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confessions
 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2024-03-19 22:15 [#02633690]
Points: 1998 Status: Lurker



Who will join me in Hand Jobs for Uber Drivers?


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2024-03-19 22:31 [#02633691]
Points: 31038 Status: Regular



I made a joke about someone committing suicide to a Maxi
Priest midi file and it went down really badly, and a friend
who was being supportive I called him a cunt cos i thought
he was saying i was full of bullshit but he wasn't and I
feel like a massive twat whose upset everyone


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2024-03-19 22:47 [#02633692]
Points: 6385 Status: Lurker | Followup to Hyperflake: #02633691



it wasn't offensive really mate, chances are we all know
someone who's topped themselves, a close friend from high
school here. justin can be a touchy bugger


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2024-03-19 22:50 [#02633693]
Points: 6385 Status: Lurker | Followup to RussellDust: #02633675



yeah in for a spinal op not the drink for once! hope yr stay
sorted you out, yr so unlucky with yr health


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2024-03-19 22:54 [#02633694]
Points: 31038 Status: Regular | Followup to belb: #02633692



I just hope he doesn't think it was me trying to make some
sort of oblique reference to his mother, or something like
that I have to say was completely taken a back I just don't
think he gets my thought process whatsoever it would be
alien to him, was a bit of a rushed judgement from him I
suppose I'm sorry about his mother I don't find actual real
life suicide funny either I was just using the concept as a
contrivance/mechanism to make an absurd joke, I can't
believe I have to explain that to him but there you go


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2024-03-19 22:58 [#02633695]
Points: 31038 Status: Regular



Sorry to Mo thought as well I was quick to condemn him I
should know he has always been a good egg to me, its sad how
situations can spiral out of hand, I was feeling pretty good
today for the first time in a while no I feel a bit horrible
and spoilt it all


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2024-03-19 23:00 [#02633696]
Points: 31038 Status: Regular



I think the fundamental problem is that we have a cadre of
different types of atypical neurodiverse (nice way to put
it) people on the forum and its very easy to get the wrong
ideas from one another, especially people who are both a bit
nuts from different countries


 

offline Wolfslice from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2024-03-19 23:36 [#02633698]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular | Followup to Roger Wilco: #02633689



I was trying to remember your country of residence the other
day and couldn't quite place it...

I'm sure I used to know but I seem to have forgotten.

Anyway "wet bollock" seals the deal. Anyone outside the UK
is fundamentally incapable of contortions thier fingers to
type such a phrase. It's like an evolved failsafe mechanism.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 06:27 [#02633708]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



confession: i strongly suspect i'm not built to be a touring
musician.

[tldr ~ there's drugs all about and it's exhausting and i'd
have no problem for a bit but then mick and ratfink always
have coke and i didn't like coke [well, it was ok] because
it made me too tense.... but, then, we're touring... ...and
shit, i'm tired. gimmie dat shit ratfink! and that night, i
stop there. and nothing bad happens. the next night, well,
that was ok last night! shortly later: oh shit, i need some
whiskey to even that out, i'm tense. two weeks later: only
ratfink's iron disposition keeps him from whooping my
fucking ass because i am... well, imagine me on way too much
booze and coke vs. my current none of that shit]


 

offline Roger Wilco from Mo's Beans on 2024-03-20 12:04 [#02633714]
Points: 1998 Status: Lurker | Followup to Wolfslice: #02633698



It is a bit of a foul-mouthed shibboleth, yes.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 16:25 [#02633731]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to RussellDust: #02633676



Does anyone here believe that confessing your sins (not
necessarily in a religious setting or sense) is a good
thing?


i believe it can be, but not always. i suppose the core
mechanic is that you're holding a burden by keeping it to
yourself; that you're dealing with it alone, perhaps.
picking at it in your head

[[the genius of the catholic confession box [definitely
definitely posted this] is that it lets you not only feel
the relief of finally admitting it to someone, but the look
it up on a chart and so many hail mary and whatever else and
domine domine domine god forgives you -- and this is for a
reason. if someone just says "you're forgiven" it helps, it
does. but "you're forgiven if you..." and then you make them
put in a certain amount of work proportional to their
guilt... without that, it wouldn't really be much of
anything]]

if it's burdening you to keep it in, well, then perhaps it's
a good idea.

