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 Now online (1)big ...and 182 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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yes, and if she told me that sucks if she didn't tell me, but didn't stop, I'd assume, that sucks too --------- I just can't handle it, and while that may not be fair or rational, if she had a fear of spiders, i wouldn't keep a tarantula by my bed...... |
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cant you get help for that, it's something to work on, having that big of a problem with drinking, because people drink and you'd get confronted with that anyway, it's nothing to be ashamed of. it's a waist throwing you're relationship away on that.. |
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well, you definitely need to talk to her anyways... and just because you mighten be willing to bend doesn't mean your bond with her isn't strong... just means this is an important thing to you... but you shouldn't expect her to change... if she was willing to openly, then that's a different thing, but you can't expect it... you're the one who has a problem with something she is doing, so my feeling is that it's your job to try and be understanding about that... but me personally anyways, I've always been of the opinion that people who drink, and people who don't wouldn't make very good companions anyways... because the people who drink want to do that on the weekends, and the ones who don't want to do other stuff... at least where I'm from drinking is a way of life almost... and so if you don't do it, you ain't going to really get along well with the ones who do I don't think... just my opinion anyways... |
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yeah, this is lingering from the incident with the drunk driver, and like big said, you're going to encounter people who drink throughout your life... maybe you could see someone about dealing with this fear or something... cause it's true, if you're both really in love it'd be a shame to throw it away! |
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you guys give sage advice. I wouldn't post stuff like this here otherwise. If I don't want to change my mindset, if I am stubborn, should I wait it out? I mean, most people grow out of the need to get drunk at a party once they are out of college? or Funk, do you think I should just stick to my own loser leauge and find a girl who makes choices more closely resembaling mine? |
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it's not even the death thing as much, it's really how all my friends just fell away, and never made it like we all thought we would. it's a lifetime of regrets. and it was almost me too, but for somereason I didn't start popping pills and drinking and end up kicked out of house and blah blah blah. I am thankfull, but don't want a repeat, of when everythign good went sour just for drinking and drugs. I couldn't handle that again. |
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"I am thankfull, but don't want a repeat, of when everythign good went sour just for drinking and drugs. I couldn't handle that again. " nod, well that's understandable... but you said yourself she doesn't drink that much... I believe you said twice a month? That's not that bad... not like she's an alcoholic, and is ruining her life or anything... and she's understandable about you not wanting to drink is she? So she's not putting pressure on you, and trying to drag you down so to speak... personally I think you should try and be understanding about it... try not to worry so much about it... loads of people drink, and not all them are alcoholics... just trust that she's a responsible drinker... but again, that's just my opinion, and what I think I would do... but I think I would be able to do that cause I have nothing against drinking really, I just don't myself... but if you can't be ok with it, then maybe it isn't working... but it's not for me to say... just follow your heart I guess! |
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i know its not what you want to hear... but I seriously think this is something YOU need to come to terms with it sounds like you really care for her... and I dont think this should be wasted over her drinking every now and then but do tell her it hurts... tell her everything you told us (except the "maybe i should find someone else" bit) but if she chooses to keep drinking... dont take it as an insult to you, or that she doesnt love you... its just you have 2 different views... |
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i know tons of people that drink alot and havent gotten into problems like that also i have aunts and uncles that are 60 and still party at family birthdays and such: so it wont really go away. people get drunk and do stupid stuff but most of the time learn to control it. again i think you shouldnt break up over it, and again what i said. but that is easier said then done (for me as well as you), and maybe you dont want to get over the problem you have with drinking because of the terrible experiences you've had with it, and maybe you already have seriously tried. |
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haha, the eternal George problem. my heart says yes, my brain says no. fucking shit |
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echo... what are your thoughts on pot? do have a problem with ALL substances? |
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funny how you're being helpful and have that avatar zeus, really, it moves me, im tired |
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well, listen to your heart... the brain doesn't know anything about love! :) |
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Seinfeld's George? isnt that the body and the brain |
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yeah, find out if she has a problem with pot... if she does, then you start smoking it... then you'll be even! ;) |
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the penis and the brain isn't it? And wasn't it Jerry that that was about? |
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Man BlatantEcho's threads grow like WILD FLOWERS! :D |
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hmmm, all this talk just brings to light how pathetic my love life, or lack there of, really is! :( |
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I don't have a problem with drugs, alcohol whatever, but only from a distance. I can't let it get close to me. My friends drink, and I think it's hilarious. I can be around them drunk and me stone sober, and it's funny. My friends all smoked, drank, X, coke, whatever, and while I got away from them at some point, I never judged them or told them not too. But when I get really close to people, a girlfriend, whatever, I just clam up about it all. I just can't handle it when it's so close to me. |
