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(last spam/ life sucks) California Cyborg Convention Minutes
(Acid Elf RMX)
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-09 01:04 [#02619757]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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Last spam for the forseeable future anyway. I've quit my job with $4000 to my name.
Gonna take 2 months to myself.
The goal is to have a regimented strict schedule, lose some weight and learn the piano--- mainly for learning theory and scales. Try and come out of this funk.
I'm going to pause making tunes while I retool. Here's the last one, it's about 50 hours of work and it's still probably pretty trash, but it does have a bit of west coast hip hop flavor in it, which is my jam.
California Cyborg Convention Minutes (Acid Elf RMX) -- (3...
Catch you guys in a bit.
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-09 01:05 [#02619758]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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working link
Billy Bob Thornton in Monster's Ball: "You fucked up his last walk!"
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-09 01:19 [#02619759]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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forced visuals: Cyborgs taking the open mic for indecipherable political speeches, one after another, in a convention center.
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recycle
from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2022-07-09 02:45 [#02619767]
Points: 40008 Status: Regular
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Fav\\\ Will listen l8r
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-18 15:07 [#02619943]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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Epicmegatrax Wolfslice live blog
Life doesn't suck, maybe. I'm coming down off mushrooms (grew em myself months ago, dried em, ground em and put them into pill capsules), but I've been scared to take them.
I took em last night and I feel like a million bucks today. Just a phat hit of serotonin is all I needed maybe.
My musings:
1. I think Autechre is my favorite thing. Like, out of everything. I vibe hard with Aphex, Stephen King, David Lynch, Larry David, Redlettermedia...
But Autechre connects so seamlessly, plugs in so perfectly. Listening to almost any other music usually ends up with me pausing and going back to ae instead, because they're just that much better.
2. I tried to listen to my music and it sounds so tinny and washed out in comparison. I need to learn to make a fuller sound. I had visions of what my music could sound like during the trip and it was pretty dope.
3. I think the worst song/band name ever would be "What's Eating Gilbert Rape"
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recycle
from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2022-07-22 02:00 [#02620022]
Points: 40008 Status: Regular
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It’s quite proper still.
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Roger Wilco
from Mo's Beans on 2022-07-22 09:54 [#02620024]
Points: 1999 Status: Lurker
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I was compelled to perform such a curious, improvised dance to that, though it did border on insensitive cultural appropriation (my dance, not the track).
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-22 23:16 [#02620031]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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thanks for listening!
I think there's a real dichotomy to the track.
it's "almost good." I think the sequencing is nice, but the melodic scale is odd. The sound design is cool, but the overall mastering is shit. You couldn't make something like this without a lot of practice, but most people who have put in this much time have a much cleaner production.
Either way, it really is the last one for a good long while. All the effort I put into the tracks is gonna be put into re-tooling my sound over the next year. Practice makes perfect.
Tomorrow is my last day of work, bunch of changes happening. Good luck and godspeed xltronic
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 04:38 [#02620042]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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this is kind of strange. work has been brutal, construction next door, one of my friends was having meltdowns about work and his boyfriend and blocked me over trivial nonsense, lewis and i do not speak any more, i've blocked my sister because she's become -- to my horror, despite my desperate attempts to repair -- a complete piece of shit. then amidst all this i'm feeling way more tired than i should, my heart is pounding way harder than it should while i'm just lying in bed, and it's kind of like: ok, i need to admit this to myself, part of this is due to massive stress and severe emotional agony, but i think i have an underlying medical problem here. and i'm having this sustained ugly emotional fencing match with my mom over text and i wind up at "i don't want to die, despite everything that's happened to me, but if anything happens to me please take care of my art and my music because that's what would matter most to me." i'd never put much thought into a will before
so that's why i'm not here. i've been slammed. i'm sorry you've been having a rough time as well
and it's actually incredibly odd. i more or less haven't touched proper psychedelics in a decade, essentially because back then, i decided i'd gotten all i was going to get out of it and there was no point in continuing. that i'd regularly feel some fond nostalgia and think about going back there again, but never went beyond that. but it's been repeatedly poking up in my consciousness. that today i finally was like: you know what, i think mushrooms would really help me again
but then i also think of the moment, july 15th, 1:15 PM: i'm on a walk and my brain is just "psychedelics are coming again" and i think: they do do this, so i look at my watch: 1:15. And it's the 15th. One fifteen, two fifteens. i'll keep an eye on this pattern
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 05:15 [#02620043]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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2. I tried to listen to my music and it sounds so tinny and
washed out in comparison. I need to learn to make a fuller sound.
