.0 and some loops. then i get
fruity and make some noises. was definitely on mp3.com for
first trackers, impulse then modplug

STOP DISTRACTING ME

no, i need to write this down before i lose track of it. the
writing, i'm realizing, is often my line back into this
shit.

my memories around when my dad died are... jumbled. that i
can recall individual events all over but i have trouble
which came in which order. that was also when i was on some
of my peak tears in the bullshit thread

it's hard to see you're all over the map when you're all
over the map because you're a cactus in cheboygen

that i said my memory recall in "ramblecannon" mode is
normal, and that also means my memories from that time are
jumbled, like normal

so, point one: "oh, i'm inside a set of memories that will
be jumbled like that" -- not as bad, i should note --
because i'm pinging around and not keeping that backlog,
which seems to be important for more than just the here and
now.

and point two is... if it makes any sense... normal memories
are already sort of more assembled, i'm seeing. a normal
memory will come back fine, but i don't have the context
window to [subconsciously] to do the extra work required for
jumbled memories

point three ~ this is all shades of gray; there is no normal
memory or jumbled it's more like "reading is 0.68 out of 1"
and so it is for absolutely all of this

point four ~ coming back here to blow off some steam, well,
there's lots of jumble in a nebulous pool. that becomes more
nebulous when i want to blow off some steam. it melts down
into slag and i think i had the TI-85 game idea before too

point five ~ i am psychologically comfortable with
everything going on someone just please write me a large
checque


 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2024-03-18 22:59 [#02633620]
Points: 1759 Status: Lurker



The Gay Awakening


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-18 23:03 [#02633621]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



point stfu ~ re: "oh, i'm inside a set of memories that
will
be jumbled like that" -- not as bad, i should note --


i meant right fucking now. when blast such a tear like last
few days, i'm -- what was the phrase? high velocity or
something? -- and so it'd be logical i'll have a harder time
remembering the little details of this later.

it still comes back, but i have to think harder. perhaps i
wouldn't have to think about something normally, but this
turns it into something i have to mull on for a moment.

when i'm on a tear, my brain is doing a crappier job of that
mulling behind the scenes, and this is about where i'll seem
like a strange stochastic parrot [i'm guessing? i've really
no idea what mp3 people experience] because not only am i
not holding my writing agenda too great, but as i pull stuff
off the shelf it pulls me into whatever stream i was in when
i wrote it

cool


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-18 23:04 [#02633622]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict | Followup to Roger Wilco: #02633620



The Gay Awakening

i still haven't compared the two versions. i think it was
mermaidman who actually named the fanfic


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-18 23:06 [#02633623]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



or russell

but i do recall mermaidman stabbing fondue forks into his
nipples [poke poke, i'm yelling and stabbing my nipples to
heighten your subjective experience of my yelling, poke
poke] and yelling about how russell deleted the discord

despite my indexing issues i have some of the logfiles
available. russell couldn't delete that


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-18 23:07 [#02633624]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



just little stabs. little beads of blood. he's all JFGDFGfg
then poke poke for emphasis

maybe he doesn't actually do this. i'm wrong sometimes


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-18 23:10 [#02633625]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



if you get me when i'm just blasting words and carefully
maneuver me into the right context i'll think the same
things over and dump out the logs for you

no wait i've lost interest in that i like css border styles
particularly double


 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2024-03-18 23:43 [#02633626]
Points: 1759 Status: Lurker



The Gay Conundrum


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 00:04 [#02633628]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



infected bathroom

it was infected mushroom's fault. this is "i thiiink" rather
than "oh yeah," but i was just after i did the whole thing
about the kick drum and someone might hear it on discord,
and then when was the last time i listened to infected
mushroom, that i thiiiiink i went on some ramble about could
you pull back every time you listened to a song?

