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 Now online (1)Gwely Mernans ...and 134 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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so there was a cow-orker from before covid, back in the office, etc. just kind of, quiet, but wicked funny once you get to know him. reminded me of a brown friend from high school, was actually kind of like: awesome i have him back but one day at lunch, he's going on vacation, so people ask, and: he is going on some muslim pilgrimage. and, what? he's never said anything about any of this really then a lot comes out: that he believes in arranged marriage, because he feels it's "convenient." that, if you are a woman, and if a pakistani mum is looking at you with a kind of weird intensity, she is looking for a wife for her son. i mean, i did have the immediate visceral reaction w/rt to free will. but this guy really cool, so you know what? if he wants it, i'll allow it but then i'm listening to NPR and i can just tell, this woman, pakistani accent, domestic abuse survivor, "broken arm, broken jaw, oh, also fractured skull" and then she talks about her ex, kind of like, oh, it's so funny, like "oh he still just tries to make out like it's my fault" and, alright, i reverse: if you are copacetic with arranged marriage, fine. but what if your arranged spouse is a psycho asshole? that, heck, how is it handled if your arranged spouse dies? that nevermind; i revert: despite a solidly cool representative, i think this system is shit. discuss |
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I can't count the number of times I've wished to beat my wife then restrained myself at the last minute because we're not in an arranged marriage. |
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i was at a tamil 25th anniversary and i talked to members about things like that. folks there had to fight hard for their non-arranged marriages, or to get their families consent if you want to say so. it is not easy. neither is divorce, but i was told that if youre husband is a brutal psycho divorce is legit even among traditionalists. no family wishes her daughters mishandled. but yeah repressive systems like that are still a problem. most people want it to end and it is no coincidence young people seek their lives elsewhere. some however do succomb to it. i feel lucky i didnt have to make the choice. |
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that's kind of it, it's a sort of very thorough... unless it's obvious, your family will be aghast: you cannot violate our traditions! then, if it's obvious: have faith in our traditions; suck it up. then, when it's finally really fucking egregious: you need to amicably separate because that's less embarrassing than saying you got a divorce because he put you in the hospital six times the flip-side -- that i ever so briefly saw -- is this guy i mentioned, who was -- is, i still hope -- a sweet, funny, decent person who would never hit his wife. that if you take someone else who is good-natured, willingly down for the arranged marriage thing... as he put it, dating is annoying, screw that. just let someone handle it for you, focus on career, get ready to have some kids. that this all seems fine. cool, even but then, arranged, not everyone is willing, the shame and exile if you don't yield, and, hell, is there even a documented case of a pakistani man divorcing his wife because she's schizo bipolar and keeps coming at him with a knife? or is it just more polite for her to have an accident one day? |
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i guess: if they could just kind of, like, tweak their system so people could opt-out... they'd be left with a far superior pool of candidates. but, tradition, etc. and fair enough because they might not have enough to keep it going past a few generations |
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i didnt need someone to set me up with a bipolar schizo hitting me. found one myself. lasted half a year until she decided to set me free. dating can be terrible. so is being alone. i may never understand though how you can have a fundamental decision as who is going to be your life partner be taken away from you. it may have a few upsides, but the downsides are so terribly outweighing the benefits. starting with femicide in those countries, killing female babies, leading to male surplus, leading to mass rape. that cannot be a working, sensible system. i want a ism free world for everyone, but they have to realize it for themselves. just like western women need to find a way not to prostitute themselves for a rich husband. generally speaking. well figure it out eventually, when we find out that money isnt edible. |
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now who wants cookies? my wife makes the best brownies fresh from the oven. |
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