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 (nobody)...and 353 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614114 Today 0 Topics 127542 |
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hey guys. maybe you dont really know me so well, but i'm hoping that some of you will take the time to read this and maybe give me some advice. it would mean a lot to me. here's the situation (quite dramatic, please bare with me): there's this girl from ontario i've been talking to over the internet and on the phone for a few years now. She is still quite young and very insecure. Her parents are divorced and treat her very badly. She's intelligent, but school isnt going well because of her emotional problems. Shes hanging out with the wrong people. People who have abused her for being young and clueless about many things, including excessive use of alcohol and all sorts of drugs. This got to the point where she became addicted to a numer of things. The reason why this is not just bad, but pretty much as bad as it gets, is because her physical condition is going down fast. She's been suffering from asthma, ADD, eating disorders and a lot of other things the doctors are very unclear about. She takes loads of medication. To stop her from passing out, to make her sleep, to make sure she wont stop breathing, anti depressants etcetera. This, in combination with heavy depression, a very negative self-image, lack of love from parents, relatives & friends, drug & alcohol abuse is making her lose all faith in herself, other people and the future. She is in pain most of the time. One thing she really loves is modern dance. The problem is, that fat dancers dont exist. She is skinny as anything, and yet the dance teachers tell her to lose weight and wear a corset which fucks up her back really badly. To her mom, dance is everything so she no longer feeds her daughter. She literally locks cupboards, or hides food. Sometimes friends would give her some food, but her condition got to the point where she couldnt eat anymore without getting sick. She is now so skinny that she looks like she could collapse at any time, and still nobody helps her. ... |
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That's fucked up. I dunno what to say, maybe she should run away from these people. They're obviously contributing to her unhealthy state. |
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yeah i remember you. didn't you come visit the states not too long ago? So far this is quite depressing/disheartening. :/ |
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She could try to get fosterparents somewhere. |
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Uhhh.. well logicly she should leave and go to child services for now, but that is such a shit road to go down, trust me. Then again what can be done? If she does not take things into her own hands she will probably die. |
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I agree 100%. From what i am getting out of this is that she has no where else to go but up. Or meaning this just have to get better. For fucks sake.... a mother starving her own daughter? |
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So tell her to get the fuck outta there, if she lives there its only gonna get worse. |
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Exactly. |
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sorry' |
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yeah, but how difficult will it be for a young and insecure girl to run away from her mother, who is ironically one of the biggest sources of her misery? The great distance between you two makes it hard to do anything about it apart from just being a good friend to her and at least contribute to her feeling good about herself. I'll try to think of more. |
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What are her thoughts on this? Does she hate her mother for this? Does she fully understand this abuse? The reason i ask is i knew a girl who got the shit kicked out of her daily and she saw no problem with it saying things like "other people have it worse" |
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yeah ofcourse she cant just run away , but fuck ... she cant stay there so its gotta be something. |
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Yup if you are gonna change things something logically has to be done. In this condition staying ther will make it worse. |
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Agreed, but how on earth could you make a young girl, insecure as fuck leave her home? |
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Another question is how young are we talking? Maybe 17 is old enough to get out and do something else because there is a certain level of maturity as opposed to younger but if shes 15 or younger that would be a difficult call. |
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I know.... there isnt a real nice and easy answer to this one, you cant just make her leave home, but thats the objective, she pretty much stays and gets worse and keeps going, or leaves and hopefully recovers atleast somewhat here, but fuck... shitty situation, unfortunatly its all too common. |
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(cont) I'm afraid that she is dying. She says she is in pain constantly and i hear her crying on the phone. A number of times i told her to talk to people but she says nobody is helping her. I strongly believe i have enough reasons to believe her. I am seriously considering to meet her in canada soon. These are only a few things of the whole situation but you get the idea. My question is: where should she go to get help? Is there anyway she can live somewhere else away from her mom (her dad or other relatives are not an option)? Does anybody know the deal about canadian hospitals? They should be able to tell that something is very wrong, but they just give her pills and unclear answers. I just dont know what to do anymore and its killing me because i care about her so much. Please help me out. If you know ANY phonenumbers, websites, organizations etc that could be of use, please let me know. thanks, Jeroen |
