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was just in a car accident
 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-28 21:59 [#02555316]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



going down I-90, left lane, reasonable speed, minding my
own business. hair lady in a white CR-V suddenly changes
lanes into me. i have zero time to react; no time for my
foot to get to the brake: simply, bam. kerboom. spin. all
the airbags go off. i am sideways in the fast-lane.

in the midst of it all, believe it or not, i was not
frightened. my brain was squarely, immediately centered on:
god freaking dammit. i am dealing with so much. and now my
car is smashed up

well, at least i'm alive. not injured. nothing is even sore.
i call 911. they tell me to remain in my car -- yeah, sounds
like a sane idea. i call my buddy and let him know we won't
be meeting to hang. i wait a bit. i manage to get the engine
to turn over and get the car over to the side. paramedics
and cops begin showing up.

a man walks out of a white pickup parked down the road,
holding paperwork: shit, there are more cars involved in
this?

"did you get caught up in that?" i ask the gentleman. he is
a nice man.

he says, "yeah, i thought that lady was about to rear end
me, then she disappeared, then she side-swiped me!"

oh, alright, that's how it happened: this lady didn't see
her lane slowing down, jammed on the brakes, but not enough
time... so, to avoid rear-ending this guy, she cuts into my
lane and essentially totals my car.

i am told that if the airbags go off the car is
automatically moved to some legal salvage status because
it's often too much to repair. as it was totally that lady's
fault, her insurance will probably cut me a check... but,
shit. that's not what i want. i want my car back. i don't
want to have to go buy some shit used car with whatever
insurance gives me... and how long will this freaking take?

i have to be out of where i'm staying by saturday and the
timing could not be worse.

how was your day, xlt?


 

offline umbroman3 from United Kingdom on 2018-06-28 22:08 [#02555317]
Points: 2779 Status: Regular



oh shit man, sorry to hear this

at least youre alive and there's surely a special place in
heaven reserved for you

you'll get through it

:-)


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-28 22:24 [#02555318]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



i loved my car very much. driving is a significant
theraputic outlet for me... drowning in bills, having
trouble finding a job, on borrowed time... whenever i feel
trapped by the pressures of life, i get in my car and go out
for a drive. it is focusing, soothing.... puts my brain back
in order... and, now it has been robbed from me.

more importantly, now i have to move without a car, and once
i move, i will not have a car. my life was already so
complicated i was having trouble processing, and now it is
moreso.

i was driving out to meet a buddy, and, after that, i had an
appointment to meet with a guy to see if i would work out as
a roommate. obviously, i had to cancel... but i still have
to move...

...at least that is working out, well enough. he's a friend
of my best friend, and anyone who's friends with my best
friend simply has to be at least somewhat owsum. we chatted
last night and hit it off immediately; he's a computer nerd
of the hacking/penetration testing type. i called him up and
let him know what happened and he was kind enough to say i
could move in tomorrow, despite the fact that we've never
met.

my current roommates -- also super nice dudes who have been
immensely kind to me -- will help me get my stuff over there
tomorrow.

after that? i dunno. i am honestly having a hard time
thinking it through. i have a bit of cash but uber was my
only source of income and now i have no source of income. i
have about a week to get something else going, and i have no
idea what i'm going to do.

freelancer and bug bounty programs might pay off eventually
but given my new situation i'm not sure what to do. get a
job at a gas station? i dunno. ugh


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-28 22:44 [#02555320]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



i was just glumly thinking that i don't have any food except
for half a tub of crappy hillshire farms turkey and one of
my soon to be former roommates shows up with a tupperware
full of home-booked mac and cheese with beef and stuff...
and i think, pepperoni? it's good

there are times i think about checking out. have a
conversation with myself about it. probably my lowest point
was in 2014 or so. breakup from a five-year relationship,
out of work, in a pit of alcohol. see a bottle of bleach i
bought for cleaning purposes and think: maybe i should just
chug it.