like mine? :>
that, actually, for real, i had a similar moment many years ago and after a decade of work the problem, i suspect, has been thoroughly crushed and i would delight in another mushroom review
I had visions of what my music could sound like during the trip and it was pretty dope.
you could be like the flashbulb. as described in one of his interviews, he would take drugs and then later try to make it sound like it sound on drugs. also of note to me is the youtube video where he digs out his old gear and speaks of how he's in a permanent state of dissociation due to childhood trauma, and it's annoying but he's used to it
and i think: fuck, yeah, i'll have occasional bouts of it once or thrice a year for no discernible reason and gosh that would be irritating as shit if it stuck my sympathies dude
3. I think the worst song/band name ever would be "What's Eating Gilbert Rape"
Who's Raping Gilbert Grope
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 05:58 [#02620044]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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>>3. 3. I think the worst song/band name ever would be "What's
Eating Gilbert Rape"
>Who's Raping Gilbert Grope
i was in the yoga position called "watsup" i think, when, yes, i'm quite satisfied with this. i'm actually still trying to puzzle out why... it's something that almost takes me back to being tortured doing scansion on teh aeneid
suffice to say that there's something that feels very harmonious about the way i've rearranged it, and a lot of it is mostly harmonious with the original, but it also has to do with how i'm riffing on yours, and...
...shit, this is actually kind of crude and impolite, i forgot. i was just lost in purely hacking words. like, rape, grope, i am aware of what words mean and have clearly chosen them precisely but i'm busy grabbing items off the shelf in the form of a dance move and even though i am aware of the connections between words, they do not cause any emotional reaction when they pass through me, other than what i need to weave a proper item.
funny, i never really thought to examine it this thoroughly... that i see the sentence in my head as if i was watching myself typing [hello, i am] and as i do, i am reading it aloud in my head, and, i dunno, i kind of "feel" tensors coming off of the syllables, that's where "dance move" comes from, it's like if you kind of jumped on one foot and spin kicked, then it's kind of trailing off into the distance. and this is how, now that i actually took a moment and looked at myself doing it, the EMPhasis on this or that syllable manifests
but not as i'm typing this; only when i'm doing yoga and essentially meditating.
point: imagine what i could do with words on mushrooms.
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 05:59 [#02620045]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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i still need to listen to your track hang on
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:17 [#02620046]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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[finishing thots from other thing before track]
i was thinking about how to describe that i more "feel" the tensors rather than see them, and my brain was like "oh here you want a picture" and i get jets of red smoke coming off of them. but, no, that's merely a nice analogy, not what i actually see. and it doesn't fully capture that it's actually like... language to kinesthetic synaesthesia? and maybe i don't need mushrooms for words anymore. like i said. i felt i about had the gist of it
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:26 [#02620047]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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and this leads me nicely into the track. i've cued it up on my phone and i've my shoes on and my hoodie and ok let's go for a walk with this.
but i put it on, and oh, it's one of these, i'm floating upwards a bit (kinesthetic) like... damn, exact animation copyright killed off the internet... you're gently floating upwards and you start to dance about with the subtle uptug of gravity... and immediate reaction, this is rather dancable. and i'm stiff so first listen i was just dancing in the kitchen
and i like the bbd quite much. and what are you making this on? the level of sampling, this is either computer or heavily prograsequenced on hardware. but then you were complaining you hate things like "CV 1" so this is probably the computer. but you've been making tunes for 20 years so maybe it's hardware sequenced from the computer, i have heard usb can be tighter than midi these days
then i left it on loop for a bit while on a walk and thinking about what you said. but first:
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:30 [#02620048]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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it's not that tinny. but you are towards the "clinical" end... i mean, in a good way, all the noises are very nicely gated and chopped and EQ'd. and i guess my best advice would be: you've done a very nice job carving that out, now fill it back in.