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fucking hell. sorry about that, i was supposed to put that in one post, but i was too fast and i had to wait, then i forgot. |
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shit |
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The second option is to not believe everything that you read on the internet. |
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VP: yes i was in the states this summer. she hates her mom to death. she is 16, and yes she is also on of those girls that blame everything on themselves. 'i probably deserved it' 'it could be worse' 'better me than somebody else. i dont care about me anymore'' being 16, she cant even leave the country. she has stayed at some of her guy friend's places sometimes, and of course they all tried to take advantage of her. taxidermist: i phone her pretty much every weekend. i have known her for about 4 years now and i am not going to say 'its no my problem, i'm too far away to do anything anyway' |
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well it seems like you are doing pretty much everything you can short of calling the canadian authorities.. but, really, whatever needs to be done, needs to be done by her, you can't really do much for her, other than emotional support, over the internet/phone.. so the only thing you can do is listen to her, and continue to suggest that she do the right thing.. unless you do travel to canada.. that'd be only way you could actually try to help her.. other than that, unless she does something about it, the situation is basically hopeless. |
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I'm not being funny but has it ever occured to you that she might just be a fucked up attention seeker...trust me I have met a few like that. |
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well. i can see where you're coming from, as you just got to read the bad side of things. the reason why i care about her so much is because she is also a very good friend with whom i can relate to about many things, as weird as it may sound. she has an excellent music taste, she draws amazing art and she's funny as hell on the phone. also in some ways she's more mature than i am. and yeah i'm just too weak to ignore it all. i couldnt live with myself if i let her go. i wouldnt know how to help her if i was there, but i think it would mean a lot to her anyway and i'm hoping it would make her realize that she cant give up on everything. the only problem is money, and a place to stay, although i might have an address in winnipeg. if i'm going, i'll let you know cause i'll be asking for some must see places as well. thanks everyone for being so kind to share your thoughts. if anything happens i'll let you know. |
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ok i just found out that some people of a child services centre have been at her house (i will call her diana from now on, and she says her mom acted like everything was fine. she told her daughter to play along and she did because she was scared. her mom just hit her again for eating food. she said she was wasting her food and threatened to lock the cupboards again. just now, she threw up and almost passed out. the stress is killing her and she thinks that eating food can no longer make her better. is there any way that child services would take anyone in without talking to the parents first. or is there any way that her dad's permission would make a difference? she needs to get out of there if only for a while, before she kills herself. REFLEX: what else do you know about child services? |
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I'd make a natural born killers reference, but given the circumstances, I'll refrain. Unfortunately, I don't know anything about child protective services in Canada, but from what my niece has been through (molested in foster care, moved from home to home, etc.) it's not a good thing here in the U.S. |
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having plenty of experience with child services in ontario, i may be able to help. i highly suggest you find a way to contact child's services - they WILL help if you make it clear what is happening - you've just got to push them, telling Diana to talk to them probably isnt going to help, because i know how scared a child in a situation like that can be. YOU need to contact children's services jeroen. because if YOU dont do it, noone is going to, and you know that something terrible is going to happen if nothing is done immediatly. |
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even though i am a resident of ontario, my knowledge of how child services operate in this province is rather slim. i suppose you could search for some information in this regard on the web and possibly e-mail them with some questions, first and foremost. the biggest challenge lies in the fact that a) she assumes the blame for all that is happening to her AND b) as a consequence, she refuses to seek out proper help; the healthcare services in ontario are generally of exceptional quality, although due to a shortage of doctors as a result of cuts to medicare by the (thankfully now out of power) conservative government, there is quite a lot of beurocratic hassle and long waiting periods before anything ever happens. i would urge her to speak with her family doctor first and foremost - it is obviously strictly confidential - make an appointment by calling from a payphone so that her parents aren't aware of this, explain the situation, get a visit ASAP and hopefully this will get her on the right path. |
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Get the # for him and maybe he can call and adequately explain the situation since he has know her for so long. Persistance pays off! |
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where's plaidzebra when you need him? he's the best one to offer sound advice on the board. |
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It appears he is online. I agree with you there |
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