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Doughnut Dilemma
 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-08 01:25 [#02403451]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



Like many men, I have trouble talking to girls I ain't
never met before. This came to a tee recently, after I had
done a little shopping at Asda.

Whilst walking toward the bus stop in the dark at about 7pm
a few days ago, I saw a couple of girls, pretty cute, early
20s, walking in the same direction as me. And, as I often
do, I felt very intimidated by them at first, cos they were
strangers and cute, so I stayed clear of them.

I walked to the bus stop and stood eating a doughnut,
waiting for the bus. The girls went into the bus shelter,
but at the time I thought they'd think me weird to sit in
the bus shelter, when I could sit outside. In retrospect, it
would not have been weird. Anyway, when I was standing near
the bench next to the bus shelter, eating my second
doughnut, I thought 'hey, why don't I offer the girls a
doughnut'? I thought about this for about 15 mins, which is
how long it took for the bus to arrive. By this time, I had
thought of a plan to say 'hey, excuse me, I have a problem.
5 doughnuts and only one of me! Would you like to help me
out and have a doughnut?' Of course, I still wasn't sure
about this and by this time, the bus had arrived, so it was
too late.

I told a female friend this story and she laughed. Then she
said what I had planned to say may have been very creepy,
perhaps leading the girls to believe I had laced the
doughnuts with rohypnol. I would have done, but like I say,
I only had 15 mins before the bus came. My friend suggested
that I open with 'I know this sounds creepy, but I have 5
doughnuts and I am not gonna eat them all. Would you like
one?' Which, reading this now does look very innocuous and
innocent.

A male friend (Yes, I have TWO friends!) overheard the
conversation and said he would have placed the doughnuts on
the floor and said 'OMG, looka that, doughnuts!' then asked
the girls if they wanted one. I found this hilarious.

So, what would YOU have done in this situation?


 

offline chassis from the bottom of a pint glass (Heard and McDonald Islands) on 2011-01-08 01:28 [#02403452]
Points: 309 Status: Lurker



Ate the doughnuts. But if I was full Id offer her one.


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-08 01:35 [#02403454]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Followup to chassis: #02403452 | Show recordbag



I had two and I felt full of sickliness. They were custard
ones. 24p for 5!

I did think afterwards that it was a bad idea to eat the
doughnuts to help me think of a plan to ask the girls if
they wanted a doughnuts, cos by the time I had constructed
the plan, I felt sick. And I thought at the time that it
would have been best to eat one when I offered them one, cos
then it would look like they were not dodgy or anything.


 

offline chassis from the bottom of a pint glass (Heard and McDonald Islands) on 2011-01-08 01:49 [#02403455]
Points: 309 Status: Lurker



She wouldn't have wanted one if they were custard. Yuk.

As far as Im concerned, the bus stop is not the place to
meet people. She needs to in the mood to take, at a bus stop
is a no no. In the pub or some sort of social event is where
to meet people.


 

offline welt on 2011-01-08 02:16 [#02403456]
Points: 2036 Status: Lurker | Followup to Tractern: #02403451



just being honest works surprisingly well when wanting to
talk to girls.

for instance i once saw a girl [a standardly attractive
blonde] whose teeth i liked, so i told her that i liked here
teeth and whether i could touch them. she let me touch them.
.. it might not have lead to very much more, but she didn't
think i was a creep and was amused at least.

however, that was in the past when i still felt like an okay
person. nowadays, if i'd stand at a bus stop next to cute
girls i'd probably think about "wanting to suffer in order
to repent for my sins" or something like that.


 

offline Indeksical from Phobiazero Damage Control (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-08 02:17 [#02403457]
Points: 10671 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



I would have said nothing, come home and then cut myself
until i could feel the knife scraping against bone.

Then I'd have a wank while wearing stockings and suspenders
and singing 'La Javaniase'.


 

offline Indeksical from Phobiazero Damage Control (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-08 02:19 [#02403458]
Points: 10671 Status: Regular | Followup to welt: #02403456 | Show recordbag



I think meeting new people takes a stronger toll on your
mental state the older you get. That's why people get
married.


