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it's 2am tuesday night, the temperature is dropping rapidly, and absolutely no one will be out. this is a good time for a walk. mostly uneventful. i'm at one of my usual pit-stop points, cowering behind some inscrutable rhombus of traffic machinery for wind-shielding, to light a zig. no, i still have not quit. sigh as i finish lighting it and step out, i see a cop waiting at the light. no, wait, before i know it's a cop, i just see the headlights floating in the dark, and i think: that's probably a cop. then he lurches out [he might have ran the light?] and U-turns away from me. there's a hole-in-the-wall side-street up ahead. i think: oh, he's screaming up there, then he will camp out, wait for me to walk by, and then turn on his headlights to freak me out. because it's 2am and no one is supposed to be out, right? even a white guy in a north face jacket and high-end over-ear cans, in a neighborhood where most of what they have to deal with is traffic accidents, domestic abuse, and fentanyl overdoses but then, fate intervenes. youtube is all: are you still listening? and i have to open my phone and click "yes." but then i fumble the phone and it goes into camera mode. i have to re-load things. re-start the music. continue on my way i'd forgotten about the officer. precisely about the amount of time youtube lagged me, he loses patience, and i see some headlights flick on from off down the aforementioned street. he rolls foreward, turns, slowly, and damn, i can't see him, because i bet he's looking pretty sour about now. thinking: if i had just waited another twenty seconds i could have freaked that nerd out i think at him: you are nothing if not predictable, buddy. he rolls off. i throw the zig down a zewerkrate |
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earlier: i have lit up a zig and am fumbling, trying to stuff the back into my modified cargo corduroys, and i approach a crosswalk. a white jeep is absolutely screaming up. i slow down and stare, not sure if he will stop. he clearly sees me; slows. i start to walk; resume fumbling my zigs. he is impatient. came absolutely screaming up, did i mention? so he doesn't totally stop. keeps rolling. i'm watching him without turning my eyeballs. then i see him actually start to accelerate "motherfucker," i think, and promptly stop dead in my tracks; whip my face right up to theirs for an eye. there's glare; i can't see. too bad... for my records, i would like to know who was driving a car like that, like that... but it worked. i wasn't even trying to make something work, i was simply furious. you motherfucker. what are you going to do, run me over? i will kick your ass. jeep timidly stops. i calmly look back ahead and keep walking but for real. around here, wearing noise-cancelling... habit of tagging every car and keeping track of it, even on a stretch of sidewalk. you never know with people like that |
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honestly, i walk by the police station three or four times a day. that cop must have been new. i've looked cops looking at me in the eye, and the reaction clearly was: "ohhh, him" i'm pretty boring for a weirdo really |
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it shouldn't be necessary to have same sex intercourse to be a gay if you're wearing modified cargo corduroys and you post about it on an internet forum |
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Night walking is great |
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“Night walking is great” Mmmm hookers and prostitution!!! |
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i cant fathom how everyone these days walks around cities with not just headphones, but noise cancelling ones and also streaming from a smartphone is constantly pinging with notifications... absolutely|fucking|mental. rookie cops are great though,if you're polite and know a bit of NLP you can end up telling them what 2 do... "these are not the droids you're looking for" |
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caveats on location and melanin |
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cops call him |
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hehe yeah, sometimes you see foxes and stuff, and people disappearing in the shadows |
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…and over priced hookers! |
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All joking aside, I never have and never will pay money for the sexes. Walking around at night especially is great. It could be so quiet and simple, animals and crap running around! |
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too anxiety-making in the city.... and in the country it can end up turning into that bit out of the wicker man with the slugs fucking |
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“slugs” lol See ya get shot Ya get popped Ya get rocked Ya get ded Love slugs |
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nights with full moons can be especially weird - do not take mushrooms and go for a walk at night in the countryside in mid-May, when everything starts to grow like crazy, cos you'll end up a gibbering wreck, like something out of Machen ... "the force that through the green fuse drives the flower" ..or... DO !!! |
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i don't walk around wearing any headphones in the city at night because i need to hear the person trying stab me |
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Don’t get raped and like it |
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the worst part of it are slipping in unseen barkers eggs |
