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 Now online (1)recycle ...and 270 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614130 Today 2 Topics 127542 |
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LOVE has been moved to the Sports Section, next to CHESS AND BRIDGE. Please note that BOREDOM can now be found in the CRAFTS section, next to Knitting and Gardening. Thank-you. |
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that's a big help - thanks marlowe! |
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excuse me, I'm looking for flatulence. Can you tell me where it's filed please? |
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Please Hold whilst Sex is being Indexed. |
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Small Pets and Household Brands have now been deleted completely from the catalogue. HOWEVER > we have made a small selection and are keeping those in the basement, in numbered cardboard boxes. HOWEVER |
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The index has determined that Sex is indexed inversely for user marlowe. |
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Flatulence has been put into the General Display box, just behind you madame. if you want to peruse one of the items on display, I'm afraid patience is required. Paul has the only existing key and he is on his lunch break. Thank-you. |
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Sex is Inverse? Yes, we have that here... two aisles to the left, sir. Bodily Functions is now in the Religion Section. |
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*waits and farts* |
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*clears throat* Mmyes, Madame, we would appreciate it if you'd refrain from any bodily functions. We do understand them to be perfectly normal and even.. *holds up finger* .."human", we just rather not have them here. Thank-you. |
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*speaks into tannoy* Hello..? Hello? Ladies and gentlemen, for your general information, exits A and C in the east of the building have been removed because of noisiness. Exits D and F in the northeast of the building have been moved to the second floor. Exit E to the north has been permanently sealed off due to a small political group picketing there. I hope you this does not inconvenience you. Thank-you. |
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*blushes and lets out a little squeaker* |
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*sighs* Oh, madame.. *hands pOgO a handkerchief out of his pocket, ignoring her befuddled expression* |
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*waddles off, cheeks clenched* |
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Would the person who parked the Golf Cart next to the Chlidren's section kindly remove it to OUTSIDE of the building! We do not accept such Weirdness in this Establishment! Thank You! |
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excure me sir, i was wondering where anger is... i looked in the childrens clothing section but couldn't find it... |
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How the fuck do you leave this place? |
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The exits are located just beyond the Home Woodworking section, around the corner from the coffins. Perhaps Madame would find the WC more amenable though? On the second floor, stairs are located near Plumbing. |
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Id like to make a complaint about this ant I just purchased. .. |
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Na a sae n th loty, ah predous pah a mmnifa abgt eghsd festeh nibrg herges... |
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*clicks off microphone* Shit! The speaker's broken! :( |
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that would explain why i found my briefs in the freezer |
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love is strange |
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Hello girly - "Anger" has been scrapped after being abused and found with its pages torn out! It has been replaced by Happiness, which is located just past LOVE in the Sports Section. |
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Hey look! Apathy is on sale for half price. |
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Still seems like no one can be bothered to buy it though. |
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Could an attendant direct me towards bitterness, shame and self-loathing? Thanks in advance. |
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self loathing is getting expensive these days... but bitterness is on sale! just buy 2 get 1 free! |
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I'm sorry... um... sir... madam.. *embarrassed cough*.. we no longer stock those items since the premises was raided by small groups of so-called.. *sticks up two fingers* .. "Goths", three times already. We aprehended them each time ofcourse, but since then have decided to stop stocking those items. And, but maybe I'm being presumptious, ehm, madamsir, but we also feel those items are.. shall we say.. rather.. outdated.. But if.. sirmadam insists, we do still have a small can of teenage angst under the counter.. |
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Ah, that will do nicely. I am so frequently offered angst-substitute at inferior stores, tinned angst shall seem like drinking fresh tears from the ducts of a grieving child. |
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*deep sigh* oh alright then, ..madamsir.. *looks irritated, thumps down tiny tin on desk. takes a while for the dust to settle* oh please keep your bag of moneys, sirmadam. just take the angst and please leave. mmthank you. |
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Would Patrons please observe that silence is to be observed on the third floor AT ALL TIMES! |
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*observes silence holding tinned angst* |
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..sirmadam...? is there something else I can do for you? *sigh* |
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*goes to the third floor, scurrily looks around to see if anyone is watching and drops a pin from a height of approximately 60cms* *waits* |
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mr Marlowe.. I do believe someone is making a ruckus on the third floor. Looking at this months roster it would seem the third floor falls under your supervision this month. |
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*opens angst very, very quietly and peers inside* *shuffles quietly into a corner weeping silently* |
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*hardly contained anger* SIRMADAM!! PLEASE TAKE YOUR ANGST OUTSIDE, PLEASE!! |
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*after noticing that my pin dropping didn't cause much bother i place my hands into my grimy pockets to reveal a metal tin of ball bearings, of various sizes no less than 5mm and no bigger than 30mm in diameter* |
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*takes angst outside, looking vaguely peeved yet melancholy, with a slight hint of a pout* |
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*i take the ball bearings out of the tin, as quietly as possible and place them into my grimy pockets. i put the tin upside down on the linoleum floor. i take out a ball bearing from my pocket and hold it above the under-turned tin. i let go* |
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Would Security please escort oscillik from the premises. He is currently lurking on the third floor beside the Crochet Section, with a tin of what appear to be greasy ball bearings. Thank You. |
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++ UPDATE ++ SELF-LOATHING has been moved next to the MEDICINE section as too many windows were being broken. It can now be found on the mezzanine floor, next to KNITTING AND NEEDLEWORK. Thank you for your attention. |
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Would the gentleman who left a Small Explosion next to the counter please come and pick it up? It's stinking up the place to no end. Thank you. |
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*pOgO pOgO's in the bouncing section* |
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The BOUNCING AND FALLING ABOUT section has been reserved for a group of 'special children' (moved from the RETARDS AND SPAZZIES department). Unless you are able to prove your 'specialness' I'm afraid you'll have to leave, madam. |
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PLEASE MADAM! NO BOUNCING IN THE BOUNCING SECTION! This is only allowed for gentlemen. If madam insists, madam can stick this rather stylish fake moustache on.. |
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Has there been an addendum, sir? I might have missed it. How embarrassing. |
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