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 (nobody)...and 290 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2613452 Today 5 Topics 127500 |
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i have heard some really funny ones here got a few friends used to me telling them and i need more tell your best jokes! |
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A man walks into a bar. He ate a rock and choked to death. |
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omg that's hilarious |
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There was once a fluffy cloud called fluffy and a kitten called kitty. kitty would always play with string and the cloud would float above and around as she did so. ...oh damn, no punch line. oh well a lovely tale. :) |
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what is the difference between a rock band performing upon the grave of oscar wilde and bruce forsyths hairpiece? one is a gig on a wit.. |
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth? De-calf-inated. |
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I was drinking coffee heavily so that I would stay awake and needed to relieve myself pretty badly. I pulled into a rest area, locked the car doors, and went into the restroom. When I entered I noticed it was unoccupied except for a pair of sneakers visible under the second stall. As I unzipped at one of the urinals and began to relieve my burning bladder I heard a voice say "Hey, what's up?". I looked around and there was no one else in the restroom. After a moments hesitation, I answered "Not much". A little time went by and he says, "What ya doing?". I didn't feel very comfortable talking to someone in a stall but I didn't want to be rude and answered, "Uh...we are heading to San Antonio to visit friends." "Want to come over?", he says. At this point I am really uncomfortable and I finish up and scoot over to the sink to wash up. "No I don't think so.", I replied. Wow, was this something else. I had never even had someone next to me with a wide stance before and now I've got someone in the stall asking me over! As I reached for the paper towels to dry my hands I hear, "Hey man, can I call you back? There's some asshole in the bathroom answering every thing I say." |
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a priest, a cop, and a nun all walk into a bar. the cop orders a beer, the nun orders a rum and coke and the priest orders an oreo cookie shake. they decide to share a plate of cheese fries. |
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what do u call a dead baby nailed to a wall? Art |
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One time there was this . |
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Not a joke but have you ever thought about how the saying "one man's junk is another man's treasure" sounds REALLY gay? |
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This rabbi walks into a bar. A lawyer says "I'd recite the Carmina Burana from memory to get a drink." The rabbi says "I'm not a rabbi, I'm a Californian!" The bartender says "See that Californian over there? If you stick a cue ball in your mouth that Californian will do the mattress Macarena with you all night long." So the rabbi says "Paint my house." |
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my dog has no anus |
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how does he smell |
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v good. |
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Penis asks for a raise "I hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour, I work at great depths, I don't get weekends or public holidays off, I work in a damp environment, I work in a damp place with piss poor ventilation and high temperatures, and my work exposes me to contagious diseases." Sincerely, P.NISS Response "Dear P. Niss, After assessing your request and considering the arguments you raised, we reject your request for the following reasons: You don't work 8hrs straight, You fall asleep after brief work periods, You don't take initiative, To start work you need to be pressured and stimulated, You leave the workplace rather messy after your shift, You don't always observe the necessary safety protocol such as wearing protective clothing, You don't work double shifts, and you constantly enter the workplace with two very suspicious bags..." Yours, V.GINA |
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[color=#2E8B57]VAGINA[/color] |
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This monkey walks into a bar. The bartender thinks a minute and says "We don't see many monkeys in here." The monkey says "I'll take a hot buttered rum." A midget cozies up to the monkey and says "For a quarter I'll give you oral pleasure like you wouldn't believe." The monkey takes a deep breath and yells "I'll have a vinegar and water." |
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so this is watmm humor, eh? |
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whats watmm? |
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HOW IS BABY FORMED |
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lol way instain mother? |
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this poor dude walked into mcdonalds and he was like, uuuuum, he was like how much is that hamburger dude. And the other guy was like it is like some price or something. And the first guy was like i got fidy cent CASH MONEY let me have just the bun and the pickle. -- There were these two fellars standin' on a bridge, a-goin' to the bathroom. One fellar said, "The water's cold" and the other fellar said, "The water's deep". I believe one fella come from Arkansas. Get it? |
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a priest, a cop, and a nun are already in a bar. they look at the table across from them, only to see a vampire, a burglar and a harlot witch. the vampire is enjoying a glass of wine, the burglar a wheat beer, and the witch a tall glass of water with lemon. they are sharing a plate of fries smothered in sin. the cop approaches the table to challenge them to a foosball game. the witch says she is cold and asks the vampire to go outside to get her coat. the burglar replies to the cop, maybe in a little bit. |
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With his nose. |
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My autobiography would be The Greatest Joke Ever Told. |
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a wig on a git |
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it does have a midget though. |
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simply throwing 'midget' randomly into a joke is so watmm. We take it to the next level. (porn pics) |
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can we upgrade midget to flid? it's a better word and a funnier physical condition 'ha no arms you stubby wanker'. |
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I WROTE A JOKE ONCE. IT GOES... 'HI MY NAME IS CLIFF, I SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION. IT'S OK THOUGH, I'M A MASOCHIST, SO I ENJOY IT.' YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING... BUT I'M ALSO A SADIST, THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOU IT. |
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part 1 knock knock whos there watmm watmm who watmm you doin this is my house ! part 2 knock knock whos there xltronic xltronic who? good question i only heard of it myself cos watmm was broken. part 3 knock knock whos there boards of canada oh fuck off part 4 knock knock whos there warp records warp records who warp records: the fabulous avant garde hip label that is the first stop for all the boppers who are in the know : the home of maximo park, !!!, huudson mohwake, broadcast, clark (formerly chris clark), gravenhurts, grizzly bears warp WHO ? errr we used to release the apex twins back in 1884 oh THAT warp..... go away. Part 7 ? knock knock whos there Venetian Snares venetian who ? venetian snares. ive come to read your gas meter. can anyone else think of some marvelllous idm based knock knock jokes?????? |
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lols i saw a flidamoid driving a car in laderhossen once, happy times. |
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knock knock whos there? willma willma who? willma finger do till i get a hardon. |
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knock knock DUBturbo? |
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RDJ will release the new album in 2014 as The Tuss |
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RDJ will release the new DUBturbo in 2014 |
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