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going down I-90, left lane, reasonable speed, minding my own business. hair lady in a white CR-V suddenly changes lanes into me. i have zero time to react; no time for my foot to get to the brake: simply, bam. kerboom. spin. all the airbags go off. i am sideways in the fast-lane. in the midst of it all, believe it or not, i was not frightened. my brain was squarely, immediately centered on: god freaking dammit. i am dealing with so much. and now my car is smashed up well, at least i'm alive. not injured. nothing is even sore. i call 911. they tell me to remain in my car -- yeah, sounds like a sane idea. i call my buddy and let him know we won't be meeting to hang. i wait a bit. i manage to get the engine to turn over and get the car over to the side. paramedics and cops begin showing up. a man walks out of a white pickup parked down the road, holding paperwork: shit, there are more cars involved in this? "did you get caught up in that?" i ask the gentleman. he is a nice man. he says, "yeah, i thought that lady was about to rear end me, then she disappeared, then she side-swiped me!" oh, alright, that's how it happened: this lady didn't see her lane slowing down, jammed on the brakes, but not enough time... so, to avoid rear-ending this guy, she cuts into my lane and essentially totals my car. i am told that if the airbags go off the car is automatically moved to some legal salvage status because it's often too much to repair. as it was totally that lady's fault, her insurance will probably cut me a check... but, shit. that's not what i want. i want my car back. i don't want to have to go buy some shit used car with whatever insurance gives me... and how long will this freaking take? i have to be out of where i'm staying by saturday and the timing could not be worse. how was your day, xlt? |
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oh shit man, sorry to hear this at least youre alive and there's surely a special place in heaven reserved for you you'll get through it :-) |
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i loved my car very much. driving is a significant theraputic outlet for me... drowning in bills, having trouble finding a job, on borrowed time... whenever i feel trapped by the pressures of life, i get in my car and go out for a drive. it is focusing, soothing.... puts my brain back in order... and, now it has been robbed from me. more importantly, now i have to move without a car, and once i move, i will not have a car. my life was already so complicated i was having trouble processing, and now it is moreso. i was driving out to meet a buddy, and, after that, i had an appointment to meet with a guy to see if i would work out as a roommate. obviously, i had to cancel... but i still have to move... ...at least that is working out, well enough. he's a friend of my best friend, and anyone who's friends with my best friend simply has to be at least somewhat owsum. we chatted last night and hit it off immediately; he's a computer nerd of the hacking/penetration testing type. i called him up and let him know what happened and he was kind enough to say i could move in tomorrow, despite the fact that we've never met. my current roommates -- also super nice dudes who have been immensely kind to me -- will help me get my stuff over there tomorrow. after that? i dunno. i am honestly having a hard time thinking it through. i have a bit of cash but uber was my only source of income and now i have no source of income. i have about a week to get something else going, and i have no idea what i'm going to do. freelancer and bug bounty programs might pay off eventually but given my new situation i'm not sure what to do. get a job at a gas station? i dunno. ugh |
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i was just glumly thinking that i don't have any food except for half a tub of crappy hillshire farms turkey and one of my soon to be former roommates shows up with a tupperware full of home-booked mac and cheese with beef and stuff... and i think, pepperoni? it's good there are times i think about checking out. have a conversation with myself about it. probably my lowest point was in 2014 or so. breakup from a five-year relationship, out of work, in a pit of alcohol. see a bottle of bleach i bought for cleaning purposes and think: maybe i should just chug it. next thot: no, no, we're a bit messed up, now. let's go lie down in bed and have a serious think about this. really, seriously, weigh the pros and cons of chugging bleach. pros: no more problems. no more worries. all life concerns resolved. cons, painful. family members will suffer... fuck that, they hate me anyways. further cons, i have loads of songs that aren't done. i have great project ideas. they are my ideas, and unless i do them myself, they will never be done. this, oddly, was a turning point. i thought: if i die, all my art projects will go unfinished, and no one can finish them except me. i then start going through specific things i want to finish, in my hed. it is intolerable, the idea that this shit won't ever get done. then i get up. start working on my art shit. 2014, art kept me alive, noted in ship's log. i got back out there and met my bestest buddy forever. so, 2018, i not only have my unfinished art shit, but a friend whom i genuinely love and cannot bear to hurt. roommates who have been very kind to me... so, no, i'm not really in the mood to give up. but this is a far sight from having a freaking plan |
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hey man sorry |
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Sorry to hear about this Fucked Up Shit, EM(t). You've got a cool brain, you're young, you'll come up with the goods, I have every confidence. |
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but you know you are honestly lookin at this all wrong. ur supposed to get the near death feeling. and ur supposed to be kissing the ground in celebration. |
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good luck |
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Sorry to hear it, take care |
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Sorry to hear about this Fucked Up Shit, EM(t). You've got a cool brain, you're young, you'll come up with the goods, I have every confidence. i would counter to say that i have a unique brain. it is good at some things and terrible at others. if you asked me to trade the unique things i have for a functional existance, i'm not sure i'd take the bargain... but, right now, it's not really doing me well. but you know you are honestly lookin at this all wrong. ur supposed to get the near death feeling. and ur supposed to be kissing the ground in celebration. that is exactly where my brain is at, right now. i even said above: as my car was spinning out of control, airbags going off, it's notable what i was _not_ thinking: "oh my god, i might be about to die." instead, i was thinking, "great, shit, now i have more problems to dig out from." i feel like i should be kissing the ground in celebration at not dying, but instead it's more this deeply overwhelming sense of frustration. that i am doing everything i can to stay on the straight and level, and now this fucking shit. frankly, as i i was spinning around, airbags flying, i was actually kind of pissed. as in: fucking christ, i have enough to deal with.... i do suppose that is marginally better than "thank god it's over," but not by much. |
