 |
|
You are not logged in! F.A.Q Log in Register |
 |
|
 |
 Now online (1)big ...and 281 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
 |
Members 8025Messages 2614157 Today 2 Topics 127544 |
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
i have a bizarre new story up at , which adheres to the absurdist philosophy (my personal vessel of choice for storytelling). it is titled theft and i hope some of you can read it as to offer any critique or car-waxing. if anything you can just check out the artwork. :) |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
"Climbing out of the water takes most of his strength, and the ground feels like pudding beneath his hands." I think crawling is a more appropriate verb given that he's apparently using his hands. The hand part confused me at first at least. "taking the paths that soon manifest before him." This manifest business is needlessly decorative maybe. "A rusted car is wrapped with vines, clung to the earth like a much loved toy." hmm... it just seems if it's rusted and wrapped with vines it wasn't loved much... "First I’ll check the motel manager’s office, then, and if the phone doesn’t work, or there isn’t one at all, then I’ll" the second 'then' seems awkward. It actually wasn't apparent to me that the entire gas station was on fire until stated later. I thought it was just the documents. "‘But then again, all people look the same to me.’" hmm... "A snake is heard rattling from an undisclosed location." eh, I guess... not exactly a typical backdrop nature sound since they only rattle rarely when they feel threatened. "You’re an idiot,’ he says aloud." The aloud part makes me wonder whether some of the other quoted text was thought or spoken. "no one is that stupid.." I got confused over what they were arguing about here. It finally started getting cool when they had to cut off their body parts.. and then chose to live on deformed rather than continue dying to obtain freedom or whatever. I liked their philosophy discussion. The idea of a bloody eyeless guy and a bloody earless girl thinking about having sex is interesting... The part where mama says she'll accept them if they kill one of her boys is cool, kinda like a scary fairy tail (red riding hood, hansel & gretel) Well, it was a strange story that turned out better than I was expecting due to the sluggish beginning. It didn't end with a huge profound impact or anything though. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
we dance all the wrong songs we enjoy all the wrong moves |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
thanks a lot for that. i changed what i could. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
| |||||||||
|
|
a bump before it's completely lost. |
||||||||
|
|
|||||||||
|
Messageboard index
|
|||||||||
