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 Now online (1)big ...and 135 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614123 Today 2 Topics 127542 |
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oh heck yes new story. it is awesome and fun and about a play. i put it on i hope you can read it. |
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i made it through the first paragraph, so that's the most i've read of one of your stories so far... you're improving! you know what would make you a better writer? if you stopped checking the thesaurus for synonyms and went with your gut. learn how to balance pretension and sophistication. then maybe i would read a story that doesn't seem to have anything holding it together at first glance... but that's how you have to be if you're going to be an artist, a writer, whatever. develop some taste, basically. i know you don't like people giving you advice, but i figured someone may as well try to post something constructive here. |
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Just write some fuckin story about some guy and his mates and some shit happens and they get some money and lose it again and they fuck some girls, and then at the end they realise some things about life that maybe they didn't realise before. It's as if you're so obsessed with form and philosophy and being a smartarse you can't actually say anything about people. |
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you'd be surprised that i actually have an audience for this! none of the words in the first paragraph, or anywhere in the story, are 'big scary thesaurus words'. i don't know what your real problems with my stories are, because nothing you guys say matches up. ah well! it's funny reading your comments anyway. |
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i meant that for the whole 'english isn't my main language' crew, like you, swears and dog_blech. |
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actually, i take that back in your case. i'm in a lousy mood and during the initial read of your post i thought you were just being a jackass, but i can see your sincerity now. i'm sorry. |
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i don't write stories for fifteen year-olds like irvine welsh. |
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great attitude, great story, all of your work is fantastic, congs :-) |
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haha. well, the reason why i'm being snappy is because this jackass only comes into my topics to make fun of my stories. since when did anyone like swears, anyway? |
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i imagine what was meant was that your literary scrawl often comes across as noticeabley over the top with ornate and often irrelevant descriptions about the most lavish and oft irrelivant detail...occams razor? |
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oh shut up about that dang razor!! i love it. so does my audience, and that's why they read my stories. this story is mostly dialogue, anyway. some of it is actually a play. |
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i thought you were supposed to be extra mean to writers! but yeah, i was being sincere. i *understand* all those big scary words, but they don't make for interesting reading. |
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want to do me a favour and just read the play part of the story? then email me your thoughts? even it's only a messageboard post in length, i prefer the intimacy of email. i'd also love to read something of yours if you can send it. |
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swears may not say it very eloquently, and yes, he mostly is a bit of a tit, but he also has a point. I was mainly reading the drama part, as that's what I specialise in myself and I feel you're kind of missing the point of drama, which is that what is important is what is happening right there on stage between characters, at that very moment. that's not to say your characters can't ramble on endlessly, sure they can, by all means. but what they're saying in your piece doesn't seem very important at that very moment, or at least not to me, I might be missing a point. there seems to be little tension - I don't mean tension as in 'conflict', btw. there seems to be no urgency. if I were watching a production of your text I would find myself drifting away during one of those speeches, I would get the feeling that you'd have been better off writing it down as an essay, for example. you also have the tendency to kind of overexplain, it would be more fun if you'd use a bit more subtext - for example, you have this bit: AMITAI (Letting slip a laugh): I wasn’t acting. Is that what you thought? (VERA bites her lower lip and shyly looks away.) VERA: I guess – I guess I’m still not used to it. Hearing you say those kinds of things to me has always been a dream of mine. (Looking to the side, she smiles beautifully and tucks some stray strands of fine black hair behind her ear.) You know, if we had ever been able to actually put on our play, I think it would’ve been a great success. you could keep it exactly the way you have it there and have Vera's last paragraph replaced with her saying "Oh, no.. no, no" or something - as an audience we would understand that she means yes. that's just a silly example taken out of context, ofcourse. |
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You can't make up for a natural lack of flair by shoehorning in a load of words noone ever uses. A good author can say what they wanna say in the simplest terms possible without being patronising. That's the real challenge. Look at Don DeLillo. Intellectual as fuck, but he keeps it simple. Repetitive, even. It's the underlying flow that keeps a book alive is what you're lacking. |
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if I had to direct your text I'd have to have a real good think how to keep it lively, how to make the characters come alive - which ties in to what swears says (in a way), these characters seem non-human almost, which means it will be very hard for an audience to identify with. don't misunderstand me - I'm not saying a play should be naturalistic, GOD no! that's half the fun of theatre. but, as I see it, there should be something happening directly between characters on stage, the aformentioned tension. :) |
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The characters don't talk like people. They talk like people in a book. |
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this, I agree on. they talk in prose. again - the language in a play doesn't have to be naturalistic, but the text these characters are supposed to speak is better for reading. |
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i will give it a shot tomorrow, but honestly, the best person to discuss this with by far is qrter. i would listen to his advice more than anyone else on this board as he is the most expert in this subject. |
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oh sweet jesus! you actually said something that makes perfect sense, all the while without belittling me or my story! it almost brings a tear to my eye. the little play bit in the story is my very first (very, very, very first) attempt at writing a play (or something resembling a play). but i really loved writing it, even if it ended up wonky and unnatural. tension is so obvious but i guess i got caught up in my own words and forgot all about it. :p anyway, thanks again! swears: delillo has some fun ideas but his writing style is so dry that it's a struggle for me to read him! now i have an even better understanding of why you have so much trouble with my stories, though. |
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No website is configured at this address. this is what i got i did wanna read it but this is what i got irvine welsh writes for 15 year olds true, but he writes for the 15 year old in all of us thats what sells dude... |
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i was mostly quoting dog_belch. it sucks that my site is down for you. |
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Or just search all my posts for brilliant concise wit. I try to lead by example. My posts are what fondue was to the dinner party crowd in the 70's. |
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