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please help me think of something appropriately sarcastic to
write in a 'just married' card
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 11:22 [#01399996]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular
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i'm going to a wedding reception tonight. another of my mates bites the dust! :(
can you think of anything to write in my card? i can't, i feel hungover, and i'm struggling to line my stomach with enough food to drink myself stupid again.
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recycle
from Where is Phobiazero (Lincoln) (United States) on 2004-11-19 11:24 [#01400002]
Points: 40066 Status: Lurker
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why would anyone get married ?
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2004-11-19 11:25 [#01400005]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator
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haha nice one.
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qrter
from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2004-11-19 11:26 [#01400006]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to tolstoyed: #01400005
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that's a good one.
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dog_belch
from Netherlands, The on 2004-11-19 11:26 [#01400009]
Points: 15098 Status: Addict | Show recordbag
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A man inserted an ad in the classifieds, " Wife wanted". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine." AHAHAHAHAHAHA
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qrter
from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2004-11-19 11:27 [#01400011]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to dog_belch: #01400009
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jesus.
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dog_belch
from Netherlands, The on 2004-11-19 11:28 [#01400013]
Points: 15098 Status: Addict | Followup to qrter: #01400011 | Show recordbag
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Ok, Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
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dog_belch
from Netherlands, The on 2004-11-19 11:29 [#01400014]
Points: 15098 Status: Addict | Show recordbag
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It's funny, because it's true. About restaurants AND marriage!!!!
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2004-11-19 11:29 [#01400015]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator | Followup to dog_belch: #01400013
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talking out of experience?
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qrter
from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2004-11-19 11:30 [#01400016]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to dog_belch: #01400013
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you've turned into Bernard Manning.
the thought alone just made me physically ill.
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dog_belch
from Netherlands, The on 2004-11-19 11:31 [#01400019]
Points: 15098 Status: Addict | Show recordbag
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My boss always used to say "I've been married 25 years. If I'd killed someone, I'd be out by now" AAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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qrter
from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2004-11-19 11:32 [#01400022]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to dog_belch: #01400019
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oh jesus christ you're depressing the fuck out of me..!
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 11:34 [#01400029]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular | Followup to qrter: #01400016
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there's a chinese, a pakistani, and a jew in a nightclub. what a great example of a multi-cultural society.
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dog_belch
from Netherlands, The on 2004-11-19 11:35 [#01400034]
Points: 15098 Status: Addict | Followup to earthleakage: #01400029 | Show recordbag
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Great gag!!!!
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dog_belch
from Netherlands, The on 2004-11-19 11:37 [#01400045]
Points: 15098 Status: Addict | Show recordbag
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My wife, she's a terrible cook, though, but she would be, she's dead!
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qrter
from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2004-11-19 11:38 [#01400048]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to dog_belch: #01400045
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boom-tish.
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horsefactory
from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-11-19 11:40 [#01400050]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular
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What about this hilarious t-shirt that I saw an excellent gel-headed drunkard wearing in town the other night? It read:
"My best mate ran off with my wife.......
....I REALLY MISS HIM!!!!!!!"
Bonus fact: it was written in comic sans MS.
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virginpusher
from County Clare on 2004-11-19 11:40 [#01400051]
Points: 27325 Status: Lurker
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"way to play out your options. you now have one vagina for the rest of your life, way to think it through."
or something along those lines from the movie "oldschool"
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 11:41 [#01400053]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular
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whenever i see someone wearing an "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt they always seem to be on their own
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nacmat
on 2004-11-19 11:41 [#01400054]
Points: 31271 Status: Lurker
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"congratulations, call me in two years, I know a great night club"
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qrter
from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2004-11-19 11:41 [#01400055]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to horsefactory: #01400050
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"Bonus fact: it was written in comic sans MS."
that REALLY made me laugh! :D
man that font is the least comic thing possible..
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virginpusher
from County Clare on 2004-11-19 11:46 [#01400060]
Points: 27325 Status: Lurker | Followup to horsefactory: #01400050
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the bonus fact rocked so hard!!!!
:D hahah!!!
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2004-11-19 11:46 [#01400061]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator
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another film reference..
"5 out of 6 marriages get broken...do you two feel lucky? well, do you, you punks?"
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 11:51 [#01400066]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular
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BE MORE HELPFUL!
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 11:52 [#01400067]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular
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i'm going for a triple-S now and i expect to have something to write when i get back.
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2004-11-19 11:53 [#01400068]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator
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well, i was asking about it on slsk when i need it...it turned out i had to come up with something on my own. no one wants to help..it's just like that..
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 11:55 [#01400072]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular
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i don't think you understand, it wasn't a request it was a demand.
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2004-11-19 11:57 [#01400074]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator
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how far can it go this sarcasm? i mean, most of us know you can take/get everything...but none of us knows your mates..
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dog_belch
from Netherlands, The on 2004-11-19 11:57 [#01400075]
Points: 15098 Status: Addict | Show recordbag
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I think just "For god's sake...Noooooooo" in your own blood, would be good.