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it is a little past 3am, and time for a rhythmic tap to a zig around the block. as i really expect no one to be out, i am dressed somewhere between assassin's creed and anime nerd. i am a fan of neither, really, it's just where i've wound up aesthetically tonight anyways, i'm stepping to the edge of my driveway, and to my surprise, there is a car coming. it's slowing. ok. i wait. he signals left and starts to turn down a street. ok. i look the other way and step onto the street and it's a good thing i look again, because he's now much closer to me, having not turned at all, and he how has his blinker on the other way, and i'm thinking like... that's my.. driveway? what are you doing? where are you going? and i step back onto my driveway. he roars past and yells something like "huuuaaughmg'terg," which i interpreted as a drunken fuckwit attempting to say hey what the hell buddy. attempting. but failing. not ok i cross the street. i take it slow. unlike the cop, where at worst i'd have had to answer some questions, like... i am going on a walk? smoking a zig? ...this guy is drunk and dfhjgdf i recognize it, he's end of his rope, bad news. and he has turned down my next turn. so yeah. i give it a bit |
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i have my eye on the... well, it looks nice, but the people at this small apartment complex have not generally struck me as quality. the light is on, too. i keep my hand near my phone in case i have to call 911 really, i am worried i'll run into this guy, having just parked, and then he'll see me again, and attempt to drunkenly yell at me again, and yeah, cops, i don't hate on them too hard for the crap they give because they do offer a tradeoff. i have actually never called the cops on anyone in my life. but real close a couple times anyways, nope. quiet. so is the rest of that segment. i turn the corner, and there he is, idling. shit. but, also, ok, he's partly dfghdfg because he's drunk and lost and having a fucking meltdown. i slow my roll and very conspicuously take my phone out of my pocket, not making any bones about how i am looking at him. he turns his lights off he changes his mind! he surges forward. i am now opening up my phone because he is blasting off with no headlines, sdfgdfg drunk and lost and having a fucking meltdown. he stops at the corner. he figures it out and turns his lights back on. i stop at the zewerkrate out of bottle-throwing range and finish my zig. fone in hand. watching. i flick my zig into the trash it's the starting bell! he turns his lights off again, and floors it around a corner i thought: oh, let him go then i thot: no, wait, that was p. bad then later i realized: i never got his plate and that's why he kept turning off his lights. |
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i have finally decided what to wear to the next lgbt parade |
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it just occurred to me that it never occurred to me to just walk another way. perhaps that would have been wise... however, i had decided my route, thank you very much, and fuck you, i live here. and perhaps that was about right, don't get into peoples' biz just exercising the caution you should with drunk idiots 3am friday nite, fucking with my phone, just, don't try anything, i see you... and i rustled him off. psychology dictates he was screaming huuuuuuaaaaaggghhhhhh'mterg as he drove like an ant on fire until he was about two miles away, found some other street to huddle down in and curse at the GPS he was too drunk to understand. but now the problem is somewhere further from where i live, at least. |
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they'd arrest you. rethink it |
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probably my worst nightmare would be if mermaidman were aphex twin. just so watered-down. if mark bell was a full bellend, mermaidman is, generously, 0.12 bellend. and i'm sorry, at that exchange rate, i have to walk |
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wow shit i went and queried my sqlite db, like, i know i mentioned the aphex twin postulate somewhere. and perfect, perfect, thanks past me |
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just cause i'm dressed like assassin's creed? |
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so i think: whatever he's on about it's going to be some bit from what i just posted but it's so formulaic and unimaginative i'm really not sure which bit he's after... so i'll pretend he has a much better idea than that instead, to be polite? oh well |
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you gave me idea to dress like assassin's creed |
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it's kind of ironic, my update to this thread, probably my least gay in ages. that on a one out of ten scale, i'll be frank, i am like 6-8 gay, depending on my mood. but then i'm out on a walk loop and this woman sort of ambles into my trajectory, i suspect actually from a bar i visit myself sometimes. that, i dunno, since pandemic shit... you never know how people are about masks and crap and... so i'm listening to, my own shit actually, and i hop past her on the sidewalk and keep going on the street. then a few minutes later i'm at the rail bridge and i light up a zig, knowing she will come up behind me. so i hunker up to the bridge rail, like, here, scoot by, and prepare to not give a crap about how dare i a zig but instead she wants a zig too and we wind up talking for a half hour, and she has a mixed-raced son with a riced out car, and she, actually, clearly has her eye on me. and this is super weird because i really actually liked talking with her, that she is far from a genius, but in a soul sense, we do connect. but then i have not had a girlfriend since high school and once she's told me about her son i realize i've seen him walking down the street and oh i know the car he drives, with the loud exhaust i guess about where it's wound up is she wanted hugs as we departed ways and i do enjoy hugs, and ok. but this whole situation, i can't even feel like a dad to that guy, he's taller than i am. even an older brother, weird, questionable. and we live so close-by, that if it went south... but, actually, utterly bizarre to me that i am even considering it. very well might not. too confusing |