next thot: no, no, we're a bit messed up, now. let's go lie
down in bed and have a serious think about this. really,
seriously, weigh the pros and cons of chugging bleach.

pros: no more problems. no more worries. all life concerns
resolved. cons, painful. family members will suffer... fuck
that, they hate me anyways. further cons, i have loads of
songs that aren't done. i have great project ideas. they are
my ideas, and unless i do them myself, they will never be
done.

this, oddly, was a turning point. i thought: if i die, all
my art projects will go unfinished, and no one can finish
them except me. i then start going through specific things i
want to finish, in my hed. it is intolerable, the idea that
this shit won't ever get done.

then i get up. start working on my art shit. 2014, art kept
me alive, noted in ship's log. i got back out there and met
my bestest buddy forever.

so, 2018, i not only have my unfinished art shit, but a
friend whom i genuinely love and cannot bear to hurt.
roommates who have been very kind to me... so, no, i'm not
really in the mood to give up. but this is a far sight from
having a freaking plan


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2018-06-28 22:45 [#02555321]
Points: 10246 Status: Addict



hey man sorry


 

offline SignedUpToLOL from Zuckuss fanfiction (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-28 22:49 [#02555322]
Points: 2853 Status: Regular



Sorry to hear about this Fucked Up Shit, EM(t). You've got a
cool brain, you're young, you'll come up with the goods, I
have every confidence.


 

offline AMPI MAX from United Kingdom on 2018-06-28 22:50 [#02555323]
Points: 10246 Status: Addict



but you know you are honestly lookin at this all wrong. ur
supposed to get the near death feeling. and ur supposed to
be kissing the ground in celebration.


 

offline big from lsg on 2018-06-28 22:53 [#02555324]
Points: 21686 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



good luck


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-28 22:55 [#02555325]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular



Sorry to hear it, take care


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-28 23:02 [#02555329]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular | Followup to SignedUpToLOL: #02555322



Sorry to hear about this Fucked Up Shit, EM(t). You've
got a cool brain, you're young, you'll come up with the
goods, I have every confidence.


i would counter to say that i have a unique brain. it is
good at some things and terrible at others. if you asked me
to trade the unique things i have for a functional
existance, i'm not sure i'd take the bargain... but, right
now, it's not really doing me well.

but you know you are honestly lookin at this all wrong.
ur supposed to get the near death feeling. and ur supposed
to be kissing the ground in celebration.


that is exactly where my brain is at, right now. i even said
above: as my car was spinning out of control, airbags going
off, it's notable what i was _not_ thinking: "oh my god, i
might be about to die." instead, i was thinking, "great,
shit, now i have more problems to dig out from." i feel like
i should be kissing the ground in celebration at not dying,
but instead it's more this deeply overwhelming sense of
frustration. that i am doing everything i can to stay on the
straight and level, and now this fucking shit. frankly, as i
i was spinning around, airbags flying, i was actually kind
of pissed. as in: fucking christ, i have enough to deal
with.... i do suppose that is marginally better than "thank
god it's over," but not by much.



 

offline belb from mmmmmmhhhhzzzz!!! on 2018-06-28 23:13 [#02555330]
Points: 3078 Status: Regular



sorry about yr troubles man, hope life gives you more
macaroni and less pain as soon as poss


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-28 23:14 [#02555331]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular



sounds like the lady was either using her phone or applying
makeup, stupid idiot, she could have killed you easily


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-28 23:18 [#02555332]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



i am sure i will never know, but that is exactly what i
suspect: hair lady on her phone, suddenly realizes she's
about to rear-end someone, dodges lanes in a panic without
looking. that is more or less precisely what seems like
happened... but, shit. is she going to tell her insurance
company, "why, yes, i did look down at my phone and that's
why i fucked two other cars up as well as my own!" not a
chance. i am honestly steeling myself for some sort of
denial, and how will i refute it? biggest thing in my favor
is the white truck she sideswiped, who said she almost rear
ended him before veering into my lane. i am in the right,
honestly, legally. i just hope she doesn't tell some
bullshit story i have to fight. stupid idiot