 

offline jnasato from 777gogogo (Japan) on 2011-01-08 03:22 [#02403459]
Points: 3393 Status: Regular | Followup to Indeksical: #02403457 | Show recordbag



You will become more hardcore if you cut yourself and fuck
the resulting slit.

Tractern I would just eat the donuts, but if/when I
made eye contact, I would offer with a smile and, "Um- would
you like a donut?", just straight up. After the 1~2 seconds
of immediate-pondering-silence is when I would put in any,
"Yah- I sort of feel sick and am prolly gonna toss these",
etc. If I was seen eating donuts for an extended period,
then the girls would understand that I was offering to
share. If the girls did not see me eat for an extended
period, then the offer would shock and cause suspicion.

Then after they invite you over to their flat, you lick
custard from their erect pink nipples.


 

offline larn from PLANET E (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-08 05:06 [#02403463]
Points: 5473 Status: Regular | Followup to jnasato: #02403459 | Show recordbag



that is probably the coolest and most desired outcome, the
worst one would be like this: you wait until eye contact is
made, then say: er hey girls i have some doughnuts
here....er do you want me to give you one? a silent pause
while they both look blankly with unamused faces ... if not
i am going to toss it! then you accidently hold the bag too
tight and squirt the custard over their skirts while
nervously panting and shaking, at the same moment the bus
slowly pulls up to the stop with everyone observing from the
windows.



 

offline Anus_Presley on 2011-01-08 08:51 [#02403465]
Points: 23472 Status: Lurker



It's OK unless they say no, then you look like like a
tosserr and have to stand therre with them forr anotherr 15
minutes.


 

offline Taxidermist from Black Grass on 2011-01-08 09:25 [#02403468]
Points: 9958 Status: Lurker | Followup to larn: #02403463



That made me laugh harder than anything I have read in a
while.


 

offline taking_the_piz on 2011-01-08 10:36 [#02403475]
Points: 795 Status: Lurker



learn to apply the 3 seconds rule:
if you need more than 3 seconds to act, DON'T (because you
will creep them out, no matter how good your story).
If you stay within the 3 seconds, the story doesn't really
matter anyways. It's all body language in that timespan.

Obvious right?


 

offline freqy on 2011-01-08 11:00 [#02403478]
Points: 18724 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



eat all doughnuts then tell them you run out of dounuts and
that would they mind buying you some more doughnuts and a
cup of coffee. they'd respect that and you get more sweet
doughnuts,. : P



 

offline dariusgriffin from cool on 2011-01-08 12:31 [#02403482]
Points: 12394 Status: Regular



My friend suggested that I open with 'I know this sounds
creepy, but I have 5 doughnuts and I am not gonna eat them
all. Would you like one?' Which, reading this now does look
very innocuous and innocent.


It's the creepiest thing you could say bro.


 

offline dariusgriffin from cool on 2011-01-08 12:32 [#02403483]
Points: 12394 Status: Regular



If you think offering donuts is creepy you're probably a
creep anyway.


 

offline Taxidermist from Black Grass on 2011-01-08 14:16 [#02403489]
Points: 9958 Status: Lurker



Doughnuts are not a good icebreaker.


 

offline Guybrush from the white room on 2011-01-08 14:42 [#02403491]
Points: 2556 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



nyum nyum nyum


Attached picture

 

offline gingaling from Scamworth (Burkina Faso) on 2011-01-08 14:42 [#02403492]
Points: 2281 Status: Lurker | Followup to Tractern: #02403451



what is wrong with you?!?


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-08 14:47 [#02403493]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Followup to gingaling: #02403492 | Show recordbag



Doughnuts.

And I am not as cool as you. :) I shoulda got a ring
doughnut, stuck my wanger through it and wiggled it toward
them until they sucked it, right?


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-08 14:47 [#02403494]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Followup to Taxidermist: #02403489 | Show recordbag



Yeah, guess you're right. :(

But what is Taxi, WHAT IS?