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2004-11-19 11:59 [#01400077]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator
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hehe :)
well, personally i find the short and to the point comments most hilarious. but im thinking you want something wiser for this card..
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virginpusher
from County Clare on 2004-11-19 11:59 [#01400078]
Points: 27325 Status: Lurker | Followup to earthleakage: #01400072
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I would seriously put
"I'll build you a fucking time machine. Dont ask why, just save your money and in three years go back in time, warn yourself about this day and give yourself the money. trust me"
and everyone would think i was fucking around. Thats the kind of shit i write. Stuff that is different. People appreciate it because it isnt mindless crap. It is unique and thought out and people appreicate that.
I am guessing though that in your case you are going to neeed something more formal. I dont think i can be of any assistance though pete.
If i think of something good i will type it.
:)
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 11:59 [#01400079]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular
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his wife is one of those "if she lost 3 stone she'd be really fit" type of birds
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epohs
from )C: on 2004-11-19 12:00 [#01400081]
Points: 17620 Status: Lurker
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take my wife, please!
rdrr
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Ophecks
from Nova Scotia (Canada) on 2004-11-19 12:04 [#01400083]
Points: 19190 Status: Moderator | Show recordbag
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''Congratulations on your marriage, may there be many happy years ahead for you both''.
Yes.
How much is three stone?
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evolume
from seattle (United States) on 2004-11-19 12:22 [#01400099]
Points: 10965 Status: Regular
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I'm married.
it's pretty cool mostly. and my wife's new hobby is cooking which means i've been doing a lot of gormet eating which is hell-of swizz!
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evolume
from seattle (United States) on 2004-11-19 12:23 [#01400101]
Points: 10965 Status: Regular
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so you should put in the card, "Encourage your wife to take up a new hobby like cooking or distilling."
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qrter
from the future, and it works (Netherlands, The) on 2004-11-19 12:28 [#01400104]
Points: 47414 Status: Moderator | Followup to evolume: #01400101
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scrap "cooking or" and replace "like" with ":"
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somejerk
from south florida, US (United States) on 2004-11-19 12:45 [#01400109]
Points: 1441 Status: Lurker
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"it's nice to see that you're finally giving up and settling, just like you said you would one day. i hope you're happy with your dead end life and get at least a year worth of sex out of this. hope you like internet porn."
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epohs
from )C: on 2004-11-19 12:49 [#01400111]
Points: 17620 Status: Lurker
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"She's not that bad. Better than dying alone I suppose. Congrats!"
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 12:50 [#01400112]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular | Followup to epohs: #01400111
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haha!
i think i'm gping to put "best of luck" so he doesn't quite know what i really mean.
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2004-11-19 12:53 [#01400116]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator | Followup to epohs: #01400111
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haha...he won't be getting any if she sees that card..
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ecnadniarb
on 2004-11-19 13:29 [#01400134]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag
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To whom it may concern,
For him: "So I guess you're not exclusively into lifting mens shirts"
For her: "His favourite brand of lubrication is XXXXXXX"
Love Pete
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Iroel
from Pisa (Italy) on 2004-11-19 17:35 [#01400319]
Points: 1129 Status: Regular
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"Wow it's so great that I felt the need to make fun of you on an internet message board!"
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JivverDicker
from my house on 2004-11-19 17:49 [#01400320]
Points: 12102 Status: Regular | Followup to Iroel: #01400319
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Who is that directed at?
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dequalsrxt
from Los Angeles (United States) on 2004-11-19 17:52 [#01400321]
Points: 468 Status: Regular
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just borrow someone else's words...
"i can remember standing by the wall and the guns shot above our heads and we kissed as though nothing could fall and the shame was on the other side.
Oh we can beat them for ever and ever then we can be heroes just for one day."
a bit corny, but it did the trick at my cousin's wedding.
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 17:53 [#01400322]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular
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warning team: back & not sober. nice night.
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dequalsrxt
from Los Angeles (United States) on 2004-11-19 17:55 [#01400326]
Points: 468 Status: Regular
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whoa...just read the subject again...sorry...i thought it said "romantic".
how about "congratulations, you must not be gay."
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dequalsrxt
from Los Angeles (United States) on 2004-11-19 18:02 [#01400330]
Points: 468 Status: Regular
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dear lucky so-and-so,
my most sincere thanks for inviting me to share in your special day. there's nowhere else on earth i'd rather be than here, with you, watching your first furtive and innocent glances into each others' eyes as husband and wife. may you always remember this day, as anniversary follows anniversary, and the heartwarming glow of this celebration fades further and further into the darkness of memory."
okay, maybe too sarcastic.
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earthleakage
from tell the world you're winning on 2004-11-19 18:04 [#01400333]
Points: 27795 Status: Regular
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too late! i just put congrats. well i can't remember exactly but something like that.
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scup_bucket
from bloated exploding piss pockets on 2004-11-19 18:07 [#01400339]
Points: 4540 Status: Regular
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"your kids are all going to be gay"
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