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 Now online (1)DADONCK ...and 349 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614128 Today 0 Topics 127542 |
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don't run away just yet! this one's only three pages ! and it stars an invisible purple blob ! i wrote this little sci fi story for a zine/storybook in toronto. it's awkward in spots but is pretty much a playful aphex twin song in story form. you can if you want. |
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i still have some small hope that this has a better chance than the |
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It doesn't. Sorry :( |
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:( |
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i'll print it out and read it. reading from a computer screen is annoying. |
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i stopped after the first paragraph because i don't like stories like this. sorry. but i sincerely wish you the best of luck with your writing. |
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apology accepted. |
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my computer screen shakes when my cell phone is next to it. i'll read it tonite. |
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(please try the other story instead.) |
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readed. not bad, but also not too much in there... |
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hello will read when I get some time. |
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dude, you just need five minutes... |
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yeah, this story is more like a sample than anything else. if you want to try one of my 'full' stories then please read the previous one, seven lucky gods. |
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one last shazam. |
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SHAKES ON A PLANE! |
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hahahah! optimus: am i right in guessing your name's josh? anyway, i read the story, it felt like it was going somewhere, and then it just stopped. I did enjoy some of the surreal descriptive passages, i may read it again. |
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my real name is actually Pubes McMadden. Josh Tierney is just a nom de plume. |
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if you can look like your avatar for more than 1 hour i did do ya. |
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did do him what? |
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non-painfull stuff |
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I liked that. Seemed a bit rushed, but I like the style. Maybe a bit more focus would be in order. It feels like you are trying to say 100 things in every sentance,. |
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I liked that. Seemed a bit rushed, but I like the style. Maybe a bit more focus would be in order. It feels like you are trying to say 100 things in every sentance,. |
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the story actually wasn't rushed, though i agree that it seems like it. i was just asked to do something very sci fi and very bizarre within a limit of three pages. the previous story, seven lucky gods, would be a better example of my writing as there wasn't any such restriction. |
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you could write as much as you want on 3 pages, you just have to change the font size. |
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it was for a zine. |
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I couldn't read beyond the line The more menacing of the police robots, grey turtles about the size of freight trucks, were rushing past like a herd of elephants Too many comparative things in one sentence, something that's like a turtle that rushes past like an elephant (how does that work?), that's the size of a freight truck. |
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haha, yeah, that's awful. |
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Ha! Sorry, I know sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees, so it is good to get other people to read through stuff for you, well, as you already know of course. |
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indeed, i'm trying my best to get people to do that. :p |
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one VERY minor thing: "To reach school he took the subway station, and all he had to do to reach the subway station..." should it read: "to reach school he took the subway, and...." ? |
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thanks a lot for bringing that up. i'll be making changes to the story later. |
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