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 Now online (2)belb recycle ...and 301 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614110 Today 7 Topics 127542 |
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OMG that avatar of yours just made me kvetch! oye eheheh i'm searching my IN box for s'more! |
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its matt groenings head! |
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oo, mu-ziqs goodbye goodbye just came on. how appropriate. |
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i wondered who's head......now i see the resemblance....ehehhehe that just reminds me of 'young frankenstein's' brain in a jar |
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i wondered who's head......now i see the resemblance....ehehhehe that just reminds me of 'young frankenstein's' brain in a jar |
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i've researched and found an apropriate blonde joke! Blonde selling car A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car. "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." |
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haha i love it... see this ---> A bear walks into a bar and wants to order a beer. And the bartender says we dont serve bears beer here, so the bear says if you dont give me a beer im going to walk over their and eat that woman. And the bartender says back i dont care what ya do i still wont sell ya a beer. so the bear gets up walks over eat the woman and comes back and says "NOW GIVE ME A BEER!" and the bartender says we do not only sell beer to bears here we dont sell beer to bears on drugs. bears says what are you talking about. bartender says what about that bar bitch you just ate! my ol' time fav. haha |
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what's more fun than spinning a dead baby on a clothes line? stopping it with a shovel |
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ohhhhhhh thats bad news for babys! |
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While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?" I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop said "What.....a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?" I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide." The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..." The ticket -- $95 dollars. The look on his face - PRICELESS. tee hee |
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Eaten by an asshole today... |
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how many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None, but 15 can write a book on coping with darkness. |
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How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder. |
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Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They got undressed and stepped into the showers before they realized there was no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how lifelike he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look," says the first nun..."It's a soap dispenser." To test her theory the second nun also pulls his tool ... and sure enough he drops the other bar of soap. The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times, but nothing happens. So she tries once more and, to her delight, she yells.... "Hand lotion!" |
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excuse the rudness of that last one. i think i should wash my mouth out now. |
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You got that from the philosophy jokes pages didn't ya? This is a "philosopher's" joke: Ever heard about the guy who went to the solipsist convention? Nobody showed up! |
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hands darth a bar of LAVA soap! hehehehe |
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im going to bed now, one last one: A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?' The man says 'A premature ejaculation' 'What?' says the woman The man says 'I've just come in my pants!" |
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LoL @ amonbrune i unfortunately am fresh out of jokes |
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One old man 97 years old goes to an insurance office. -Hello, I want to make one life insurance. -What are you talking about old man, what life insurance? how old are you? -97 years old says the old man. The insurance man is going crazy -Are you serious now? And what will you do with the life insurance? -I want to go a trip with my father abroad, and it’s good to be insured. The insurance man is going nuts -What do you mean with your father? How old is he? -AAA he will be 125 years old next month. -And what business do you have abroad? -What do you mean what business we have? We are going to visit my grandfather. The insurance man is banging his head on the wall. -Are you joking with me? How old is your grandfather? -He will be 142 years old next week. -And what are you going to do their old man? -He is getting married and we are going to the wedding. The insurance man goes out of the balcony and he is ready to jump from the building. -And why is he getting married? -AAA you know how it is. His parents are forcing him. |
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some magician was working on a big tourist ship, and since passengers were exchanging every couple of days, he only learnt about 20 tricks. there was also captain's parrot on board, and it was watching magician's show every night. it soon learnt how magician was doing the tricks, so it started commenting, like; "he put a card in the sleeve", "that's a different hat",...and it was driving magicians mad, but he couldn't do anything coz the parrot was captains. then some night they run into a big storm, and the ship sank...the next morning the magician and parrot found their selves on the same piece of wreckage, but they both kept quiet and were just staring at each other...after couple of days, the parrot goes: " alright, alright...i give up, where did you hide the ship?". |
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ok, I have one... this is the only joke I know, so I've probably told it here before... So this guy is at the beach one day, when he sees this other guy jogging down the beach with an extremely small head. The first guy calls the other one over and asks him about it. Small head guy: "Well, one time I was here at this very same beach and while I was jogging I tripped over this bottle. I picked it up, rubbed it, and out came this genie. She said the usualy three wishes line. So, my first wish was to have sex with her, cause she was damn hot. But she said no. Then I asked if I could just touch her breasts and see her naked. Again she said no. Finaly I just said 'Well, how about a little head?'" |
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this is about programmers and could pass in an old Ceri JC thread about two types of people... When a programmer goes to sleep, he (or she) puts two glasses on the floor near the bed - one is empty, another is full of water. One in case of he wants to drink during the night, another in case of he doesn't. |
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Variant on Funkmaster's joke: So this guy is at the beach one day, when he sees this other guy jogging down the beach with extremely short legs. The first guy calls the other one over and asks him about it. Short leg guy: "Well, one time I was here at this very same beach and while I was jogging I tripped over this bottle. I picked it up, rubbed it, and out came this genie. He said he would only grant one wish. So, my wish was to have a penis so long that it would touch the ground. Yes, I know it is bad |
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tehnically genie made a mistake there. |
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