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arranged marriage

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-10-29 09:32 [#02621854]
Points: 24872 Status: Regular

so there was a cow-orker from before covid, back in the
office, etc. just kind of, quiet, but wicked funny once you
get to know him. reminded me of a brown friend from high
school, was actually kind of like: awesome i have him back

but one day at lunch, he's going on vacation, so people ask,
and: he is going on some muslim pilgrimage. and, what? he's
never said anything about any of this really

then a lot comes out: that he believes in arranged marriage,
because he feels it's "convenient." that, if you are a
woman, and if a pakistani mum is looking at you with a kind
of weird intensity, she is looking for a wife for her son.

i mean, i did have the immediate visceral reaction w/rt to
free will. but this guy really cool, so you know what? if he
wants it, i'll allow it

but then i'm listening to NPR and i can just tell, this
woman, pakistani accent, domestic abuse survivor, "broken
arm, broken jaw, oh, also fractured skull" and then she
talks about her ex, kind of like, oh, it's so funny, like
"oh he still just tries to make out like it's my fault"

and, alright, i reverse: if you are copacetic with arranged
marriage, fine. but what if your arranged spouse is a psycho
asshole? that, heck, how is it handled if your arranged
spouse dies? that nevermind; i revert: despite a solidly
cool representative, i think this system is shit.



offline Tony Danza from Sesame Street on 2022-10-29 13:39 [#02621861]
Points: 3564 Status: Regular

I can't count the number of times I've wished to beat my
wife then restrained myself at the last minute because we're
not in an arranged marriage.


offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2022-10-29 21:43 [#02621863]
Points: 7696 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02621854 | Show recordbag

i was at a tamil 25th anniversary and i talked to members
about things like that. folks there had to fight hard for
their non-arranged marriages, or to get their families
consent if you want to say so. it is not easy. neither is
divorce, but i was told that if youre husband is a brutal
psycho divorce is legit even among traditionalists. no
family wishes her daughters mishandled.
but yeah repressive systems like that are still a problem.
most people want it to end and it is no coincidence young
people seek their lives elsewhere. some however do succomb
to it. i feel lucky i didnt have to make the choice.


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-10-30 10:23 [#02621877]
Points: 24872 Status: Regular | Followup to ijonspeches: #02621863

that's kind of it, it's a sort of very thorough... unless
it's obvious, your family will be aghast: you cannot violate
our traditions! then, if it's obvious: have faith in our
traditions; suck it up. then, when it's finally really
fucking egregious: you need to amicably separate because
that's less embarrassing than saying you got a divorce
because he put you in the hospital six times

the flip-side -- that i ever so briefly saw -- is this guy i
mentioned, who was -- is, i still hope -- a sweet, funny,
decent person who would never hit his wife. that if you take
someone else who is good-natured, willingly down for the
arranged marriage thing... as he put it, dating is annoying,
screw that. just let someone handle it for you, focus on
career, get ready to have some kids. that this all seems
fine. cool, even

but then, arranged, not everyone is willing, the shame and
exile if you don't yield, and, hell, is there even a
documented case of a pakistani man divorcing his wife
because she's schizo bipolar and keeps coming at him with a
knife? or is it just more polite for her to have an accident
one day?


offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2022-10-30 10:29 [#02621879]
Points: 24872 Status: Regular

i guess: if they could just kind of, like, tweak their
system so people could opt-out... they'd be left with a far
superior pool of candidates. but, tradition, etc. and fair
enough because they might not have enough to keep it going
past a few generations


offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2022-10-30 11:55 [#02621880]
Points: 7696 Status: Regular | Show recordbag

i didnt need someone to set me up with a bipolar schizo
hitting me. found one myself. lasted half a year until she
decided to set me free.

dating can be terrible. so is being alone. i may never
understand though how you can have a fundamental decision as
who is going to be your life partner be taken away from you.
it may have a few upsides, but the downsides are so terribly
outweighing the benefits. starting with femicide in those
countries, killing female babies, leading to male surplus,
leading to mass rape. that cannot be a working, sensible
system. i want a ism free world for everyone, but they have
to realize it for themselves. just like western women need
to find a way not to prostitute themselves for a rich
husband. generally speaking. well figure it out eventually,
when we find out that money isnt edible.


offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2022-10-30 11:57 [#02621881]
Points: 7696 Status: Regular | Show recordbag

now who wants cookies?
my wife makes the best brownies fresh from the oven.


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