take a pair of delay pedals and feed them back into each other and mix a bit of whatever sound into both and then fuck around the vectors of [delay pedal 1 -> (itself, other pedal), delay pedal 2 -> (itself, other pedal), source sound -> (either pedal)]
then treat this like a wash in watercolor painting
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:35 [#02620049]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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autechre, yes, them. there was some interview where they said: you take a boss DD-3 or whatnot, right? and it has this "tempo" input jack that expects a squarewave, right? but there's nothing stopping you from putting any signal source into it, right? and so then when you mix it back into itself [aux1] while also sending its output into its own tempo jack [aux2] your signal source [turn up aux1] becomes these fractal patterns, which can then also kind of envelope follow the sound [turn up aux2]
they didn't say the envelope follower part, but i'm sure they knew it. that, actually, this single trick i lifted from them, in retrospect, changed my whole approach. that it's grown and become this fearsome monster where i literally have audio driving the moog's arp and the moog's audio changes the delay speed and that impacts the moog's arp
thx lads. maybe i'm far enough you can nick some back from me. but i'm not holding my breath
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:43 [#02620050]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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anyways i liked it, the thing about "you need a watercolor wash" is just hearing myself having that same moment about "it's too tinny" and what would i tell myself
but it'd take a novel really
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 07:49 [#02620051]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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LAZY_TITLE for some reason i thot of this and i'll just leave it here
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 08:17 [#02620055]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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today i was having a zig on the bridge, and thinking: when i was setting up all my delay watercolor springenwerk for cruel beans and such, i'm really just spending a while mussing around with it and finding a good zone before i record, playing the microfreak and trying some drums while changing how much everything mixes into itself. that there is a point in that track where you can hear it start to go a bit over the edge and run away into blasting feedback, i'm kinda "shit shit whoops" and dart out to adjust one of the control rods on my nuclear reactor
but i was thinking: there was a real compositional aspect to that, that it's like: if i play this riff like that it does this, if i play it another way it does that. and what am i actually doing here? i'd never thought about this. much
my brain is like: you were composing via setting up a feedback network to respond in subtle differences in timing in your microfreak playing and this allowed you to control a half dozen bits of kit without having to actually touch it
(...and that's the same reason it's crowded all around me, to minimize the amount of physical movement, because that allows me to be quicker)
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-23 08:18 [#02620056]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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i don't miss plugins. much
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-23 10:37 [#02620064]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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I certainly interact with psychedelics a lot differently at 38 than I did at age 18. Used to always do them with 1 or 2 friends, chasing big open eye visuals as the point of the thing. Seems childish now, for sure.
Now I prefer them solo and pretty much always eyes closed, just listening to music headphones on. It's easy to slide into psychedelic spaces like that.
What psychedelic means to me now is a bending of my own consciousness so that it almost enters a door infront of you and comes out behind you and upside down. Consciousness travelling along fucked geometric lines. It doesn't quite feel like reality (even on the hardest trip I'm aware I can just open my eyes and this space will fold) but it's certainly feels more than imagination.
What comes with all that is an odd feeling of genuine self worth, something I don't usually bother to consider. A deeper sense of well being and a moment of being grateful that I'm a man standing on planet earth, looking at the moon.
I carry that general optimism around for a few days afterward, then it too starts to fold.
Since you've already proven you can take them without fighting them (fighting the experience = true source of bad trips imo), I think a low or standard dose of mushrooms would probably offer you a welcome new perspective, a moment of tranquility, and it would probably water your creative tree in unexpected ways. It was different for me 10 years+ later. Recommend.
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-23 10:38 [#02620065]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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Sorry if I gave the impression I hated CV-1 lol. I think I was trying to indicate that the pathway to what you were doing seemed overly technical. I was just trying to say: if you're doing everything on same buss, record the bits individually and put it together! That's at least half live. But then, I really enjoy the editing process and you're more geared towards the performance. I DO think there's a happy medium somewhere in the middle, and that's one of the reasons I'm going to sit down and learn the fuckin' piano-- I'm too far on the other end.
I don't even know what a CV-1 is, so it's probably not even that your description was overly technical, rather that I'm just a complete hardware layman. I googled it and it looks like some big modular rack, which I'm sure is fun to play with.
