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 Now online (1)big ...and 447 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614087 Today 0 Topics 127542 |
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A cat walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender notes how ridiculous this is, because cats can not speak, nor are their thought processes complex enough to do even something as simple as ordering a drink at a bar. The bartender wakes up and realizes it was all a dream. Grateful to be returned to a world that makes sense, he rolls over and tells his wife, but she does not share his enthusiasm. Indeed, their 26-year marriage has begun to sour as of late. The bartender cries. |
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*cough* |
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anne coulter. shes a joke. i'm not laughing. |
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA |
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MONOID |
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There is a lesbian, a gay man, a moslim and a priest in a car. What a lovely example of social harmony. |
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my penis fell off. |
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racist. |
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on a seriuos note, it's normal that some kind of truth for you are mere words for someone else. don't you cry bartender |
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you forgot sexist and homophobe |
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you're a sexy homophobe |
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The lower house of the US Congress has voted down a $700bn (£380bn) plan aimed at bailing out Wall Street. The rescue plan, a result of tense talks between the government and lawmakers, was rejected by 228 to 205 votes in the House of Representatives. About two-thirds of Republican lawmakers refused to back the rescue package, as well as 95 Democrats. Shares on Wall Street plunged at the news, ending down more than 700 points - the biggest daily fall ever. A White House spokesman said that President George W Bush was "very disappointed" by the vote's result. |
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you win |
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one day, there was a fart. everybody died. |
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Is that Woody Allen? If you wrote that I'm impressed. |
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Top quality. |
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- knock knock - who's there? - it's the police, your husband has been involved in a serious car accident |
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Also nice! :D |
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seriuosly, as long as there are no nazi jokes its all fine. you dont joke with it. i dont find this very funny, my grandpa died in a concentration camp. he fell off the watchtower being drunk. |
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Why did the chicken cross the road? because it had been so horrendously genetically modified in a lab that it had taken on almost human-like intelligence. Growing up in the lab, among hippy scientists and political idealists talking about the socialist revolution and liberation he thought one day, one day, he would have his freedom. Later that year, in an act of civil defiance within the chicken coop, he refused to eat the chicken feed alloted to him. As the scientists opened the cage to seize the dissident chicken, he pecked him in the eye and liberated his brothers and sisters. However, the real world was not what the chicken had expected. The rampant commercialism he saw upon his release disillusioned the young chicken to the extent that he decided to take his own life. Rising in the morning, at his usual time at 6 a.m., he leaned over and kissed his wife delicately upon the cheek, a solitary tear running down his eye as he imagined the child he knew he would never meet. The chicken stepped into the cold London morning, the frost chaffing his cheeks, the sleet crashing against his breast. Taking one step onto the busy dual-carriageway, he closed his eyes and imagined heaven.... |
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*insert ascii-art of a crying human* |
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more! :)) |
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- how many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? - one. |
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@_@ |
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HAHAHA, perfect |
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realism |
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doctor doctor i can't urinate without really pushing. doctor: "it seems you have an inflamed prostate pressing on your urinary tracts. i think...i know you have prostate cancer. I'll need to look closer and do some more tests but it seems to me that the cancer is quite aggressive and has been left a long time. It may have gotten into the base or your penis. I can't possibly know for sure and you will have to get it checked by a urologist, but i've dealt with a few cases like this and i regret to say that you will probably have to get it all cut away." The doctors room is deadly silent. They both look sad. The doctor hands him a small pamphlet on catheter bags |
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