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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2003-10-20 16:35 [#00910988]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator
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major depression here...must be the toughest time in my life...i cant sleep, it makes me wanna cry out of the blue and i havent cried in 15 years, i have that weird stomach ache...and the worst thing is i cant do anything about it, except wait and see how all this mess im in turns out
and when everything goes wrong there's more trouble on the way, like today, nothing major, just little annoying things...i have my head full of this fucking mess im in and on top of it all it strted raining really hard so when i stepped out of the car all the documents i had with me got wet...then i went back in the car and it was pretty late in the evening when usually there's no much traffic...but no, this time all the fuscking cars had to arrive right at that moment - i got so nervous i almost crashed into someone..i had a minor nervous breakdown there
im going to see bug tomorrow with two ladys so that might help a little, that is if i'll be able to not think about all this shit im in
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DJ Xammax
from not America on 2003-10-20 16:38 [#00910993]
Points: 11512 Status: Lurker
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I'm pretty bad at the moment. Any recommended suicide methods?
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2003-10-20 16:39 [#00910996]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator | Followup to DJ Xammax: #00910993
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i'll let you know asap
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tragedy
from Gloucester (United States) on 2003-10-20 16:40 [#00910998]
Points: 4423 Status: Lurker
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i think of dpression as a form of art... if more people did i'd be a famous artist...
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DJ Xammax
from not America on 2003-10-20 16:41 [#00910999]
Points: 11512 Status: Lurker | Followup to tragedy: #00910998
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You think of an emotion as a form of art? Whaaaaaaaaaat
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tragedy
from Gloucester (United States) on 2003-10-20 16:44 [#00911002]
Points: 4423 Status: Lurker
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yeah
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TonyFish
from the realm of our dreams on 2003-10-20 16:45 [#00911005]
Points: 3349 Status: Lurker
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ermmm ... ok
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Zeus
from San Francisco (United States) on 2003-10-20 16:47 [#00911008]
Points: 14042 Status: Lurker
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ive got clinical depression... but ive been doing good lately.. havnt been feeling too down
except missing Rome
but yeah... this will probably all change within a month or so... seeing as its turning into fall, (and I have S.A.D.)
:-\
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TonyFish
from the realm of our dreams on 2003-10-20 16:47 [#00911009]
Points: 3349 Status: Lurker
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I'm sorry to hear it tol'. Does music help? I find it does. Why are you depressed? Does the depression have a explicit cause or are we talking general deep-blues here? (If you don't mind talking about it of course)
Have you thought about medication? I stay clear of anti-depressants and stuff but if it's really that bad maybe it's something you should conside at least.
I can't sleep either. I'm half way through this. Two months left and my girlfriend comes over to Paris for christmas then I got over to Greece to meet the parents then we both end up living together in London. Two months down, two to go. Problem is it's affecting my work. Not the quality (which is improving I'd say) but the speed. I'm getting overly emo too. Saw a documentary on the Concorde crash last night and almost ended up in tears :(. Did you know that Chirac was in a Bowing on the runway at the same time and the concorde only missed it by 60ft? Talk about coincidences...
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tragedy
from Gloucester (United States) on 2003-10-20 16:54 [#00911023]
Points: 4423 Status: Lurker
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seasonal affective dissorder??? i do too!!!
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Zeus
from San Francisco (United States) on 2003-10-20 16:55 [#00911026]
Points: 14042 Status: Lurker
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yup
its no fun
winter is my favorite time... except its when im saddest
maybe im only happy when it snows?
*rimshot*
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TonyFish
from the realm of our dreams on 2003-10-20 16:56 [#00911027]
Points: 3349 Status: Lurker | Followup to Zeus: #00911026
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autechre ... in winter ... in a park ... with fog ... = perfection
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2003-10-20 16:58 [#00911034]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator | Followup to TonyFish: #00911009
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well, im not even sure its depression...i just feel really bad phisically and mentaly, perhaps im nore scared than depressed but im in a terrible mood, just thinking about this major job related problem...but its so much more than just a job...its my life basically, and not only mine but my famillies as well
and on top of it all it is absolutely not our fault we're in this shitty situation (actually i dont even want to tell my familly too much, so they dont feel as bad as i do)
there's just a little hope left, hope that everything will turn out good
the thing that hurt the most is that you're honest and fair for all your life and then someone wants to prove you're wrong...
the music doesnt help much these days, i just get more sad
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Zeus
from San Francisco (United States) on 2003-10-20 16:58 [#00911035]
Points: 14042 Status: Lurker
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yeah
the cold makes things seem more real, and beautiful... at least imo.