 

offline ijonspeches from 109P/Swift-Tuttle on 2011-01-08 14:56 [#02403496]
Points: 7841 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



first light an open fire somewhere,
over it place some meat on a stick.
watch them flock to to you...


 

offline jnasato from 777gogogo (Japan) on 2011-01-08 15:18 [#02403498]
Points: 3393 Status: Regular | Followup to Guybrush: #02403491 | Show recordbag



Awkwardness when the bus arrives.


 

offline gingaling from Scamworth (Burkina Faso) on 2011-01-08 16:18 [#02403503]
Points: 2281 Status: Lurker | Followup to Tractern: #02403493



sorry mang, didnt mean to be harsh.

doin that is a bit much... i like the 3 second rule
suggested. thats good. next time you u have the inspiration
to summit like that just doin. even try doin it to not so
hot chicks and with out even the motive of talking to them
afterwards.


 

offline Guybrush from the white room on 2011-01-08 16:24 [#02403504]
Points: 2556 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



HALLO DO U WONT A DONUT LOL!?!


 

offline dariusgriffin from cool on 2011-01-08 16:50 [#02403506]
Points: 12394 Status: Regular | Followup to Guybrush: #02403504



jesus


 

offline jnasato from 777gogogo (Japan) on 2011-01-08 17:23 [#02403511]
Points: 3393 Status: Regular | Followup to Guybrush: #02403504 | Show recordbag



Ahahaha...


 

offline gingaling from Scamworth (Burkina Faso) on 2011-01-08 19:37 [#02403512]
Points: 2281 Status: Lurker | Followup to Guybrush: #02403504



hahahahaha yes


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-09 04:50 [#02403542]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



Funny game and is maybe based on me, but I lose the
misogynist game every time! :(


 

offline hedphukkerr from mathbotton (United States) on 2011-01-09 20:37 [#02403568]
Points: 8833 Status: Regular | Followup to gingaling: #02403503



i agree with the three second rule too.

standing next to someone for fifteen minutes and then
starting up a conversation with no provocation is always
going to be creepy, no matter the gender.

it's all about confidence and acting like you're not totally
intimidated to be talking to these super hot girls who you
really have no business talking to because you're an unkempt
tosser on unemployment and spends most of his days on the
internet.


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-10 12:30 [#02403600]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Followup to hedphukkerr: #02403568 | Show recordbag



haha, true. Confidence is important. I girl smiled at me
yesterday, I think we are in love now. :)


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-10 12:30 [#02403601]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Followup to hedphukkerr: #02403568 | Show recordbag



Also, was that a little transference going on with the
unkempt unemployed tosser bit? ;)


 

offline hedphukkerr from mathbotton (United States) on 2011-01-10 16:44 [#02403606]
Points: 8833 Status: Regular | Followup to Tractern: #02403601



a year ago maybe, but i now have a gf you loves me for the
unkempt tosser i am :)


 

offline gingaling from Scamworth (Burkina Faso) on 2011-01-10 17:11 [#02403610]
Points: 2281 Status: Lurker | Followup to hedphukkerr: #02403606



pah! a year ago maybe...

a year ago deffo and you found a good chick who likes
unkempt dossers and now your uppin your game so that she'll
stick around more like. either way, win.


 

offline hedphukkerr from mathbotton (United States) on 2011-01-10 17:23 [#02403616]
Points: 8833 Status: Regular | Followup to gingaling: #02403610



well, technically a year ago i still had my job :P


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-10 17:30 [#02403619]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Followup to hedphukkerr: #02403606 | Show recordbag



Ah, that'll be me one day.

gf and job aren't the only things I want in life, but I
guess with these things, nothing else seems to matter
perhaps. Is it true, at times, nothing seems to matter when
you got your regular income and a loving lady?