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-28 23:19 [#02555333]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular | Followup to belb: #02555330



me too. thanks, man.

dead honesty: i just want to hole up somewhere and write
music, right now. but i should focus on more practical
matters, like getting a bit drunk and downloading forms from
the massachusetts rmv


 

offline wavephace from Aspiring Moderator on 2018-06-28 23:20 [#02555334]
Points: 2538 Status: Lurker



wow that sucks at least she had insurance right?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-28 23:24 [#02555335]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



in massachusetts, it is illegal to drive without insurance.
state law. i resent the bureaucracy but i respect the
reality


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-28 23:54 [#02555336]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



is there such a thing as fate? it is definitely a question i
am pondering now, after walking to a nearby liquor store in
the rain to buy a bottle of goon (woodbridge chardonnay).

it would almost be simpier if i'd been doing something
wrong... if i'd been speeding, if i'd been tailgaiting, if
i'd been lane-dodging like an asshole... but, nope, i was
not. i was driving politely, professionally, and honestly,
totally calm. i had been doing so for a solid 35 minutes
with not much eventful to note. simply driving. usual
driving, no problems... and, wham. some honda cr-v changes
lanes into me ten or twenty mph south of the speed i'm
travelling at.

that i am physically ok, not feeling whiplash, etc. makes
that somewhat obvious. speeds north of 60 mph, the both of
us, but it's only the difference between our individual
speeds that accomodate for the impact. had i hit a stopped
car at highway speed, i would probably be dead. instead, i
hit an addled, distracted hair-lady (i assume) who was about
to rear-end another car and subsequently braked an
additional 15mph before swerving into the path of another
car that had zero chance to react (me).

life and death, here it is: if she had been going 10 or 20
mph slower when she lane-changed without looking, we might
not be having this forum thread. that her relative velocity
to mine was more or less matches was essentially what saved
me from a body cast, and, frustrating as it is for me to
stew on, nothing i could have done differently really would
have mattered.


 

offline wavephace from Aspiring Moderator on 2018-06-28 23:54 [#02555337]
Points: 2538 Status: Lurker



lol i think its illegal in almost all the states but that
doenst stop butt loads of ppl from doing it. massachusents
has 1 of the lowest rates of uninsured drivers tho (6.2%)


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-28 23:59 [#02555338]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



i just want to say, i guess -- if you were making a movie of
my life, here would be 112% a scene to be included: spinning
out at 65mph in the half-lane of a highway and not being the
least bit frightened: just thinking: jesus christ, now what


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-29 00:04 [#02555339]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



a brief note on family: i called my mom up, told her what
happened, and she was mad pissed: oh, come on. you just got
the car fixed. i can't come pick you up. i'm busy. you can't
stay here

so i said: ok, sorry, hold, on, i have to call insurance.
then i called my current roommates, who immediately drive 45
minutes to pick me up

when people say "don't you have family" i do have this urge
to punch myself in the forehed


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 00:10 [#02555340]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02555339



does your mum have some sort of emotional problem, I mean
that doesn't seem the most reasonable responses considering
the incident


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-29 00:15 [#02555341]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



i remember venting to a doctor and suggesting from my
reading of wikipedia that maybe borderline personality
disorder would expla- and he's nodding before i finish the
sentence. that was also about 2014.

these days: i'm just trying to sort myself out. i asked her
for help because, tactically, not doing so would be stupid.
i expected nothing, and nothing was what i got... but, heck,
it made sense to try. then it made sense to excuse myself
and hang-up before the emotional gravity of her bullshit
pulled me undertow


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 00:26 [#02555342]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02555341



Older people tend to be more emotionally blunted but still
that seems very harsh, perhaps she doesn't realise the
seriousness of what happened to you.