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i guess the clincher was like, "if you ever see me, we can walk together" and kind of like, oh gosh, i'm into it now. |
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that i have, i admit, started to feel somewhere between callous and sarcastic about the situation. walking just now... oh, it's one of those women that have a blindingly white flashlight that they conspicuously wave everywhere to get you to get out of the fucking way. that, if we shelve all the pronoun shit for the sake of argument, i give it 80% that this was a woman, as biology defines it. oh, hmm, i have noise cancelling headphones on. it'd be easier if you cross the street like half of you do. nope. she/it/etc just rapidly waves her flashlight around... but, oh, shoot, what's that tree over there? that's a fascinating tree then as we reach intersection i do what a normal person would: i check behind me for traffic and cross most of the way across the street, to give her plenty of space. out of the corner of my eye, i see she's entirely moved off the street and retreated a paranoid six feet into a driveway. i avoid any sort of eye contact. as i keep going, she drops her flashlight, an obvious attempt to receive acknowledgement. which is respectfully declined |
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hmm, hm. where is the other 20%? 10% is the asian man that is so hopelessly acquiescent that i want to slap him: stop being so polite. it's irritating the shit out of me. but he'd never swing a flashlight like that. fundamentally, he always moves like he's on downers, or something, even the motions are wrong. he'd never be that twitchy. other 10% is an obnoxiously patronizing persian man, who would not only never be out this late, but is too miserable to be a dog owner, and would also never flashlight like that. 100% that was a woman. as biology defines it |
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i walked to the gas station for a soda and people yelled at me from their cars on 3 separate occasions. i couldn't let any of them see me laughing though because it's about getting a reaction and unironically that's the kind of society i want anyway. i've also started carrying a gun. |
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oh, sure. a month ago i was standing on a bridge, smoking a zig, and some guy blasts by, yelling, huahahfsdhsdfshjg and, sorry, whatever you attempted to communicate didn't quite make it, there. i suspect it was something like "fucking fag" but i'm just guessing based on the emotional tone and i genuinely could not make out a word of that. but i could hear enough you are drunk with an IQ at approximately room temperature, thanks. from there, reaction kind of like the lads watching from the landing up above after like hand just casually twitches out of the way of a beer stein. not that they literally thew anything; that was just the feel and this was the vibe i sent back. |
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there's been a bit on here about me vastly amusing myself by wearing ridiculous shit. that it wasn't for anyone else. some middle school girls laughed at me one day, but that made me smile, there was no hate. but the eyes, lot of data in the eyes, and when some guy in a white silverado's eyes say "i fucking hate you faggot" it was actually kind of like... wow, why do you care so much? and the answer i worked out is i am having a right giggle looking like, i dunno, cyperpunk/hackers(1995)/ghost in the shell, and it's the same as old people who look out their window and scowl all the time, stay off my lawn. essentially, they have denied themselves expression, having fun, and to see someone else doing this really pokes a sore spot. that it is way, way deeper than "do as the other monkeys" and after that i actually did tone it down, because i'm doing this to have fun, not to be in peoples' faces. like, alright, this can genuinely be incendiary and that was never what i meant it to be. but that evening, i was dressed quite boring, really, and i have absolutely no idea why they threw a verbal beer stein on that bridge that night. it was probably genuinely random |
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unperturbed. that's the adjective i want. i was decidedly unperturbed and moved my hand out of the way snoozily, ow, hey, a bit of that nicked me. but it was so trivial i've not really felt the need to take anything other than lazy action; it would be a stretch to even call that a flinch. and i made sure they felt that and it's how i'd encourage you to handle it as well. if the gun is ever relevant, frankly, hospital or jail, which do you prefer? |
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i have been invited to a local poker circle on three separate occasions and every time they've had this sort of weird glimmer in their eye. i think it's that they can't decide if i'd be complete crap or amazing and it's not even in the middle probably it's a bit of both, i'd suspect. but next time that happens again i actually think i might say yes. the only reason i've said no is i categorically refuse to engage in gambling. but now i'm kind of curious how i'd do myself and paying to see is a bit different |
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three separate poker circles in three different geographic regions, all a few years apart, i should clarify. i've been asked by three but no one has ever asked twice |
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but, i dunno. internally, i did emotionally react to some guy screaming at me on a bridge, kind of a pathetic cringe. which never made it out. very quickly i pulled it back together, and fuck this drunken trump supporter, and you know what? i am fucking unperturbed. i am screamingly unperturbed. and they might not have gotten the full signal but they definitely got no satisfaction, and i didn't need eye contact to read this. |