 

offline hedphukkerr from mathbotton (United States) on 2011-01-10 17:38 [#02403622]
Points: 8833 Status: Regular | Followup to Tractern: #02403619



my unemployment cheques been shrinking :/ and i have never
had a job with regular, sufficient income. i've eaten lots
of mac n cheese.


 

offline Taxidermist from Black Grass on 2011-01-10 18:55 [#02403626]
Points: 9958 Status: Lurker | Followup to Tractern: #02403494



You know, a better icebreaker would have probably been if
they knew when the next bus was going by. However, the bus
stop is not a good place to meet girls anyway.

And anyone who tells you to be yourself is full of shit.
Some people are just naturally better at talking to members
of the opposite sex, those people just need to act like
themselves. Everyone else has to make an effort of it.

I think its more important to not second guess yourself.
Don't get too disappointed if something you say doesn't
work, as statistically, the odds of compatibility are
stacked against you in the first place; its the same for
everyone else.


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-10 22:51 [#02403648]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Followup to hedphukkerr: #02403622 | Show recordbag



Cos you have destroyed my dream and your life doesn't sound
too pleasant; empathetic :( + *hugs* = man bonding.

Although I have had a few jobs with regular income. ;)

But things will change for you and I my, friend. You'll get
the job you need and I the girlfriend, at which point we'll
take over the world! :O


 

offline -crazone from smashing acid over and over on 2011-01-10 23:45 [#02403651]
Points: 11233 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



I was wondering how ugly are you ( no offence) because this
has a big influence on the outcome of your question. Also:
did you wear earplugs?


 

offline -crazone from smashing acid over and over on 2011-01-10 23:48 [#02403653]
Points: 11233 Status: Regular | Followup to Anus_Presley: #02403465 | Show recordbag



welkom back btw


 

offline yoyoyoyoyo from Sweden on 2011-01-11 12:51 [#02403688]
Points: 778 Status: Lurker | Followup to Tractern: #02403648



put a dounut on your dick and show it to the girls and say

hey girls you want some donuts?


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-11 16:32 [#02403704]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Followup to -crazone: #02403651 | Show recordbag



No earplugs, no ugly.


 

offline hedphukkerr from mathbotton (United States) on 2011-01-11 16:58 [#02403706]
Points: 8833 Status: Regular | Followup to Tractern: #02403648



xlt manlove ftw


 

offline larn from PLANET E (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-11 17:00 [#02403707]
Points: 5473 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



i'm surprised you haven't met more chicks at Uni *_* are
there not many girls on your course?


 

offline -crazone from smashing acid over and over on 2011-01-11 22:21 [#02403723]
Points: 11233 Status: Regular | Followup to Tractern: #02403704 | Show recordbag



than I would have offered the doughnuts! Good luck next
time..


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-12 01:57 [#02403733]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



I spoke to a girl about this issue and she said a lot of
girls are very conscious about their weight, so maybe they
would have rejected the offer of doughnuts on that basis.

Then again, she also said she would have said yes if it was
a cookie with chocolate chips in it...


 

offline -crazone from smashing acid over and over on 2011-01-12 10:55 [#02403736]
Points: 11233 Status: Regular | Followup to Tractern: #02403733 | Show recordbag



congs on the 4000th post..

also a good question: were the girls heavy weight fat?


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-12 11:39 [#02403738]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Followup to -crazone: #02403736 | Show recordbag



Thanks, I didn't even realise until you said. :)

And no, the girls were not heavy weight fat! :D


 

offline Tractern from Brighton (United Kingdom) on 2011-01-14 11:19 [#02403888]
Points: 4210 Status: Regular | Show recordbag



Last time I was at the very same Asda was last Wednesday.
And someone gave me their number! I was just standing at the
bus stop (IN the bus shelter this time) and someone started
chatting to me, we sat next to each other on the bus, and
they gave me their number before I got off!

His name was Peter.

True story.

:(


 

offline -crazone from smashing acid over and over on 2011-01-14 12:20 [#02403890]
Points: 11233 Status: Regular | Followup to Tractern: #02403888 | Show recordbag



lol!


 


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