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Mystery cuts
 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-03-15 04:53 [#01108357]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular



This phenomenon has haunted me for most of my life. Mystery
cuts are those which appear on your hands with no indication
of how they got there. For example, I just looked at my hand
and saw that a small cut of about 1cm length was bleeding,
but I feel no pain. The cut is obviously not very deep but
it is still a complete mystery. Where did it come from? Why
can't I feel the pain? Am I becoming invinicible? If so,
why? If not, why not?


 

offline Drunken Mastah from OPPERKLASSESVIN!!! (Norway) on 2004-03-15 04:58 [#01108362]
Points: 35867 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



these cuts are a well-known phenomenon, and are inflicted by
tiny crystallic creatures known only as "headphonos." They
are a small nano-race, which drifts aimlessly through time
and space. Occasionally, mostly during star-trek
conventions, they will gather all their energy up to a
sinlge burst of joy which results in pregnancy for the
females of the species. The females then, after having been
pregnant for three seconds, ejaculate the kids at amazing
speed. Sometimes, these offspring hit people and cut them.
Fortunately, the outside of the headphonos is coated with
anaestethic.


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-03-15 05:00 [#01108365]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular



That explains the cotton wool, but what about the
parallelogram?


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-03-15 05:02 [#01108368]
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They are stigmata but from a different god who was killed to
death with papercuts.


 

offline Drunken Mastah from OPPERKLASSESVIN!!! (Norway) on 2004-03-15 05:03 [#01108369]
Points: 35867 Status: Lurker | Followup to horsefactory: #01108365 | Show recordbag



the parallelogram is a result of a galactic conspiracy born
three thousand years ago.

but to make a long story short, they all died, and we were
left with the paralellogram without realizing its true
potential.


 

offline plaidzebra from so long, xlt on 2004-03-15 07:49 [#01108618]
Points: 5678 Status: Lurker



killed to death?


 

offline Sido Dyas from a computer on 2004-03-15 07:51 [#01108620]
Points: 8876 Status: Lurker | Followup to plaidzebra: #01108618



haha!


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-03-15 07:55 [#01108624]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Followup to plaidzebra: #01108618 | Show recordbag



I was entering into the spirit of a horsefactory thread :D


 

offline -crazone from smashing acid over and over on 2004-03-15 07:58 [#01108626]
Points: 11234 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



you can catch fire out off nothing 2


 

offline Drunken Mastah from OPPERKLASSESVIN!!! (Norway) on 2004-03-15 07:58 [#01108627]
Points: 35867 Status: Lurker | Followup to -crazone: #01108626 | Show recordbag



WOOOW!


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-03-15 08:01 [#01108634]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Followup to -crazone: #01108626 | Show recordbag



Did you know that pooring water on someone who has
spontaniously combusted only makes them burn quicker. It is
due to the rapid release of hydrogen gas from the
water...something that only happens in rediculously high
levels of heat.

So never poor water on the spontaniously combusting.


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-03-15 08:02 [#01108635]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



pour water


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-03-15 08:02 [#01108636]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular | Followup to ecnadniarb: #01108635



What should you pour on them then? Fire?


 

offline Drunken Mastah from OPPERKLASSESVIN!!! (Norway) on 2004-03-15 08:04 [#01108638]
Points: 35867 Status: Lurker | Followup to horsefactory: #01108636 | Show recordbag



hot oil.


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-03-15 08:04 [#01108639]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Followup to horsefactory: #01108636 | Show recordbag



:D

The effect is the same as what happens when aircraft are on
fire due to the materials used in the airframe. You have to
use foam instead.


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-03-15 08:06 [#01108642]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



Or just smother the flames.

I learnt all this when I had to give a health and safety
speech in university. Most people did general office stuff
I did SponCom :D


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-03-15 08:07 [#01108644]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular



OK! Doing it now. Nope, I'm still on fire. What can I do
next?


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-03-15 08:08 [#01108646]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Show recordbag



Have your girlfriend piss on you...

you will probably still die but it is something you HAVE to
experience before you die.


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-03-15 08:09 [#01108649]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular



Haha sweet, wouldn't it be funny if there was a guy walking
down the street and he was like "I Sure hope I don't
spontaneously combust right about now". Then he dies!!!!!!!
Also he is gay.


 

offline ecnadniarb on 2004-03-15 08:10 [#01108651]
Points: 24805 Status: Lurker | Followup to horsefactory: #01108649 | Show recordbag



I don't wish and harm on promo.


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-03-15 08:12 [#01108656]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular



Yes I agree 100%.!.!?


 

offline -crazone from smashing acid over and over on 2004-03-15 08:14 [#01108659]
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you're a strange horsefactory


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-03-15 08:16 [#01108664]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular



No, just suffering from sleep deprivation


 

offline -crazone from smashing acid over and over on 2004-03-15 08:18 [#01108666]
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I think you eat to much sugar lumbs


 

offline horsefactory from 💠 (United Kingdom) on 2004-03-15 08:21 [#01108670]
Points: 14867 Status: Regular



Curse those blasted lumbs.


 

offline virginpusher from County Clare on 2004-03-15 09:09 [#01108717]
Points: 27325 Status: Lurker



This thread made me laugh and i really needed that!


 


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