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k_maty
on 2003-10-20 17:01 [#00911041]
Points: 2362 Status: Regular
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i have schizo-affective disorder
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TonyFish
from the realm of our dreams on 2003-10-20 17:03 [#00911048]
Points: 3349 Status: Lurker | Followup to tolstoyed: #00911034
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yeah music can do that when depressed. What can I say? I hope things work out and SOON.
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nlogax
from oh, you must be the brains (Norway) on 2003-10-20 17:04 [#00911051]
Points: 4653 Status: Regular
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I'm being uh, examined now for personality disorders.. and I'm also in therapy for a long-term depression
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Zeus
from San Francisco (United States) on 2003-10-20 17:04 [#00911053]
Points: 14042 Status: Lurker
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one of my favorite nights, was last winter... it was freezing out... and it was like 3am... and I walked over to the christian science center (no im not christian scientist... its just that they have the most beautiful reflecting pool) and I sat there, right at the end of it, centered... listening to philip glass on my headphones, crying.
it was a great night
while being depressed sucks... I sometimes also feel some kind of attachment to it... some joy comes from utter hopelessness
:-\
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2003-10-20 17:08 [#00911061]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator | Followup to TonyFish: #00911048
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thank you
btw, this company i work for isnt the only one in this situation, there are plenty of other companies in the same line of bussines with same problem
its just our great country that think we're all wrong...and they can make their own rules :(
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TonyFish
from the realm of our dreams on 2003-10-20 17:13 [#00911080]
Points: 3349 Status: Lurker | Followup to Zeus: #00911053
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YES I know exactly what you mean. Some of my happiest moments involved reich,glass,ae usually in a winter context and during extreme depression. You reach a point were the depression mingles with joy and the beauty around you and it's quite overwhelming. Take the depression away and it's not quite the same.
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Zeus
from San Francisco (United States) on 2003-10-20 17:14 [#00911086]
Points: 14042 Status: Lurker | Followup to TonyFish: #00911080
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im glad theres someone out there who can relate...
i dont usually talk about my depression with people I know... so Ive never really known if others felt the same way
its almost masichistic
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tolstoyed
from the ocean on 2003-10-20 17:22 [#00911109]
Points: 50073 Status: Moderator
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when im feeling "ordinary" down i can enjoy lots of sad music and it feels beautiful
but this time its not that classic depression and i just cant relax in a way i normally do when i listen to music - all i can think about is this mess, at least i forget about it when typing this :)
any yesm glass is perfect for those moments of depression you two should both try new album by yokota, called "laputa" - it shuld have the same effect, beautiful stuff
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Zeus
from San Francisco (United States) on 2003-10-20 17:23 [#00911116]
Points: 14042 Status: Lurker
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sweet, ill check into that!
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TonyFish
from the realm of our dreams on 2003-10-20 17:28 [#00911140]
Points: 3349 Status: Lurker | Followup to tolstoyed: #00911109
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noted and soulseeking!
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zaphod
from the metaverse on 2003-10-20 20:21 [#00911383]
Points: 4428 Status: Addict
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huh. interesting to read through this because i have alot of the same kinds of problems. and zeus, yeah man, winter is sweet in a depressing kind of way. i remember walking around after this blizzard and going down to this lake frozen over, with the lights of a lakeside community reflecting on it, and just listening to erik satie. definitely had a beauty to it, but yeah, its sort of masochistic to discuss. or atleast it feels that way.
i'm definitely in way over my head at college right now, and every day i wake up i'm in sort of a haze, distant but i'm still pretty there. i'm pretty sure i'm depressed, but i'm usually so content i don't really know....oh well.
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zaphod
from the metaverse on 2003-10-20 20:22 [#00911385]
Points: 4428 Status: Addict
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and sakura is an amazing album, as is the new one. definitely check them both out. good music for this time of year.
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Zeus
from San Francisco (United States) on 2003-10-21 21:27 [#00913070]
Points: 14042 Status: Lurker
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you know, I could actually feel my depression getting stronger today...
like I said... I have S.A.D, so its perfectly normal that right about now Id be feeling it...
its just funny that it began to show itself right after talking about it, but I know its coincidence...
but yeah.
fun times
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zaphod
from the metaverse on 2003-10-21 21:34 [#00913073]
Points: 4428 Status: Addict | Followup to Zeus: #00913070
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depression is a strange thing because it seems to fuel itself
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tibbar
from harrisburg, pa (United States) on 2003-10-21 21:37 [#00913076]
Points: 10513 Status: Lurker
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mr. zeus: there is a message for you in the love thread (which YOU started, btw)
;)
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