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sorry about yr troubles man, hope life gives you more macaroni and less pain as soon as poss |
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sounds like the lady was either using her phone or applying makeup, stupid idiot, she could have killed you easily |
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i am sure i will never know, but that is exactly what i suspect: hair lady on her phone, suddenly realizes she's about to rear-end someone, dodges lanes in a panic without looking. that is more or less precisely what seems like happened... but, shit. is she going to tell her insurance company, "why, yes, i did look down at my phone and that's why i fucked two other cars up as well as my own!" not a chance. i am honestly steeling myself for some sort of denial, and how will i refute it? biggest thing in my favor is the white truck she sideswiped, who said she almost rear ended him before veering into my lane. i am in the right, honestly, legally. i just hope she doesn't tell some bullshit story i have to fight. stupid idiot |
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me too. thanks, man. dead honesty: i just want to hole up somewhere and write music, right now. but i should focus on more practical matters, like getting a bit drunk and downloading forms from the massachusetts rmv |
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wow that sucks at least she had insurance right? |
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in massachusetts, it is illegal to drive without insurance. state law. i resent the bureaucracy but i respect the reality |
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is there such a thing as fate? it is definitely a question i am pondering now, after walking to a nearby liquor store in the rain to buy a bottle of goon (woodbridge chardonnay). it would almost be simpier if i'd been doing something wrong... if i'd been speeding, if i'd been tailgaiting, if i'd been lane-dodging like an asshole... but, nope, i was not. i was driving politely, professionally, and honestly, totally calm. i had been doing so for a solid 35 minutes with not much eventful to note. simply driving. usual driving, no problems... and, wham. some honda cr-v changes lanes into me ten or twenty mph south of the speed i'm travelling at. that i am physically ok, not feeling whiplash, etc. makes that somewhat obvious. speeds north of 60 mph, the both of us, but it's only the difference between our individual speeds that accomodate for the impact. had i hit a stopped car at highway speed, i would probably be dead. instead, i hit an addled, distracted hair-lady (i assume) who was about to rear-end another car and subsequently braked an additional 15mph before swerving into the path of another car that had zero chance to react (me). life and death, here it is: if she had been going 10 or 20 mph slower when she lane-changed without looking, we might not be having this forum thread. that her relative velocity to mine was more or less matches was essentially what saved me from a body cast, and, frustrating as it is for me to stew on, nothing i could have done differently really would have mattered. |
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lol i think its illegal in almost all the states but that doenst stop butt loads of ppl from doing it. massachusents has 1 of the lowest rates of uninsured drivers tho (6.2%) |
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i just want to say, i guess -- if you were making a movie of my life, here would be 112% a scene to be included: spinning out at 65mph in the half-lane of a highway and not being the least bit frightened: just thinking: jesus christ, now what |
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a brief note on family: i called my mom up, told her what happened, and she was mad pissed: oh, come on. you just got the car fixed. i can't come pick you up. i'm busy. you can't stay here so i said: ok, sorry, hold, on, i have to call insurance. then i called my current roommates, who immediately drive 45 minutes to pick me up when people say "don't you have family" i do have this urge to punch myself in the forehed |
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does your mum have some sort of emotional problem, I mean that doesn't seem the most reasonable responses considering the incident |
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i remember venting to a doctor and suggesting from my reading of wikipedia that maybe borderline personality disorder would expla- and he's nodding before i finish the sentence. that was also about 2014. these days: i'm just trying to sort myself out. i asked her for help because, tactically, not doing so would be stupid. i expected nothing, and nothing was what i got... but, heck, it made sense to try. then it made sense to excuse myself and hang-up before the emotional gravity of her bullshit pulled me undertow |
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Older people tend to be more emotionally blunted but still that seems very harsh, perhaps she doesn't realise the seriousness of what happened to you. |
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i feel like i don't even realize it yet. just now, i am sobbing. my car, my car. l loved you so so much. it's only just sinking in, what people have told me that the airbags all going off mean it's totalled and it can't be fixed. i loved my car so much |
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i'll be alright. but right now, i can't stop crying. my car. i can't compare except for when my first dog died |
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yeah state of shock, sorry to hear your upset, I know its of no consolation to you at the mo, but possessions can always be replaced, you still have your health that's the main thing, that's priceless, that stupid woman could have snuffed you out and none of us on here would have been the wiser, which is quite a strange thing to think about |
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I can understand you being upset though, I know how vital cars are in America to function efficiently, here you can get away with walking around a lot |
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have you got your mates to look after you? |
