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 Now online (2)belb big ...and 416 guests Last 5 registered Oplandisks nothingstar N_loop yipe foxtrotromeo Browse members... |
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Members 8025Messages 2614083 Today 3 Topics 127542 |
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i wrote a new short story that's a bit feel-goodish. thought i'd post this in opposition to the sick girls thread. |
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Short story by me. "I" (c) 2004 ecnadniarb I'll read yours after I have finished eating. |
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you're eating a lot these days.. especially when review-threads pop up.. :P |
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I've reviewed tons of stuff. But I can't eat and think at the same time...it just doesn't work because I start typing food related words in the burger of a sentence. |
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ha ha :D |
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okay, had a read. I don't like the story very much - it seems kind of meandering. I can't distill what you're trying to tell, the content seems almost random at places, I do not see the connections. I don't particularily like the imagery you use - I think you could say the same much simpler with more effect. some of the images seem clichéed at times. I did like the 'camelfloss' detail by the way. |
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dang i thought it was already pretty minimal. |
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