And yeah your sound is WAY fuller than mine, that's for sure. I get why people like hardware, and analog sounds in particular. There's a richness and warmth to it.
I myself have never used a piece of hardware, unless you count my 61 key m-audio midi controller. I just use Ableton 10 (I can upgrade for free to 11 but I'm worried about losing some of my work). I build my beats in the session window, rarely even use the clip triggering Live stuff (tho it IS easy and intuitive). Just one linear sequence with a lot of tracks and automation lines (this one has 60 tracks, but I could consolidate that down pretty significantly if I needed to). With no real guidance, I wonder just how wrong everything I'm doing is sometimes. I'm 100% just going off my own ear.
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-23 10:40 [#02620066]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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Duuno what DD-3 is, and plugging physical delay pedals into each other sounds like a lot of work, man. I have done that digitially tho.
DrukQs and Confield were my first loves in the genre and still remain my favorites. Funny how that works I guess, going to be forever stuck with my musical tastes as they were age 17-20.... Those albums led me to a more digital taste, with a lot of specific, sequenced events (or in Confield's case, sequenced + generetive). I've messed around with a few patches in Max for Live, but generally I just enjoy hand sequencing stuff myself.
I have the full native instruments komplete (properly licenced, I'm done losing work to shitty malware ridden pirated vsts) and that's where I get most of my synths, drum hits, effects etc. I don't like using anyone else's loops or presets ever. NEVER use anyone else's drum patterns, but I will use their kits for individual hits and try and make em sound different. The only thing I basically use as a preset is bass. I don't know how to make a rich bass, but it's one of the things I want to learn in this retooling process.
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-23 11:20 [#02620069]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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(i should still tweak the bass presets a bit just to feel like it's more personal, but it's pretty surface level. Sometimes I combine two basslines together to form something else too)
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ijonspeches
from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2022-07-23 21:29 [#02620080]
Points: 7845 Status: Regular | Show recordbag
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life cant be that bad if it results in music like this
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Wolfslice
from Bay Area, CA (United States) on 2022-07-24 00:37 [#02620081]
Points: 4899 Status: Regular
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<3 thanks
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:17 [#02620164]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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Sorry if I gave the impression I hated CV-1 lol learn the fuckin' piano-- I'm too far on the other end. I don't even know what a CV-1 is with.
alright, alright. so i write a lot, right? and so i've learned to cut out a lot of writing, right? but sometimes i get it wrong. and a part i cut out is this
when we were discussing this in my [spam] video thred, we were in an argument about "well you could get stems out of this if you tried despite your massive oddball feedback reactor approach and complete lack of budget to buy a proper thing like an RME"
and so to make my point i just went for the jugular, i threw every specific plug label i had in my brain into a post, then i went back and looked at the gear and added some more, and my point was: here, look, do you see how nuts what you're telling me to do is, now?
this thread, i'm not arguing about how un-stemmable this is, i'm trying to break it down into very basic arrangements to give you an idea how to make properly complex watercolor washes.
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:18 [#02620165]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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CV-1, that is me quoting you, quoting me
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:21 [#02620166]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to Wolfslice: #02620066
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Duuno what DD-3 is
boss delay pedal probably 50 quid used if you have the bux get a DD-8 instead
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:57 [#02620167]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to Wolfslice: #02620066
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I have the full native instruments komplete (properly licenced, I'm done losing work to shitty malware ridden pirated vsts) and that's where I get most of my synths, drum hits, effects etc. I don't like using anyone else's loops or presets ever. NEVER use anyone else's drum patterns,
how about re-using your own drum patterns?