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alright, actually, this is a serious safety discussion. in a situation like that, it is important to at least acknowledge the asshole getting in your face. to kind of shield up and ignore it implies vulnerability and more harassment. if you smile and say oh hello, that will also invite more harassment. what i am describing here is a sort of deliberately snoozy acknowledgement, like, very clearly immediately indicating you've noticed, but seeming incredibly bored by it and then back to minding our business and, like, both defuses the scenario and leaves them all cocked and pussy is gone you're not cumming but three times on the way to buy a soda? if you are obviously trans or something like that, my sympathies. one of my best friends from high school went female and shit like someone slashed her car tires in dead of night and no one ever figured out who but you're a good lobster and this board needs quality posts and you should do this sort of thing instead of either emit a victim beacon or go taxi driver because both will end badly. |
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I like fruit loops |
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i prefer time loops. |
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fruity paradoxes are ok |
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joyrex plz unban me |
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me too plz |
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it is a nice day and i am having a nice wok and i feel the heat of a stare from an approaching car. i generally decline this tingle but sometimes i look just for variety, and i look. it is a 20-something bro in a black BMW [either x5 (base MSRP $60k) or x7 (base MSRP $75k)] and he really wants my eye. as soon as he has it, it's like... the where you kind of shrugwiggle and throw your arms up in the air, except he's driving so he does it one-handed. his message is very clear: "bro, why the fuck are you dressed like that?" i only hesitated a fraction of a second before turning around and throwing my cigarette at his car as he went down the street. might have got him "condensing fact from the vapor of nuance," Neal Stephenson called it. he could basically speak to me with a look and a minimal gesture as he was driving a car by me down the street. and i spoke back very clearly. but what really kind of hangs on me is how fast i can become utterly furious. this whole incident took barely more than a second: make eye contact, he speaks, i get pissed, i throw a cigarette at his car. this means i went from "oh what a lovely day" to "i will fucking smash your face in" in the neighborhood of about 250-500ms. just guessing. but it hangs on me, because if he'd gotten mad and stopped, well... i would have been delighted to throw down. the far right in america are having their day in the sun and going around and giving anyone who seems vaguely weird grief, right now. i was not dressed terribly weird, even, he's just a republican bro doche with more money than brains, riding the wave... but, you know what, buddy? the faggots will kick your ass if you get in their face. |
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after my dad died a bunch of relatives were over, and i was hearing stories about my grandfather on mum's side i'd never heard before. i only met him once or twice before he had a heart attack and never really knew him. they lived on the 4th floor in the bronx somewhere, in the 70s, and the hot water in the building is broken again. and my grandfather drunk. and furious. and he sees the building super down on the sidewalk four floors below and promptly picks up a flower pot and throws it at the guy from above i did not hesitate. i cut my aunt off, and said: "ohhh, that's where i get it." because there are aspects of it in my immediate family, but i'm kind of another level. it didn't fit. now it does |
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> the far right in america are having their day in the sun and going around and giving anyone who seems vaguely weird grief, right now that this has gone from like "ohhhhh, nah, quit thinking so dismal" to "alright, this is not paranoia, and what i see is not only very real, but utterly fucking disgusting." and i'm getting kind of mad about it. but also a tad nervous, which i don't like. that's where you start to broadcast that victim beacon. if i didn't get mad, i'd just get freaked out instead. but i've started carrying a knife again |
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the crap with walking by people on the sidewalk and them freaking out, because, oh my god, social distancing -- which has turned from a basic functional thing for some people into some massively impossible, impossible-to-placate ritual -- has actually, gradually toned the fuck down. i can walk by people and nod and smile and see the only real nerves they're feeling is that i'll freak out because they're getting too close. much better but some people are still stuck in it, and now they're really starting to stick out. cross the street if they see anyone less than a minute's walking away. then just now. two, actually, i opted not to really look, but feel was 50+ neurotic hens and they're walking to tactically cover the whole sidewalk. we'll intersect, yes, about ten feet before i need to turn left; as a reasonable person i see no option but to keep going. they see i will keep going and shift right to try and shunt me left into a fence and a driveway. i ignore it. they awkwardly shunt left themselves and i'm only watching out of the corner of my eye, but it's like flap! flapflap! omg! flap! omg! what do we do halp drama queens. |
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