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 Now online (1)Monoid ...and 287 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Ouakha from the Third Circle of Hell on 2002-01-11 10:19 [#00068379] | |||||||||
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Sent to me at work : > True Story: > > Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of > Louisiana, and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. > > Below is an E-Mail he sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline and > won the contest (he wasn't thrilled with her for that one). > > Anyway, anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember > this guy. > > April 1998 - Hi, Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. > Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling > down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to > make you realise it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what > > happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my > job. > > This time of year the water is quite cool, even with a wetsuit. So what > we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water > heater. This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea. It > heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver > through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds > like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. > What I do, when I > get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it > down the back of my wetsuit at the neck. This floods my whole suit with > warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well > until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I > > scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass > started to burn. I pulled > the hose out of my wetsuit, but the damage was done. In agony I realised > what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and > pumped it into my suit. > > This is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I > had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the > jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as > fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually > grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my > dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the > fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were laughing hysterically. > Needless to say, I aborted the dive. It totalled 35 minutes before I > > could come to the surface for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the > surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to > the > bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears of laughter running > down his face, handed me a tube of some cream and told me to shove it > 'up my ass" when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I > couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen shut. > > Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. > Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a > jellyfish up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if > you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable |
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I think ive grown one after reading that. |
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...lol...how inspiring |
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i heard this one somewhere quite a while back |
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HAHAHAHAHAAH !!!!!!! .... thanx for posting that i have to go to work in an hour.... i feel much better |
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whahahahahahah thats fucking sweet man (well not if it happens to me but) whahahaha that was a great laugh! |
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