if your sin is more like "i was the gary last night" and you
know Father Fundie would nail you with penance for this but,
actually, you don't feel burdened with guilt it all, that
you'd fucking do it again, in fact, and next thursday had
been floated

then, well, fuck the man's pain scale chart and just keep
that sin to yourself. it is also possible to feel smug about
not confessing something


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 16:40 [#02633733]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



has anyone ever put a catholic priest's balls to the fire;
went into the box and open with "forgive me father, for i
have sinned. and i'm far from done for the week; i've only
stabbed three people so far"

he's not supposed to tell. you're not supposed to troll. if
you sell it, will he crack and call the cops? if you fail to
sell it, will he even call you out as a troll? do they have
a procedure for this? do they get together at catholic
father priest conventions and compare notes about how to
deal with nutters and trolls? ...wait, do such conventions
exist? i'm sure they must

i have this odd fascination with things like..... what's in
those vague ten floors towards the top of the Taipei 101?
any time i've ever snuck, trespassed, etc. it was never
anything but: "oh. hmm. interesting. well i've seen it." and
then i leave. i only wanted to see what was in there, what
is that thing anyways, etc. and i'm neurotic and mildly
anxious but my curiosity is a terrifying thing

... and i want to know what the conversations are like in
the giant hotel ballroom during the mingle phase after din,
in this context


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 17:34 [#02633734]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



it was 2019, that. what was at the convention. but i
wouldn't have said taipei 101 because i didn't know that
building existed yet. it was a late-nite wikipedia dive last
year that DAMPER BABY and i'm actually quite charmed by this
whole building

it's 2019 because i see an image of my kitchen in 2019. some
stuff i thought i mentioned here, i see now. it was floating
over there because i texted it over the phone, actually, ok

and whoops, right, location comes back with anything really.
where i physically was.

so far more just seems i'm integrating the pile with itself
more and getting quicker at pulling them. except for...
alright, taipei 101 is new; i've swapped in something that
was probably better than whatever i had... easy to know
that's new because i remember looking at it recently. and i
know the rest is 2019 because image of my kitchen. and this
is only developing the ability to get more skilled at
recognizing it's from 2019 or such. it doesn't seem anywhere
near done though, like there's at least something more i can
do here than that rehashing of existing things i do


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 17:58 [#02633735]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



oh. oh. the idea of asking my brain to "index by
date" or "alphabetically" is like: no, i don't think this is
quite how it goes. that either is bordering on a dumb ask.
in fact it definitely doesn't go like that. index by 2019;
i've no idea how to make that work currently

but "index by location" and this is the first such "index by
whatever" like i've felt like: "...that feels like it could
be possible"


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 19:07 [#02633736]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02633734



it was 2019, that. what was at the convention. ...

it's 2019 because i see an image of my kitchen in 2019.


my kitchen? but i already know the answer. i was pacing
around my kitchen as i wrote the stuff in my hed.

i can actually pull back a mental image i generated then,
something like an inaccessible bit of land across a body of
water and "i've always seen that i want to see how it looks
to stand over there" i believe. what i don't think i would
have put in is that it's night-time in all my camera shots,
or at least rather dark

harder to pin down was some stuff i was seeing... in my
office, facing away from my computer. ...away?

finally -- oh, i see. it's because these are things i wrote
to people on my phone over text. i got, like... it's as if
it's a whole bunch of photos of using my phone laid on top
of each other in photoshop.

i kind of feel like "perhaps this is how it always is and
the image i got back was too blurry for me to see it." and
obviously these are a bunch of different memories of me
using my phone. in the same physical location

i've suggested, somewhere on here, that physical location
is the index memory uses. it could be part of it, but
sometimes parsimony is the parsimony of saying "making this
thing simple is incredibly complex because this thing
is very complex. and you can't converge tim cook into
a refrigerator and have a satisfying user experience