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-29 00:46 [#02555344]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



i feel like i don't even realize it yet. just now, i am
sobbing. my car, my car. l loved you so so much. it's only
just sinking in, what people have told me that the airbags
all going off mean it's totalled and it can't be fixed. i
loved my car so much


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-29 01:06 [#02555345]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



i'll be alright. but right now, i can't stop crying. my car.
i can't compare except for when my first dog died


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 01:08 [#02555346]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02555344



yeah state of shock, sorry to hear your upset, I know its of
no consolation to you at the mo, but possessions can always
be replaced, you still have your health that's the main
thing, that's priceless, that stupid woman could have
snuffed you out and none of us on here would have been the
wiser, which is quite a strange thing to think about


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 01:11 [#02555347]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular



I can understand you being upset though, I know how vital
cars are in America to function efficiently, here you can
get away with walking around a lot


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 01:21 [#02555348]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular



have you got your mates to look after you?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-29 01:30 [#02555349]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular | Followup to Hyperflake: #02555348



sort of, kind of. everyone has their own problems to deal
with. i can get a bit of help but no grand solution. suppose
that's just life

i will deeply miss the support of the three dogs at the
place i've been staying. one white german shepherds, two are
her pups, half white german shepherd, half siberian husky.
it's corny to admit bit i get excited to see them when i'm
getting home like they get excited when i get home. i will
really miss them when i move

in a longterm sense, income is my problem. i need a job, or
a successful venture, or something. that's how it was before
my car got killed. now it is even moreso


 

offline sneakattack on 2018-06-29 01:32 [#02555351]
Points: 6042 Status: Lurker



that's fucking terrible

good luck, dude


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 01:37 [#02555352]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02555349



yeah dogs are great, I can see how not having a car is an
impediment in your situation. Hopefully you can take a
disadvantageous situation and turn it into a fresh start,
sometimes these things help in a weird way, it really wakes
you up from a mental malaise, like when my mum had a stroke
the other year and I really struggled at first but now
things are a lot better


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 01:40 [#02555353]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular



dog being great


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 01:47 [#02555354]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular



Its funny you were mentioning fate before, and im a rational
thinker, and perhaps fate isn't an adequate word to describe
the phenomena, but when things like this happen it feels
like some sort of celestial providence, your just coasting
along totally normal and you come within an inch of total
oblivion, I almost got run over while trying to put my coat
one crossing the road when it started raining, it makes me
glad to be alive even if thinks seem horribly wrong


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 01:49 [#02555355]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular



Anyway yeah im not being terrible insightful, nothing that
you probably haven't thought about anyway, I hope you're
going to be alright mate!


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-29 01:58 [#02555356]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



that smiling dognose thinks it can negotiate my sandwich.
the fool

but not a complete fool. it gets nice pets


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-06-29 02:04 [#02555357]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular | Followup to Hyperflake: #02555354



Its funny you were mentioning fate before, and im a rational
thinker, and perhaps fate isn't an adequate word to describe
the phenomena, but when things like this happen it feels
like some sort of celestial providence, your just coasting
along totally normal and you come within an inch of total
oblivion, I almost got run over while trying to put my coat
one crossing the road when it started raining, it makes me
glad to be alive even if thinks seem horribly wrong

i have to admit, i do have this vague senese of beating the
odds. that i've been alive thus-long. it is probably some
delusional, inflated sense of self-importance, but i do
suppose there is an off-chance it as a challenge to further
my self-development

i suppose the nub of my current mindset is thus: i'm still
alive, i'm still here, either i'm meant to do something or
i'm deploying strategy aptly enough



 

offline Indeksical from Phobiazero Damage Control (United Kingdom) on 2018-06-29 09:16 [#02555359]
Points: 9301 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



Glad you survived but shame it didn't knock some sense in to
you.


 

offline welt on 2018-06-29 10:46 [#02555360]
Points: 1862 Status: Lurker



I am glad you weren't wiped out of existence.

Maybe it was fate.