that'd be wild. but i now am starting to feel pretty sure
that was what pulled me down the rabbit hole. i fell through
the caption below the image [the gay one] and operationally
amplify it into a paragraph and by the time i've blown it up
on an overhead projector into elmer's wheels, it's borrowing
quite a lot, and then -- like the apple magsafe connector --
SNAP, i'm full on the same tip. keep going and more comes
back. i redo god knows how much of it, snap out of it and
say "i don't remember when i put elmer on the job" and then
"oh yeah i got it now" and i come back out of the rabbit
hole and i've "infected bathroom" on the list and all this
shit about goa trance and repetition (which, by definition,
involves gay sex) and i remembered his black shirt as purple
both because he wears purple a lot but purple is a fruit
[previously]

and god damn. do you see how this. is. infected. mushroom's.
fault

it's always quite satisfying when i can, you know... is it a
rabbit hole anymore? it's a dragon cave and i've come back
alive out with something; i dunno. i don't play video games
this is what i do instead


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 00:14 [#02633629]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



i wasn't listening to 'em when i fell into that caption, no.
this was a few days after. i don't see any way to get it out
of my computer to see for sure, but yes, that kicked it all
off


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 00:16 [#02633630]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



1. infected mushroom
2. i black out
3. i wake up and the website is gay

some nice scale invariance going on here


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 00:33 [#02633631]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



LAZY_TITLE ~ i was actually kind of scared i was going
to pull this up and it was going to be like dan's records
and welcome to the pleasuredome and infected mushroom. just
the frozen output of some q-spewin' php. i guess we just
talked about TI-85 game on discord then

but that's reaching the level where "no, i needn't bother
with sorting that out, won't be any good loot down there"


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 00:46 [#02633632]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



and also there were plenty of things i stole from myself and
recycled deliberately. but -- fits the theory above -- it
was very much "oh i'll use that thing" and i've dropped it
in and checking where it came from never happened

those ones i know i've done it to myself. in fact, allowing
myself to do that may have something to do with setting it
off. i'll keep an eye on it and next one i spot gets the
freeze-frame [defined in bullshit thread somewhere]


 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2024-03-19 08:25 [#02633633]
Points: 1759 Status: Lurker



My gay _comeuppance_


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 09:59 [#02633634]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



fucking alcohol. pandemic, 2021, far too much whiskey and
gin disappeared. that i'm lining it up, and: yeah, fuck.
which makes me really glad i hung it up on liquor when i
did

things were starting to feel odd and i had a blackout here
and there -- not remembering the last bit of the night --
which i've pretty much never gotten. i got to a doctor for
first time in ages and it was kind of, like, i know what the
answer is going to be when i answer how much i drink. so
let's give the honest answer, and doctor's like "but i
assume you'll be toning it down and that's part of why
you're here" and nailed it.

but i still keep some goon around. with my brain dfjgkdfg,
would you believe that a nightcap can help a lot? douse my
brain a little so it shuts up and i can go to sleep

so that'll be the hardest part. but after seeing this i
think i'm just going to go ahead and quit entirely. and fuck
me, i really did get out just in time. i'm indiana jones
bitch


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 10:52 [#02633635]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



and, no, awakening is much more apt

as i feel i've written before [as noted -- i don't get much
other than i can't tell you where i did this last] -- you
know how when you wake up, it's like... what was i doing
today again? and then an hour later it's all back in there
along with all sorts of other stuff you'd have vast
difficulty dredging up five minutes after waking?

imagine stretching that out over a few conscious days.
because i'm trying to imagine what it'd be like to watch
someone go through that. like sleep fog gradually getting
mopped up over a week or so and they're a bit more
reintegrated each day


 

offline Tony Danza from Sesame Street on 2024-03-19 11:27 [#02633636]
Points: 3455 Status: Regular



