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 (nobody)...and 595 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614128 Today 0 Topics 127542 |
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Anyone got anything to add? |
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yes. i want to go home. |
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Hear the one about the guy who went to hospital, had a baby doll's head lodged in his stomach? It turned out that nothing turned him on more than to masturbate while excreting them. True story. |
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excellent! reminded me of the site |
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"An ex-girlfriend of mine once decided that a pleasant surprise would be to fellate me with a mouthful of 7up. This effectively turning my penis into a living lava lamp bubbling with pure agony. The pain was such that I couldn't touch it, and it went purple for 2 days due to shock. I thought for a while it might drop off. Now, the mere thought of a carbonated drink has me as flaccid as a baby." hahahahahaha ^^ |
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why would 7up kill your wang? |
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sounds like bollox to me |
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sounds like bollox to you |
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Anyway thanks for this pOgO, looks like I'll be spending substantial amounts of time looking through this shite. |
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"I've slammed my own tits in a door multiple times." This makes me wonder whether it was on multiple occasions, or if it was only once, and she just kept slamming. |
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Oh my God soggy biscuit :u/ |
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"This.." BLAM! "..just.." BLAM! "..isn't.." BLAM! BLAM! "..right.." BLAM! BLAM! "..god.." BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! "..damn.." BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! "..it..!" BLAMMM! |
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"When living in France some years ago, I found that the bannisters outside the Opera Bassille were particularly excellent for sliding down. There were two about 15 inches apart, so that one leg could be slung over one and the other leg slung over the other. This combined with just enogh pitch to get decent accelleration and a good length gave rize to an excellent experience. The only problem was.... the weld had given way on the last upright that held the right bar in place at the bottom. As my weight pressed between the bars they parted just enough to allow the upright pole to slide into my leg at about 45 degrees. The sharp end severed some nerves, the artery and some other structures. Blood was escaping quite quickly. Luckily I knew where the pressure point was to stem the flow of blood from this region and calmly organised for the pompiers or firemen to escort me to the hospit5al where they removed about a kilo of dangling torn and ripped thigh flesh before stitching me back together. It was not until this point that I noticed that I had an ache in the dangler department. TYhis seemed to have been caused by my jeans movign rapidly up my leg and bunching in my crotch, causing a split scrotum and crushed teste. A great day for Scotland." |
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from another thread: "About five years ago, our eldest daughter - who was about two at the time - came toddling into the living room looking decidedly iffy, came up to me and said "Daddy I think I'm going to be ......", and then proceeded to blow chunks in a manner usually reserved for people accustomed to consuming 14 pints of guinness and a large vindaloo.... For some reason, I held out both hands, cupped in such a fashion as to catch the aforementioned liquid-laugh, little realising the phenomenal capacity of vomit that one so small can produce. Having reached overflow limit in a little over a second, I realised the futility of my actions, and deciding there probably wasn't a vessel in the house big enough to contain the tide of puke emitting from my offspring, I decided to abandon my original plan, and get her to the bathroom as fast as was possible.... Dumping the vomit I'd already collected onto the floor (this didn't seem to present a major problem, as we'd only recently had all the carpets removed and laminate flooring put down throughout the whole house....a fact for which at this precise moment I was supremely grateful), I grabbed my infant vomit-tardis, turned her around (let's face it, as much as we love 'em, we don't want them puking in our faces...), and headed off for the bathroom. And this was my undoing.... To get to the bathroom (it was a bungalow), I had to pass from the living room, through the hall, across the dining room, into the inner hall, and thence into the bog. We made it as far as the dining room before she upchucked in an even more spectacular fashion than previously. Unfortunatley, I wasn't aware of this fact until my bare feet made contact with it........did I mention the fact we'd recently had laminate flooring laid? |
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cont. "The resulting fall would have looked unbelievable even by cartoon standards. There was the running on the spot sequence - featured highly in Scooby Doo episodes where Shaggy tries to leg it but never seems to get anywhere - followed by the slow motion descent straight onto my backside whilst yelling "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo......!" in perfect synchronisation. Somehow, throughout all this, I managed not to drop the author of my misfortune, and turned her round to make sure that she was alright. With hindsight, this wasn't one of my better ideas......yep, she barfed all over me.... The attempt to get up, and distance myself as far as was humanly possible from this waking nightmare, must have looked like an old Keystone Cops episode as I slid this way and that but couldn't find any purchase on what had now become a technicolour skating rink. Fortunately, my wife was on hand to piss herself laughing at my dilemna.....did she help? Did she arse. She stood there shaking and clutching her sides as the tears streamed down her face, whilst I lay sprawled in the stuff bad dreams are made of, praying for God to inflict a prolapsed uterus upon her...." |
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