I wouldn't be surprised if time is circular in a very
specific sense. When you write a long academic paper or
something along those lines you might (a) start with
developing the general line of argument and with coming up
with the names of the chapters ... in other words: you come
up with chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and their rough outlines ...
(b) then you - more or less - 'go back in a circle' and go
back to chapter 1 and write it, back to the draft of chapter
2 and write it ...

and while you write you tend to forget the general plan of
the paper/thesis as you get lost in the details ... but then
you look at the draft and it strikes you why it is that
you're doing what you're doing ... but you might also alter
your plans (your 'pre-determined fate' a bit).

I wouldn't be too surprised if there's a genuine analogy
between [a] this life here + [b] a (theoretically possible)
'other-worldly' pre-life AND [a] writing a paper + [b]
planning a paper.

It's not logically inconsistent and would explain a few very
very very very very strange and very very very very spooky
phenomena.


 

offline Chodi from 1337V1LL3 (United States) on 2018-07-03 18:52 [#02555618]
Points: 792 Status: Lurker



"i remember venting to a doctor and suggesting from my
reading of wikipedia that maybe borderline personality
disorder would expla- and he's nodding before i finish the
sentence. that was also about 2014. "

my first forum-gasm in a long time.



 

offline mermaidman from the indian ocean on 2018-07-03 19:41 [#02555621]
Points: 3675 Status: Regular



sorry to hear take care


 

offline wavephace from Aspiring Moderator on 2018-07-04 02:20 [#02555674]
Points: 2538 Status: Lurker



hope ur doing ok epic mega tracks i was gonna send u email
but i dont think i have ur address... stay positive!!!!!


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-07-04 02:24 [#02555675]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular



hope hes doing alright, he hasn't posted any follow ups yet


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-07-04 04:12 [#02555677]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



thanks guys. i mean it!

hope hes doing alright, he hasn't posted any follow ups
yet


the first night after the accident, i got drunk. the second
night after the accident, i moved. saturday, sunday, hung
out with my new roommate, got very frustrated with walking.
monday, today -- on the phone, on the phone, getting a
rental, on the phone, on the phone, sleeping, on the phone,
driving to clear all the stuff out of my car for a lonely
funeral, on the phone, driving my favorite stretch of road
in a rental and feeling like i'm in someone else's body,
going to the store, posting on xlt


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-07-04 14:35 [#02555689]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02555677



glad to hear you're doing well


 

offline RussellDust on 2018-07-04 18:49 [#02555704]
Points: 12210 Status: Regular



Glad you’re ok and can use the phone!


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-07-04 18:50 [#02555705]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



you have no idea, man. my phone is actually having issues
now. i need this to sort fings out >:( >:(

at least the other lady was held responsible and her
insurance is paying for my things. i'd rather my old car
back, but at least it's going smoothly with insurance


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-07-04 21:09 [#02555749]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



every driver has a stretch of road that's "home" of sorts. i
went for a cruise on my stretch since i was in the
neighborhood and i figured it would cheer me up. it did, but
so strange. i have the road completely memorized -- curves,
obstacles, potholes, etc. -- and even my hands have patterns
memorized for the steering wheel... but, that's all for my
former car. driving it in a different car felt superbly
strange. 90% was normal, 10% felt strangely dissociative.
like i was in the wrong body. is this how transgender people
feel?


 

offline EpicMegatrax from Greatest Hits on 2018-07-07 03:44 [#02555958]
Points: 9948 Status: Regular



RIP the sharkmobile


 

offline umbroman3 from United Kingdom on 2018-07-07 09:15 [#02555959]
Points: 2779 Status: Regular



oh shit, youre lucky to be alive man!


 

offline Hyperflake from Wirral (United Kingdom) on 2018-07-07 10:25 [#02555960]
Points: 20976 Status: Regular | Followup to EpicMegatrax: #02555958



total write off, looks like a fairly nice car as well, not
that I know anything about cars really


 


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