The Gay Agenda


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 11:36 [#02633637]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



part of the first round was whoever told me awakening was a
gay genre also insisting it was the most apropos name for
the fic. if i disagreed i was wrong

now, in which i literally UGH [throw hands up] and stop in
the middle of a post

a proper journalist would reach out to Warp for comment,
and document the attempt. tha up , before i even make a
comment on my time like elmer hadn't heard back from warp
before press time [within his timeline], which meant it's a
comment about

because warp hadn't gotten back to Elmer,


i posted on here, more or less, "I hope Warp gets back to
poor Elmer and explains he's been reading gay fic someone
uploaded to Erowid as a trip report as a troll"

...and at the time, i was giggling as i wrote that. because
my genuine opinion was: warp would never respond to someone
who is clearly off their rocker like that. especially if he
emailed until the server classed him as spam and stopped
accepting emails. that, in my deliberate writing of it all,
this was how it played out. and that was how it actually
ended

and so i stopped writing and went off and got some work done
for an hour or such. then the intercom goes off in my brain:
"Warp just got back to Elmer, and they were actually very
nice about it..." and etc

at this point, okay, i guess that isn't how it ends? so i
went back and resumed as guided

...and that lag in between. i'm used to this as... lots of
creative breakthroughs happen like that, to the point where
sometimes i'll simply do nothing but spend time staring at
subject matter and let something come out on its own

and i am viewing this as: some processing needs to happen
off, somewhere. it's not free. it takes some real time in
reality

but could it also be something deeper about, like, in order
for elmer to get the right itself, reality, the planet,
whatever, needed to run in realtime for a while because
that's the only way it'd sync up

the gating between chronos and kairos


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 12:50 [#02633640]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



i'll confess: i really don't want consciousness to be
quantum, because i cannot fucking understand quantum
mechanics at all

on a walk now, i'm irritated: i'm gradually getting cornered
into admitting the roger penrose is actually fucking right.
i've joined the rest of the scientific community in saying
"ppf! stoner" to him, but recently it's begun to feel like a
last stand. that some of the things i am concluding, are,
arguably, fungible, so it must be. the only reason i've held
out is that i can explain synchronicity; paint a picture of
something that is indistinguishable from psychic activity...
with just classical mechanics.

but there's been some recent papers on something something
tubules 5 nanoseconds this is actually slow enough for the
brain to actually use as part of how it works and...

...if it's about the passage of time in the universe and not
merely a computer needing to process... like, the passage of
time is the computation, perhaps... then, dammit, it's
looking rather penrose

effectively, elmer had to borrow some of my reality. i'm
writing the end of the story before the middle; elmer
doesn't have a linear timeline on earth. but then for it to
be a "real" character who would behave in sync with reality
on earth, some time on earth has to pass, to infuse it with
the aroma of reality

it could also simply be rhythmic. i'm on this tip because
you see how i wouldn't have gotten back without that leap.
perhaps my brain was out of sync and the concentric blade
techno rings needed to line up before the intercom went off
with the path back. arguably


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 13:04 [#02633644]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



oh, we've done the "last stand" with penrose before.
possibly after a walk.

that, actually, it's such a large structure maybe i cannot
do all this once, and there's not enough room in my brain to
handle certain chunks unless i forget some stuff for a bit.
which, again, would fit the theory

i've written "the gating between chronos and kairos" or
such, but it might not have been here. it would have been
end of last october or a bit after...

and i'm dredging this up again because it's relevant to
another chunk. i don't know man, i just work here. but it's
a blast and i don't want to quit. i think i can tolerate
doing my real job for a bit tho bbl


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 13:08 [#02633645]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



that would mean i'm paging entire chunks of my brain to
disk. on xltronic. that's fucking hilarious


 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2024-03-19 13:35 [#02633646]
Points: 1759 Status: Lurker



The Gay Covenant


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 13:57 [#02633651]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



The Page


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 14:02 [#02633652]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02633645



that would mean i'm paging entire chunks of my brain to
disk. on xltronic. that's fucking hilarious


that i'm pretty sure i joked about this, but it was a long
fucking time ago. like, first few pages of the bullshit
thread a long time ago. and i've long viewed a pad of paper
as an external memory, working on programming i need that to
get anything done. and it's normal to take notes on complex
subjects because you can't remember it all

i've been catching more of these [penrose etc] and i'm
starting to catch more and more in retrospect [mermaidman
nipples was on discord] and then connecting that with "i had
a funny feeling as i wrote that!" and as i become more
familiar with this feeling it'll be more like penrose
getting paged back in, and i might start to be able to do it
without...