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-20 19:22 [#02633737]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



confession ~ once i had a dream that reached a point where i
was reading my credit card number to the fraud department
over the phone shortly before i woke up, and thought: that
is the correct credit card number, actually. i also got the
security code correct. ... ... "what the fuck is wrong with
me?"

i also felt it was so beyond the range of "this is normal
thing for human in dream" that i thought it is a bug. when
it is actually the future


 

offline RussellDust on 2024-03-20 21:01 [#02633743]
Points: 16065 Status: Regular | Followup to belb: #02633693



Gosh hope it all went well! Let us know please!
I can’t wait to get out of here. Mostly coz of certain
patients.


 

offline RussellDust on 2024-03-20 21:03 [#02633744]
Points: 16065 Status: Regular



Thanks wolfslice!

Epic, I think I get you. I’m still hurt you called me a
tit!


 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2024-03-20 23:02 [#02633748]
Points: 6385 Status: Lurker | Followup to RussellDust: #02633743



the surgery went ok, i was in there for a good 8 hours tho.
i'd already had some metalwork put in my neck around xmas,
the bone was failing at the join so i had to have it
extended. been in bed for a fortnight and it's crazy how
weak i am now in my legs, physio and zimmerframe time baybee


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-21 21:34 [#02633782]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02633595



>> he had a blog on his site 20 years ago -- a
current post was about opening TeaNY and picking the robot
art etc

if you want to understand how my brain and i have a lot of
fun, but it's a maddening problem child at times, understand
that it's three days later and it's still eating at me:

why do i remember reading this at my dad's computer? i had
my own. oh, maybe i was home from college on break and it
was at... no, i had a laptop? maybe i didn't bring it home?
but... why the fuck wouldn't i? it was a six hour drive i
didn't just go back overnight and...

even i think this is kind of stupid. and it's like: okay,
brain, time for C++ again. and brain just all: WHY THE FUCK
WAS I READING THAT ON DAD'S COMPUTER?


as far as this item has moved individually, like, okay, yes,
i think this might have been the night before i went to
college for the first time and all the shit was packed in
the car. this hinges on a camera shot of staring off at a
bit of my dad's office and it's all dark; the reasons i'd be
in there at night... then, no, there's something else where
it's winter and daytime, from the... feel, i suppose,
and...

and one thing i never expected to figure out was why this
was bothering me: it's because i need this as a data point
to prop some memories i don't quite have up. and this
quantum thing is like: i need to let this just be a mess for
now. kind of like saying fuck it with cleaning yourself and
hiring a maid; it'll be done for you eventually but you have
to let it be a mess for a bit until she shows up that week

and i'll confess i hope anyone is following me but i
wouldn't put money on it


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-03-21 21:39 [#02633783]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular



ouch belb. feel better


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2024-06-03 23:19 [#02635968]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02633595



why do i remember reading this at my dad's computer?

one answer that occurred to me weeks ago was "i've
recomputed one of my dad's memories" and then i quite
literally laughed at myself. i know precisely how much of a
twat i sound like when i say this shit, and that one is the
icing on the cake. and i've come back to it a few times. and
i'm actually not sure it's a joke. i think my dad read
moby's blog too. or, well, i'm lightyears away from sure,
but it's not a complete joke anymore. and if that is
possible, that means... i could speak with my dad again, in
a frozen sense. i joked... then toyed with... could i bring
him back as an AI? he was so meticulously documented and i
have stacks of his old hard drives... and then i decided
that was too heavy and what a twat i sound like for even
thinking such things anyways. now it's 2024 and someone else
has already tried that. but i figure i could do better than
their dad

i find myself thinking about the crazy shit that goes down
right before a cell divides. if we're making a copy of
everything it makes sense. everything has to be
accounted for if the informational system itself is going to
divide. but, sorry, i sound like a right twat saying that


 

offline mermaidman on 2024-06-03 23:38 [#02635969]
Points: 8308 Status: Regular | Followup to Roger Wilco: #02633689



it's the season of wet bollocks again


 


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