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Going to watch Aladdin now. What would you do if you had three wishes? |
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Wouldn’t use them, too much like a gamble - not sure if a Genie is trustworthy |
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I’d use my first wish to force hyperflake into making three wishes. |
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Will Smith: Woohoo! Betcha didn't expect nothin' like me, huh?! I'm a genie! [90 minutes of insufferable mugging and winking ensues] |
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really? a three wishes thread? really? i wish for some of roger wilco's gayness to be rubbed on me 3 times |
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I'd wish there was some film other than fucking Aladdin on at the cinema. |
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1 get all the aphex track that I haven't heard 2 Find out what UFOS really are... what are they? 3 become robocop |
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My second wish is for hyperflake Robocop to become a superstar DJ. |
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when you're a kid you always say I ask for infinite wishes |
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let me have another think more sensible 1. lifelong happiness for all my friends and acquaintances 2. an end to all war, poverty and suffering 3. shag several big titted women on a massive pile of sweets while listening to all the unreleased aphex tracks |
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Too late!!! |
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but that's my real wishes! |
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Wish 1 have the same flow as biggie smalls |
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but stay white i guess? |
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smiggie balls |
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Smeggy balls you mean! |
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urghh! |
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im gonna get to be content with i have on the third |
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with what |
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Rather than use them myself, I would donate my wishes to good causes: I would donate my first wish to Bernie's 2020 campaign. I would donate my second wish to Jussie Smollett's legal defense fund. I would donate my third wish to the Newark School District. |
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2nd wish to have dj premier's production skills |
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but stay white i guess? |
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genie: but you can’t stay a white boy umbroman: nah, keep it then |
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Why are you obessed with the fact he wants to remain in his body? |
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i wish it were that simple. his third wish will be minorities to be kicked out of the uk so he if he wants to stay... you get the idea |
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I get the idea that you’re pinning him as a racist, but is wanting to have biggie’s flow without being him automatically racist? Sorry Umbro, you might be a racist, I dunno. |
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no of course not |
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I believe in maimonides, resurrection of the dead and that sort of thing. God won’t choose based on skin colour. |
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https://www.aish.com/sp/ph/48929597.html |
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My dilemma is I don’t want to proselytise for a religion that I can’t be a member of. |
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And I’d rather be friends with people instead of holding strongly held beliefs about anything. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-ddO2oMX61E |
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“It is beyond the conception of a created human being to comprehend what it means to be connected to the Source of all existence.” Exciting. |
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I admire your honesty here when it comes to your beliefs. I totally respect them and mine aren’t all that different. Also good on ya for that comment! Too many people alienate themselves from others with their beliefs. |
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and if i had one wish i'd wish for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss and if i had a million dollars i'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alcoholics |
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i don't understand this movie was already made why did they do it over it's like "never mind having a slice of cake i'm just going to bake another cake" |
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1. i wish hollywood would start making good original movies again instead of rebooting and franchising everything i am told it is partly an economics-of-scale problem. anything big enough to be a national film has to be a behemoth out of necessity; it's going out to tens of thousands of theaters all around the world, the soundtrack will be on itunes, factories in china churn out mcdonalds cups with movie graphics so, well, fixing all that would probably keep the genie busy for a while and we'll give him some time before i go for another |
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so a producer finds something worthy of producing and hires a screenwriter and oversees how thick the plot is then hires a director and then all the other people except, no, there's an executive producer who is sort of like a ceo. the executive producer oversees a team of producers and you have producers for marketing, legal, hr, mcdonalds cups, and, oh yes, film-making. it's like a strange temporary company that springs up like scaffolding to make the movie, starting with some guy like jerry bruckheimer except, no. it's 2019 and the theaters are all consolidated chains, netflix is pouring billions into producing content, and producers can no longer do cocaine, extract sexual favors from actresses, and make decent action movies. the executive producer's opinion matters, perhaps, but the board has to ratify it and the accountants need to crunch the numbers to see if this is worth investing gobs of millions into and in the end it's like an artificial neural network of economics, lawyers, and statistics that concludes: aladdin was popular, will smith was popular, so with smith as aladdin will be popular and, go figure, it is. |
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i don't think will smith could pull off a mrs. doubtfire reboot; we'll need to find someone else for that. someone else black, because that's modern |
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ahaha, guy ritchie directed it. that's perfect, and by perfect, i mean, perfectly mechanical: guy ritchie is a popular director, and so if he directs this movie it will be popular but aladdin is full of musicals and guy ritchie just wants to do action scenes that move like hip-hop music videos and you can kind of see how that seems to fit on paper, like an equation, but in practice the songs of aladdin -- did they keep those, even? -- don't really fit ritchie's pace. this is the sort of subtle nuance an algorithm has no ear for i'm looking at the reviews, and they're like, "8/10, probably the best disney reboot to date" lol. frog's been slowly coming to a boil |
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i want a genie with big blue boobies |
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that'd be the x-men franchise, aisle 4 |
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guy Ritchie could remake bambi and there would be a slow motion fight sequence in it |
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, in that it's perfectly mismatched. one of the feely love songs superimposed over a bunch of twitchy action shots and explosions and a guy doing parkour in an ice chasm |
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...and, yes, there is slow-motion. |
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that is real bullshit, |
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if oasis had done the 1992 aladdin music this reboot really could have been something |
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yeah not enough cockney geezers in Aladdin, |
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I remember digging the soundtrack to the original animated film. I guess it worked back then, also because it was a cartoon. |
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It might be a trick, everything in this universe seems evil, so what if the genie grants the opposite of each of your wishes. Especially if the genie is Will Sniff from Ass Wide Shit. Now that would be a good movie, it would have to say that on the cover and be directed by tim and eric, and actually star a Will Sniff impersonator they mistook for the real Will Sniff. And it would need the business hugs guy and of course david librehart. |
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and whoopsie goldberg |
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