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Spanners on 2002-01-18 13:16 [#00071610] | |||||||||
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What's the funniest joke? Please tell. Here's a funny joke: Reflex |
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IronLung from Dark Side of the Shroom on 2002-01-18 13:18 [#00071611] | |||||||||
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MTV |
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Ophecks from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-18 13:18 [#00071612] | |||||||||
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Knock Knock Who's there? Boo. Boo Who? Don't cry, it's only a joke! LOL!!! |
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Spanners on 2002-01-18 13:19 [#00071613] | |||||||||
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LOL Orfecks that's a good one!! Here's another Knock Knock Who's There? Spanners Spanners who? Are you going to let me in or what?! |
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Ophecks from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-18 13:23 [#00071615] | |||||||||
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I don't get it... |
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Ketaman on 2002-01-18 13:23 [#00071616] | |||||||||
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Three hippies are sitting around smoking a joint. One says, "I am going to go take a bath." He goes upstairs to the bathroom, fills up the bathtub, starts to get in the bathtub and then stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Hmmmmm, am I getting in or am I getting out?" So he sits there and thinks about it. The second one says, "Well, he's been up there for awhile, I better go check on him." When he gets halfway upstairs he stops for a moment, and thinks to himself, "Am I going upstairs or am I going downstairs?" He stays there and thinks about it. The third guy says, "I hope I never get blasted as much as those two, knock on wood!" So he knocks on the table and says, "Was that the front door or the back door?" |
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phiz from Amsterdam on 2002-01-18 13:41 [#00071620] | |||||||||
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Did you hear about the man who drowned in his breakfast cereal? He was eating muesli when a strong currant dragged him under. |
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dug creedy from sawII on 2002-01-18 13:52 [#00071623] | |||||||||
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hehe) drugs are funny.. once one of my mates hid in the fridge to 'jump out' on one of my other mates by surprise when he walked in the kitchen (they were both on mushrooms.He claims now he thought it was just a normal cupboard) Thing was, once your IN a fridge all you can here is a slow sustained whrrrrrrr... sound. about 3 hours later, another mate decided to make a jam sandwich but couldn't work out which jar contained the jam. I went with him and noticed that the kitchen floor was covered with groceries.. ' OK, so you took everything out of the fridge and put it on the floor ..' I said, (both of us now in stitches, screaming our heads off with laughter) ... ' No man, it was already there!!' (more hysterical laughter) 'What, even the milk,bacon,cheese???? They were just on the kitchen floor when you walked in here???!!' 'That is so fucked up , I'm gonna find that jam, but first I better put this shit back in the fridge!' and there was my mate, hunched up in the fridge, totally spaced and very er... 'chilled ' first thing he said was 'What are you doing?' classic) |
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The_Funkmaster from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-18 22:10 [#00071882] | |||||||||
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actually, a friend of mine use to tell a joke that went something like this... well actually, let me just say that there is a psychic who goes by the name Romain or something, for those of you who don't know... Knock Knock Who's there? Romain Lettuce Romain Lettuce who? Romain Lettuce know the future!!!! I always found it funny, although now I realize how stupid it is... :) |
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Ophecks from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-18 22:13 [#00071886] | |||||||||
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Oh my god, that is so fucking dumb. :-/ |
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hevquip from 45 angry wasps throats on 2002-01-18 22:14 [#00071887] | |||||||||
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this is a joke i made up awhile ago...and it kind of sucks... q: what do yo call a bunch of retards drowning in a swimming pool? a: vegetable soup...(you know, because retards are called vegetables...and they're in a bunch of water...) me: *bends over to receive a boot to the ass for that stupid joke* |
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The_Funkmaster from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-18 22:19 [#00071889] | |||||||||
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it was kinda an inside joke, cause we always made fun of that Romain guy... |
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The_Funkmaster from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-18 22:20 [#00071890] | |||||||||
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that's funny man... kinda reminds me of this one... What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair... I totally lost it when I heard that one first, it was so funny... :) |
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The_Funkmaster from Newfoundland, Canada on 2002-01-18 22:25 [#00071891] | |||||||||
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ok heres another joke This guy was walking down the beach when he noticed a totally buff guy with a small head, too small for his body, jogging down the beach... anyways, he stopped the guy and asked about it... "Well, one day I was jogging down this very beach when I tripped up over this bottle... I picked it up and tried to rub some of the dust off when all of a sudden this genie appeared... She told me I had three wishes and all that... anyways, I used my first two wishes for money, and a better life, and then with my last wish I asked if we could have sex... anyways, she said no, that wasn't possible... finally I asked her "Well, how about a little head?" and she granted my wish..." |
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BaseFree on 2002-01-18 22:26 [#00071892] | |||||||||
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Someone posted this joke on this very messageboard awhile back: Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was dead. |
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Ophecks from Nova Scotia on 2002-01-18 22:28 [#00071894] | |||||||||
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LOL!!!! That ''little head'' joke was so dumb... but the mental image in my head is priceless! |
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zmalloc from camp david on 2002-01-18 22:47 [#00071911] | |||||||||
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lol at the vegetable jokes. |
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phiz from Amsterdam on 2002-01-18 23:03 [#00071933] | |||||||||
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why did the parrot fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey |
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hevquip from 45 angry wasps throats on 2002-01-18 23:08 [#00071935] | |||||||||
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oh my god that parrot joke was lame! i'm laughing sooo much though after having read it! |
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hevquip from 45 angry wasps throats on 2002-01-18 23:08 [#00071936] | |||||||||
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awww shit, i can't keep from smiling |
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phiz from Amsterdam on 2002-01-18 23:17 [#00071941] | |||||||||
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what's brown and sticky? a stick |
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— you know what ? — no ? — me either ! a guy goes to a bakery and asks for a pumpkin-flavoured bread... — do you have pumpkin-flavoured breads? — sorry, we don't have pumpkin breads here. the next day, he goes to the bakery again with a friend and they ask for pumpkin bread. — do you have pumpkin-flavoured breads? — sorry, we still don't have pumpkin breads here... the next day, he goes to the bakery again with two friends... etc and one day, finally, the baker decides to make pumpkin bread... — do you have pumpkin-flavoured breads? — yes! — that's disgusting, don't you think? |
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why did the little boy fell out of the swing? because he has no arms. this one was a bit atrocious. -_- |
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2 men and a woman were training to be part of the fbi. for the final test the fbi guys told the first man 'your wife is sitting inside this room, i want u to kill her to porve how loyal you are, take this gun and go in' but the man said he couldnt and he quit. then they askes the second man 'your wife is sitting inside this room, i want u to kill her to porve how loyal you are, take this gun and go in' so he went in and came out later saying he couldnt do it, and he quit. then the fbi guys told the woman 'your husband is sitting inside this room, i want u to kill her to porve how loyal you are, take this gun and go in'. she went in and a long time later she came out. she said 'the gun wasnt loaded i had to beat him to death with the chair' |
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erp kill Him the last bit..now the jokes on me |
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what's worse than a cardboard box? |
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......paper tits! |
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knock knock! who's there? eat mop eat mop who? no dude, thats gross. |
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what did the girl with no arms or legs get for christmas????? cancer! |
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whats better than winning the special olympics? having legs oh god i'm going to hell |
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two mushrooms are standing in front of an abyss. one mushroom says "should we jump down there?" then the other replays " pssssssttt!!!!!!!! mushrooms cannot speak!!" |
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a man is minding his own business while walking down the beach when all of a sudden he hears hysterical crying - he looks around to find a woman with no legs and no arms lying in the sand balling her eyes out - figuring he has nothing to lose he steps to her with intent to help "why are you cyring?" - he asks "because ive never been kissed" - she says so the guy being the fellow he is bends over and lightly kisses her on the lips - she continues to cry but louder and harder "why are you still crying? i gave you a kiss" - said the man "well - ive never been held" - replied the lady so being the nice man he is he lay next to her for a while and held her - she proceeded to cry harder and louder - until he couldnt bare it anymore "why are you still crying? ive done everything you asked me to do" - he said "well - ive never been fucked" - she replied so the man picked her up and threw her into the ocean and said "now your fucked" |
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I've got fired from my job today. They said I have a weird personality. But that's fine, I got still 4 more. |
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what do you get if you cross the vice president of FORD and a vampire? autoexec.bat |
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whats the difference between childrren and snot's? childrren don't eat sprrouts :| |
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Whats harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree? Nailing one to a puppy |
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Whats worse, a dead baby or a rock? A rock cuz you cant fuck it |
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Whats the worst part about raping an 8 year old? Getting the blood off your clown suit |
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What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter-pounder with cheese |
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what did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month |
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what did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month lol... |
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oooh, someone local... |
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Hmm, weren't 90% of these on the Something Awful forums last week??? |
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*Hours later* I get it! |
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whats the difference between a sheep and an egg? |
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A sheep is a sheep and an egg is an egg. |
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a sheep has a bum |
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But the egg is funnier cause that's them's the yolks folks! What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork What's the difference between a nun in the bathtub and a nun in church? A nun in church has hope in her soul. |
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naasty!! |
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ok, so there's this penguin.. he's from the south pole or wherever penguins are from, but he takes a vacation, and for a change of scenery he decides he wants to go to vegas and try his luck.. so he hops on an iceberg and drifts to the coast of california, where he rents a car and heads out into the desert towards vegas.. he's out in the middle of nowhere when, wouldn't you know it, his car breaks down.. "well shit," says the penguin, "looks like i'll have to walk to that service station i passed a few miles back.." when he arrives at the service station, he sees the mechanic and tells him where the car is then goes inside to find a cool spot to wait.. (after all it's the desert and he's a penguin.. but i digress..) as luck would have it, inside the service station was a soft-serve ice cream machine, so the penguin filled a big bowl up with vanilla soft serve and sat down to dig in.. of course, being a penguin he has no opposable thumbs and can't handle a spoon or other eating utensil, so he just dives in face first.. when he's done, he goes back outside to see the mechanic standing over his car with the hood open.. "looks like you blew a seal.." says the mechanic.. "no," replies, the penguin, "that's just ice cream." *bow* thank you. no pictures please. *bow* |
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