the brain of my everything is an arturia keystep pro, which, despite being a tad buggy, is pretty much the single piece of gear i have been waiting my entire life for. the panel layout clearly ripped from some crap forgotten casio multitrack thing i can't dredge up the model number of. but then the spirit of ye olde 4-track, except it's midi, and the live facilities are excellent
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 08:59 [#02620168]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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there are a couple tracks where it crashed and i power-cycled it and you can't even tell listening to it on some cans :>
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-30 09:34 [#02620169]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to Wolfslice: #02620064
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Since you've already proven you can take them without fighting them (fighting the experience = true source of bad trips imo
i'd actually say i've never been able to truly give up. forget who i am. it's like lucid dreaming where every time i've gotten a dash of it i wake up in a gurning mash, sometime sleep paralysis
but, no, it's kind of like, this is a business trip, i have some serious emotional shit i'm carrying on my shoulder i need to sort out, and you want shrooms for that. acid more like contemplating patterns in history than psychotherapy
i'll dial back to earlier this thred; i am doing yoga and hacking your worst band name ever into an even worse one, and essentially meditating on it, and... language to movement synaesthesia? i think that's what i have? i also have music to movement synaesthesia. i'm thinking about how to write this up, and oh, you want a picture? and red plumes of smoke, my brain offers. coming off the letters i see as i type them in my head, while subvocalizing as a form of physical modeling computation
but then also this post, where just, a moderate amount of cannabis while meditating on the weekend, and i'm breaking up into triangles
that it doesn't happen randomly, or on a dime, it takes real focus. but a few times a month i can break through and it's like i'm tripping again for 15 minutes or so.
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 05:59 [#02620191]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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it doesn't happen randomly, or on a dime, but i've done it quite a few times by accident. probably the shot across the bow that woke me up to the idea that something like this was possible was..
2009, i am listening to "mezzanine" by massive attack, which is an album i put on my second or third trip ever and quite got into, and then i'm drawing as i'm listening, the way mushrooms taught me, where you just hold the image in your mind and let the pen move by itself. except i'm kind of just letting it wander.
then "black milk" comes on and... i am back in it. still drawing. my boyfriend is in the next room playing xbox and eventually interrupts me. i sit back and look at what i've drawn, and it's...
me, sitting in a room drawing, with all the stuff in the room, and my boyfriend in the next room, except it's all stretched around and warped like a fun-house mirror with me as the root being a gravity well of sorts
i keep meaning to find that drawing. i just have literally hundreds in a box tho
but, anyways, yeah -- it was like, hey, whoa, this is state-dependent memory like i've never thought it could do before
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 06:06 [#02620192]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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it's not even something i deliberately try for. i just get there if i keep up the discipline
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 06:27 [#02620193]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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it's really not the same as the genuine article, though. you work through all sorts of tensions and hangups and finally you're just loose enough... that you can catch a few minutes before something snaps you out of it
actual, say, shrooms, the effect is actually quite forceful and you're there for hours and nothing will snap you out of it; obviously you can get a lot deeper
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 06:50 [#02620194]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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that drawing flashback -- because i think that's what a "flashback" is, state-dependent memory dredging up the tripping state of mind
when that happened, actually, was the nine months or so where i gave "magick" a serious shot. i think it was r. a. wilson advice: you take it very seriously, you follow the instructions, then after a while you tear it apart and decide what's good and what's crap; take what's good and move on to something else. that's getting into a bruce lee quote i found around same time, "take whatever is useful and take it from wherever you can find it" or such
that i think really what "magick" be about is creating a control panel of sorts for your state of mind. if you want to reach your destination with haste, you take on the character of hermes; wings on your feet. essentially method acting, to control your state of mind of a macro level, to focus your metal resources towards a desired goal
sigils seem a lot less crap when you say, like, "oh, these are function calls" and it's about being in a disciplined state where seeing them can trigger a state of mind and from there you can see how you could potentially create a switch for a mushroom flashback
but i'm nowhere near that far. yet
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 06:52 [#02620195]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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i did have a phase where i would say a word/phrase to myself in a particular way and it would trigger something i'd programmed while meditating. but that was incredibly difficult; it fades rapidly. i view it as a triumph i got it to work at all. i wish i had the time etc
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 07:42 [#02620196]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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well, gosh, sorry, i've gotten deep, here. but i hadn't really taken a moment to be like "hey, i think i can explain what's going on with magick in a way that's functional instead of mentally limp, and a few times a month i feel like i'm tripping again if i'm regular about meditating, and if you combine these two i think it is entirely arguably possible to create a lever within yourself to instantly throw yourself back into a trip state, but this would you require you to maintain two incredibly advanced things in your daily meditative practices simultaneously, and i have made first contact with both of these pieces but never both at once." and i'm not sure i'll ever get as far as to have both in place at once, but really, i should say some of this in case i get hit by a bus. it's nice to finally have somewhere to file it really
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 08:07 [#02620197]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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if you combine these two i think it is entirely arguably possible exactly how i talk about leveraging two separate codebases to, like, we could theoretically accomplish XYZ this way
that i actually see why people become monks now. just, like, dammit, if i just had time, i could do some proper damage here
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 08:10 [#02620198]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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it's a very large codebase and only so much time per day for recreational hacking.
