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 (nobody)...and 519 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614201 Today 5 Topics 127548 |
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hi there - the other night, this rap lyric just started pouring out of me - it was flowing from my mind thru the pen onto the paper; quoting chuck D "I don't freestyle much but I write them as such." anyway, please give it a read and maybe comment on its form and content :) thanks bunches. the lyric they hammer their archetypes dark into the mother's womb, you're entombed in their cells, loving lies and fearing hell. sanitized sex sold by soulless mental wrecks, you want success? crawl back thru your mother's legs! oh yes - you're broken when you're born, torn from the breast that will feed you the best. overdosing you with riches, turning women into 'bitches' suck you dry like fucking leeches push you in to well-planned nichés: this world is a god-damned cliché -- fuck your gucci, fuck your boogie fakin' action (& your) bred reaction -- it's time for real reaction. your government is not your nation, it's just another corporation, whose goal is mass sedation: degradation, segregation: rape the mind and burn creation. teach your self, don't follow others - no separation, we're all brothers and sisters and mothers hiding from each other. learning fear from t.v. sets, taught to turn our backs on our true selves, got us trapped in this hell with the promise of a better world tomorrow - all is sorrow all is pain; feeling tired feeling drained -- it's just the same repetition: more impotant sedition like a secular tradition, turnin circles in the sand, reachin out for guiding hands: I'm an accident, not planned -- I'm the misfit, mis-shapen -- your hair is long? the mine is shaven, you're the hawk and I'm the raven, you're led while I'm just slavin', wasn't born, was pulled out craving Return to the womb... free me from this body, free me from this death. may 23rd 2003 |
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I really like it. nice lyrics. |
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nice lyrics! are you an optimist by nature? |
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yes I am. thanks for reading and commenting you two :) |
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*applauds |
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good one man |
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very nice personally would leave "your hair is long? the mine is shaven" out i like all the rest |
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damn, it should say "then"; I proof-read it twice before hitting 'reply' too. |
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marlowe i like it. i am always caucious of how genuine you arre being howeverr. |
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i like. =) |
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that's only because you don't know me, A_P. |
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no doubt. it is good though. its saying something. not just "o rread my frreestyle pointless bullshit that has some rhyme to it" |
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Thanks -- Public Enemy were the rap group I grew up with - they had a big influence on me in my formative years, and whenever I attempt to write a rap lyric (usually a spontaneous thing), it is usually Chuck D's voice I hear. thanks to everyone since my last post thanking those previous. |
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i agree rappers need to concentrate more on the message they convey than the poetic structure, which i feel should come secondary. i particularly like the way the satire is expressed in these lyrics. |
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woo, I got a nice comment on this rap over on (if you happen to follow the link, you may to refresh as allpoetry has a tendancy to throw up "cannot find servers" once in a while) |
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well done =) *adds to faves* |
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fine poetry PS, i've been feeling similarly recently since being back in the UK would enjoy hearing it sung .. by hmmm.... KRS 1 or 'voice of an angel' charlotte church for that matter |
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thanks :) I'm toying with the idea of e-mailing it to Chuck D (of Public Enemy). I'm sending him an email anyway, but on a different thing, so I don't know if I want to push a lyric on him. maybe if he and I enter a dialogue I might - it would be fantastic for him to record it. |
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