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but you said you could be around your friends while they were drunk and you sober... so why not your girlfriend as well? |
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so it would bother you if she got high? |
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to close.........too close to home |
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no dice on that either........ again, far away from me is ok........otherwise..... |
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well you do have tipsy and totally drunk, or what zeus said, and high on crap like coke girls that are cute drunk, or stoned, are cute i thought the point, for whatever that means, of star trek, eh, seinfeld was that they were all pretty heartless, that was what the last episode was about. i dont know the exact episode about this. i remember the deal with elaine though: " when we do thát it doesnt oblige one party to sleep over or anything" . " right, sleeping over is optional." |
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well... if you really are against your partner being completely substance free... then perhaps you should find someone that has the same mind set... :-\ |
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err if you really are against it AND YOU WANT your partner being... etc |
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i hope it wont come down to that though. |
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yeah |
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when the heart and mind are at odds..... fuck |
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there are somethings that you and your partner need to be on the same level about... certain views on life... this one sounds like a major thing... and thats why I say maybe you arnt compatable... for example... i could never be with a racist. even if she was a great girl, to me, and we had so much in common... that one thing is just too important for me... and i would have to put an end to it... something things are just very important to be on agreeance about... and this means alot to you... *NOTE: IM NOT saying break up! Work with her first... talk to her... see if you can resolve this |
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I don't know what I want, but I know what makes me uncomfortable. Is it worth it to me? I don't know, it doesn't feel like it. What are the chances of finding someone else who thinks like me, or has the same mindset? Will I ever find a girl like that who also sails and cares about me like the current one? When do you call it quits, when do you fight through? You all have given wonderful advice, and what I have learned is that I need to let go. Just let go. If it is meant to be it is meant to be. If I fight it, I will ruin it anyway. I need to pay attention to how I feel, not feel bad for how I feel, and work with it, but not force anything. I have little control over this anyway, so I think I need to step back and see what happens..... |
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What are the chances of finding someone else who thinks like me, or has the same mindset? Will I ever find a girl like that who also sails and cares about me like the current one? when you say stuff like that you almost have broken up, i think i'd like to add to zeus' last post about it being to big of a point for you and therefor not able to go on: the other option of course is making the problem less big for you, and work on thát (and maybe professionally). all probably has been said now, a few times, but if it makes stuff clearer.. |
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good yes, my advice is to try to solve the problem within yourself first if she means that much to you |
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i don't really want to solve my end of the problem. it's not a problem until situations like this. but I think I need to step back and see what is important to me. Let go and see what comes back to me |
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no i think you need to work on it, because people drink, otherwise you'll lose friends over it too, friends should be as close to you as a gf. also with 'let go and see what comes back' you're, if not saying she shouldnt drink, giving up for you're part. but if youre not willing to work on it for her, then, yes, maybe it shouldnt be. i'm not judging, only saying what i think you are saying |
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i can be close to my friends, but not a girlfriend maybe I'm just jealous, fuck if I know. I used to volunteer at a food kitchen the nights I know she was out partying, just to try and balance myself. could just be a jealously thing mixed with fear of being ditched for a good time. |
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IT really depends on the girl. I can tell my gf absolutely anything, coz she's so fuckign cool. She HATES nangs, but lets me do them even when she's in the room she just laughs at me when I start falling out of my seat. She knows I love porn and she's cool with it. And she doesn't know I've been to strip clubs coz it's never come up, but she'd be cool with that. Soem girls are just too AGAINST some things. Well no fuck that it's peopl in GENERAL. And a lot of us are probably part of that group, there's probably something that most of us go "No. Fuck that. I will never go out with someone who likes/doesn't liek THNIS THING". I know I've heard a lot of people on this forum and other stating that they will not go out with a girl who cannot appreciate aphex's music. It's kind of the same hting. It's fucked up. People and their closed minds. |
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whoa my ost makes no sense in the topic I'm sorry I am retarded after all. Man, the only advice I can give you is do your best not to let shit get to you coz think of it this way 1) you get over it, she's cool, you're cool, happy ending 2) you let it get to ya, it goes downhill from there. I used to get liek that with previous gf's. Very paranoid and shit, and not letting them smoke and stuff (before I started) and they all went downhill, now I've kind of learned to be a lot calmer in relationships, and it really has dopne wonders. I know it's not THAT simple....it's something you really have to work on,,,but work it |
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I tell her the time of day when she asks. |
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We're talking excessive drinking here right? On what frequency? Have there been any negative consequences of this so far, apart from your problem with it? |
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i tell my girl evrything she tells me evryhting, we've never had dramas cause we're completely honest and i have no need 4 strip clubs cause i'm gettin enuf action allready. |
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