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how to become the pope
 

offline mermaidman on 2019-08-27 00:34 [#02584182]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict



if i start today what do i have to do to become the pope


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-08-27 00:35 [#02584183]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict



if i gave it my all and really believe nothing is impossible
u know


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-08-27 00:36 [#02584184]
Points: 25145 Status: Addict



have an invisible friend and wear a funny hat


 

offline Tony Danza from halloween town on 2019-08-27 00:47 [#02584186]
Points: 1645 Status: Regular



because he dared to dream and never stopped believing


 

online belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-08-27 00:56 [#02584187]
Points: 4429 Status: Regular



tha pope is already tha pope silly


 

offline Cliff Glitchard from DEEP DOWN INSIDE on 2019-08-27 01:11 [#02584192]
Points: 3944 Status: Regular



Just send your instagram/twitter links to
pope-recruitment.com. If successful you will be issued a
full PopedIn page to compete in next years Vatican - World's
got Pope show.



 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-08-27 01:19 [#02584193]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



high school, i founded my own religion ~ the holy church of
unified borkism. it started during a discussion walking back
from gym class with a friend; i declared i wanted to found a
religion so i could donate all my worldly possessions and
income to it (for tax purposes). he asked what my religion
would be based on, and the first thing that came to mind was
the swedish chef (bork bork bork).

i took the idea and ran with it. i registered a
domain name; built a web site. printed up flyers and
handed them out to people at school. had a great time
declaring anyone who wanted to be in to be bishops, popes,
whatever. we only had one "official jesus" but there were
some unofficial ones too, and multiple popes.

years later, classmates found me on facebook to let me know
borkism had begun to show up in textbooks about "alternative
religions":

A slightly more generous assessment is offered by David
Chidester in his pioneering academic study of invented
religions, alternative spiritualities and secular phenomena
that have acquired religions overtones, such as Coca Cola,
rock 'n' roll, and baseball. He acknowledges the dilemma
that the Discordian challenge presents to the scholar of
religion; if Discordianism is not a 'real religion', what
type of criteria might be employed to validate a reputable
definition of 'real religion'? He identifies the Church of
the SubGenius with other Discordian offshoots (including the
Illuminated Knights of Otis and the 'Holy Church of Unified
Borksm, devoted to the Swedish "Muppet chef extroadinaire",
the Borkian lord an savior')"

LAZY_TITLE

it is strange to see stuff i wrote in high school quoted by
someone who is quoting someone else who quoted me; my stupid
joke of a religion is in multiple books and papers now.
irony is, i hadn't even heard of discordianism at the time!

bottom line: if you want to be pope, just declare yourself
pope


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-08-27 01:27 [#02584196]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



oh cool it's on wayback


 

offline wavephace from President, CJAX on 2019-08-27 01:29 [#02584198]
Points: 2932 Status: Lurker



As an atheist, I'm staying out of such matters.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-08-27 01:46 [#02584205]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



can god write a rock so heavy, even He cannot play
it?


not sure if i came up with that before or after borkism, but
it was one of my favorite lines to use on the street
preachers trying to convert people during lunch. you could
see them prepping an answer for a debate question they'd
already heard (and refuted) a dozen times... then, it would
register that this was something else, something weirder.
the expression on their face would change; you could
literally see the gears grind to a halt, for a moment.

then, usually, they'd laugh, if they were alright. some of
'em weren't, and were all, "son, you think this is a
joke? you're going to hell!
"

"i can't go to hell," i'd reply. "i'm the pope of the holy
church of unified borkism."

then on to some shades of purple that warrant a mention in
the colors thred


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-08-27 01:51 [#02584208]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



anyways, to answer the OP, to be the catholic pope,
you need to all of those people on board, including the
purple-skulled old crabs who descend into "you're going to
hell" as soon as the discussion is no longer on their terms.
as such, i'd recommend you give up now (for the sake of both
sides).