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 08:22 [#02620199]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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i remember i got particularly obsessive about memorizing vocab words in class when i was like 15 or 16. that i would stare at the list in the book, close my eyes, and then go down the list in my head, in order. then if i couldn't get one i'd open my eyes, check it, and start over. the word myriad, such drama there, but that's where i first learned it. that i actually remember learning the word, that i remember exactly where i was when i learned other words... but here, it's just because, in retrospect, i was meditating on the vocab list before i even knew what meditation ever was. it was absolutely the only thing i reliably aced in english class
and if it makes no sense to say, "be able to say a word/phrase to yourself and have it trigger something while meditating," well, the real grunt work of it is like i did that vocab list, going over it over and over like stanley kubrick, stopping the whole thing upon any flaw and starting over, it has to be right the whole way through
so in my head, just going over and over, my trigger phrase, enter into the state of mind i want to tie it to, my trigger phrase, enter into the state of mind i want to tie it to. like an animal grooming its fur
and after going over it -- geez, i actually can put a number on it -- anywhere from a few dozen to a few hundred times a day, this actually freaking started to work. then it rapidly faded as soon as i let up. like, within 36 hours
then now i'll wind up experiencing time dilation, synaesthesia, with just yoga, meditation, and a little weed. like i'm calling the trip back. that's more useful for me on a day to day basis
but if i could get to the point where, after warming up, i could just switch that on at will... and i then started combing over it with a trigger phrase like that... it would work. it. would. work
but i have a job i don't have time for this
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 23:39 [#02620210]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02620169
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i'd actually say i've never been able to truly give up. forget who i am. it's like lucid dreaming where every time i've gotten a dash of it i wake up in a gurning mash, sometime sleep paralysis
i was lying in bed this afternoon, just woke up, and thinking: yeah i should post about how sometimes when i sleep in, there's a very narrow zone where i'll confuse what i was dreaming with what i was consciously thinking, and shit... i can't tell for sure but i think i was dreaming that and then just continued thinking about it once i woke up. it has the feel
post kind of writes itself really
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EpicMegatrax
from Greatest Hits on 2022-07-31 23:47 [#02620211]
Points: 25264 Status: Regular
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i thought of a Cool Band Name and my brain immediately says: if you don't post this to XLT now, you'll forget it. this was not some stabbing urgent emotional plea or anything, just a calm tactical analysis saying: you are primed to totally lose this if you don't do it now so shit or get off the pot. i got off the pot and lost it, as i was warned i would.
this was not always something i could do; it's a skill. or software, i dunno. i was on acid, sitting in a comfy chair, and i had a cool idea. then i forgot it, because, rush of it all, you know. shit, crap, that was good, i want it back. and i was so annoyed, i was like: i am not getting up from this chair until i get that back. not even to pee. and i already had to pee
and alright, how do i do this? well, one thought leads to the next, it's kind of like a linked list, a chain of pointers
so if i can get back the last thing i remembered before i had the cool idea, i can think the same chain of thoughts over again, and i'll get the idea back. and to help me, i also have the data point of what i first remember after losing it, like, where i went from there
and it took a moment but i got it back, then i got up and peed with great relief.
but i kind of kept going with that, and, like, i stopped at a bar for (two beers) and lunch, and i find myself giggling over the trog going "HAAY YOUU GUYYS" in the goonies.
i ask myself: how did i get here?
and now it's like a machine. i get back a stack trace of my thoughts, and how i got there: there's baseball on the TV, then i was thinking about the sound of the bat hitting the ball and how they said the way babe ruth hit it so hard it had a different sound, and, man, you've know you've made it when you have a candy bar named after you, then that scene at the start of the goonies, do you want a babe ruth? then my brain jumps to that part at the end of the movie and this concludes the answer to your query sir
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