...well, if i have anything, it's a brass pair when it comes
to saying something like, "if i am now so good at memory i
can load parts of my brain in and out of this board, get
used to however that felt. because no way in hell am i going
to stop"

but then it's watching me like slowly shed sleep fog on
things over a few days, and this is just me loading stuff
back from disk into my brain.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 15:16 [#02633653]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



oh. i see now. if consciousness is quantum, that means it's
essentially trying every solution at once (the essential
core of why people want quantum computers, that)

if it is quantum [and it's not tiered caching through the
physical layout/development of astrocytes and other glia]
and it's trying everything at once, that means once i wire
into these shenanigans thoroughly enough [running cable, i
called it] that it will actually cease to be a problem
because i have absolutely no computational ceiling in this
regard.

and now, ok, i want to to be quantum. i love penrose


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 15:18 [#02633654]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



did you know tantra yoga means... tantra yoga is like loom,
weave. they didn't know shit about neurons so it's all
weaving metaphors. then, really, loom instead of weave --
the loom is their metaphor metaphor. so it's best translated
as "metaphor yoga"

i tour around these things and mine what i can; get out. but
recently i'm having to go back for another pass


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 15:19 [#02633655]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



tantric, tantra, whatever. not the sex one. that's boring


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 16:04 [#02633656]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



i was/am rather attached to my astrocyte theory. it is a
glorious trainwreck of neurology and computer science,
backed up by evidence. if it's wrong, this still doesn't
wreck the part about the thermodynamics of metaphor and you
need to combine lambda calculus and thermodynamics for that
and i don't know either of that shit

i was literally reading about astrocytes for the first time,
when i got a call, my dad had... glioblastoma. a particular
sort. astrocyte cancer. which means you are crucially
fucked; they're the brain's power distribution network

never mind what it is, i was attached to it because that's a
goddamn brainfuck of a synchronicity, and my dad, and
emotion. and because quantum mechanics is hard and, at my
core, i am a lazy teenager who refuses to not sleep in.

i'd very lovingly built up a classical computer that could
stand up to penrose, and perhaps this is actually... a limit
i've placed on myself without realizing it.

the no computational ceiling thing is not as dramatic as it
would seem because it's like saying, "you can change the
world" and then "alright go out and do it" -- you have to
sit there and put the effort in to do anything at all with
this stuff. it's like saying "linux is open i can make it do
anything i want" and then alright then, go on and [fucking
rewrite wayland to note composite with JS, what assholes
etc]. and there's four years of your life and linux has
moved on and your work means nothing without other people on
board and

no, it more just uncaps stuff i could do with all
this if i take the time to set it up.

if i've done all this before, maybe i'm right about
astrocytes; it is a mere classical computer. odd to find
that idea a bummer

but that i'm getting a "funny feeling" -- this is "you're
digging in the right place" and i've made first contact. and
if i've made first contact, it must exist


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 16:28 [#02633657]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



i was thinking of the [big-university psychology
psychedelics to help people accept death but never tried
them himself because he wanted to remain objective... until
he was diagnosed with cancer and towards the end, shit,
alright] guy and it almost feels like he's sucking up to his
psychedelic experience: "i am grateful for this cancer, i
am. it is a gift [explained earlier in article]. but could i
please have more life?" and they're all "no" and he didn't
really note what his reply was there simply went on to say
how he accepted as part of the natural part of things and

i think: have you ever considered that you're a sucker,
article guy? hypothermia is a hail mary pass that someone
will find you before you're a popsicle when you're at a
point where you don't have enough resources to continue
wandering around lost in the snowy woods. it's kind of
inconceivable we don't have some genetic whatever selected
in so people don't become unmanageable pricks near the end;
politely get out the way.