 

online belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2019-08-27 01:58 [#02584212]
Points: 4429 Status: Regular



have you read the principia discordia man? i was really into it a
while back, my copy is full of scribbled notes and arcane
doodles now. i used to turn it upside down and go into a
weird trance where i'd recite it in song form. nutty schizo
biz. discordianism is probably the only religion i still
have any kind of allegiance to though, however tenuous


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-08-27 02:05 [#02584214]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



only seen bits of it. the malacylpse the younger screed
about capital-t truth, little-t truth, well, someone posted
it here, i dunno, 2014? that really resonated with me. i
really ought to sit down and read it

in a sense, i already have the flavor, though. read a great
number of r. a. wilson's books.


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-08-27 09:21 [#02584224]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict



thanks guys for the advice btw can the pope get laid also
epicmegatrax i read your post -not the whole thing obviously
your last post- and i want to say to all the young xltronic
readers who admire to be the next pope don’t be
discouraged by this epicmegatrax guy he lives in his
mother’s basement


 

offline Tony Danza from halloween town on 2019-08-27 12:16 [#02584228]
Points: 1645 Status: Regular | Followup to mermaidman: #02584224



> btw can the pope get laid

can he...!


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-08-27 15:04 [#02584235]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict | Followup to Tony Danza: #02584228



“Many spoke of an unspoken code of the “closet”, with
one rule of thumb being that the more homophobic a cleric
was, the more likely he was to be gay.” reminds me of
someone here who’s not fond of gay muppets.

seems like the vatican is having gay orgies all day! count
me in!



 

offline Tony Danza from halloween town on 2019-08-27 15:21 [#02584236]
Points: 1645 Status: Regular | Followup to mermaidman: #02584235



u have to admit it'd be pretty sweet if you were his alt


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-08-27 15:37 [#02584241]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict | Followup to Tony Danza: #02584236



i still might be and l love me some gay action


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-08-27 15:41 [#02584243]
Points: 25145 Status: Addict | Followup to mermaidman: #02584241



are you ready to be tied to a spinning pink crucifix
covered in Vaseline while relax by Frankie goes to Hollywood
is sung by a naked choir of monks


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-08-27 16:01 [#02584246]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict | Followup to Hyperflake: #02584243



yes i am ready *intense shivering*


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-08-27 16:03 [#02584247]
Points: 25145 Status: Addict | Followup to mermaidman: #02584246



the safe phrase is "jumping Jehoshaphat"


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2019-08-28 00:06 [#02584254]
Points: 25145 Status: Addict



be old, know latin, have and invisible friend and a funny
hat

and a propensity for overlooking criminal behaviour


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-09-01 21:17 [#02584647]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



Pope Francis Gets Stuck For 25 Minutes.

The Vatican did not clarify whether the pope was alone in
the malfunctioning elevator, or if any of his aides were by
his side when Francis was stuck (inside of them [in the
elevator])



 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-09-01 21:18 [#02584648]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



The Pope Walks Into An Elevator. He Gets Stuck For 25
Minutes. The Pope Walks Into An Elevator. He Gets Stuck For
25 Minutes. The Pope Walks Into An Elevator. He Gets Stuck
For 25 Minutes.

"Pope Francis Gets Stuck In An Elevator For 25 Minutes"
sounds like a good name for an EP on bandcramp


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-09-01 23:25 [#02584651]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict



i'd be a better pope than that old fart i deserve it more
than he does


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-09-01 23:28 [#02584652]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict



if i were the pope and i got stuck on an elevator when they
finally rescued me they'd find me making out with a large
handsome gentleman


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-09-02 02:13 [#02584654]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



which would clearly not b u

(o!~ burn)


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-09-02 09:54 [#02584658]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict



even the pope needs a chest -hairy- he can rest his head on
epic


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-09-02 09:55 [#02584659]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict



just cause you're the pope doesn't mean u part with your
feelings


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2019-09-14 01:25 [#02585161]
Points: 12748 Status: Addict



just 'cos you pooped in the vatican don't mean u pope


 

offline mermaidman on 2019-09-14 10:58 [#02585190]
Points: 5702 Status: Addict



epicmegatrax this is serious biznezz


 


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