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sort of, kind of. everyone has their own problems to deal with. i can get a bit of help but no grand solution. suppose that's just life i will deeply miss the support of the three dogs at the place i've been staying. one white german shepherds, two are her pups, half white german shepherd, half siberian husky. it's corny to admit bit i get excited to see them when i'm getting home like they get excited when i get home. i will really miss them when i move in a longterm sense, income is my problem. i need a job, or a successful venture, or something. that's how it was before my car got killed. now it is even moreso |
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that's fucking terrible good luck, dude |
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yeah dogs are great, I can see how not having a car is an impediment in your situation. Hopefully you can take a disadvantageous situation and turn it into a fresh start, sometimes these things help in a weird way, it really wakes you up from a mental malaise, like when my mum had a stroke the other year and I really struggled at first but now things are a lot better |
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Its funny you were mentioning fate before, and im a rational thinker, and perhaps fate isn't an adequate word to describe the phenomena, but when things like this happen it feels like some sort of celestial providence, your just coasting along totally normal and you come within an inch of total oblivion, I almost got run over while trying to put my coat one crossing the road when it started raining, it makes me glad to be alive even if thinks seem horribly wrong |
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Anyway yeah im not being terrible insightful, nothing that you probably haven't thought about anyway, I hope you're going to be alright mate! |
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that smiling dognose thinks it can negotiate my sandwich. the fool but not a complete fool. it gets nice pets |
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Its funny you were mentioning fate before, and im a rational thinker, and perhaps fate isn't an adequate word to describe the phenomena, but when things like this happen it feels like some sort of celestial providence, your just coasting along totally normal and you come within an inch of total oblivion, I almost got run over while trying to put my coat one crossing the road when it started raining, it makes me glad to be alive even if thinks seem horribly wrong i have to admit, i do have this vague senese of beating the odds. that i've been alive thus-long. it is probably some delusional, inflated sense of self-importance, but i do suppose there is an off-chance it as a challenge to further my self-development i suppose the nub of my current mindset is thus: i'm still alive, i'm still here, either i'm meant to do something or i'm deploying strategy aptly enough |
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Glad you survived but shame it didn't knock some sense in to you. |
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I am glad you weren't wiped out of existence. Maybe it was fate. I wouldn't be surprised if time is circular in a very specific sense. When you write a long academic paper or something along those lines you might (a) start with developing the general line of argument and with coming up with the names of the chapters ... in other words: you come up with chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and their rough outlines ... (b) then you - more or less - 'go back in a circle' and go back to chapter 1 and write it, back to the draft of chapter 2 and write it ... and while you write you tend to forget the general plan of the paper/thesis as you get lost in the details ... but then you look at the draft and it strikes you why it is that you're doing what you're doing ... but you might also alter your plans (your 'pre-determined fate' a bit). I wouldn't be too surprised if there's a genuine analogy between [a] this life here + [b] a (theoretically possible) 'other-worldly' pre-life AND [a] writing a paper + [b] planning a paper. It's not logically inconsistent and would explain a few very very very very very strange and very very very very spooky phenomena. |
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"i remember venting to a doctor and suggesting from my reading of wikipedia that maybe borderline personality disorder would expla- and he's nodding before i finish the sentence. that was also about 2014. " my first forum-gasm in a long time. |
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sorry to hear take care |
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hope ur doing ok epic mega tracks i was gonna send u email but i dont think i have ur address... stay positive!!!!! |
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hope hes doing alright, he hasn't posted any follow ups yet |
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thanks guys. i mean it! hope hes doing alright, he hasn't posted any follow ups yet the first night after the accident, i got drunk. the second night after the accident, i moved. saturday, sunday, hung out with my new roommate, got very frustrated with walking. monday, today -- on the phone, on the phone, getting a rental, on the phone, on the phone, sleeping, on the phone, driving to clear all the stuff out of my car for a lonely funeral, on the phone, driving my favorite stretch of road in a rental and feeling like i'm in someone else's body, going to the store, posting on xlt |
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glad to hear you're doing well |
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Glad you’re ok and can use the phone! |
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you have no idea, man. my phone is actually having issues now. i need this to sort fings out >:( >:( at least the other lady was held responsible and her insurance is paying for my things. i'd rather my old car back, but at least it's going smoothly with insurance |
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every driver has a stretch of road that's "home" of sorts. i went for a cruise on my stretch since i was in the neighborhood and i figured it would cheer me up. it did, but so strange. i have the road completely memorized -- curves, obstacles, potholes, etc. -- and even my hands have patterns memorized for the steering wheel... but, that's all for my former car. driving it in a different car felt superbly strange. 90% was normal, 10% felt strangely dissociative. like i was in the wrong body. is this how transgender people feel? |
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the sharkmobile |
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oh shit, youre lucky to be alive man! |
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total write off, looks like a fairly nice car as well, not that I know anything about cars really |
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