mushrooms never told me anything that lame. maybe they were
just appalled at his fucking ass-licking attitude. or maybe
they're a trap and sirens coaxing you to accept what you
could change

just a thot. that i still want to slap that guy just
thinking about it. he's dead and i've missed my shot


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 16:47 [#02633658]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



another walk. i realized: yes, i deliberately decided to
rehash a post (a thread, actually) from here before. and
sampler brain says it's a good fit, and i agree, so there it
is. that's a good start, actually

if i failed in a previous round it's because a part of me
was still refusing to accept that i might even have to look
at quantum mechanics, like an autistic child who will vomit
up anything not orange.

on the walk, more came back: people fucking hated me for
that "but i've missed my chance" part and, well, i stand by
my shit ok


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 16:53 [#02633659]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



if i was re-hashing for a second time -- "i stand by my
shit" etc -- and we've done that too, well, actually, that
just means we don't know yet. ah well. fuck it. it's a
hobby. it kicks the piss out of any other hobby i can think
of really


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 17:05 [#02633660]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



no. no. i think i replied to people rejecting a perfectly
good caustic remark with standing by my shit within the same
thread. that'd be better than a good start because it means
i've condensed later parts of the thread into my re-hash

i could find it. oh, later


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-19 17:47 [#02633664]
Points: 24389 Status: Addict



i can't find it. when i said "people hated me for that" it
was just belb, who might hate me now. the thread didn't get
terribly far


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2024-03-19 17:49 [#02633665]
Points: 6256 Status: Lurker



jeez man i don't hate ya


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2024-03-19 17:53 [#02633666]
Points: 6256 Status: Lurker



if nothing else yr giving me something else to focus on in
hospital


 

offline RussellDust on 2024-03-19 19:36 [#02633675]
Points: 15924 Status: Regular | Followup to belb: #02633666



Hey man, sorry to hear you’re in hospital. I happen to be
in one as well. Been 15 days, going home Saturday though
which will be nice.

What’s this thread about already?


 

offline RussellDust on 2024-03-19 19:39 [#02633676]
Points: 15924 Status: Regular



Ah yeah.

Does anyone here believe that confessing your sins (not
necessarily in a religious setting or sense) is a good
thing?

I was told by a therapist at the hospital today that
whatever I was rambling on about was “a tad christic”. I
told her I was born guilty.


 

offline RussellDust on 2024-03-19 19:45 [#02633678]
Points: 15924 Status: Regular



Christic is maybe only used in french in this sense I dunno.
She just meant it as someone believing that suffering is
good for you. (I have to add not for others, but suffering
yourself)

I’d rather be happy I think. And have a better vibe for
others and the planet. And then you can help others.

I’m rambling… haven’t had a smoke in ages and just had
a crafty one with a patient. I feel mildly paranoid, oddly.
Must be the setting.


 

offline RussellDust on 2024-03-19 19:48 [#02633679]
Points: 15924 Status: Regular



Someone from the board is visiting next week! Who could it
be?


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2024-03-19 20:48 [#02633682]
Points: 4712 Status: Regular



Word to the hospital boiz get well soon


 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2024-03-19 22:05 [#02633688]
Points: 1759 Status: Lurker | Followup to RussellDust: #02633676



I had a meeting at the church/cathedral/Abbey today and that
was one of our subjects to discuss. I was also called upon
to read out a passage from the Bible and, despite my best
intentions, I can't help but ham it up and I made a Northern
Bird laugh. I imagine Jesus was cool with it, as it was Ild
Testament


 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2024-03-19 22:11 [#02633689]
Points: 1759 Status: Lurker



*Old Testament, you wet bollock.


 


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